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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25867972">Smoke and Mirrors</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/stefaniasdeluca/pseuds/stefaniasdeluca'>stefaniasdeluca</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Grey's Anatomy, Station 19 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Female Character, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fire, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, POV Female Character, POV Third Person</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:09:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>96,663</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25867972</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/stefaniasdeluca/pseuds/stefaniasdeluca</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Station 19's Lieutenant Maya Bishop is commited to almost every thing in life, except for one thing. In an unfortunate turn of events while out on a five alarm call, and after a scare with death, Maya finds herself face to face with someone who makes her question everything she believes about relationships. And in a position of great uncertainty, she only knows how to deal with it by closing off, keeping her eyes forward, and embracing the pain. But nothing in her life could have prepared her for the pain of what she's faced with after an uncomfortable meeting with Grey-Sloan's Attending OB/GYN Dr Carina DeLuca.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>95</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>939</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. ~ one ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>DISCLAIMER: for the sake of this story Sullivan is currently Captain and Maya is Currently Lieutenant.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Eyes forward. At all times. I think about dying. Since I was 12. It soothes me when I can’t sleep, when I’m anxious I think about dying and then I can fall asleep. Eyes forward at all times; it’s exhausting, I’m exhausted. It’s an escape. When I was little, I would fly all over the country for track meets and I would look down at the clouds and they looked like a bed, they looked so soft, like nothing could hurt inside those clouds. Like I could sleep in, like I could rest, like I could love if I could just jump into those clouds. I’ve never thought about the possibility that with everything else I’ve accomplished, that I could learn to let myself rest and sleep and love in this life, instead of waiting for death to set me free. Eyes forward at all times; the only thing that matters is the finish line.</em>
</p><p>“Bishop, Hughes, you gotta get out of there the structure is too unstable. Do you copy?” Sullivan’s voice cracked through the radios as he watched the smoke billow from the broken building’s windows. He waited a few seconds before radioing again.<br/>“Bishop? Hughes? Do you copy?”<br/>“Copy, sir.” Hughes’ panting voice breaks through the silence. “I need backup, repeat, I need backup I have a firefighter down, sir. Bishop is down.”<br/>“Someone get in there and get my Lieutenant out of there!” Sullivan ordered promptly.<br/>Hughes forced a hard kick at a cabinet that lay over Bishop’s body. From her lower abdomen down, she was trapped by an office cabinet, likely filled with various bundles of paper and stationery. The cabinet was metal, and rapidly heating up as the fire from the surrounding areas crept towards them.<br/>“Come on.” She said to herself as she took in a precious breath of oxygen. She held her hands against the side of the cabinet and pushed her body against it with all the strength she could muster, finally forcing it over enough to free Maya’s stomach and thighs, enough to pull the rest of her body from underneath it. Hughes hooked her hands under Bishop’s arms and dragged her body backwards and freeing her. Hughes dragged Maya as far away from the heat as she could, hooked her own oxygen to her and waited so to give her time to breathe in some clean air.<br/>“Hughes call out so we can locate you.” Montgomery’s voice spoke through the radio. Hughes let Bishop’s head down, leaving her attached to her oxygen, and grabbed a shard of metal and quickly began hitting it against the nearest thing she could see. The metal on metal sound ricocheted, drawing attention to their whereabouts. It didn’t take long for the sound of heavy boots to arrive.<br/>“Help me carry her.” Hughes instructed Montgomery in a short breath. “We lost our vic.” She said. “It was too late.”<br/>Miller cleared the exit route as Hughes and Montgomery carried Maya.<br/>“What about Bishop?” Montgomery asked.<br/>“We were up a few floors, trying to get down. She got burned, her thigh.” Hughes tried to explain but her oxygen was still linked to Bishop, and she struggled to keep her breath.<br/>“Sullivan!” Miller called out as he guided Hughes and Montgomery to the Aid Car.<br/>“What the hell happened in there, Hughes?” The Captain’s stern voice spoke. Miller and Montgomery set Maya down on a gurney, pulled an oxygen mask over her mouth and checked her vitals.<br/>“I don’t know. Something collapsed above us, and she was pushed down by a cabinet. She knocked out and I couldn’t move it off her. I think she hit her head, and her thigh she got burned.” Hughes explained between taking in gasps of oxygen.<br/>“Miller, get to that burn.” Sullivan ordered. “How long has she been out?” He asked.<br/>“10 minutes maybe? I couldn’t keep track of time the visibility was zero.” Hughes said. Miller cut the fabric away from Bishop’s leg, revealing a mess of shiny pink and red flesh mixed with angry blisters. The four of them stopped in their tracks but made no eye contact.<br/>“Aid Car. Get some gauze on that. Get her to Grey-Sloan now, page Bailey tell her we need a trauma room on standby.” Sullivan instructed.<br/>Time felt slower than ever while they drove with Maya to the hospital. Hughes sat beside Maya’s unconscious body, her leg bouncing up and down, riddled with guilt for not being able to get her out faster, worried that she didn’t do enough to save her.<br/>“She’s stable, but I’m worried about how long she’s been out.” Hughes said as she watched Maya’s stats on the monitor.<br/>“Bishop? Bishop can you hear me? Maya?” Hughes squeezed Maya’s hand as she tried to rouse her. Maya laid still on the gurney.<br/>“Montgomery you better be putting your foot down I’m not losing a fighter today.” Sullivan yelled through to the front of the car.<br/>“Lights are on, Sir.” Montgomery sped up as he shouted back.<br/>“You did everything you could, Hughes. She’s out and she’s stable.” Sullivan reassured Hughes.<br/>“Yes Sir.”<br/>“We’re here, Captain.” Montgomery called back. He hopped out the front of the car and met with Dr Bailey at the rear doors.<br/>“What have we got, 19?” Bailey asked as they pulled Bishop out of the car.<br/>“32-year-old female with possible crush injuries to the abdomen, second degree burn to the upper right thigh, possible head injury, severe smoke inhalation. She’s unresponsive but stable.” Hughes recited. She looked Dr Bailey in the eyes. “It’s Lieutenant Bishop.” Bailey’s eyes widened and she slowly started nodding.<br/>“Okay take her to trauma 2, book a head CT, I need a portable ultrasound and…where are my residents? Someone get my residents in here.” She ordered.<br/>Hughes and Sullivan followed Bailey into the trauma room and stood watch as she and her residents fussed over Maya’s injuries. Maya’s uniform was cut away from the areas they needed immediate access to. Bailey pulled the ultrasound machine toward her and Maya and prepped her abdomen. Before she began a resident bumped into the back of her.<br/>“Okay there are a few too many people in this room. Captain, Hughes I’m sorry, I’m going to have to ask you to wait outside I will give you an update as soon as I have one.” Bailey demanded. Sullivan held Hughes by the shoulder and guided her outside and towards the waiting area.<br/>“Okay, Bishop. Let’s see how tough you really are.” Bailey said to herself as she began to scan Maya’s stomach for internal bleeding.<br/>She moved the ultrasound around her skin and squinted her eyes at the machine’s screen, trying to make out the picture. After a few seconds she stopped moving, she leaned in to get a closer look at the screen, and her eyes widened.<br/>“That’s...not a bleed...” She said in a whisper. She paused again, then glared at a resident. “Page OB. Get DeLuca down here right now.”<br/><br/></p><hr/><p><br/>Maya squeezed her eyes closed tight before opening them for the first time since being admitted to the hospital. She keeps her eyes at a squint, trying to figure out what hurts, and soon realising thanks to the light outside that it’s her head.<br/>“Maya?” An unfamiliar voice breaks the silence of the room. Maya lifts her head up slightly and looks to her side to find a tall, tan, brunette woman wearing pale pink scrubs beside her.<br/>“No, no, rest your head back down.” The woman tells Maya, her eyebrows furrowing slightly showing her concern. Maya lets her head drop back onto the pillows and winces. She blinks a few times to try to clear her vision and get a better grasp of her surroundings.<br/>“What happened?” Maya said in a raspy voice. Her hand shot up to her throat as she spoke, feeling the pain and dryness that comes with inhaling a lot of smoke. The brunette woman passes her a cup of water with a straw, and Maya gulps it down.<br/>“I don’t really know what happened out there, Maya...You were unconscious in a burning building, you hit your head inside and you have a burn on your leg.” The brunette said. Maya handed the empty cup back to the woman, whose thick Italian accent echoes in her ears.<br/>“I am Dr Carina DeLuca, attending OB/GYN here at Grey-Sloan.” Carina introduced herself, easing Maya’s uncertainty slightly, but only momentarily.<br/>“I... right...so why are you here?” Maya asked, confused. Carina smiled softly and pulled a chair to Maya’s bedside.<br/>“Yes, so, when Dr Bailey did an ultrasound on you, she was looking for any internal bleeding from the accident, and she did find something, but it wasn’t a bleed...” She explained, but hesitated, unsure of how to go about the question. Her eyes dropped to her fidgeting hands and she sighed. “Maya...are you aware that you are pregnant?”<br/>Maya’s heart sank to the bottom of her stomach, and once again Carina’s voice, the words she had just said, were ringing in her ears. She felt her palms break out in a sweat.<br/>“That...no, that’s not possible.” Maya began to panic, knowing in her heart that it was entirely possible, but entirely unexpected. “I’m not...I can’t...”<br/>“Maya, it’s okay. I have right here an ultrasound, I can try this myself to be sure, it was Dr Bailey’s call before.” Carina attempted to reassure her.<br/>“No- I, I don’t know. Is this a joke? Did Vic put you up to this?” Maya questioned. Carina shook her head and fumbled with the machine beside her.<br/>“Let me do this scan.” Carina said in a calm, gentle tone. Maya’s eyes met Carina’s, and for a split second she felt calm.<br/>“Yeah, okay.” She reluctantly agreed.<br/>Maya lays with her arms above her head, her hospital gown pulled up to her waist and the bed sheet covering her lower half. Carina presses the ultrasound onto Maya’s exposed skin, moving it around her stomach to find the best picture. They both sit in silence, with only the sounds from outside Maya’s room to fill the air. After too many painfully quiet minutes, Carina clears her throat. Maya sighs and looks over to the screen.<br/>“You are pregnant.” Carina announces. “About 10 weeks by the looks of things.” Maya clenches her fists, then drops her hands from above her head to her face.<br/>“Is there anyone at home we can call for you, to let them know you are here?” Carina asks. “Boyfriend? Or father of the baby?”<br/>“I don’t have a... there’s no father.” Maya says, before dropping her arms to her sides. Out of the corner of her eye she catches Carina shake her head a little and raise her eyebrows.<br/>“What was that look?” Maya asked defensively.<br/>“What look?” Carina asked back, handing Maya some paper towels for her stomach.<br/>“You’re judging me. You are judging me for this like you know me?” Maya said, wiping her stomach and throwing the towels to the end of her bed.<br/>“I didn’t say anything Maya.” Carina said quietly as she cleaned up the ultrasound equipment.<br/>“You didn’t need to.” Maya snapped. “You know, I’ve always been 110% dedicated to everything I do in life. I’m dedicated to my job, to the point where I would give my life to save someone else. I won an Olympic gold medal on a sprained ankle because up until I became a firefighter, I trained on that track every single day of my life to beat my best. The one thing I don’t want to be dedicated to is a person, but what, does that mean I can’t have pleasure?”<br/>“Trust me I understand the need for pleasure.” Carina said defensively.<br/>“Do you? Because you just looked at me like I’m garbage because of this?” Maya gestured to the screen as she spoke.<br/>“Maya-.”<br/>“No. You don’t get to judge me. And you don’t get to apologise either. You can go home to your conventional relationship, I don’t go home to any one person because in this job, you don’t get to be that selfish.” Maya snapped again and covered her face with her hands. She sighed heavily and moved her hands above her head. “Turn this shit off, we’re done here.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. ~ two ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maya spent a few days in hospital being monitored after the incident in the fire. The injury to her head had triggered some sort of mutant migraine, so she spent most of the time asleep or laying in the dark alone, except for brief visits from the team. Vic tried to see her at least a few minutes each day, even if it meant sneaking off to Maya’s room on the job after bringing a patient in. She had assured Maya that she should help get her home when she gets discharged, not that Maya would ever admit that she needed or wanted help.<br/>            An alarm sounded outside of Maya’s room, startling her awake. For a second, she forgot where she was, and almost sprung out of the bed to get her uniform on, thinking she had been asleep at the station. The pulsating in her head soon reminded her that was not the case. She sighed to herself and let her eyes close again. Before she got the chance to fall back to sleep, the door opened, and her peace was disrupted.<br/>            “Sorry to wake you.” The nurse said as he stood in the doorway. “You have a visitor.”<br/>            Maya sat forward and watched Vic shimmy past the nurse and dance her way over to the foot of the bed.<br/>            “So I just spoke to Shepherd, and she’s gonna clear you to leave today which is great, and this guy here has some painkillers for you.” Vic updated Maya, then sat herself down on the bed.<br/>            “I don’t need painkillers, Vic, I like to remember who I am.” Maya said and shook her head at the nurse holding the tablets. Vic raised her eyebrows and nodded, then stood up without a word, headed over to the windows and hastily pulled the blinds open. Maya gasped and squeezed her eyes shut, kicking her legs as the pain in her head intensified with the light from outside.<br/>            “Sure you don’t.” Vic mocked. “Give her the drugs. Maya, take the drugs or I won’t take you home.” She said, folding her arms across her stomach. Maya opened one eye and scowled at Vic at the other side of the room. She rolled her eyes and reluctantly held her hand out to the nurse for him to give her the painkillers.<br/>            “When I pass out and drool in your car, you’ll be sorry.” Maya taunted. Vic shrugged and made her way back over to Maya, pulling her bag from under the bed and setting it down by Maya’s feet.<br/>             “I don’t care. We want our Lieutenant out of here, home and resting.” Vic said with a smile. She pulled the cover off of Maya and threw it to the side. “Get dressed, and let’s get out of here.”</p><p> </p><p>Maya had the dressings on the burn on her leg changed before they left and was given more to change it daily for the next few days. She was also given a prescription for the painkillers, which she didn’t want to take, but Vic made it impossible for her to dodge.<br/>            “Do you want anything before we leave? A sandwich? Coffee? You don’t have any food at home, I checked.” Vic asked as she carried Maya’s bag to the elevator.<br/>            “Maybe a coffee actually.” Maya agreed. The elevator doors opened, and Maya stood face to face with Carina.<br/>            “It’s kind of full, we can take the stairs.” Maya said, turning away from the doors. A couple of people stepped out of the elevator. Immediately, Carina moved to the side and dropped her gaze to the floor.<br/>            “Maya no, no stairs. It’s not busy, come on.” Vic argued, tugging on Maya’s arm and pulling her through the doors.<br/>            “Floor?” Carina’s voice sent a jolt through Maya’s body. She picked up her eyeline and stared at the elevator buttons.<br/>             “Ground, please.” Vic smiled.<br/>            “Me too.” Carina nodded and put her hands in the pockets of her coat.<br/>            The elevator was filled with silence as it lowered down to the ground floor, and Maya began to flush with guilt. Seeing Carina had reminded her that she hadn’t told Vic about the OB scan, and made her realise that she didn’t really have a go-to person anymore, someone who she would tell everything to, not since Andy had started acting out. Maya’s hands fidgeted with the loose threads at the hem of her denim jacket as she willed the elevator to move faster. After a few seconds it stopped, and the doors began to open.<br/>            “Thank god.” Maya said under her breath.<br/>            “After you.” Carina said after rolling her eyes. Vic smiled at her.<br/>            “Thank you.”<br/>            “You know I just want to get home actually. Can we skip the coffee?” Maya asked rhetorically as she sped off to the exit, not actually caring for Vic’s answer.<br/>            “Uh, sure.” Vic agreed, trying to catch up to her.</p><p>            The car journey was quiet, just the low hum of the radio playing. Vic could tell that something was off, but she knew better than to confront. She knew that if Maya wanted to talk about a problem, she would be the one to bring it up. There was no counselling her, she had to come to terms with things before bringing them up to anyone else, and Vic wasn’t even sure if she would be the person Maya would talk to.</p><p> </p><p>“So...” Vic broke the silence. They sat on opposite ends of Maya’s couch, Maya with her burned leg lifted up to fill the space between them, Vic with one leg crossed over the other.<br/>            “The doctor in the elevator was...hot, right? I mean, you must have noticed her-.”<br/>            “You don’t have to stay and make small talk, I’m fine on my own.” Maya cut Vic off mid-sentence. Vic sat with her mouth open for a moment, the words she was about to stay dissolving away.<br/>            “I know that.” She replied. Maya nodded and looked at her phone for the time.<br/>            “It’s still early, you’re off-duty, make the most of your day off. Don’t sit around here with me just because I can’t do a lot.” Maya retreated from her previous tone, realising she had been harsh. “As your Lieutenant, Hughes, go. Have some fun, relax. Refuel for tomorrow.” She added.<br/>            “As my Lieutenant? Is that an off-duty order?” Vic raised her eyebrows and laughed. Maya’s laugh followed, but soon stopped. A sudden wave of nausea washed over her, and she wrapped an arm around her stomach. Before another word was said, she was up and running to the bathroom, just in time to drop her head in the bowl of the toilet.<br/>            “Maya?” Vic called out, running after her. She stood in the doorway of the bathroom to find Maya doubled over with sickness. She crouched down beside her and pulled her hair back with one hand and rubbed circles on her back with the other. After a few minutes, Maya let her body drop backwards away from the toilet. She promptly flushed and wiped the beads of sweat from her forehead.<br/>            “God,” Maya croaked. “I guess those painkillers don’t agree with me.” She lied. The guilt began to set back in.<br/>            “Yeah...I guess so.” Vic agreed, none-the-wiser.<br/>            Maya picked herself up off of the bathroom floor and shook it off, walking off into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. She stood and drank almost the entire thing, while Vic only just brought herself out of the bathroom, stunned at what had happened.<br/>            “I think I’m gonna try and sleep this off. Maybe come back later with some of the guys, I’ll order pizza?” Maya offered, trying desperately not to sound like she was trying to get rid of Vic.<br/>            “Yeah sure, sounds good. Let me know when you’re up and I’ll grab us some beers.” Vic said.<br/>            “No I – I probably shouldn’t drink with this medication.” Maya lied again. Vic pointed at Maya and nodded as she opened the front door.<br/>            “Right, good call. Just testing you, Bishop.” She laughed. Maya nodded with a smile and waved as Vic closed the door behind her. Maya waited to hear Vic’s footsteps fade far enough away before sprinting back to the bathroom to throw up again.<br/><br/></p><hr/><p><br/>As the week dragged, Maya spent yet another day stuck inside, following the six days she had already been in her apartment doing her prescribed rest. The only good thing was that the morning sickness seemed to have eased, and though she had bouts of nausea in the early hours, the feeling quickly subsided.<br/>            Maya tightened the laces on her trainers and sprung up from the couch, dragged her hair back into a low ponytail, and stretched her arms out from side to side. She had decided that her injuries had healed enough for her to be able to go for a run today, or at least a jog. Her headaches had pretty much gone, and the blisters on her leg from the burn had scabbed over, not quite enough to be able to wear leggings, but enough to wear loose joggers. She grabbed her phone and keys and slipped them into the zipper pockets of her jacket and took off in a confident stride.<br/>            While she ran through the streets and parks, she took in deep breaths of clean, morning air, much different from her apartment air, and definitely different from the kinds of air she encounters on the job. Her eyes wandered among the faces of strangers around her and lingered on the leaves on the trees that surrounded her. She carried on running until she reached a crossroads and realised that her mind had taken her the route she would go to the station. She stopped to catch her breath, stood with her hands on her waist and panted for a few seconds while she rerouted in her head. Turning on the ball of her foot, she started to run back on herself, and away from the one place she wanted to be. She knew if she ended up at the station, she wouldn’t be able to resist a call.<br/>            Well into the run, she felt a sharp pain shoot through her body, across her stomach and down to her pelvic bone. She jolted to a stop and leaned over, wincing, and gasping in pain, then looking up to try and find a bench to collapse onto.<br/>             “Miss? Are you alright?” A stranger’s voice spoke close to her. Maya looked up again and went to respond but was shot with another stabbing pain. She let out a feeble cry and the woman who had stopped beside her put her arm around her shoulders.<br/>             “The hospital is right around the corner, let me walk you there.” She offered, helping Maya take a few steps forward. Maya conceded and let the woman walk her.  </p><p>“Please take a seat, someone will call on you shortly.” Maya was instructed by the nurse behind the reception. She nodded and turned to the stranger who had helped her here.<br/>            “Thank you for bringing me here.” She said. The woman smiled and held onto Maya’s arm, leading her to a seat.<br/>            “It’s no problem, dear.” The woman replied.<br/>            “You don’t have to stay, really. I know people here.” Maya said, trying to shake the company.<br/>            “If you’re sure...I do have to pick up my granddaughter from baseball practise.” The woman told her. Maya furrowed her eyebrows and nodded eagerly.<br/>             “Of course, go get your granddaughter, you don’t want to be late.” She said, thanking her once more for the help.</p><p>            Maya sat waiting for her name to be called, pulling her phone from her jacket pocket, and unlocking it. No messages. She started to wonder what call her team were on right now, and hoping it was nothing chaotic; she couldn’t face the reality of missing a call like that. Another sudden pain darted through her, and she put her phone away and let her body curl into itself a little. Her body tensed for a few seconds after the pain subsided, and then she let herself relax back into the chair. She held her arms over her stomach and let her eyes wander around the foyer, looking at all the different people around her and wondering what had brought them here, who they were waiting for, what they were waiting to be treated for.<br/>            “Maya?” A familiar Italian accent pulled Maya out of her daydream. Her eyes shot up and found the pink scrubs walking towards her from the across the room. Carina.<br/>            “What are you doing here?” Carina asked, her voice laced with worry at the sight of Maya’s delicate state. Maya opened her mouth to speak but didn’t know what to say. Carina looked at Maya, saw her arms folded over her stomach and a pained look on her face. Her eyes softened and she gestured for Maya to stand.<br/>            “Come.” Carina said and led Maya to a consultation room.</p><p>“I will get an ultrasound, just make yourself as comfortable as you can.” Carina directed. Maya nodded and waited for Carina to leave before kicking off her shoes and pushing the waistband of her joggers down. She brought her hand back up from the inside of her thighs and stared at the blood on her skin. Her head snapped up as the door opened and Carina walked back in trailing an ultrasound machine behind her.<br/>            “Maya, oh mi dio.” Carina quickly closed the door and helped Maya onto the bed.<br/>            “What is this what is happening to me?” Maya asked, panicked. Carina shook her head and propped a pillow behind Maya’s head.<br/>            “I will find out, just lay back and try to relax.” Carina said. “Can you tell me what you have done this morning?” She asked. Maya shook her head, her eyes rolling a little.<br/>            “Is there not anyone else who can do this? I mean, you weren’t exactly very empathetic last time.” Maya asked before Carina could begin. Carina paused and pursed her lips, then ran her hand through her hair before taking in a deep breath.<br/>            “No. Unless you would prefer an intern, but I would still have to be here, so.” Carina responded, trying not to take it personally, though at this point it clearly was personal.<br/>            “What sort of pain are you having?” Carina brushed over it and started up the ultrasound machine. Maya shook her head and shrugged.<br/>            “Not pain as such.” Maya lied. “It’s uncomfortable.”<br/>            “You must have felt some kind of pain to have brought yourself here.” Carina said.<br/>            “I didn’t. I mean, a lady walked me here from the park. I don’t wallow in pain I embrace pain.” Maya stated, avoiding any eye contact.<br/>            “I’m sorry?” Carina asked, confused. “This is cold, lift up your shirt.” She added.<br/>            “Embrace the pain. That’s what my dad drilled into me my whole life. I don’t let pain defeat me I embrace it.” Maya explained, still avoiding eye contact.<br/>            “But, you are allowed to feel pain, Maya.” Carina said as she placed the ultrasound on Maya’s stomach.<br/>            “I’m not in pain.” Maya argued.<br/>            “Maya I can prescribe something to you-.” Carina paused as she looked at the screen. Maya looked over to her, and to the screen. After a few seconds, Carina took a breath.<br/>             “Okay, there is a heartbeat, it is quite faint but...” Carina started to explain but left her sentence to drift as she looked back at Maya.<br/>            “Right. That’s...good.” Maya said. Carina sighed and set the ultrasound down.<br/>            “Look, I know it is not so much my place to say this, but Maya I can give you contacts of places that can give you help, and advice on single parenthood...if you would like.” Carina suggested, her tone gentle and reassuring. Maya clenched her jaw and nodded slowly.<br/>            “You know, you’re right. It’s not your place. And if I’m fine here, then I’m gonna go.”<br/>            “You shouldn’t go back to work yet. Your body is fragile, you need to heal. I am signing you off for another week, at least.” Carina said with a sigh, knowing it wouldn’t go down well.<br/>            “No, no, no I don’t need to rest I need to work-.” Carina leans towards Maya, still sat on the hospital bed and holds onto her arms stopping her in her tracks.<br/>            “Maya, listen to your body...” She pauses as she finds herself a little too close to Maya. Carina’s eyes flit to Maya’s lips and back to her eyes in a split second, causing her cheeks to flush.<br/>            “Rest.” Carina said, and cleared her throat, letting go of Maya’s arms. Maya’s body eases into the pillow behind her, and she pulls her shirt back down.<br/>            “Everything is fine. Some bleeding is perfectly normal within the first twelve weeks of pregnancy.” Carina said as she packed away the ultrasound. “If you have any other problems you know where to come.” She adds, before gathering the equipment, and leaving the room without another word.<br/>            Maya sits in silence as the door closes behind Carina, a short, sharp breath escaped her mouth as she relived the last few moments. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. ~ three ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carina squinted at the computer screen in front of her, searching through the words and vigorously tapping the keys as she searched the hospital’s patient information system. She peered over the top of the screen, looking to see if anyone was watching her, worried that she looked suspicious. She knew she was wrong to be searching for Maya’s address, but the whirlwind of anxiety about how Maya was doing was tearing up her mind was too much for her to ignore. It had almost been two weeks since she last saw her at the hospital, and she couldn’t leave it any longer. Carina pulled her hair over from one side to the other, her fingers tangling in her brunette locks. She rested her elbow on the desk, and her head on her hand and sighed. After several minutes of searching, she finally found Maya’s information. Her eyes darted around her, desperately searching for a pen and some scrap paper. She scribbled down Maya’s address on a sticky note then quickly logged the computer off, grabbed the brown paper bag from beside her and swiftly stood up to leave work.<br/>            Having looked up Maya’s address on her phone, Carina realised it wasn’t too far and ended up walking there. She took in the scenery as she walked through the parks, enjoying the rare occasion of being outside of the hospital. She had lived in Seattle for a while now but had never really seen much of it before. The weather was unseasonably warm, and she had her suit jacket draped across her shoulders, her tanned olive toned arms basking in the warmth as she walked to Maya’s building.<br/>            Carina stood outside the building that her phone had led her to. She looked up the steps outside and at the security coded door.<br/>             “Merda…” Carina muttered under her breath. She sighed and looked around, hoping she would see someone heading up to the doors. She paced back and forth outside the building, overwhelmed with doubt, overthinking her decision to come here. Before she was carried away in her train of thought, the door opened as someone was leaving.<br/>            “Excuse me!” Carina darted up the stairs to stop the man before he let the door close behind him.<br/>            “Hi, I am Dr Carina DeLuca I work at Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital.” Carina introduced herself, extending her hand out to him. He furrowed his eyebrows, confused, but shook her hand.<br/>             “I have a patient home visit here, she lives in this building, but she must be sleeping, would you mind...letting me inside?” Carina asked, tilting her head to the side in an attempt to charm him.<br/>            “Yeah, sure.” He agreed without question, swinging the door back open and holding it there.<br/>             “Ah, thank you.” She said with a smile and walked through the door.</p><p>Carina stood at Maya’s apartment door, took a deep breath in, and knocked. She took a step back as she waited. A few seconds later, the door opened, and Carina’s deep brown eyes met with Maya’s. She tried to hold a smile, but the look on Maya’s face was hugely discouraging.<br/>            “What are you doing here?” Maya asked, stunned.<br/>            “I...I wanted to bring you these.” Carina said, handing her the paper bag. Maya took the bag from her and looked inside. She pulled out a bottle of vitamins and held it up.<br/>            “What is this, vitamins?” Maya asked. Carina nodded and smiled a little again.<br/>            “They are prenatal vitamins to help your body with your pregnancy.” Carina explained. Maya clenched her jaw and nodded and said nothing for a moment. The two stood in silence for an uncomfortable length of time before Maya broke the silence.<br/>            “How did you find me? I mean, patient records I guess but, aren’t those supposed to be confidential?” She asked, unsure of whether or not she felt contravened or comforted.<br/>            “I...actually I do home visits quite a lot, for things like this.” Carina lied, trying to deflect from her actions.<br/>            “Right.” Maya said, trying to wrap her head around what was happening in this moment. “Did it ever occur to you that I don’t want this baby? Did my telling you before that I can’t have a person not give you any indication that that could mean a child too, and not just a boyfriend or girlfriend?” She continued her rant, not understanding why Carina hadn’t got the message yet. What about Maya’s incessant irritability surrounding her situation does Carina not understand?<br/>            Carina’s eyebrow involuntarily raised hearing Maya say <em>girlfriend</em>. She felt her stomach flip but tried to supress it. She ran her fingers through her hair and looked down at the floor. When she looked back up, their eyes met again, and Carina saw so much hurt in Maya’s deep blue eyes.<br/>            “Yes, it did occur to me.” She said calmly, not letting Maya’s frustration get to her. “But taking care of this,” She added, and lifted her hand to rest on Maya’s abdomen. “Is taking care of yourself as well.” She said.<br/>            Maya looked down at Carina’s hand resting on her stomach. She didn’t flinch, she didn’t dare move an inch. She didn’t really know what to do about it. She knew full well that Carina’s intentions were right, but she still felt uncomfortable with her just showing up unannounced, and having searched for where she lived just didn’t sit right with her. They hardly knew each other.<br/>            “You shouldn’t have come here.” Maya broke the tension. Carina dropped her hand back down to her side and looked away.<br/>            “You can’t just show up at my house, Carina. You should go.” She added. Carina nodded and took a slow step backwards.<br/>            “My apologies.” Carina said.<br/>            She couldn’t bring herself to look at Maya again, and just turned her body and walked away. Maya stood in her doorway watching Carina walk away. She looked at the bag of vitamins in her hand and sighed, and when Carina’s footsteps faded, she closed the door.</p><p>Maya spent the rest of her night feeling guilty for not thanking Carina for the vitamins. Though the last thing on her mind right now was her pregnancy, she knew it was important for her to take care of herself. She sat on her bed with her phone in front of her, staring at it, waiting for someone to read her mind and call her so that she could confess her secret. She ran her hand over her head and sighed, then grabbed her phone and found Andy’s number. She sat and waited while it rang, unsure of whether or not she was working.<br/>            “Maya?” Andy’s voice spoke through the phone as she picked up the call.<br/>            “Hey.” Maya said, with a lump forming in her throat. “Can I come over?” She asked. A few silent seconds passed before Andy spoke again.<br/>             “Yeah, sure. You know where I am.” She replied in a more serious tone. Maya couldn’t bring herself to say another word, so just hung up the phone, grabbed her keys and left for Andy’s.<br/><br/></p><hr/><p><br/>Carina let herself into her house, dropped her keys into the dish beside the door and closed the door behind her. She slid her blazer off of her shoulders and draped it over the arm of her couch before letting herself fall into the cushions. She kicked off her heels and let her head fall back and stared at the ceiling. For a few moments, she laid with her eyes closed and listened to the sound of the streets outside her window, the cars rushing by, people walking home from wherever they had spent their days. She laid in the not quite silence for a while, trying to organise the mess of thoughts in her head. With no luck, she pulled her phone out of her bag and scrolled through her contacts. She hadn’t been in Seattle for long enough to have formed close friendships with anyone, which wasn’t helpful to her in a time like this when she needed a friend to talk to. She scrolled back up to the top of her contacts list and stared at Arizona’s name. She tapped on the contact and started to call her. After a few rings, she picked up.<br/>            “Hello?” Arizona said, confused.<br/>            “Arizona, hi. It’s Carina.” She said.<br/>            “Hi, yeah I have your number I just...” Arizona replied, unsure of what to say.<br/>             “I know that this is probably quite unusual to call you,” Carina said. “But, I don’t have a lot of people to talk to here, and I really need to just have another side to this...situation I am having.” She added, with Maya’s face burning in her mind.<br/>            “What’s going on?” Arizona asked with concern.<br/>            “I just have to talk to somebody. Are you available right now to talk?” Carina asked.<br/>            “Um, yeah...I mean, yeah I can talk.” Arizona said after a few seconds.</p><p> </p><hr/><p><br/>Maya sat in Andy’s kitchen, her foot bouncing up and down on the floor nervously. Andy was stood at the fridge.<br/>            “You want a beer?” Andy asked. Maya paused and shook her head.<br/>            “No, thanks.” Maya declined reluctantly. “I actually need to talk to you about something.” She said. Andy popped the cap off a beer bottle and brought it up to her mouth. She took a sip and set it down on the countertop opposite Maya.<br/>            “And...you don’t want a beer for that?” Andy chuckled, not quite sensing the tone. Maya half-smiled and looked down at her fidgeting hands.<br/>            “Look, I know we’ve fallen out of touch lately and to be honest I’m not really sure why? But you’re there for me, and I hope you know I’m there for you too no matter what.” Maya said, unable to make eye contact the entire time she was speaking.<br/>            “Okay you’re freaking me out now.” Andy said, trying to laugh off Maya’s seriousness.<br/>            “I’m pregnant.” Maya blurted. “I am pregnant, Andy, and I don’t know what to do.”<br/>            Andy and Maya sat in silence for several minutes, both of them gathering their thoughts, Andy trying to figure out an appropriate thing to say, but there was only one thing she could think about.<br/>            “This...this is definitely not the right thing to say right now but...”<br/>            “It’s not Jack’s.” Maya said before Andy could even ask. An involuntary sigh of relief slipped out of her mouth. Neither of them spoke again for a minute or so.<br/>            “Are you okay?” Andy asked, her tone much more serious now. Maya shrugged and shook her head continuously.<br/>            “I don’t know. I don’t really know anything but when they pulled me out of that fire and gave me an ultrasound and...” She held her hands up.<br/>            “You’ve known since then? That was what, 3 weeks ago now?” Andy asked. Maya raised her eyebrows and looked at Andy.<br/>            “Embrace the pain.” They both said simultaneously. Both of them laughed a little, but a little too soon.<br/>            “It all happened so suddenly, I woke up to this woman...the OB/GYN at Grey-Sloan, she was just there already and telling me I was, you know, and then she gave me this weird look like, ‘<em>you don’t know who the father is?’, </em>and then she turned up at my door earlier with vitamins telling me to take care of myself. What am I supposed to do with that?” Maya ranted, her hands motioning all over the place as she spoke.<br/>            “Are you keeping it?” Andy asked.<br/>            “I...I don’t quit things. My heart is telling me not to give up on this, but my head knows better. I don’t live the lifestyle to be a parent.” Maya explained. Andy nodded, and took a drink of her beer.<br/>            “I’m here for you, like you said no matter what. We can make it work if that’s the decision you make.” Andy said reassuring her.<br/>            “I’m back on duty tomorrow.” Maya said.<br/>            “Are you ready for that?” Andy asked.<br/>             “I can’t sit in my house for another day. Actually, can I crash here tonight?” Maya asked desperately, wanting nothing less than to go back home. Andy nodded and gave a soft smile.<br/>            “Sure.” Andy agreed. “Just don’t use my toothbrush.”</p><p> </p><p>Maya laid in bed staring at the ceiling with a lot on her mind. She slowly moved her hands to rest on her stomach and sighed.<br/>            “Why would you do this to me?” She whispered to herself. A tear rolled down her cheek, dipping into her cheekbone and down her jawline. She took a shaky breath, then exhaled slowly.<br/>            “Eyes forward.” She whispered.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. ~ four ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Aid 19 to dispatch, requesting additional units.”<br/> <em>Ladder, engine 19 respond, structural fire. </em>The call sounded throughout the station along with the klaxons.<br/>            “Miller and Warren are starting evacuation. Bishop, pack some extra tanks.” Sullivan called out.<br/>            “Already on it.” She called back.<br/>Within three minutes, the team were out, sirens wailing and lights flashing as they sped down the streets. Bishop rode in the engine with Herrera and Hughes in the seat behind, Montgomery, Gibson, and Sullivan in the other car.<br/>            “Feels good to be back.” Bishop shouted over the sirens. “No more sitting around at home pretending to feel sorry for myself.” She added. Herrera rolled her eyes.<br/>            “You’re not ready.” She said.<br/>            “Like hell I’m not.” Bishop argued.<br/>            “You know you shouldn’t be on this call, Bishop.” Herrera went on. Maya glared at her from the passenger seat. Her stare must have burnt through Andy’s skin as she soon changed her tone.<br/>            “But if you feel ready...” Herrera added.<br/>            “She’s so ready.” Hughes shouted from the back.<br/>            “I’m so ready.” Bishop chimed in.<br/>            They swung around the corner of the street and were met with a thick smoky sky in front of them.<br/>            “Now this...is what I’m talking about.” Bishop said, gazing at the scene in awe.</p>
<p>The team jump out of their cars and circle to the front of the building.<br/>            “Miller, fill me in.” Sullivan demanded as they met with Miller and Warren already at the scene.<br/>            “8 floors, fire is located on the 6<sup>th</sup>. In danger of it climbing we need to get back in there, Sir, fast.” Miller explained.<br/>            “Alright let’s do a full evac on the building, keep in mind we may need to get up to the roof if this thing can’t be contained before it climbs to the top.” Sullivan instructed. Miller and Warren nodded and ran off back into the building.<br/>            “Lieutenant, where do you stand?” He added. Bishop stepped forward as she put her helmet on.<br/>            “Montgomery, Gibson, get the hoses inside. Herrera, you’re with me, primary search and rescue if necessary.” Bishop ordered.<br/>            The team split off into their respective pairs, Montgomery and Gibson headed to the engine for the hoses to hook up to the hydrant across the street. Bishop and Herrera geared up and headed inside.</p>
<p>They were inside for less than 5 minutes before they heard the panicked call.<br/>            “Help! Someone help! Please someone help my wife!” A man’s voice called on the second floor.<br/>            “Keep calling out! This is the Seattle Fire Department we’re here to help you.” Bishop called back to the voice.<br/>            “Number 7! Please hurry!” He called out again. Bishop and Herrera jogged down the foggy halls until they were outside number 7.<br/>             “We’re coming in, move away from the door!” Herrera shouted. On the count of three Bishop threw the side of her body into the door with force, breaking it open and quickly moved inside.<br/>            “Miller said the fire was on the 6<sup>th</sup> floor!” Herrera shouted as they entered the apartment, the visibility extremely low and the heat much worse in here. They could hear crackling sounds, like something breaking.<br/>            “Watch out!” Herrera yelled and pushed Bishop aside, both of them falling down to the ground as a ceiling beam collapsed above them.<br/>            “Captain!” Bishop shouted through her radio.<br/>            “Copy, what’s your status Lieutenant?” Sullivan’s voice spoke from outside the building through the radio.<br/>            “The structure is not stable, I repeat, the structure is not stable.” She said as Herrera pulled her up from the floor. They walked carefully through the apartment until they could see the victims.<br/>            “Copy. Get out of there as soon as you can.” Sullivan spoke again.<br/>            “Copy that, Sir.” Bishop said.<br/>            “We have a problem.” Herrera said, staring down at the ground where the man’s voice was coming from. He was knelt down on the ground with a t-shirt tied around his mouth and nose, and a woman laid beside him.<br/>             “Captain, get a gurney ready outside we have a man and his wife in here, and she’s pregnant. Heavily.” Bishop said through the radio again. She locked eyes with Herrera through their masks. This could be bad.</p>
<p>            “Alright I’m gonna need you to hold her upper body so I can carry her by her ankles, and Herrera here can lead us the hell out of here.”<br/>            “Copy that, Lieutenant.” Herrera nodded, having extinguished the flames from the ceiling beam that collapsed by the door and kicked it out of the way.<br/>            “Mom here has a pulse but it’s getting weaker, she needs 02.” Bishop said. Without another thought she unhooked her own oxygen and placed the mask over the woman’s face.<br/>            “Bishop what are you doing?” Herrera shouted?<br/>            “Let’s go!” Bishop shouted back, hardly letting go of any breath.</p>
<p>Maya held her breath until the got to the bottom of the stairway at the front exit of the building. Hughes met them with a gurney, and they placed the woman down on it before Maya took a breath.<br/>            “Female, 34 weeks pregnant, found unconscious at the scene.” Maya said breathlessly.<br/>            “Okay you are coming to Grey-Sloan with us.” Hughes said to Bishop, guiding her to the Aid Car. “Let the hospital know we’re coming, get OB on standby for us.” Vic said to the paramedics.<br/><br/></p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>They arrived at Grey-Sloan, Bailey and Carina were stood gowned and waiting for the patients, the pregnant woman, her husband, and Maya.<br/>            “Okay what’ve we got?” Bailey asked, helping unload the woman on the gurney from the car.<br/>            “I don’t know exactly but I don’t think it’s good.” Maya croaked through her oxygen mask.<br/>            “Maya?” Carina’s voice rang through the chaos.<br/>            “Carina.” Maya said, feeling stupid for forgetting that ‘page OB’ meant Carina. Their eyes held contact for several seconds, Carina’s eyebrows curved with worry, and the corner of Maya’s mouth involuntarily curled upwards, but was hidden by the oxygen mask. Vic’s head poked around the car doors, and she looked between Maya and Carina. Maya snapped out of her daze and glared at Vic.<br/>             “Oh, hot doctor.” Vic said, clearly unable to read the room. Bailey and Carina took the woman and her husband, the paramedics and Vic walked Maya inside and got her checked in in the ER.</p>
<p>Maya sat on the end of a bed in the pit with a nurse checking her vitals. She had an oxygen mask over her face while the nurse set her up with an IV to give her some fluids. She still had the rest of her shift left, and she was severely dehydrated.<br/>            “I didn’t breathe in any smoke.” Maya pulled the mask down and spoke.<br/>            “Hey.” Vic called across the room from the nurses station. “Keep that on. You don’t know what you breathed in.” She stated, pulling Maya’s mask back on. The nurse gathered the equipment for a blood test and started to unpackage everything.<br/>            “Woah wait, I don’t need a blood test.” Maya resisted.<br/>            “It’s just a precaution.” The nurse insisted.<br/>            “No.” Maya refused. The nurse looked at Vic.<br/>            “Don’t look at her. This is not her call it’s mine. No blood test.” Maya said firmly. The nurse put the things down and walked away. Vic gave Maya a concerned and confused look but didn’t say anything. They remained in silence for a minute.<br/>            “Are we done here? Let’s get to the waiting room.” Maya said to Vic, pulling the mask off her face and hopping off the bed. She grabbed hold of her IV pole and walked it out of the ER.</p>
<p>Vic and Maya sat in the waiting room for an update on their patient. Her water had broken due to the distress in the apartment building fire, but because she was unconscious, she wasn’t pushing when she needed to, and her baby had been wedged into her pelvis. Due to Maya’s health being compromised, the both of them were able to stay in the hospital rather than returning back to the scene. They had been in the waiting room for a while now, and Maya was wondering how the woman was doing.<br/>            “This is nearly done so I’m gonna go get it out.” She said to Vic, referring to her IV.<br/>            “Sure. Can I get you anything to eat?” Vic asked. Maya thought for a second and nodded.<br/>            “A sandwich or something would be good, thanks.” Maya said and smiled. She headed out of the room and over to the nurses station. Before she had even stopped walking, she pulled the IV out of her arm and let it tubes fall down.<br/>            “Could I get a band aid for this, please?” She asked the nurse on the desk, who stood in awe at her actions. She said nothing but got up and patched up her arm.<br/>            “Thanks.” She said and walked away. She carried on walking through the ER and headed into the lobby, hopped into the elevator, and took herself up to the maternity floor.</p>
<p>The elevator ding sounded, and the doors slid open. Maya took a step forward and almost walked right into someone.<br/>            “Sorry, my bad.” She said and looked up.<br/>            “No problema.” Carina said, as she took a step out of Maya’s way. “I actually was about to come and see you, the mamma you wanted to thank you.” Carina said, gesturing for Maya to walk with her.<br/>            “Thank me for what?” Maya asked. Carina looked puzzled at Maya and laughed a little.<br/>            “Because thanks to you, she has a beautiful baby boy.” Carina said with a smile. “Delivered by C-Section, but they are both doing very well.” She added. Carina walked Maya to the woman’s room and opened the door.<br/>            “Oh my goodness, Lieutenant Bishop, hi.” The woman said in a hushed tone, with her husband sat beside her. The baby wasn’t in the room, which Maya was thankful for.<br/>            “Hi. You look much better than you did when we met.” Maya laughed and stood by the end of the bed.<br/>            “My husband told me that you gave me your air, and I just, thank you so much. You saved my baby.” The woman gushed.<br/>            “And you saved my wife, too. Thank you. Thank you for your service.” The husband added. Maya smiled and shook her head a little.<br/>            “It’s no problem at all. It’s just what I do.” Maya said. “I hope your son is doing well. Take care of yourselves.” Maya said, before showing herself out of the room. She didn’t ever do to well with the overly grateful people. What did they expect her to do?</p>
<p>Maya stood at the desk in the centre of the department. Carina walked around the other side and sat down at a computer.<br/>             “You know, you really are very brave, and courageous. I admire that about you, Maya.” Carina said, her deep eyes gazing into Maya’s, full of admiration. Maya looked down at the floor and suddenly felt the same guilt she felt when she had lied to Vic about everything.<br/>            “I think we got off on the wrong foot.” Maya said. Carina sat back in her chair, one eyebrow raised, eager to hear what else she had to say.<br/>            “I was rude, and it was uncalled for.” She added. Carina nodded slowly but said nothing.<br/>            “Can we grab a coffee or something, some time before shift?” Maya asked, realising that Carina wasn’t going to fill the silences at this point. Carina laughed and shook her head.<br/>            “No, we cannot.” Carina said. Maya’s apologetic smile dropped. “Because you are not supposed to have coffee. Sì?” Carina added and laughed at Maya’s reaction. Maya was so stunned that she couldn’t find any words.<br/>            “I will make breakfast. With decaf.” Carina declared with a chuckle. Maya picked her eyes up from the floor and met with Carina’s beautiful rich brown eyes. Maya’s phone chimed and she pulled it from her pocket.<br/>            “I...have to go, but breakfast sounds great.” Maya agreed, and gave Carina another apologetic smile as she had to hurry off.<br/>            “I look forward to it. Be safe.” Carina said with a soft smile, and watched Maya as she walked away.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. ~ five ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rain came down in torrents outside the hospital windows, which would only mean one thing for the day: chaos. Luckily for Carina, she wasn’t on call today, but she had set herself up in a research lab to investigate studies that could support her own work. She had been sat in the lab for hours and grew more thankful by the minute that she had worn jeans and a sweater and not a suit. She sat with one leg up on her chair, and her arms draped across the desk, hands resting elegantly over the keyboard. She lifted one hand and ran it through her hair, tossed it over to one side and leaned back into her chair with a sigh. She stood up and walked over to the window on the right hand side that looked out onto the streets. She was quite a few floors up, so she could see over some of the surrounding buildings as well as the roads and sidewalks. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a blue light and turned her head to see a fire engine wailing down the street. Immediately she thought of Maya.<br/>             Carina watched the engine until it had gone out of her sight, and then she returned to her desk, sliding back into her chair, and pulling up a search engine on the computer. She tapped Maya’s name out on the keys and pressed enter and watched as the search results filled her screen. <em>Maya Bishop, Olympic gold medallist, Lieutenant of Seattle Fire Department Station 19. </em>Carina’s eyes read the biography on Maya’s Facebook page, but other than that, the profile was pretty quiet, understandable considering how busy Maya’s life is. There were a handful of tagged photos of her on her profile, either professional ones from her Olympics, action shots of her sprinting and speeding over the finish line, her reaction as her name was announced first place. As Carina clicked through the photos, she could almost see the scene happening in motion, the break through the finish, the relief on her face as she came to a stop and knelt on the ground to catch her breath, the commentators announcing the winner, and what Carina could only assume was her father, running out onto the track to hug his daughter. She smiled through the photos until she had reached the end of the Olympic ones and had reached the more casual and personal ones. Her face dropped as she stared at a drunken selfie of Maya and Vic. Carina’s jaw hung slightly ajar as she stared at the huge smile on Maya’s face in the photo. She was wearing something orange, a bathing suit maybe. Vic was behind her to the right. Carina gaped in awe at Maya’s face, she had never seen her smile like this. She had hardly seen her smile at all, only a slight curve of the mouth.<br/>            She clicked to the next tagged photo, another selfie with Vic, in bathing suits, sunglasses, and another bright white smile plastered on her face. Her hair was tied in a bun, and her bathing suit was...very low cut. Carina admired the photo, and clicked to the next, this one just of Maya, the back of her as she laid on a boat on the ocean with the view in front of her. She couldn’t see her face properly, only her side profile, but she was in awe, nonetheless. She looked relaxed, calm, peaceful. Carina hadn’t seen this side of her, at least not yet. But god did she want to. When she clicked to the next photo, she felt a flush of heat rush over her as she stared at Maya, sat on a barstool looking away, a cocktail in her hand, her hair falling down one shoulder, wearing a tight white sleeveless top and a skirt, her arms and legs on show. Carina closed the computer down abruptly and headed out of the room to neuro.</p>
<p>            “Dr Shepherd.” Carina spoke as she saw Amelia.<br/>            “Dr DeLuca, what can I do for you?” Amelia spun around at the sound of her name being called.<br/>            “Schedule an MRI for me.” Carina said firmly. Amelia looked confused.<br/>            “An MRI...for...what exactly?” She asked.<br/>            “For my research.” Carina said. Amelia raised an eyebrow. “I can be a part of my own study, no?” Carina added with a smirk. Amelia held her hands up in surrender.<br/>            “Yes ma’am, you most certainly can.” She said and logged onto a computer to order the MRI.</p>
<p>Carina laid herself down on the patient table in the MRI machine. She heard the static of the speakers followed by Amelia’s voice.<br/>            “Okay, just setting this up, and...what exactly spurred this on?” Amelia asked as she waited for the green light to start the scan. The images of Maya flashed through Carina’s mind, and she felt the wave of heat again.<br/>            “Dead end research.” She lied. <br/>            “Now, do you want me to wait outside or something because, you know, this is quite personal, and I feel like maybe we aren’t that close yet...?” Amelia asked.<br/>            “You already know what I will be doing in here so...what difference does it make if you are behind that glass or behind the door?” Carina asked back. Amelia shrugged to herself.<br/>            “I guess so. It would be cool to see your brain react. You saw mine, and my tumour.” Amelia joked. A few seconds later, the machine was ready to go.<br/>            “Alright you’re good to go. Enjoy.” Amelia announced, then shut off the microphone and audio.</p>
<p>Carina smiled to herself and closed her eyes, and there was Maya, in her low-cut swimsuit and gorgeous smile. Her hands travelled from beside her legs to between them, she bit her lip and let her head roll from side to side as her hand moved in circles.<br/><br/></p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>On her way home, Carina realised that she had no way of contacting Maya about their breakfast date, other than to contact her through Facebook, but she didn’t want to seem like she had been stalking her profile, which she definitely had been. She let herself into her front door, set her bag and keys down and headed over to her desk. She pulled a piece of letter paper out from the left hand drawer, and her favourite pen, and began to write.</p>
<p>
  <em>Dear Maya,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I never got the chance to give you my number at the hospital the other day. I have been stupidly waiting to hear from you about breakfast, but I realise now that I gave you no way of contacting me. I hope you will still like to meet again, outside of work. Here is my number on the back of this letter, I look forward to our date.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ciao, bella</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Carina x</em>
</p>
<p>She folded the paper and pulled an envelope from her drawer, slipped the paper in and sealed it. She pulled up Maya’s address from her phone from when she had looked up directions for how to get there and addressed it ‘Lt. Maya Bishop’ in her cursive writing. She placed the letter by her front door, ready for her to mail out in the morning.<br/><br/></p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>As the day drew to a close, Maya, Vic and Andy sat on Andy’s front porch. Vic and Andy held beer bottles in their hands, Maya had one sat on the floor by her feet, unopened, but had her hand buried in a bowl of chips. <br/>            “You know, if my dad were here, he’d be yelling at us to keep the noise down like I’m still a kid.” Andy spoke fondly, taking a drink of her beer.<br/>            “Yeah and you’d listen too little miss perfect.” Maya teased, knowing exactly what Andy was like, she always followed the rules.<br/>            “Shut up. I respected my dad. He earned that.” Andy defended herself. “Except for when he called me a slut. That wasn’t cool. I’d sure give anything to hear him say that again now.” She chuckled a little. Maya and Vic smiled at Andy, knowing how much she was missing Pruitt.<br/>            “Yeah, that shit didn’t fly in my house growing up. We had to earn our dad’s respect, Mason and I.” Maya said, changing the subject and reminiscing on her own childhood. “I don’t know if I ever did to this day.” She added.<br/>            “Y’all are your daddy issues.” Vic scoffed, drinking her drink and teasing the both of them.<br/>            “All right, Hughes, what’d you got?” Andy challenged.<br/>            “After I secretly moved in with Jackson and then he kicked me out <em>and </em>broke up with me? All in the same day? What do I got?” Vic added to the competition of trauma. “Yeah, I don’t need to say anything on this, I just need to drink on it.” She added. Andy clinked her bottle to Vic’s, and they both drank.<br/>            “Where’s your beer, Bishop?” Vic asked. Maya paused for a split second before stuffing a handful of chips into her mouth.<br/>            “I’m eating.” Maya spat, causing Vic to burst into laughter. The three of them laughed together for a while before they managed to contain themselves again.<br/>            “At least we don’t have daddy issues like Maya’s baby daddy issues.” Andy laughed, finishing her bottle of beer. Silence fell among them all for several uncomfortable minutes. Maya felt the colour drain from her cheeks and couldn’t bring herself to pick her eyes up from the unopened bottle of beer on the floor. She watched the condensation drip down the bottle and onto the decking.<br/>            “Maya I-.”<br/>            “Stop.” Maya cut Andy off before she could speak.<br/>            “Clearly I’ve missed something here...” Vic said quietly, looking between Maya and Andy.</p>
<p>All of a sudden the ball dropped for Vic. She looks at Maya’s untouched beer bottle on the floor, and remembers the vomiting episode she had when they got back from the hospital after the fire.<br/>            “Oh my god.” Vic says. “When I brought you home from the hospital, the sickness...” She trailed off the end of her sentence.<br/>            “I wanted to tell you I just...I wasn’t ready.” Maya’s voice croaked.<br/>            “No. I don’t want you to feel bad. I should’ve seen the signs I just...it’s not Jack’s is it?” Vic gasped slightly.<br/>            “No.” Andy and Maya said in unison. The silence falls over them again, and none of them make any effort to speak.</p>
<p>Vic breaks the silence after an uncomfortable length of time.<br/>            “Yesterday in that fire, the pregnant woman we evacuated,” She said. “You took off your mask. You literally walked down 3 flights of stairs breathing in smoke.” Vic continued.<br/>            “I held my breath.” Maya argued.<br/>            “You don’t know what gets in your airways without that mask on, holding your breath or not. You know that’s not how it works.” Vic argued back.<br/>            “I’m being careful. Carina- The OB at Grey-Sloan gave me a full work up after the five alarm, and again a couple of weeks later.” Maya explained, trying to put Vic’s mind at ease.<br/>            “Carina? You’re on a first name basis with your OB?” Andy asked. Maya rolled her eyes a little but couldn’t help a slight smile from creeping onto her face.<br/>            “Wait, hot doctor?” Vic asked, leaning forward in her seat.<br/>            “I guess? If you see her that way I...she’s just...she’s the OB, it’s hard not to get on a first name basis when she’s gonna be examining my vagina.” Maya snapped a little, growing frustrated that this had turned into a tease fest. <br/>            “Oh, is she now?” Vic said wiggling her eyebrows. Maya laughed off Vic’s immaturity and shuffled around in her seat.<br/>            “See, now there’s something that I don’t know about and you do.” Andy said to Vic. Vic glared at her for a second.<br/>             “I’m not sure those things can really be compared but...sure...?” Vic replied with a little laugh.</p>
<p>After a while of slightly awkward small talk, with everyone avoiding the elephant in the room, Andy finally broke the ice.<br/>            “Maya I...I really do think you should consider dropping a couple days at work.” She said.<br/>            “No. Not a chance. You know I don’t wallow in my pain, Andy. That’s not me.” Maya argued. She hated that her friends cared so much. She knew that Andy was saying this from the heart, but she couldn’t help feeling annoyed at the sudden change of tone. This night was supposed to get her mind off of things.<br/>            “You gotta take it easy though, you can’t be taking risks like you did yesterday. I was there, they put you on an IV in the ER, man, I watched it happen. That can’t be good for you.” Vic joined in.<br/>            “I don’t want this baby.” Maya snapped, standing up abruptly. “I do not want to keep this baby, but I can’t bring myself to do anything about it. And I don’t take the easy way out of anything. The only reason I was able to win my gold medal that day was because I powered through the agony of a sprained ankle and pretended like everything was fine so that I could compete. And I won. So, what does that tell you?” Maya said, her voice growing louder as she spoke.<br/>            “That tells me that a sprained ankle is not the same as a pregnancy, Maya. Your entire body changes with this, it is incomparable to a sprained ankle.” Andy argued with her.<br/>            “I’m not fighting with you. This is not your race.” Maya said through gritted teeth to Andy, throwing her own words back at her. She never forgot when Andy had said that to her after she had tried to give her encouragement during the captain’s assessment.</p>
<p>Andy was left speechless, and Vic didn’t dare say a word. She knew better than to get into an argument with Maya when she was feeling like this. She knew that Maya would be feeling like the whole world was against her right now, and she did.<br/>            “You know what, I’m gonna call it a night. Take your advice and look after myself for once.” Maya snapped, and sped away down the porch steps. Naturally, she started to jog, and soon picked up pace when she knew Andy and Vic wouldn’t be able to see her anymore.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. ~ six ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been two days since Maya last spoken to Andy. They worked 24-hour shift from 8pm to 8pm the night after their fall out, a very silent 24 hours. The day was quiet, only one Aid Car call out to a nursing home, the rest of the day was spent doing chores and drills. Lieutenant Bishop held no prisoners, not when she was in a bad mood, especially not when she was in a bad mood with Andy. Vic on the other hand, she had at least tried to talk to Maya about what had happened, but there had been no such efforts from Andy. They spent the day following Maya’s “mandatory group workout” while she barked things like “Push, push, push! Dig into it!” and “it’s not physical it’s mental you’re only thinking you can’t, it’s in your head!” followed by more motivational type things like “You got this!” and “Your body is the most important tool you have, let’s get competitive!”, and after it all, “Again!”<br/>            By the end of the day, the team was crushed, exhausted, and the furthest from motivated you could imagine. Maya hadn’t been the most patient with her team today, but her team had been worse to her. She couldn’t help but lose her patience when she had been faced with disrespect all day. And as acting captain while Sullivan was out on leave, she wasn’t afraid to put them in line.<br/>            “Line up in the barn!” She yelled from the walkway above. Everyone looked up at her and moved into line quickly, except for Andy, who took her time. Maya walked down the stairs and stood in front of everyone.<br/>            “You have all been disrespectful and insubordinate, you have questioned every single one of my decisions today which, if becomes a habit, could cost us lives and will cost us time.” Maya said with a raised voice. Everyone’s eyes dropped down to the ground, or just anywhere but Maya’s face.<br/>            “You want to talk to me the way you have today? Fine. But you talk to Sullivan that way? Or Herrera when she becomes Captain?” Maya asked rhetorically. She paused before speaking again, and quickly decided that she was done talking, and walked away without another word, leaving everyone in limbo.</p>
<p>Maya stopped outside her apartment building after running home from the station. She needed the run, to calm herself down, so that she wouldn’t sit up all night stewing in her anger. She rested her hands on her knees, bent forward a little and panted until she was able to catch her breath and climb the steps up to the doors. She dragged her tired legs up each step and let herself into her building, headed toward her mailbox and opened it up with a key, grabbed the mail and slammed the little door shut. She stood staring at the elevator for a while, considering taking it up to her floor instead of the stairs. But no, embrace the pain. No matter how she was feeling, that thought would always circle back to her. After that, she hauled herself up the stairs and fell through her front door, collapsing onto the couch after kicking the door closed behind her. <br/>            After laying on the couch for a few minutes, she realised she still had the mail in her hand. She never usually received anything, only ever food menus and random pamphlets, but there was a letter today, hand-written, and addressed to her, so it wasn’t one that had accidentally been posted into her mailbox. That had happened before, more times than she would like to admit. She looked at the writing for a few seconds, unable to recognise whose it might have been, then tore open the envelope and pulled out a single sheet of paper.</p>
<p>
  <em>Dear Maya,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I never got the chance to give you my number at the hospital the other day. I have been stupidly waiting to hear from you about the breakfast, but I realise now that I gave you no way of contacting me. I hope you will still like to meet again, outside of work. Here is my number on the back of this letter, I look forward to our date.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ciao, bella</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Carina x</em>
</p>
<p>Maya felt herself smiling for the first time in over 24 hours. She barely knew Carina, but of the few interactions they had exchanged, she felt like Carina always knew exactly what she needed, even when she wasn’t even around. Maya quickly flipped the letter over to find Carina’s number; for a moment before she had seen it, she thought it must have been too good to be true. Without another thought, she pulled her phone out of her jacket pocket and put the number in, saving Carina as a contact before typing out a message.</p>
<p>21:04 – Maya: Hi 😊 It’s Maya Bishop. I got your letter, is tomorrow too short notice for breakfast?x</p>
<p>She sent the message and locked her phone, then took herself off to the shower to wash the day off of her.<br/><br/></p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>Carina sat by the window at home with her feet tucked under her, holding her phone out in front of her, with Arizona on FaceTime. She had a glass of red wine in her other hand, and a half empty bottle on the floor beside the couch.<br/>            “So, what exactly is the problem here?” Arizona asked.<br/>            “I feel like I am...stepped over the mark.” Carina said, or, tried to say.<br/>            “Overstepped the mark?” Arizona asked for clarification.<br/>            “Sì, yes, overstepping.” Carina nodded, taking another sip of her wine. “She came to me to start over, that was her actions, not mine.” She added, trying to justify her asking Maya for breakfast.<br/>            “Yes, yes exactly, so, what is the problem?” Arizona asked again as they came back around the same circle.<br/>            “I’m not in the habit of fixing broken people.” Carina said, looking at Arizona on her phone screen. <br/>            “What makes you think she’s broken?” Arizona asked. Carina shook her head and set her wine glass down.<br/>            “There is just something about the way she has been...behaving, whenever I have seen her.” She said. Arizona wasn’t sure what to say at this point but tried desperately to think of something supportive to fill the silence with.<br/>            “Carina, it’s breakfast. You’re not marrying her. If she doesn’t want what you want, then it doesn’t have to become a thing.” Arizona said. Carina nodded and sighed once more.<br/>            “I don’t even know what I want, I am just...como si dice...” Carina struggled to find the words, leaving Arizona guessing.<br/>            “Uhh, intrigued?” She asked. Carina clicked her fingers in the air.<br/>            “Sì, yes, yes. Intrigued. I am intrigued. She is interesting to me.” She said. Before Arizona had a chance to respond, Carina’s text tone chimed, and an unknown number popped up at the top of her screen. <em>Hi </em><em>😊</em><em> It’s Maya Bis... </em>was all it showed.<br/>            “Oh mi dio,” She sat forward and paused her FaceTime screen to look at the message.<br/>             “What? What happened? Is it the hospital?” Arizona asked, suddenly panicked.<br/>            “No, no. It’s her. It’s Maya,” Carina said excitedly. “She got the letter. She wants to do breakfast tomorrow.”<br/>            “Woah, tomorrow?” Arizona asked, shocked at the urgency.<br/>            “I guess so...I need to get groceries.” Carina realised and jumped up from the couch to grab her shoes.<br/>            “Okay so, I guess my work here is done.” Arizona laughed, unable to see Carina in her frantic state as she still had her camera paused.<br/>            “Thank you, Arizona. I’m sorry, I have to go!” Carina turned her camera back on briefly to say goodbye. Arizona waved through the camera and hung up the call, letting Carina hurry herself along to the nearest store.<br/><br/></p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>Maya shuts the water off and wrings out the water from her hair, before stepping out of the shower and grabbing her towel from the back of the door. She wraps the dark grey towel around her and tucks it under her arms. She looks at herself in the mirror for a minute before she combs her hair and wraps it in a towel. <br/>            She walks from the bathroom to her bedroom and sits on the edge of her bed, picks her phone up from the nightstand and checks her messages. A message back from Carina sat on her screen in front of her, and her heart skipped a beat.</p>
<p>21:12 – Carina: Tomorrow is perfect. Let me know what time 😊 x</p>
<p>A smile creeps onto Maya’s face and she checked the time, 9:30pm. She stood up and walked over to her dresser, opened up a drawer and started pulling out different shirts to wear in the morning. She grabbed her favourite pair of jeans and her belt from another drawer and threw them on her bed with the tops. She let go of the towel around her body, letting it drop to her ankles, glanced at herself in her full length mirror by the door, turning to the side to look at her stomach. She was only about 14 or 15 weeks along and had only noticed a slight change in the shape of her abdomen, but it could easily still be mistaken for being bloated. Maya looked away from herself and grabbed her jeans, pulling them onto her legs and grabbing one of the tops from the few she had picked out. When she looked back at the mirror, she furrowed her eyebrows a little, wondering why she was letting herself care about what she looked like. She could tell that Carina had motives, it was blatant that there had been exchanges between them both, but Maya hadn’t really thought about it, until now. She lifted the top over her head and tugged her jeans off of her, tossing the clothes over the back of an armchair in the corner of the room by the window.<br/>            “No ties, Maya.” She reminded herself, trying to shut off any feelings that could start to bubble within her. “It’s just breakfast.” She said again as she pulled her duvet back and climbed into bed. She grabbed her phone and pulled up her texts with Carina.</p>
<p>21:47 – Maya: I can be there for 9, text me your address x</p>
<p>She sent the message and set her alarms for the morning, then put her phone face down on the nightstand and rolled over in bed, and quickly falling asleep after her exhausting shift.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It was around 8:45am, Carina was in her kitchen brewing a pot of decaf coffee for the breakfast with Maya. She had decided to make what she thought would be a more typical American breakfast, and made pancakes, but had made vegan ones instead as she was gradually trying to transition her lifestyle. She had bought a selection of fruits for toppings, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and bananas, as well as a bottle of syrup too. She had made everything fresh, even orange juice, and especially the decaf coffee. She checked the time and decided to start cooking the pancakes. She poured some of her batter into a frying pan and let it cook, flipping it over half-way, and then putting it onto a plate when it was done. They had gone surprisingly well considering she hadn’t tried this particular recipe before, they were fluffy, it must have been the baking soda. Carina repeated this a few times before she heard a knock at her door, and she quickly went to open it, leaving a pancake in the pan cooking. She took a breath before opening the door and met Maya’s bright blue eyes when she did.<br/>            “Hello, hello! Come in.” She said as she opened the door, letting Maya into her home. <br/>            “Good morning.” Maya said as she closed the door behind her, letting Carina hurry back to her frying pan.<br/>            “How are you?” Carina called behind her to Maya, who hadn’t moved away from the door yet. <br/>            “Yeah, I’m good, how’re you?” Maya asked, taking a few steps forward towards Carina’s kitchen. Carina set another pancake down onto the stack on the plate and turned back to look at Maya.<br/>            “I’m so sorry, here, please sit.” Carina said, pulling a chair out at her kitchen island for her. “And I’m good too, thank you.” She added. Maya chuckled a little as she sat down.<br/>             “Thanks.” She said. Carina turned off the cooker and brought the plate of pancakes over to Maya, setting them down in the middle of the island. She took a breath and exhaled sharply.<br/>            “How about that decaf?” Carina asked, hoping Maya would remember their conversation about that.<br/>            “Yes, please.” Maya laughed and shook her head. Carina grabbed two of her glass mugs from the cabinet and set them down on the countertop. She poured a cup for Maya first, and then herself, then she turned back around and grabbed the bowls that she had put the fruit into for the food.<br/>            “I hope you like pancakes...I was not too sure what to make.” Carina said, nibbling her lip nervously as she presented Maya with breakfast.<br/>            “It looks amazing, thank you.” Maya said with a smile. “You made these too?” She asked, pointing to the pancakes. Carina nodded.<br/>            “Mmhm, I don’t know if they taste any good but, they are vegan.” Carina said, feeling proud of her cooking.<br/>            “Vegan?” Maya asked. “Do you always eat vegan?” She asked another question.<br/>            “No, not always. But I try to be more eco-friendly. I have tried to make this other ways before but, these ones definitely look better than the others.” Carina explained, lifting one from the stack and placing it on Maya’s plate, then getting one for herself.<br/>            “There is fruit here for the toppings, and this.” Carina added, bringing the bowls of fruit closer and the bottle of syrup. <br/>            “Awesome, thank you. It looks great.” Maya said, dropping some fruit on top of her pancake and squeezing the syrup on top. She picked up her knife and fork and cut a piece off to eat. She chewed the mouthful and looked at Carina, who was looking at her the entire the time.<br/>             “This is so good, I would never have guessed it was vegan.” Maya said, cutting off another forkful. <br/>            “Ah grazie, thank you.” Carina said before beginning to eat her own.</p>
<p>After they had finished eating, Carina poured them both another coffee and they sat at the kitchen island quietly, with just the sound of the radio on a low volume in the background. <br/>            “So, what made you want to be an OB? How did you realise that that’s what you wanted to do?” Maya asked, breaking the silence. Carina drank a sip of her coffee before she spoke. <br/>            “Well, I knew I wanted to be a doctor. I went to medical school in Sicily, and during my residency I found a love for delivering babies, bringing new lives into the world.” Carina explained in short, not wanting to bore Maya with her medical school story, when her fire academy tales would’ve been much more interesting. <br/>            “When did you move to the US?” Maya asked, sipping her coffee.<br/>            “After my residency I moved to New York to do my fellowship, I was torn between endocrinology and maternal-fetal medicine, but I chose obstetrics and gynaecology, because that way I could focus on hormones in women, instead of hormones in general.” Carina explained further.</p>
<p>Maya watched Carina’s hands moving as she explained, she could tell how much passion Carina had for what she did, it reminded her of how she felt about her own job. After her last shift, she was feeling overwhelmed with the pressure of the job, but the thought of doing anything else felt so wrong to her, she knew that this is what she wanted to do.</p>
<p>“That’s so interesting. So, you spend all day delivering babies?” Maya laughed, sort of unsure of what any of what Carina had said meant.<br/>            “Not exactly.” Carina started. “When I found out from my little brother that he was working for a female chief of surgery, I came to Seattle to try and convince Dr Bailey to fund my research.” She said.<br/>            “What are you researching?” Maya asked. Carina laughed a little and looked away. She bit her lip and looked back up to Maya.<br/>            “What?” Maya asked, confused.<br/>            “You are not going to believe me when I say.” Carina said.<br/>            “Tell me, I wanna know.” Maya insisted. Carina laughed again and put her mug back down on the countertop.<br/>            “I am researching the female brain.” Carina began easy. “The male brain, in all its facets and all its states has been studied quite thoroughly, but nobody has studied the aspect of the female anatomy until now, the body and the brain, before, during, and after orgasm.” She said. Maya’s eyes widened as she listened to Carina. She said nothing and prompted Carina to continue. <br/>            “People expect the female brain to magically fit in with their conclusions, but, as you and I know, our bodies are quite different, so many medications we need will also be different, sì?” Carina asked, making sure Maya was following.<br/>            “That makes sense, yeah.” Maya agreed.<br/>            “My personal fascination is with the role sexual stimulation can play in pain control for women. But of course, nobody would fund that study. At least not until I met with Dr Bailey.” <br/>            “That’s...interesting.” Maya said, sipping her coffee and thinking about what Carina had just said. Carina gazed at Maya beside her; Maya could feel Carina’s eyes on her but didn’t look up.<br/>            “This coffee is surprisingly good. Decaf usually taste like...soil.” Maya laughed, finishing her second mug. “I appreciate the effort, too.” Maya said gratefully as she put her mug back down.<br/>             “It was no trouble at all. It is better for your health too, especially while carrying.” Carina said, gesturing to Maya’s stomach. Maya nodded and looked down at her stomach. They both remained silent for a few seconds.<br/>            “I think I have another scan soon.” Maya said. Carina nodded and waited for her to continue.<br/>            “I don’t know how far along...I think it’s overdue actually.” Maya said, confiding in Carina.<br/>            “It’s okay, you had two scans recently anyway, you are probably fine to wait for the 18 week scan. I can see you for that in few weeks.” Carina reassured her, not wanting her to feel pressured at all, or worried about missing a scan.<br/>            “Thank you. This wasn’t planned...I’m sure you’ve gathered that.” Maya said, unsure of what else to talk about but the elephant in the room.<br/>            “Yes, I did.” Carina said quietly.<br/>            “It’s so typical.” Maya started saying. Carina waited patiently for her to continue. “I sleep with a guy one time, past my better judgement, and this happens. You don’t get this worry with another woman.” Maya said casually. She never made a big deal out of her sexuality, she was out as bisexual, and that was that. She never made a habit of formally coming out to people.<br/>            “I know.” Carina said, holding direct eye contact with Maya. Maya stared into Carina’s eyes, knowing exactly what she had meant. She smiled and looked away, feeling her cheeks flush. <br/>            “This has been nice. It’s weird having breakfast with a lot less people. Usually we all eat together at the station.” Maya said.<br/>            “It has been nice. I don’t know a lot of people in Seattle, and not anyone from outside of the hospital. Thank you.” Carina thanked her.<br/>            “Thank you for inviting me.” Maya said. They sat for a moment appreciating the quiet and the company, but Maya soon felt a wave of anxiety flood her body.<br/>            “I should get going...I have loads of laundry to do and...” Maya started to say.<br/>            “It’s okay. You don’t need to explain. It was a pleasure having you here.” Carina said and stood up, holding her hand out to help Maya up. Maya took her hand and stood in front of her, their faces much closer together than Maya had intended. She looked down and stepped back a little nervously.<br/>            “Thank you...again. I’ll see you around.” Maya said heading over to the door. Carina stepped in front of her at the door and opened it for her.<br/>            “Ciao, bella.” Carina said as Maya walked past her into the hall. Maya looked back and gave Carina a smile, before turning around and walking away. Carina watched her as she walked until she couldn’t see her anymore, and slowly closed her front door, then leant her whole body against it, letting her head fall back and rest against the door. She let out a long sigh, and took herself off to clean up the kitchen.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. ~ seven ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey guys, sorry it's been so long since the last update. everything that happened with danielle kinda put me off writing this for while, but we can detatch the actress from the character, so i'm carrying on the story as planned. thanks for all the hits and kudos so far it's really encouraging to see the support! i hope you continue to enjoy the story &lt;3</p><p>ps. because it's been a while, i lost my flow a bit, so this chapter is a filler just to get me going again, and i have changed my username from savrespampinato to stefaniasdeluca (same as my twitter) because we no longer claim miss savre x</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“We’ve got an active structure fire in a derelict building. The building’s owner says it was set for demolition in a few days. Assuming it’s empty, Bishop, what’s the approach? Sullivan shouted through the headset at Maya who was sat in the passenger seat of the engine.<br/>
            “If there are no civilians in harm’s way, we mount a defensive attack. Stay outside, surround, and drown. No need to risk any lives.” Bishop responded as quickly as she could with intent to impress her captain.<br/>
            “Alright, that’s the plan folks. Surround, drown, and get back home.” Sullivan gave the definitive order. Herrera was sat in the back of the engine listening in on the orders and rolled her eyes slightly as Sullivan sided with Maya.</p><p>The engine and ladder car sirens wailed as the trucks spun around the corner onto the lot where the active fire was. The police department were already at the scene keeping civilians 20 feet back from the building that looked like it could entirely collapse any second. The building manager wasn’t lying when he said it was derelict. The engine pulled up in front of the crowd of people, and Sullivan, Bishop and Herrera jumped out of one, and Miller, Montgomery and Hughes jumped out of the other. Aid Car hadn’t been called out yet because the building was presumed empty, but Warren and Gibson were waiting on standby to be called from the Station.</p><p>            “Sir I think we should do a sweep, clear the area and keep it clear. The smoke is heavy but with no visible flames on the roof, so the fire’s trapped inside. Looks like the inside’s a hotbox.” Herrera gave her take to Sullivan, trying to exude her power as a Lieutenant, having been one for longer than Bishop.<br/>
            “Bishop you hear this?” Sullivan asked.<br/>
            “Yes sir.” Bishop responded.<br/>
            “Your recommendation, go.” Sullivan said, asking Bishop what she would do.<br/>
            “We should have Herrera start defensive operations. Montgomery and Hughes prep the pump. I will handle the hydrant. Miller and yourself, sir, take a 360 for recon. If any fire’s spread, I’d like to know how much and where.”Bishop gave her order.<br/>
            “You heard her, let’s go.” Sullivan gave the final command, dismissing the team to their positions. Everyone jogged away to their allocated duties.<br/>
            “Hurry up, Bishop.” Sullivan spoke through the radio as Bishop made her way to the hydrant and started twisting the top.<br/>
            “Sir, we have a problem. There’s no water coming through the main line. The hydrant is dry.” Bishop reported as no movement occurred at the hydrant.<br/>
            “What?” Sullivan asked.<br/>
            “The building was scheduled for demo it must have been shut down.” Bishop added.<br/>
            “So we have no water, what’s your solution?” Sullivan asked her.<br/>
            “Call public utilities, use the engine to wet down surrounding structures. If the 360 comes back that the building’s empty, we let it burn.” She said. “How’s that 360 looking?” Bishop added.<br/>
            “Sweeping the perimeter now.” Miller reported.<br/>
            “Hold up! We can’t let it burn we have civilians inside!” Sullivan shouted through the radio.<br/>
            “This is 19 to dispatch, requesting Aid 19 to our location, repeat, send Aid 19 to us now!” Bishop called through her radio.</p><p>The team did their best to contain the fire as much as possible with a limited water supply, while Bishop kept eyes and ears on the updates about the water line. As she stands watching the flames at the building before her, waiting for an ETA on water, she feels her watch vibrate on her wrist with a text alert.</p><p>12:43 – Carina: I have not heard from you since breakfast last week, I hope you are well. Stay safe at work x</p><p>Maya read the message on her watch and sighed, letting her arm drop back down to her side and pretending like she never saw it. She was too busy for that distraction right now, or at all in her life. Since the breakfast with Carina, she started to feel overwhelmed, and more guilt, feeling as though she had led Carina on in a way. She knew she couldn’t dedicate herself to anyone in any way. The only friends she had were her colleagues, and that was by choice.<br/>
            “Bishop!” Sullivan’s voice echoed across the lot as he ran toward her. “Why are you still over here?” He said, stopping a few feet away from her.<br/>
            “Uh, waiting on water, Sir.” Bishop responded confidently, but in her mind was doubting her position.<br/>
            “Waiting? You should have delegated that job. We’re pulling people out of a building right now.” Sullivan questioned her, gesturing to the burning building in front of them. “I ask you to lead, and you station yourself over here to wait?” He asked.<br/>
            “I’ll head over too-.” Bishop began to speak and took a step toward the fire.<br/>
            “Don’t bother.” Sullivan cut her off. She stopped and looked at him.<br/>
            “You got preoccupied with one small piece of the puzzle. As a leader, you need to be looking at every piece all the time.” Sullivan explained, expressing disappointment in his Lieutenant. He sighed.<br/>
            “I’m resuming command.”</p><p>As Sullivan walked away, Bishop shook her head and kicked the gravel beneath her feet, then gave a boot to the dried up hydrant beside her, as if passing the blame. She looked up and over to the building again and met eyes with Gibson from afar. He was stood by the Aid Car looking over in her direction. He must have watched that whole exchange.<br/>
            “Brilliant.” Bishop said to herself, before desperately turning the top of the hydrant for any sign of water.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
Back at the station, Maya positioned herself on the weight bench in the gym, adjusted her grip on the bar, laid back and began to lift. She exhaled sharply through gritted teeth each time she brought her arms back down to her chest and inhaled again as she straightened them out. Beads of sweat quickly formed at her hairline, but she ignored it, powering through her set. She lifted the bar up once more and rested it above her, letting out a long sigh.<br/>
            “What happened out there today?”<br/>
Maya didn’t need to look up at the door, she just let her eyes roll and shook her head a little, grabbing hold of the bar again.<br/>
            “Not now, Jack.” She said, before lifting the bar up and easing it down to her chest.<br/>
            “He put his trust in you to lead today and then he took it away.” Jack persisted, entering the room, and sitting down on an exercise ball.<br/>
            “I was there, thanks.” Maya snapped as she lifted the weights.<br/>
            “Your head’s not in the game, Bishop.” He said. Maya slammed the weights down and sat up abruptly, her angry eyes meeting with his.<br/>
            “You know what? You’re right, it’s not. I’m distracted. I have stuff going on. Is it your business? Is it anything for you to be concerning yourself with? No. So leave it the hell alone, Gibson.” She spat his name out of her mouth. In that moment, she was furious with herself that she had ever slept with him. Maya stood up from the bench and headed to the door.<br/>
            “Is it your brother?” Jack asked.<br/>
            “Let it go, Jack!” Maya raised her voice, the sound echoing for a second. Everything fell silent. Jack dropped his eyes from Maya’s and looked down at the floor, leaving Maya with an opportunity to leave the room as quickly as she could.</p><p>Maya stood under the shower, letting the scalding water run over her skin in an attempt to rinse the failure of the afternoon off of her. She lathered soap over her body with her hands but stopped when she ran her hands over her stomach, feeling the difference to usual. Her stomach was hard and a little rounded, and everything going on in her life flashed through her mind all at once. All of a sudden, she remembered the text from Carina earlier in the day, and realised that she had never replied, or even opened the message to read it properly. That was what distracted her at the fire, the message. Maya sighed and let her hands drop. <em>Don’t become that person, </em>she thought to herself, noting that she couldn’t let herself become distracted by Carina, by the attention she was giving her, attention that she didn’t even know she wanted or needed. Carina cared, that was evident, but that was something that Maya never wanted to happen with anybody in her life. It was one of the first things she had said to Carina, she couldn’t have anyone, she wouldn’t be that selfish. She couldn’t let someone care about her when one day, one fire could change everything, and she might not come home.<br/>
            Maya shut off the shower and grabbed her towel, wrapping it around her body, tucking it under her arms, and stepping out. She grabbed her clothes from the ledge by the mirrors and headed to her locker. At her locker, she threw her boots onto the floor, and her clothes on top of them, opened the door and picked up her phone to find the message from Carina sat on her lock screen. She took in a breath, and cleared the message from the screen, neglecting to properly open it or respond.<br/>
            “Whatever it is won’t go away by pretending it isn’t there.” Jack’s voice spoke again from behind Maya, startling her.<br/>
            “Are you following me now?” She asked, grabbing her clothes, and slamming her locker shut. She walked over to the bench and put her things down, getting ready to get dressed. Jack stood upright from leaning against a locker and turned away to let her change. Maya saw him turn away and scoffed.<br/>
            “You know we used to sleep together, right?” Maya asked, dropping her towel, and putting on her underwear.<br/>
            “I’m just being respectful.” Jack said, keeping his eyes away from Maya’s body. As she pulled her pants up her legs and saw her slightly swollen stomach, she became grateful at his respect, and knew that if he had seen her, he surely would have noticed.<br/>
            “You don’t have to babysit me. We spent quite a lot of time in each other’s back pockets, you know I don’t stew in my problems.” Maya said, trying not to get angry with him as she seemed to snap quite easily at everyone at the moment.<br/>
            “So there is a problem?” He asked, looking over his shoulder slightly to see if she was dressed yet. Maya had just pulled her shirt down over her body, so he resumed his leaning position. Before Maya could respond, her phone buzzed, and they both saw Carina’s name pop up on the screen.<br/>
            “Carina...is she the problem?” He asked. Maya shook her head, finding it increasingly difficult to hold her temper.<br/>
            “She is none of your business.” Maya said bluntly, making it clear she did not want to talk about her, especially not to Jack.<br/>
            “You know, I’m only trying to help. Be a good friend, general things that friends do for friends.” He began to argue, feeling hurt at her disdain.<br/>
            “And as a friend, I didn’t ask for your help, and I don’t need it.” She snapped, finally losing her temper. She finished tying the laces on her shoes and walked away briskly, leaving Jack to wallow in the heartbreak all over again.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. ~ eight ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey guys :) i had lots of comments on my last chapter asking about what happened with danielle, and like i said before, i won't be addressing anything on here, there is lots about it on twitter and you can watch the episode of 19for20 on youtube to see what the issues are. other than that, thank you for the kudos, and i hope you're enjoying the story &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chaos was building at the Grey-Sloan Memorial emergency room as a trauma was being brought in. At least three gurneys were being wheeled through the ER, waiting to be allocated trauma rooms to assess the injuries. Carina was stood a few beds down the room, facing the double doorway where the patients were being brought in. She watched as members of the Fire Department stood on either side of each gurney, and her eyes subconsciously scanned their faces in the hopes that she would find Maya’s familiar face. She could hear the voices of the crew from 19 along with the voices of her own colleagues, but she couldn’t focus, she was too distracted by trying to find that face. Dr Shepherd appeared in the pit, looking around for the patient she had been paged for. She looked around the ER and caught glimpse of Carina stood by a woman’s bedside. <br/>            “Dr DeLuca, we need you in trauma 2, this woman is pregnant.” Dr Shepherd’s voice broke Carina’s gaze at the firefighters faces. She nodded and assured the woman she was currently with that someone would be with her shortly and left her side to join Amelia in the trauma room. She took one last look behind her at the chaos, but quickly turned back and pulled her attention back to reality. Maya wasn’t there.<br/>          “Miss Wickens here was found unconscious at the scene of a structural collapse due to a fire in her apartment building, she had a deep head laceration, we can’t be sure how long she was out for but I want to get her a head CT to be sure that there is no internal bleeding on her brain.” Dr Shepherd gave Dr DeLuca the run down of the situation. “She told Herrera on the rig that she thinks she’s pregnant, hasn’t taken a test yet but has missed a period.” Shepherd added. Carina nodded and pulled the ultrasound machine over to the young woman’s side.<br/>          “Okay, Miss Wickens I am Dr Carina DeLuca the attending OB/GYN here at Grey-Sloan,” Carina spoke calmly to the woman. “I am going to do an ultrasound on your abdomen to confirm if your suspicions are right.” She added. The woman nodded but said nothing. She was either terrified half to death, or actually obedient with her instruction not to remove the oxygen mask from her face.<br/>          “Okay, I am going to lift your shirt now, and this gel will be cold, okay?” Carina said, keeping her tone calm and reassuring. She picked up the woman’s shirt and squeezed some gel onto her skin, grabbed the ultrasound and pressed it onto her stomach, moving it around to get a clear picture on the screen. Carina’s eyes squinted at the screen as she searched for any sign of foetal development. <br/>           “I am not seeing any signs of pregnancy here, but like you say it might be very early on and this ultrasound machine is not the best one we have. What I can do for you is take some blood sample and run some tests to give you accurate answer, okay?” Carina explained to the woman and received a strong nod in response.<br/>          “There does not seem to be any internal damage otherwise, Dr Shepherd, I cannot see any internal bleeding in the abdomen.” Carina added, this time directing her words away from the patient.<br/>          “Thank you Dr DeLuca.” Amelia said as she continued to check the woman’s vitals and clean up the wound on her head. Carina prepared to take a blood sample, pulling a seat over to the bedside and perching beside the woman’s arm.<br/>           “You seemed distracted out there, were you looking for someone?” Amelia asked Carina.<br/>          “No…not in particular, no.” Carina said without hesitation. She quickly realised that her response may have seemed too hasty and defensive, and tried to recover herself.<br/>          “Just Andrea, I am constantly worrying that he is getting himself in dangerous situations…carelessness. He is turning into my Father.” Carina added, making brief eye contact with Amelia.<br/>          “You’re worried it’ll be him on one of those gurneys?” Amelia asked.<br/>          “I am worried he will be trying to…treat somebody at the side of the road or…running into a fire to save somebody. He does not think, and he should not be practising medicine until he is taken care of himself.” Carina explained. Amelia nodded. She had seen Andrew in a manic state before, she could understand the concern that Carina had.<br/>          “Sometimes I wonder if that’s how I made my family feel…when I was high and disappeared all the time. I guess they wouldn’t have been worried about me treating someone at the side of the road but, more like I would be the person being treated at the side of the road.” Amelia said to Carina. Both of them fell silent for a few seconds before the quiet was interrupted by the beeping of the monitor behind the woman’s head. She was crashing.<br/>            “She’s crashing!” Amelia yelled, lowering the bed flat and starting compressions.<br/>            “I will...find Dr Altman.” Carina said quickly, rushing out of the room to find help while Amelia was left to deal with the patient.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Carina slid her arms out of her white coat and hung it over the back of her desk chair, then slumped down into the chair and leaned back, lifting her arms to rest above her head. She let out a big sigh as a wave of fatigue hit her, and she could feel the tiredness in every extremity, particularly in her feet. She had barely had a chance to sit down today, with check-up after check-up, emergency surgeries, dealing with her brother’s general instability at the moment. She had a lot on her plate, and all she could wonder was if Maya was okay. It had been almost two weeks since they had breakfast, and she had sent several messages to Maya, checking in with her, sending her good thoughts, wishing her well, and she had received absolutely nothing in return. She let her eyes wander to her phone sat on her desk, already knowing that there would be no messages from Maya, but unable to resist the temptation just to check. She picked up her phone and woke the screen up, being faced with an unsurprising nothing. She sighed again, and shook her head, lifting her arms back up to where they were before. A knock on her door startled her to sit up, and she saw Amelia stood in the doorway.<br/>            “Ah, Dr Shepherd.” Carina greeted her and gestured for her to sit down.<br/>            “Oh, call me Amelia I…I’m not working.” Amelia said sort of awkwardly and headed over to the desk.<br/>            “Amelia…I’ve been wondering if you would come see me.” Carina said, sitting forward in her chair.<br/>            “You have?”<br/>            “Well I’ve…notice the changes in your body and, the fulness in your breasts…” Carina added, motioning her hands while she spoke, something she often did without really being aware of it.<br/>            “Oh…wow, I…didn’t know it was mutual.” Amelia said, awkward again, and shuffled with her bag on her shoulder. Carina raised her eyebrows and cocked her head to the side a little.<br/>            “Mutual?” She asked. “Amelia are…are you here for your pregnancy or…just asking for ménage à trois?” Carina had a playful smirk on her face. Amelia stood stunned in front of Carina’s desk; she hadn’t even managed to sit down yet.<br/>            “Not pregnant!” She declared, shocked by the assumption. “No, no. I’ve just gained a little weight. And I’m…not really asking for a ménage…no, I’m not. I’ve been feeling these curiosities and…surges…?” Amelia rambled on for longer than she would have liked, but her mouth ran away from her brain. Maybe it was the attraction making her crazy. <br/>            “The sexual cravings can be very intense during pregnancy.” Carina persisted with her point, being much more aware of Amelia’s symptoms than she was.<br/>            “I-I’m not pregnant I just…” Amelia watched Carina’s face as she stared at Amelia from her desk chair, her lips pursed but curved into a smile, one eyebrow raised slightly higher than the other while she waited for Amelia to realise that she was right. Amelia stared right back for several second while the reality set in.<br/>            “Oh my god.” Amelia said, and finally lowered herself into the chair on the other side of Carina’s desk. Carina nodded once and held eye contact with Amelia.<br/>            “When was your last period?” Carina asked, feeling as though her point was proven, but feeling guilty that she had sprung this upon her friend in such an abrupt way. <br/>            “Oh my god.” Amelia said again. Carina dropped her stare and looked down at her lap.<br/>            “I’m sorry to have…sprung this on you I thought you would have known already.” Carina said apologetically. “And, I think I am seeing someone so…no ménage à trois.” She said in a chuckle, looking back up at Amelia.<br/>            “Well I guess if I had pursued this…” Amelia gestured between them both. “A little sooner, I would not be in this position.” She gestured to her stomach, noticing that her ‘weight gain’ was concentrated to her stomach. Everything made sense now.<br/>            “Ah yes, maybe.” Carina laughed. <br/>            “So, seeing someone?” Amelia asked, trying to divert the attention away from her, not quite ready to face her own truth yet. Carina sighed and shrugged a little as she sat forward in her chair.<br/>             “I think, maybe, I am not too sure. Americans are not very expressive with their feelings.” Carina said, thinking about the silence she has received from Maya since the, what she assumed was, date.<br/>            “Yeah that’s true. Who is it? Anyone I know?” Amelia agreed and asked. <br/>            “Uh…I don’t know if you will remember her, the woman from the fire station with the um, the burn to her thigh and head injury…?” Carina gave hints as to who she was talking about, while trying to avoid the fact that Maya is pregnant, people don’t get it.<br/>            “I do remember, the Lieutenant right?” Amelia asked. Carina nodded.<br/>            “Yes, I made breakfast and we had a good time, talking and sharing work stories, I told her about my study and…I have not heard from her since.” Carina explained, hoping that Amelia might have some wisdom to impart on the American way of romantics.<br/>            “Your study as in, the orgasm study?” Amelia asked, knowing full well that’s the exact study she meant.<br/>            “Well, yes. She seemed…interested, to say the least.” Carina couldn’t help but smile as she recalled the way Maya had reacted when she learnt about the study.<br/>            “Maybe she’s just really busy with work, it’s tiring stuff fighting fires.” Amelia tried to reassure Carina. “Or maybe…maybe she’s out of town? I can’t imagine anyone hearing about your study would be put off by that you must be like, some sort of sex goddess.” Amelia laughed awkwardly, trying to lighten the mood. She could tell that this was really getting to Carina.<br/>            “I would not be truthful if I said I have ever got a bad review…” Carina said smirking. Amelia laughed and nodded in agreement. <br/>            “Is that who you were looking for this morning, when Station 19 came in?” Amelia asked, bringing some seriousness back to the conversation. She didn’t want Carina to think that this was all a joke to her. Carina looked at Amelia and nodded.<br/>            “I am worried about Andrea,” Carina began to defend herself for using her brother as an excuse.<br/>            “I know, of course you are. I don’t doubt for a second that you are.” Amelia reassured.<br/>            “At the moment I am...constantly thinking about Maya. I am worried about her too. I don’t know if she has been taking care of herself since the accident, not hearing from her is just, hard.” Carina explained.</p>
<p>Carina and Amelia weren’t close friends. They had only worked together a handful of times in the pit and on Carina’s study. Finding Amelia’s tumour gave them a boost in friendship, Amelia was eternally grateful for that. Amelia also had a different level of respect and admiration for Carina. She was so open and relaxed about who she is, with incredible freedom in her sexuality, no pressure to have a commitment, no children but good with children, she had everything going for her. A strong, independent female gynaecologist, studying ground-breaking medicine that could change the future of medicine for women. Carina admired Amelia too. There aren’t many female neurosurgeons, and Amelia was one of the best of all of them. She admired strong women, and the way Amelia had handled her tumour said it all, especially after everything she overcame with her addiction. She appreciated that Amelia cared about her superficial worries after everything she had been through in her own life. She didn’t know a lot of people in Seattle, she knew that she could call Arizona whenever but didn’t like to make a habit of it, in case it was weird to do that, she found it difficult to understand American boundaries. She had her brother, but at the moment, felt like he wasn’t really there at all. She didn’t have someone to talk to, much like Maya, she didn’t have a person. She wasn’t selfish in that way.</p>
<p>            “Why don’t you try calling her? Or dropping by the station? Maybe take some food, have lunch, whatever. Casual, caring, a kind gesture.” Amelia suggested. Carina’s eyebrows furrowed slightly as she thought about what she could make. Maya seemed to enjoy her cooking at breakfast, she was sure she would enjoy a lunch.<br/>            “Thank you, Amelia. I think I will do that.” Carina smiled and her side-parted hair dropped over her eye. She lifted a hand to move it out of the way and gave Amelia a kind look.<br/>            “You are welcome! Glad I could be of help and...sorry, about the ménage thing,” Amelia said bashfully. “And thanks for the heads up on the baby thing I will...take you up on a scan sometime...tomorrow? If you’re free at all.” Amelia spoke quickly and nervously. She couldn’t help but feel intimidated by Carina.<br/>            “Of course, I will be here tomorrow and, my schedule is looking to be a lot emptier than today so, anytime.” Carina agreed.</p>
<p>Carina stood up with Amelia and saw her out of her office, wishing her well as she left. She turned back, closed the door behind her and leant against it, thinking about the suggestion Amelia just gave her. She walked back over to her desk and picked up her phone, opening the one-sided text thread with Maya.</p>
<p>20:25 – Carina: I hope to see you again soon. Have a good evening, working or not x</p>
<p>She sent the message and locked her phone, then packed up her things and headed home for the night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. ~ nine ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carina stood in line at the coffee cart outside the hospital, waiting to order a drink to have with her lunch. It was a dull day, the sky was a sheet of grey clouds, threatening to rain at any given moment.<br/>            “Hi. Americano please.” Carina said as she stepped to the front of the cart. The barista nodded and turned to make her drink. Carina’s eyes wandered around, watching the people around her, landing on vaguely familiar faces. All of a sudden, she caught a glimpse of a pair of boots and a 19 uniform headed toward her direction, and she felt herself begin to smile. She brought her eyes up to the face attached to the uniform to find it was Warren.<br/>            “Warren, hi.” She said, waving him over.<br/>            “Hey, Dr DeLuca. How’re you doing?” Ben asked as he stopped in front of her.<br/>            “Yes I’m good, just having a break. How are you?” She said. He exhaled sharply and rested his hands on his waistband.<br/>            “I’m alright, yeah. It’s a pretty hectic day, just dropped a patient off in the ER, I was going to see if I could catch Miranda quickly before I head back to the station but, Captain Bishop’s got us on a tight ship today.” He chuckled a little and emphasised the ‘Captain Bishop’.<br/>            “Oh, Captain?” Carina asked as she took her coffee from the barista and thanked him.<br/>            “Oh, well, acting Captain today. Herrera’s on leave, Bishop and Gibson are sharing responsibility while Sullivan is...I don’t know, preparing for Battalion Chief I guess.” Ben explained. Carina smiled and nodded as he spoke. He was always a bit of an over-sharer. <br/>            “It sounds...chaotic.” She chuckled and looked down at the floor, crossing one foot over the other. <br/>            “Never a dull moment at 19, DeLuca.” He laughed and loosened his stance. “I better get going, see if I can catch 5 minutes with my wife. It was great seeing you.” Ben.<br/>            “Good to see you, ciao.” Carina bid him goodbye and took a sip of her drink.</p>
<p>Carina walked slowly back inside the hospital and up to the lounge where the refrigerator was. She had brought in a big dish of lasagne that she had made, that she would never have eaten all of on her own before it went bad. She pulled the dish out of the fridge and set it on the countertop. She could see through the saran wrap that a few portions had been taken, which she was quite pleased about. She had left a sticky note on top saying “help yourself”. She opened the cabinet below her and pulled out a plastic tub, then picked up a portion of the lasagne and placed it neatly in the tub, clipped the lid on top and headed out again.</p>
<p>As she walked along the streets of Seattle, she felt the air begin to grow cold and thin, which could only mean that she was about to get caught in a downpour of rain. She picked up her pace a little, but she could only walk so fast in these boots, they weren’t very practical at all, but she didn’t expect to be walking much today. Her work schedule was empty, it was another research day on her calendar. She began to doubt her intentions, wondering what reaction she would be met with, but tried to brush the thoughts away, as she knew that she was doing a good thing, regardless.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Maya stood at the desk in the Captain’s office going through various bits of paperwork that Jack never sorted out while on shift as Captain. She resented him for it and would never be able to officially work as his Lieutenant if he were made Captain over her. He was a good Lieutenant, quick thinking, organising each call and using people to the best of their abilities, but with the boring stuff, he was terrible. Maya on the other hand, she could do it all, despite not being Lieutenant for very long. She put down her pen and stretch her arms up above her head, then rested her hands on her lower back and swayed from side to side a little. The standing desk was good most of the time, but right now, her back was killing her, and she could really use a seat. She looked down and noticed that she could see less of her boots than usual, as her stomach was beginning to swell. She looked back up sharply and shook her head before picking her pen back up and getting back to work. But in the forefront of her mind was the question of how much longer she would be able to just ignore her pregnancy in the hopes of it going away. What would make it go away? How can she go back in time and not hook up with that one guy on that one Wednesday night after going to Joe’s bar?<br/>            A knock at the door of the office dragged her out of her thoughts, she looked up, forgetting that there were blinds on the door and she wouldn’t be able to see out.<br/>            “Come in.” She said monotonously. The door opened slowly, and to Maya’s surprise, it was Carina’s head that popped through the door. <br/>            “Hi.” Carina said in a chirpy voice with a smile on her face. Maya went through a rollercoaster of emotions when she saw Carina’s face; her mouth began to curl upwards into a smile but soon fell back into more of a frown.<br/>            “What are you doing here?” Maya asked as Carina confidently walked into the office, closing the door behind her.<br/>            “I saw Warren at the hospital, and he said it was a tough day, so I brought you...lasagne.” Carina said positively as she walked over to the desk. She took the lid off the plastic tub to show Maya the food inside. She put the tub on the desk and placed the lid back on top of it. She looked up to Maya with a pleased expression on her face, trying to keep hopeful about her gesture.<br/>            “You can’t just come to my work...” Maya said, walking around the side of her desk to stand in front of Carina. Carina’s face dropped as she realised that it wasn’t being received very well.<br/>            “But Warren just said...”<br/>            “Carina you’re...you’re too kind for your own good but I don’t need a friend. I don’t need a person I’ve told you that already.” Maya said with no sugar coat.<br/>            “Wow...okay. My apologies.” Carina said, taking a step back and letting her face grow stern. “It was nice meeting you, then.” She added, before turning away and heading back to the door. Maya stared forward, not looking at anything in particular, just trying not to react, but she couldn’t help it. She dropped her eyes to the floor and quickly followed Carina back to the door. Carina had already opened the door when Maya got to her, but Maya put her hand against it and pushed it closed again. She stood close to Carina and looked into her deep brown eyes but flickered her eyes to Carina’s mouth briefly.<br/>            “I’m sorry.” She said, then inhaled and shook her head a little. “I’m...” <br/>            “Rude?” Carina finished Maya’s sentence.<br/>            “Broken.” Maya said. Carina exhaled and shook her head.<br/>            “I’m not in the habit of fixing broken people, Maya.” she said. Maya nodded and opened the door again.<br/>            “I understand.”<br/> Carina held her eyes on Maya’s face as she shot down her apology. It wasn’t good enough. <br/>            “You haven’t responded to any of my messages since we had breakfast. Why?” Carina asked, pushing the door closed herself this time. Maya dropped her hand from the door and turned away from Carina.<br/>            “I don’t know. I don’t know how to handle...this.” She said.<br/>            “This? What is this?” Carina asked, turning to face her again.<br/>            “Exactly, what is this?” Maya asked the same question back. “I can’t have friends.” She added.<br/>            “I am not asking to be your friend, Maya, but either way that is no way to live your life.” Carina argued back with her.<br/>            “Besides the breakfast, you have been nothing but unpleasant to me, but I feel drawn to you, Maya, I feel like I should be the one to be on your side in this because it’s plain to see that you are on your own.” Carina said, walking over to Maya and holding her hands out to Maya’s stomach. For a moment, the two of them were stood inches apart, Carina’s hands hovering over Maya’s abdomen, their bodies closer than they had ever been. Maya cleared her throat and stepped away.<br/>            “Stop. You don’t need to baby me. I got myself into this mess I can handle it on my own. And like I said before, you’re too kind for your own good.” Maya said through gritted teeth. It was painful for her to speak to Carina like this, and she wasn’t sure why she couldn’t just be nice to her. <br/>            “I hope you like the lasagne.” Carina said, before turning around and walking out the door, closing it forcefully behind her without hesitation.</p>
<p>Maya stood in the middle of the office alone, Carina’s words still echoing around the room, around her head. She dropped her head, then looked at her watch, hoping that it was almost time to go home. Her feet were aching from standing at the desk for so long, and she had been out on a call for a few ours overnight, but her 24 hour shift was almost over. Guaranteed, everyone would be going to Joe’s, it was sort of the thing to do after a shift, but considering her current circumstances, she already knew that she was going to be missing out on that one for a while.</p>
<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
<p>Carina walked back through the entrance of the hospital, paying no attention to her surroundings whatsoever, just walking at a fast pace to get back to the comfort of her own office surrounded by her own things. She stood at the elevator door and pressed the button. Before the elevator arrived, her pager went off. She pulled it from her bag and saw a 911 from Meredith. <br/>            “Andrea.” She whispered to herself in a panic before heading for the stairs. She pulled her phone out of her pocked and called Meredith’s number as she tried to get up the stairs as quickly as possible.<br/>            “Dr Grey.” Carina said as Meredith answered the phone.<br/>            “Dr DeLuca, it’s Andrew.” Meredith replied.<br/>            “Yes. What is it? What has happened?” Carina asked, cursing herself again in her mind for wearing the boots today.<br/>            “I don’t know I wasn’t there, we’re in the Resident’s lounge he’s just...rocking on the floor.” Meredith explain.<br/>            “Okay. I am here I am coming.” Carina said, trying to remain calm. She hung up the phone and continued the struggle to get up the stairs. It didn’t sound like he was putting himself or anyone else in danger at this point, but she needed to be there for him.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>As the day drew to a close, Maya pulled her denim jacket over her shoulders as she got ready to leave the station. She gathered her things and headed out of the office.<br/>            “Hey, are you coming to Joe’s?” Vic asked her as she closed the office door behind her.<br/>            “No I don’t think so, I’m really tired tonight.” Maya said, putting her hands in her pockets. She gave Vic a look, which she immediately understood.<br/>            “Yeah that’s cool, I’ll come see you tomorrow.” Vic said, giving her a smile and walking out with Dean. Everyone else was ahead of them, Vic must have held back to check in before leaving. Maya followed them out and started walking her usual route home in the other direction to Joe’s.</p>
<p>The air had a chill to it tonight, probably from the on and off rain all day, the streets were still wet from it and the sky was clear, which usually meant a colder night. As she walked through the cool evening, she thought about the warmth of her apartment, knowing that it retained the heat quite well and she wouldn’t have to wear warmer clothes. She picked up her pace and soon enough reached the entrance to her building and let herself inside.</p>
<p>Maya kicked her shoes off before she had even closed her front door. She dropped her bag and hung her jacket on the hook by the door. She walked into her bathroom and ran the hot water at the sink and washed her face, scrubbing the mascara from her eyes and the stress from her forehead. She had managed to get a shower in this morning after the midnight call out last night, and spent most of the day in the office, so instead of having another shower, she lifted her tshirt over her head, pulled her jeans off and dumped them in the laundry basket. She headed into her bedroom and took off her underwear and put on a tank top and shorts and appreciated the warmth of her place in person now. <br/>            As she headed back out of her bedroom to the lounge but stopped in her tracks as she felt a painful sharp pang shoot through her body. She let out a slight cry at the pain and was soon hit with another shooting pain. She clutched her arms around her body and wailed a little as the pain became unbearable. Without thinking she waddled over to her jacket on the hook and fumbled around for her phone in the pocket. She pulled it out and pulled up her text thread with Carina, tried not to focus on the thread of messages she had been ignoring and tapped dial to call her. It rang off the first time she called, and she doubled over in pain again. She tried to call again. It rang twice before Carina picked up.<br/>            “Carina.” She said breathlessly, unable to say much more than that.<br/>            “Why are you calling? You made yourself very clear this afternoon.” Carina immediately jumped to her own defence.<br/>             “No, please.” Maya managed to spit out through the pain.<br/>            “No, Maya. I am not doing this anymore. You can’t just use me like this, and I have had a tiring day.” Carina argued, having recently gotten home from the hospital after dealing with her brother’s episode.<br/>            “Carina something’s wrong.” Maya screeched as another wave of pain hit her stomach.</p>
<p>All of a sudden, the phone fell silent, and Carina heard a thump on the other end.<br/>            “Maya?” Carina asked, realising that Maya was not okay. “Maya I’m coming!” Carina said through the phone, grabbing her keys and running out of her house. There was no response.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. ~ ten ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this one is slightly longer than usual as a celebration of reaching 10 chapters! thanks for all the support, hope you enjoy &lt;3</p>
<p>// trigger warning //</p>
<p>traumatic pregnancy / pregnancy scare</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>~ ten ~</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When I was little, I would look down at the clouds and they looked like a bed, they looked so soft, like nothing could hurt inside those clouds. Like I could sleep in, like I could rest, like I could love if I could just jump into those clouds. I think about dying. It soothes me when I can’t sleep, when I’m anxious I think about dying and then I can fall asleep.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Maya...Can you hear me? Maya?”</em>
</p>
<p>Carina pushed Maya’s front door open with too much force and the door swung quickly back against the wall. She couldn’t tell if it was already open when she pushed it, but it shouldn’t have opened like that if it was closed, but that wasn’t her focus. Her focus was finding Maya. She hadn’t been inside her apartment before, but it was quite an open plan so she could see immediately down the hall where she assumed would be Maya’s bedroom and her bathroom, and then straight forward to her lounge. As her eyes darted around the space, she began to panic as she couldn’t see or hear Maya at all. She took a few steps forward and then saw Maya’s body on the ground by the couch and almost dropped to the floor herself but lurched herself forward and knelt beside her.<br/>            “Maya?” She said frantically, rolling Maya onto her back to keep her head level and checked her neck for a pulse. She placed her two fingers just underneath Maya’s jawline and found her pulse quite quickly. It was quite strong, and she felt slight relief at the feel of her heartbeat. Carina placed her hands around Maya’s face and tried to rouse her but got no response. She then looked down to Maya’s stomach and gasped at the sight of blood on her legs. Maya was wearing a small pair of grey shorts and a black tank top, which had ridden slightly, revealing her swollen stomach. The blood had soaked through her shorts and down her thighs, there was a lot, far too much for Carina’s liking, she knew this would be bad. Without another thought, Carina had her phone dialling 911, and shouting expletively in Italian until somebody picked up her call.<br/>            “911.” The operator said.<br/>            “Ambulance, I need an ambulance to Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital as quickly as possible.” Carina said, stumbling over her words a little as she panicked.<br/>            “Okay I’m tracking your call. What’s the emergency?” The operator asked.<br/>            “My friend she’s...she is pregnant, and she has collapsed and is bleeding. She is unresponsive, her pulse is still quite strong, but she is unresponsive.” Carina explained, suddenly forgetting the things that she should be saying.<br/>            “Okay, someone is on their way to you now, about 2 minutes out. Try not to panic, help will be with you very soon.” The operator said.<br/>            “I’m a doctor, Dr Carina DeLuca I am an OB/GYN at Grey-Sloan I...I know that this is bad this...what is happening to her. I know there may not be much hope for the baby but, I need her to be okay.” Carina said, just speaking her mind, not really caring whether or not the operator at the other end of the phone was listening or even cared.<br/>            “Okay, Dr DeLuca the ambulance is right around the corner, they’re coming to help your friend.” The operator reassured.<br/>            “Maya. Her name is Maya.” Carina said, cradling Maya’s face with her hands.<br/>            “Okay. Can you try and wake her, Dr DeLuca?” The operator asked.<br/>            “Maya...Can you hear me? Maya?” Carina asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Maya...Can you hear me? Maya?</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>She’s not waking up.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maya?</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>They’re here.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Please! In here she is in here!</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maya, her name is Maya.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>She has lost a lot of blood she might need a transfusion.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Can you hear me? Maya?</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Get her on oxygen and fluids.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m coming.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maya, please be okay.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Carina grabbed a disposable medical gown from the entrance of the ER and pulled it onto her arms, around her shoulders and tied it in a quick bow behind her back as she followed the paramedics in with Maya on the gurney. She jogged to catch up with them as they wheeled her into a trauma room as directed by Dr Altman. <br/>            “Carina?” Altman said as she watched Carina following them in.<br/>            “Dr Altman I-.” Carina began to speak but choked up.</p>
<p>            “What is it? Who is it?” Teddy asked her.<br/>            “May...my friend my...Maya.” Carina stuttered as she tried to shakily say Maya’s name.<br/>            “It’s okay, it’s okay. Take this off. You’re not working on this I will page the on call OB, I will help. Okay?” Teddy held Carina by the arms and looked her in the eyes. Teddy untied Carina’s gown and pulled it away from her.<br/>            “I am not leaving her side.” Carina said firmly. Teddy nodded.<br/>            “I know. It’s okay. Come, let’s fix this.” Dr Altman reassured Carina as they both walked to the trauma room.<br/><br/></p>
<p>            “There are no signs of any head damage, I wouldn’t waste time on a CT at this point when we know where the main cause for worry is. Someone page OB, tell them we’re on our way up with a likely miscarriage. Someone get some blood.” The doctor in the trauma room spoke.<br/>            “On it.” Dr Altman said, having already paged. Teddy looked over to Carina stood in the corner, entirely struck with worry, and pain in her face as the doctor said the word <em>miscarriage</em>. <br/>            “Is there anything we should know, Dr DeLuca? About the patient.” Dr Altman asked Carina.<br/>            “Maya,” Carina said before anything else. “I don’t know...I don’t know a lot about her just...she is a firefighter, with Warren. She was not expecting to fall pregnant and, she has been working usual shifts but, there is no rule against that in early pregnancy.” Carina explained, all of a sudden feeling guilty for not pushing Maya to decrease her working hours when she knew her job was more straining on the body. <br/>            “Okay. It’s not likely to have been anything she did or didn’t do.” Dr Altman tried to reassure once more.<br/>            “Her vitals are improving, let’s get her up to OB for an internal scan while she’s stable.” The trauma doctor said and began to wheel the gurney towards the elevator.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Hang another unit of blood, she’s still bleeding out.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>We need to get inside and see what’s going on.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>What’s causing this much bleeding?</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>She still hasn’t regained consciousness.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maya? Can you hear us, Maya?</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>The scans aren’t good.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>She’s too far along.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Let’s get her up to the OR.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maya you’re going to be okay, bella. I’ve got you. I am not going anywhere.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p> “Dr DeLuca you’re not scrubbing in on this.” The surgeon spoke firmly with Carina.<br/>            “I am not operating I am just staying with her. I am sitting by her head. I am not leaving.” Carina put her foot down as she scrubbed her hands at the sink, making sure she was sterile.<br/>            “I will exercise my right to have you leave at any point during this procedure, Dr DeLuca.” The surgeon persisted.<br/>            “Fine. But I am going in there now.” She argued back, drying off her hands and pulling the mask over her face. She had already gowned up and had her scrub cap on, there was no way she was letting Maya out of her sight.</p>
<p>Carina walked away and entered the OR, pulling a seat over to where Maya’s head was rested. The surgical team had already prepper her abdomen, Carina couldn’t bring herself to look. She could probably count on one hand the number of miscarriages she had ever had to deal with, and she had only seen a situation like this one once before. She sat with one elbow resting on the very edge of the table, holding her head in her hand, and her other arm draped above Maya’s head, her hand gently stroking her dark blonde hair.<br/>            “You have got this, bella.” Carina whispered, believing that Maya would be able to hear what was going on, and felt that she would probably be screaming inside. <br/>            Carina managed to zone out of most of the surgical talk, trying not to pay attention to what was going on further down the table, occasionally looking up to check Maya’s BP and heart rate, but all together avoiding looking at what they were doing to her. She knew it was for the best, and she knew exactly what had happened. In her head, she went over and over the different possible ways she could explain to Maya what her body had gone through, why this had happened in this way. She played the moment over in her head, thinking of the words that would be easiest for Maya to hear. She went over and over, and over once again, how she was going to tell Maya that she had lost the baby. Would she even care? Would she be happy? Maybe she would take it quite well, considering she never wanted the baby in the first place. What about work? Suddenly, Carina was faced with a whole new problem of how to tell Maya that she would need a lot of time off work to recover from this. That would be the bigger issue.<br/>            “Okay, let’s lighten her up.” The surgeon said, drawing Carina out of her train of thought.<br/>            “It’s over?” Carina asked, sitting up to make eye contact with the surgeon.<br/>            “It’s done, she did great. We’ll get her up to the ICU, I’m sure you’ll be right behind us.” The surgeon said to Carina. Carina nodded and stood up, stroking Maya’s hair again before they moved her onto a gurney and began to wheel her out.</p>
<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
<p>It was the middle of the night, probably around 2am. Carina was sat in a chair in the corner of Maya’s room, her feet tucked up underneath her, with a hospital blanket covering her. She had been in and out of a light sleep for a few hours but couldn’t let herself fall asleep properly. Maya still hadn’t woken up from surgery, but Carina knew it could still take some time. Her body had been through a tremendous amount of stress in a very short period of time. It was dark in the room, just the dim glare from below streetlamps outside bringing a dull orange hue to the room in strips as it bled through the blinds along the windows. Carina sat herself upright a little more and squinted her eyes to see Maya’s face. Her expression had changed since she last checked. She stood up and took quiet steps over to Maya’s bed, stood beside her and slipped her hand into Maya’s, giving it a gentle squeeze.<br/>            “Maya? Can you hear me?” Carina said quietly, almost a whisper. Maya’s eyebrows furrowed more, and she opened her eyes slightly, but her face stayed the same, winced in pain. Maya went to say something but gasped a little as she moved slightly in her bed.<br/>            “Shhh, it’s okay. You’re okay. I’ll get you some morphine for the pain.” Carina said, moving quickly over to the cart and grabbing some morphine to put into Maya’s IV. <br/>            “It’s okay. This will make you drowsy, just listen to your body. Let yourself fall back to sleep.” Carina said, holding onto Maya’s hand again. Maya held onto Carina’s delicate fingers and gave a limp squeeze, before drifting back into unconsciousness again.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Maya squeezed her eyes tight together and slowly opened them, being very aware of the light from the window and the throbbing it was causing in her head. It took her a moment or two to adjust to her surroundings and realise where she was. She sighed and went to brush her hair out of her face with her hand but realised that her hand was stuck. She dropped her gaze and was startled to find someone slumped over the side of the bed, laid on her arm. Maya tried to clear her throat but strained herself too much and felt a pain on her lower abdomen. Carina jumped awake and sat upright, looking up at Maya with a small smile on her face. Maya smiled back a little and dropped her eyes. <br/>            “We uh...we have to stop meeting like this.” Maya said in a hoarse voice, referring to the first time they met. Carina smiled and looked away.<br/>            “Yes, we do.”</p>
<p>They both sat in silence for a few seconds before Carina realised that she was still holding Maya’s hand.<br/>            “Oh.” She said quietly as she lifted her hand out of Maya’s and dropped it in her lap. Maya said nothing but looked away awkwardly. After a few more seconds, Maya looked at Carina and waited for her to meet her eyes. They stared at each other’s faces, their eyes, cheekbones, lips, creases, back to eyes.<br/>            “What happened?” Maya broke the silence in a mere whisper. Carina sighed and sat up in the chair. She had dragged the chair over from the corner after she gave Maya the painkillers last night, just so that she was there in case she woke up needing more at any point. She pulled the chair forward a little more and went to hold Maya’s hand, but hesitated, remembering how Maya had previously treated her, but without a second thought, Maya grabbed Carina’s hand and held it by her side. Carina couldn’t help but smile a little but tried to control the corners of her mouth before she spoke again.<br/>            “Maya...” She said.<br/>            “It’s okay. Tell me.” Maya said back. Carina nodded and inhaled deeply.<br/>            “What do you remember?” Carina asked, not wanting Maya to have to relive something unnecessarily. <br/>            “Um, I was at home I...I called you. I think I blacked out but, I could hear things, I could hear you, and then I couldn’t, and then I woke up here last night and then...woke up here just now.” Maya explained. Carina looked longingly at Maya’s face before speaking again.<br/>            “When I got to you, you were on the ground and, bleeding a lot.” Carina motioned with her hands as she spoke. She bit down on her lip before continuing. <br/>            “I tried to wake you, but I couldn’t and, I called the ambulance, and you came here. You had to have a blood transfusion, and a procedure...” Carina trailed off the end of her sentence. She stood up from the chair and let go of Maya’s hand, lifted up the bed covers and pulled it down past her stomach, then held onto the bottom of Maya’s hospital gown. Maya nodded, giving Carina the green light to lift the gown and reveal the bandaged wound across her lower abdomen. Maya’s breath caught in her throat as she saw the rather large bandage taped to her skin and looked back at Carina with panic stricken eyes. Carina gently pulled the gown back over her and lifted the cover back up to rest just above her waist.<br/>            “You miscarried. Approximately...a week or two ago. The miscarriage did not present itself right away so...until last night you were carrying a baby that was no longer growing. When you started to bleed out last night, that was your body trying to...essentially reject the baby.” Carina explained in a quiet and soft voice. She took Maya’s hand again before continuing.<br/>            “You miscarried much later than average. Theoretically speaking you had a miscarriage but...because the baby was just slightly too big to have been passed naturally in the form of menstruation, you...had a stillborn, last night. The surgeon had to perform...basically a caesarean section to remove the fetus.”</p>
<p>Maya’s head was spinning as she listened to the words that came out of Carina’s mouth. There were too many thoughts at once to keep up with. So that was it? The problem was just...gone? She lost the baby...but she didn’t want it, so that’s...good? No. Don’t think that, of course it’s not <em>good</em>. What happens now? How bad is the incision on her stomach? How long does she have to spend on sick leave? When can she go back to work and pretend like none of this happened?</p>
<p>            “Maya, you’re panicking.” Carina said, bringing Maya out of her head. Maya’s eyes darted to Carina’s as she realised she was panicking externally too and not just in her thoughts.<br/>            “I um-I...” Maya stumbled over her words.<br/>            “It’s okay. You’re okay.” Carina said, standing up from the chair again and perching on the edge of Maya’s bed. She raised her hands up to Maya’s face and cupped her jaw in her hands.<br/>             “Look at me. Eyes on me. You’re okay.” Carina repeated. Maya’s breaths were rapid and uneven as she struggled to get out of the panic.<br/>            “Breathe, Maya. Breathe, you can do it. Like this, breathe.” Carina said calmly and took in a deep breath through her nose and exhaled slowly through her mouth for Maya to mimic. She repeated the deep breaths in and out a few times before Maya began to cooperate and follow. <br/>             “Good, Maya. Good.” Carina said, continuing to breathe along with her.</p>
<p>Carina held Maya’s face close to hers so that she could feel her breath on her skin and see right into her endlessly deep brown eyes. Maya’s breathing returned almost to normal, only slightly shakier, and her shoulders loosened, her body relaxing back into the pillow behind her. Carina slowly let go of her face and brought her hands back down to her lap, but she remained seated on the bed.</p>
<p>            “It was nothing to do with anything you did or didn’t do, Maya. This was not your fault.” Carina said. “This just sometimes happens, and we don’t always know why.” She added. Maya nodded and stared at her own hands resting in front of her.<br/>            “So I...I’m not um...I’m not going to have a baby.” Maya said so quietly, almost as though she didn’t want anyone to hear but herself, almost a reassurance that she would be okay.<br/>             “No, Maya. It was not the right time for you.” Carina said, not wanting Maya to think that she could never have a baby, even if she wanted to. Though from what she had gathered about Maya’s personality so far, she wouldn’t want to have children anyway.<br/>            “I don’t know what to say.” Maya said. Carina nodded slowly.<br/>            “I know.”<br/>            “What about recovery time? For this.” Maya gestured to her stomach, the incision from her somewhat c-section. <br/>            “ Minimum, 6 weeks.” Carina said, and Maya’s head dropped back against the pillow in frustration. “And you will not be mobile for a little while, you will need a lot of help at home.”<br/>            “I don’t...I can’t ask Vic or Andy they won’t be able to be there at my beck and call all day for weeks.” Maya ranted, not sure how she would be able to deal with this.<br/>            “And I am not calling my parents, they don’t need to know about this.” She added. Carina nodded slowly again and looked up at her.<br/>            “Well, my schedule is...pretty flexible and, you’ll have to stay here for at least another night before you can go home I can...arrange some things, get some cover and...” Carina said.<br/>            “Carina I...” Maya went to interrupt.<br/>             “No, Maya. Let me help. I want to help.” Carina insisted, knowing that Maya was one of those people who refused help, even at the worst of times.<br/>            “I will be around, I work so close to your place and, I have a phone and a pager even if it is really urgent and I am working. I can help.” Carina persisted. <br/>            “You barely know me Carina I...I couldn’t let you.” Maya argued, feeling overwhelming guilt for the way she had treated Carina in the past, realising just how unnecessary that was now.<br/>            “Well...we will be able to get to know each other.” Carina said with a smile. Maya smiled back and shifted herself to try and sit up more but moved too abruptly and hurt herself. She let out a small wail and winced in pain, causing Carina to get up promptly.<br/>            “I will give you some more morphine for the pain.” Carina said, already stood at Maya’s IV and filtering some painkiller in. Maya relaxed back down into the pillows and let herself slump. There was no way she could recover without any help. Carina dragged the chair back over to the corner of the room and then stood beside Maya’s bed.<br/>            “You will probably fall back to sleep now.” Carina said, gesturing to the IV. Maya nodded in understanding.<br/>            “But, Maya...think about it.” Carina said, reassuring her that her offer to help wasn’t going to expire any time soon. Maya smiled again, and felt her eyelids grow heavier as she watched with fuzzy eyes as Carina walked out of her room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. ~ eleven ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>~ eleven ~</em>
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</p><p>“Grazie.” Carina thanked the cab driver as she helped Maya up and out of the back seat, closing the door behind them.<br/>            “Okay, now the stairs.” Carina said to Maya with an arm around her waist, holding onto her hand at the same time. They waddled over to the bottom of the steps at the front of Maya’s building, Carina had Maya’s bag slung over her shoulder as well as Maya on her other side. <br/>            “I can probably manage a few steps.” Maya said, slightly breathless already.<br/>            “I am sure that you can, Maya. But we will just see, okay?” Carina said supportively. Maya nodded and hobbled to the first step. They stepped slowly onto the first one, then the next, and the next, and continued at an even pace until they reached the door. Carina looked at Maya with an eyebrow raised and smiled.<br/>            “Gold medal, Carina.” Maya reminded her. “Don’t underestimate me.”<br/>            “I never underestimate you, Maya. I just want you to be careful.” Carina said. Maya rolled her eyes playfully and held her arm up to the keypad on the door.<br/>            “Watch, you’ll probably need to remember this code.” Maya instructed. Carina nodded and watched as Maya slowly punched the numbers in to unlock the building door.<br/>            “Got it?” Maya asked as the door buzzed open.”<br/>            “Sì.” Carina said, pulling the door open and letting them both.</p><p>They walked carefully into the building but pulled away from each other when Carina headed in the direction of the elevator, and Maya headed to the stairs. <br/>            “What?” They both said at the same time. Carina smiled and dropped her gaze. Maya raised her eyebrows.<br/>            “Elevator.” Carina said simply after meeting Maya’s eyes and raising her eyebrows challengingly.<br/>            “I just got up the stairs fine out there. Stairs.” Maya insisted. <br/>            “No, Maya. That was what, five steps outside, this is not the same this is...three lots of tall stairs.” Carina argued, putting her foot down.<br/>            “Carina...” Maya said defensively, but unsure what to say next.<br/>            “The more you rest now, the sooner you will be able to go out for runs and, take the stairs.” Carina persisted in her argument.<br/>            “Fine. Elevator.” Maya caved, and led them over. She pushed the button and the doors opened up. No one ever used the elevator, it always remained on the ground floor.</p><p>Carina fumbled with Maya’s keys at her apartment door, struggling to find which way the key went before finally opening the door and stumbling through with Maya and her things.<br/>            “Sorry I probably should’ve done that for you that lock has needed changing for...a while.” Maya explained.<br/>            “No it’s okay, I managed.” Carina said with a smile and closed the door behind them. She put Maya’s bags down and helped her over to the couch, then eased her gently down to sit comfortably. As Maya eased into the couch cushions, she looked to the floor where she had fallen before, and noticed it was stained. <br/>            “I have no idea how to get that out.” Maya said hopelessly as she stared at the blood stained floor.<br/>            “It’s okay, don’t worry about that. I learned young how to clean these stains out of anything after my Father’s manic episodes.” Carina said casually. Maya didn’t look at her, but immediately grew curious to know more about Carina’s life, her childhood, her family, why doesn’t her brother have the same accent that she does.</p><p>Carina finished settling Maya down on the couch and hanging up their jackets on the hook by the door. She then grabbed Maya’s bags and set them down next to her on the couch and went to open it up to sort through it.<br/>             “Do you mind?” Carina asked, wanting to make sure it was okay for her to sort through Maya’s things, but knowing that a lot of it was just laundry.<br/>            “Go for it.” Maya said, already fed up of not being able to, or allowed should she say, to do things for herself.<br/>            “I will do some laundry later, I’m sure most of this is just to be washed.” Carina said, picking through the clothes, paying little attention to each item so to not encroach on Maya’s personal things too much.<br/>            “Yeah just throw it all in there. It can get done at some point.” Maya said as she tried to kick her shoes off. They were only her trainers, and they were quite worn, so they slipped off quite easily. Carina swiftly collected them from the floor and took them to put with the others at the front door.<br/>            “Thanks.” Maya said in a sigh.<br/>            “It will get exhausting thanking me for each thing that I do for you. It’s okay, I know you’re grateful, you don’t have to thank me each time.” Carina said sympathetically. Maya gave a small smile and looked down at her hands, fiddling with her fingers.</p><p>They remained in silence for several minutes while Carina pottered about the apartment, looking for various things, putting the clothes in the laundry, checking Maya’s cabinets and refrigerator for any food. It turned out, there wasn’t much in the sense of food, Maya worked so often she must rarely spend enough time in her own place to warrant buying any food. There were a few canned goods, but nothing that Carina imagined she would fancy having right now. She probably just wanted to eat comfort food, understandably so.<br/>            “Is there anything I can get for you?” Carina asked and plopped herself down on the couch beside Maya. Maya thinks for a minute before responding.<br/>            “Do I have any food in? I doubt it but…I don’t really know.” She asked. Carina screwed her face a little and shook her head.<br/>            “No I don’t think so.” Carina says. “I can go and get some things.” She offered. Maya shook her head and smiled.<br/>            “Don’t worry about it. I might take a nap, I don’t think I slept off all of the morphine yet, I’m still a little drowsy. Do you mind?” Maya says, and asks as she doesn’t want Carina to feel like she’s just abandoning her in an unfamiliar place. Carina, understanding as ever, shot a kind smile to Maya and nodded.<br/>            “No, of course. It will be good for you to sleep. Here.” Carina stood up and help her hands out to Maya to help her up. Maya grabbed Carina’s hands and they worked together to lift her from the couch. Maya winced a little in pain and started to wish she had never sat down on the couch. If only she knew it would hurt much more to get back up again. <br/>             “Are you okay?” Carina asked, noticing the expression on Maya’s face.<br/>             “Mmhm.” Maya said sharply, not wanting to use more energy on trying to speak. Carina pulled her up and slipped her arm around her waist just like before, and slowly walked with her, but letting her lead the way since she wasn’t entirely sure which door her bedroom was behind. <br/>             “It’s the one at the end.” Maya said. They walked together carefully to the furthest door at the end of the hall, and Carina grabbed the handle and pushed the door open to reveal Maya’s bedroom.</p><p>The room was perfectly square, and just about fit all of her furniture. She had a double bed with a cream coloured headboard, and the wall behind was a shade of burgundy, contrasting to the other three white walls. On either side of the bed she had end tables, both with lamps on them, and other various items, hair ties, a book, her watch. Her pillows were a similar colour to the accent wall, and her duvet was a pastel pink, which surprised Carina a little, she didn’t peg Maya as a pink type. A chest of drawers were pushed up against the right-hand wall just beside the window, the blinds in the window were open, and voile curtains hung on either side of the window frame. On the other side of the room she had a wardrobe, matching to the set of drawers opposite.</p><p>Carina walked Maya over to the edge of her bed while taking in the room. It hardly looked lived in. If it weren’t for the t-shirt hanging from one of the drawers handles and the odd sock poking out of the top drawer, Carina would be convinced that it was a show room. She began to wonder just how often Maya slept at the station, if her apartment was as immaculate as it is. Unless she cleans a lot when she isn’t working. There were so many things she didn’t know about her, which she really wanted to learn.<br/>            “Where can I find some comfortable clothes?” Carina asked as she sat Maya down. Maya threw her arm back and pointed behind her at the drawers.<br/>            “Middle drawer.” She said shortly. She was quickly growing more and more fed up and frustrated, and just wanted to get to sleep so that she didn’t end up taking it out on Carina. She was only trying to help.</p><p>Carina headed to the drawers and pulled out the first t-shirt and pair of shorts she found that looked loose and comfortable and took them back over to Maya.<br/>            “Thanks I can probably do this bit myself.” Maya said, her walls built back up as the thought of Carina having to change her clothes as well struck her mind.<br/>            “Of course.” Carina said and left the room swiftly, closing the door behind her. Maya put the clothes down beside her and began to lift the bottom of her shirt up, and struggled a little as she had to lift her arms up. She winced again, but pushed through the pain, and dropped the shirt on the floor. She had arrived at the hospital in another set of lounge clothes, and hadn’t been wearing a bra when she collapsed, and so left the hospital still without a bra. She pulled the clean, baggy t-shirt that Carina gave her over her head, carefully slipped her arms in and let it drop over her abdomen. She then stood up slowly and tugged on her joggers to pull them off. She sat back down again and kicked them off of her feet, along with her socks, and pulled the duvet back so that she was able to get into her bed. A few seconds later, Carina knocked at the door and waited to be answered.<br/>            “Yeah.” Maya said, loud enough for her to hear. Carina slowly opened the door and smiled. She had a glass of water in her hand, which she set down on Maya’s nightstand, along with some tablets.<br/>            “There are ibuprofen, if you wake up in any pain at all, these should help.” Carina said gently.<br/>            “Thank you.” Maya said and smiled a little as she watched Carina put the things down.<br/>            “Sleep well.” Carina said before leaving. She closed the door behind her, and Maya sighed, then let herself slide down on the mattress so that she was lying flat on her back, and quickly fell into a sleep.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Carina had spent a significant amount of time cleaning Maya’s stained floor, just so that she would have one less thing to worry about while she was meant to be resting. She knew that she had her work cut out for her with trying to keep Maya laid up in bed where she should be, and knew that she would have to make a lot of compromises just because of the kind of person Maya is, but at the same time she was very aware that Maya hadn’t asked her to be here, and she couldn’t help but feel like she was intruding on her life. Though, Maya hadn’t asked her to leave, yet.</p><p>Carina cracked Maya’s bedroom door open slightly and peeked through the gap, quietly checking to see if she was awake yet. She wasn’t. She seemed to be in quite a deep sleep, her face generally quite peaceful, except for her slightly furrowed eyebrows, something that Carina noticed she did a lot. She closed the door again and decided to take the time that Maya wasn’t able to tell her no, to go out and get some groceries. Carina searched around the apartment for a notepad and pen to leave Maya a note in case she did wake up while she was gone. She finally found one in the living room and took a pen out of her own purse.</p><p>
  <em>I am just out to get some essentials, I will not take too long, bella. I hope you slept very well, Carina x</em>
</p><p>Carina tore the paper out of the pad and crept back into Maya’s room to leave the note on the nightstand. Maya didn’t stir at all, even when the door creaked as she opened it, so Carina felt safe to pop out for a little while.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Maya awoke abruptly in a panic, one arm over her stomach and a shooting pain through her, that she couldn’t quite tell if it was real or if she dreamt it. She sat up carefully, breathlessly, as she tried to calm herself down from her sudden scare. After a moment, she had managed to gather herself again, and began to hope that Carina hadn’t heard her stir, she just needed a little time to come back to earth. She ran her hand through her sweaty hair, and felt the back of her neck, which was also dripping with sweat. She soon realised that her whole body was too hot, and she kicked the cover off of her legs and felt the cooler air hit her skin, and suddenly felt more relieved. The more time that passed, the more things she gradually became aware of. It was still light outside, which was good, she hadn’t slept the whole day away. Her clothes were still on the floor where she took them off, so Carina hadn’t been frivolously cleaning and tidying while she was sleeping. She desperately needed to pee. There was a sheet of paper on the nightstand. Maya furrowed her eyebrows yet again and reached over to pick up the paper.</p><p>
  <em>I am just out to get some essentials, I will not take too long, bella. I hope you slept very well, Carina x</em>
</p><p>Maya sighed a little and put the note back down, then assessed the situation around her. She had to pee, but she knew she probably shouldn’t try to get up on her own, knowing how delicate the wound on her abdomen was. She wasn’t sure if Carina was back or not but thought she would try her luck.<br/>            “Carina?” She called out, her voice hoarse and croaky. She coughed a little at the shock of the sound of her own voice and picked up the glass of water that Carina had left on the nightstand. She took several gulps before putting it back down again.<br/>            “Carina?” She called out again, louder, and clearer this time. She heard clattering out in her apartment, and then the door opened, and Carina stood in the frame looking worried. Carina looked at Maya who had positioned herself sat upright on the very edge of her bed.<br/>             “Hi.” Maya said to break the tension.<br/>            “You are...okay?” Carina asked, a little relief washing over her.<br/>            “Yes, yeah I just...I really have to pee.” Maya said awkwardly, hating how much she had to depend on the help of someone else right now.<br/>            “Okay.” Carina said and walked over to Maya to help her up.</p><p>As Maya sat down on the toilet, Carina went to leave the bathroom to give her some space.<br/>            “You know, we’ll probably have to get used to this, me being so...exposed, around you.” Maya said before Carina could leave. Carina, still facing away from her, smiled a little, then swiftly turned around and walked over to the bathtub and knelt down beside it. She turned on the tap and felt the water for the temperature, all the while trying to ensure that Maya could feel at least slightly less exposed while she was peeing. Carina reached for a bottle of bubbles for the bath that sat on the edge. It looked like it had never even been opened. She cracked the lid and poured in a generous amount of the liquid and watched the foamy bubbles appear out of nowhere in the water. She continued to check the temperature as it ran, hoping that it would be okay for Maya.<br/>            “How do you like your baths?” Carina asked, still facing away from her.<br/>            “Uh...I actually don’t remember the last time I had a bath I...had to get used to speedy showers working at 19.” Maya admitted. Maya flushed the toilet and Carina turned around to find Maya standing in her oversized t-shirt with her shorts at her ankles. Her t-shirt was long and came to her mid-thigh. Slightly taken aback by the sight of Maya, Carina looked away, but stood up and helped Maya over to the tub. Carina stood beside Maya and tried to help her out of her t-shirt while, out of respect, not looking at her. Maya watched Carina out of the corner of her eye to see what she would do knowing that she was entirely nude beside her. But Carina didn’t look. She simply held out her hand for Maya to hold onto while stepping into the tub and kept her eyes on the ground. Maya couldn’t help but smile, chuckle almost, at Carina’s behaviour. She was usually quite forward, but she supposed it was a very difference circumstance right now.</p><p>Carina knelt down beside the bath again while helping Maya lay down. She had somehow managed to avert her eyes entirely, until Maya’s body was engulfed in the warm water and bubbles as high as the edge of the bath, almost spilling over. She was completely covered now.</p><p><br/> “I got some groceries earlier...and I went to my place to grab some of my things.” Carina said after a minute or so.<br/>            “Thank you.” Maya said, feeling genuinely grateful.<br/>            “You must be hungry actually, I am too. I will make some lunch.” Carina said before checking her watch.<br/>            “Well, it is almost 3pm so...late lunch.” She added. Maya chuckled a little and nodded. Carina stood up again and looked down to Maya.<br/>            “I am sure you just want to eat take out food but, I am making healthy lunch. You can have whatever weird American pizza you like for dinner later.” Carina joked, making a mockery out of how Americans have butchered pizza.<br/>            “I will have a think about what takeout I want later. But I’m bored of pizza, so don’t worry. I won’t make you eat our trash pizza, at least not tonight.” Maya joked back, exchanging a smile with Carina.<br/>             “So kind of you.” Carina said sarcastically, and bit her lip as she stood in the bathroom door before leaving the room and closing the door slowly behind her.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. ~ twelve ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carina woke up in the spare bedroom, the same place that she fell asleep. Maya had explained how it used to be Andy’s room after Andy had moved out of her dad’s, but it had since become a spare bedroom, available for anyone to crash in if they needed. She stretched her legs out under the sheets and pointed her feet, before getting up and wandering out into the apartment. She looked around the kitchen to find the things to make some coffee, looking in cabinets and drawers until she found them. As she closed the cabinet, she realised that she hadn’t been careful of the noise, forgetting that she wasn’t alone in the apartment, being too adjusted to living alone.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Maya woke up to light streaming through the curtains up at the window, and the sound of Carina pottering around in the kitchen. Maya laid in bed and wondered if Carina ever actually sat still, she felt like she had only ever seen her standing up and moving around. She wasn’t in a place to judge that, she spent most of her time on her feet herself, she understood the demands of that lifestyle. Maya turned her attention to her stomach, lifting her t-shirt up to check the dressings that Carina had put on after she had a bath yesterday, feeling along the edges to make sure that none of the tape had come away at the corners. It all seemed to be intact, she must have slept like the dead. Though, she couldn’t really move around much even if she wanted to. Every time her skin stretch even the slightest bit, it sent sharp pangs of pain through her entire body. She knew better already than to move more than her body would allow, the pain wasn’t worth embracing this time. Still, she couldn’t feel defeated by the simple task of getting out of bed and tried to push herself into a sitting position with her elbows, trying hard to keep her body still as she dragged herself upright. As she sat up, she slowly swivelled herself so that her legs were dangling from the edge of the bed. This was a small success, considering she was only on day 2 of her recovery. <br/>            A knock at the door took Maya’s attention away from her mini victory, and she called out to let Carina know she could come in. As the door opened, Carina’s face changed, surprised to see Maya sat upright on the edge of the bed.<br/>            “Good morning.” Carina said hesitantly, unsure if she should offer help to Maya to get down from the bed.<br/>            “Hi. I got this far.” Maya said, trying not to show how proud she was of herself. <br/>            “I can see that.” Carina said with a smile and walked over to Maya to offer a hand. Maya takes Carina’s hand to lean on as she hopped down onto the ground, then promptly drops it to walk on her own to the door. Carina stood still and watched Maya hobble over to the door on her own, knowing she could’ve got there faster had she held onto Carina. Maya stopped at the door and turned back to look at Carina.<br/>            “I...need the bathroom.” Maya said, a backward way of asking for help. She still couldn’t bring herself to explicitly ask for help. Carina simply nodded and opened the door for her, then helped her to the toilet. She stepped outside the bathroom door to give Maya some space.<br/>            “Is there anything you would like I can make for breakfast?” Carina asked in an attempt to break the awkwardness. Maya laughed a little.<br/>            “It’s uh, a little early for me. So no, not just yet but thanks.” She said, then opened the bathroom door to indicate that she needed help getting up again.</p>
<p>Carina helped Maya to sit down on the couch before sitting herself down beside her. <br/>            “How did you sleep?” Carina asked as she tucked her feet underneath her. Maya say with her legs straight out in front of her on a footstool, semi-uncomfortably. <br/>            “Okay. I couldn’t fall asleep at first but, I turned on some trashy TV and I think I just fell asleep to it.” Maya explained, brushing her hair out of her face with her hands. “You?” She reciprocated the question.<br/>             “Yes, good, thank you. It was comfortable...the bed.” Carina said, wishing she had a longer answer to give.<br/>           </p>
<p>They sat in silence for a moment or two, with just the sound of birds outside chirping away as the sun came up, and cars rushing past in hurries to get to work. Carina looked up at the clock placed on top of the fireplace in front of them and read the time.<br/>            “Is it okay for me to take a shower?” Carina asked, checking more so if Maya needed to use the bathroom before she had a little time to herself.<br/>             “Sure. There should be some towels in the closet in Andy’s- your- the spare room.” Maya stumbled over what to call the other bedroom now. Carina nodded, the corner of her mouth curling upwards a little at Maya’s fumbled words. She got up without another word and headed to the bedroom to get the towels, then back to the bathroom to try and operate an unfamiliar shower.</p>
<p>After Carina closed the bathroom door behind her, Maya picked up her phone from beside her and scrolled through her text messages, finding her thread with Vic, and preparing herself to face calling her and talking about what’s happened in the last couple of days. No one from the Station had any reason to worry about Maya’s silence since they left work the other day, because it was their day off, and they often kept to themselves on days off, unless anything special was happening. So, to Vic’s knowledge, Maya was fine. It wasn’t wrong, but she knew that Vic wouldn’t see what had happened as “fine”.</p>
<p>She dialled Vic’s number and waited while it rang, feeling anxious for Vic to answer.<br/>            “Bishop! You’ve been quiet. What’s up?” Vic said immediately after picking up the phone. Maya smiled, feeling comforted by Vic’s cheerful tone.<br/>            “Hey, yeah I’ve been…occupied I guess.” Maya said, unsure how to go about telling her.<br/>             “With what?” Vic asked, wanting to know the gossip.<br/>            “Uh…it’s a long story really. Are you busy?” Maya asked.<br/>             “Nope. Free as a bird. Want me to come over?” Vic said. Maya hesitated, not sure of what she wanted.<br/>            “Maya? Is everything okay?” Vic asked, her tone much more serious.<br/>            “Yeah. Come over. Do you know if Sullivan is at the station today?” Maya agreed and asked.<br/>            “I think so yeah, Andy mentioned that she had some time to herself today, so.” Vic explained.<br/>            “Okay. I’ll see you soon then?” Maya asked.<br/>            “Sure, sure. I’ll be on my way in 5, just gotta get dressed.” Vic laughed at her own disorganisation.<br/>            “Yeah sure, no rush.” Maya said.</p>
<p>The phone call ended, and she listened to hear if the shower was still running, which it was. She sighed and felt a little bad for not waiting until Carina had finished in the shower to invite Vic over, especially considering that Vic has absolutely no idea what has happened, and might feel…strange, that Carina is taking care of Maya, and not someone closer to her. Either way, the nerves bubbled away in the pit of her stomach, she wasn’t ready to talk about what happened the night before last, but she had to, and she had to tell Sullivan. After a few minutes of pondering on her thoughts, she noticed that it was quieter, the shower had shut off.<br/>            “Carina?” Maya called out. It only took a few seconds for Carina to hurry out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped loosely around her body, her skin still damp, and her hair wrapped up in a towel on top of her head. Maya stared at her olive skin for a second before speaking, taken aback a little at the sight of so much of Carina.<br/>             “Um…Vic is coming over.” Maya said, taking a second to find her words, still slightly distracted by Carina’s attire.<br/>            “Okay. I’m going to get dressed anyway. You gave me a fright.” Carina said as she stood like a deer in headlights after hearing Maya call her.<br/>            “Oh sorry, I’m fine. I just wanted to let you know so you weren’t…” Maya’s eyes burned into Carina’s skin. “Um…were decent.” She finished her sentence. Carina noticed Maya’s cheeks flush and looked down at the floor, biting her bottom lip a little with a smile.<br/>            “Yes, I will be decent.” Carina said, looking directly into Maya’s eyes. Maya promptly looked away. Carina smiled to herself and walked casually to the bedroom to dry off and get dressed, feeling content with the way Maya had just acted.</p>
<p>Carina dug through the bag of clothes that she had gathered while at her own place yesterday, trying to find something comfortable and casual, a style of clothing that she wasn’t very well equipped with. She always, without fail, wore smart and somewhat powerful clothes, suit trousers, blazers, low cut v-neck blouses. She took a lot of pride in her appearance, wanting to feel the best in her own skin, she loved feeling attractive. She pulled out a pair of lounge shorts, and a thin, grey, baggy sweatshirt that she often just wore around her house. She put on some underpants and pulled the shorts up and felt thankful that Maya’s apartment was warm so that she was able to wear them. She dried off the rest of her top half and pulled the sweatshirt down over her bare skin, not bothering to put a bra on, as she often did. The sweatshirt dropped off one shoulder as it had a wide neck. She ruffled her damp, curly hair in a towel and searched around in her bag for her comb. <br/>            “You really don’t have to make an effort you know. Vic won’t care what you look like.” Maya called out from the living room to Carina, she just knew that Carina was fussing over how she looked. Carina laughed and came out of the bedroom and back into the living room, still combing through her damp hair.<br/>            “I am not making an effort. I am looking...semi-presentable.” Carina defended herself. She definitely wasn’t making an effort.<br/>            “I just don’t want to be dressed in a towel when you are having company.” Carina added. Maya shook her head and smiled.<br/>            “You could be dressed in a trash bag and Vic wouldn’t care. Neither would I. Quit trying to impress me.” Maya teased, trying to get back at her for the “decent” comment she made earlier.<br/>            “I am not trying to impress anybody. I am just...” Carina hesitated, not wanting to push the boundaries. “Making coffee.” She finished and headed into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee.</p>
<p>A few minutes later, Maya heard footsteps approaching outside the door, followed by a brief knock.<br/>            “It’s open.” Maya shouted, letting Vic know that the door wasn’t locked. Vic opened the door and briefly smiled at Maya on the couch before kicking off her shoes and taking off her jacket, throwing it over the other jackets on the hooks.<br/>            “Hey.” Vic said as she walked over to the couch. She soon realised that Maya looked...rough, for lack of a better term.<br/>            “Dude what...what happened to you?” Vic asked, knowing that it couldn’t be a bad case of a hangover. To her knowledge, Maya was pregnant.<br/>            “Uh...just sit down.” Maya said, still unsure of how to go about explaining everything to Vic. As Vic lowered herself beside Maya, she noticed someone standing in the kitchen, and looked up properly to find Dr DeLuca from Grey-Sloan, wearing pyjamas and making coffee in Maya’s kitchen.<br/>            “Hot doctor?” Vic asked under her breath. Maya quickly shushed her and looked back to see if Carina had noticed. Carina stood with her eyes focussed on the coffee pot in front of her, trying to control her face as she pretended not to hear Vic’s comment.<br/>            “So are you gonna explain why you look...like crap?” Vic laughed a little and rested her arm on the back of the couch.<br/>            “Vic I...okay. In this moment, you are here as my friend. My support, okay? Forget work, I’m not your captain, just...hear me out.” Maya said, setting down the stones of the difficult conversation she was about to have.<br/>            “You’re freaking me out now.” Vic said, growing worried about what she was going to hear.<br/>            “Vic I...I’m not pregnant...anymore.” Maya said, feeling hurt at her own words. It was the first time she had said that out loud, she didn’t realise how attached she had become to her pregnancy, she was always trying not to be.<br/>            “Wait...you...did you get a-.” Vic started to say.<br/>            “I miscarried. The night our last shift ended. I miscarried.” Maya said.</p>
<p> </p>
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<p>Carina came into the living room with 3 mugs of coffee while Maya was mid-way through explaining everything that happened that night. She silently offered cream and sugar to both Maya and Vic, holding them up and waiting for a nod. Vic took both, Maya took sugar, the same as Carina. She handed them their drinks and made herself comfortable on the armchair beside the couch, tucking her feet up underneath her and resting the mug in her hands on top of her knees. Vic looked over to Carina and smiled, thanking her for the drink.<br/>             “So...Carina is here. She’s just helping me out, I guess. Because the hospital is so close, you know.” Maya said. Vic was at a loss for words, every single emotion running through her all at once. Shock being the most prominent, and not just at the miscarriage, but at hearing of Carina practically moving in with Maya, despite them barely knowing each other.<br/>            “I am able to work from here, do research away from the hospital and if I am on call or paged, it is close for me to get to.” Carina waded in on the conversation, wanting to give Maya a hand with the talking, and also so she didn’t seem rude just sat there in silence.<br/>            “Maya I...I don’t know what to say. About any of this.” Vic said, still stunned.<br/>            “You don’t have to say anything. I just needed to tell you.” Maya said back.<br/>            “Does Andy know?” Vic asked. Maya shook her head.<br/>            “I haven’t told her yet. I know she has a lot going on. But if she’s alone today I’ll talk to her. Maybe I’ll ask her to come later, we can order in?” Maya said, checking with Carina that she didn’t mind more visits. Carina simply nodded and sipped her coffee.<br/>            “Do you want to stay for pizza?” Maya asked, extending the offer to Vic.<br/>            “Oh I’m on baby duty tonight. Promised Miller I would babysit so he could go out on a date. I should check what time he needs me actually.” Vic explained, then got up and went out into the hall to call Dean. <br/>            “I should text Andy. And I need to call Sullivan too.” Maya said to Carina, feeling suddenly overwhelmed with everything. Carina jumped up from the armchair and sat beside Maya where Vic was sat before.<br/>            “You don’t have to do anything right now. Take a moment. Breathe. I will make something to eat soon, and you can have a minute to just breathe, and then you can arrange something with Andy.” Carina said in a soothing voice, trying to calm Maya down. Maya stared ahead and nodded slowly, then was brought back by the front door opening, and Vic coming back in from the hall. <br/>            “Hey, I’m so sorry I have to go get Pru, Dean’s now having a brunch date because his new lady friend can’t make dinner.” Vic explained as she grabbed her shoes.<br/>            “No it’s fine, go. I’m good here.” Maya said, gesturing to Carina.<br/>            “Maya, anything you need at all, I’m just a call away, alright? Anything.” Vic said as she came over to hug Maya on the couch before leaving.<br/>            “Thanks, I’ll check in later, or tomorrow.” Maya said, reassuring Vic that she would keep her up to date with her recovery. <br/>            “I’ll see you out.” Carina said, getting up and walking with Vic to the door. She opened the door and came out of the apartment with Vic and stopped outside the door with her.<br/>            “Listen, thanks for doing this. For being here with her. I don’t know what you said to convince her to let you stay, she doesn’t accept help very easily. Maybe she has a soft spot for you.” Vic said and joked with Carina. <br/>            “It is no problem. I am here for her, I will be able to monitor her progress, from a medical perspective. She is in good hands.” Carina reassured Vic.<br/>            “I don’t doubt that.” Vic agreed. “Make sure she calls.” Vic asked Carina.<br/>            “Of course. I am not shy to relentless badgering.” Carina said, and they both laughed a little.<br/>            “I’ll see you around.” Vic said, and waved awkwardly before walking away down the hall.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. ~ thirteen ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi everyone :) i'm sorry it's been longer since the last update, for anyone who doesn't follow me on twitter i had food poisoning last week and i was so exhausted so i didn't feel up to being on my laptop and writing etc i hope y'all understand! I'll hopefully be back to regular weekly updates so here is the long awaited chapter 13, thank you for all the support since the last update! hope you enjoy x</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Later that evening, after Andy had been over for pizza and the updates on Maya and supported Maya when she called Sullivan to explain everything and request medical leave, Maya was exhausted. She had no energy left after explaining everything three times to three different people. She wanted to be alone but appreciated that she didn’t ever have to explain anything to Carina. Still, Maya couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by any company at all, so wasn’t in the mood to have to be so reliant.</p>
<p>Carina stood at the edge of the bathtub, holding up one of Maya’s large towels so that she wasn’t able to see Maya’s body as she stood up to get out. Maya took the towel and wrapped it around her body, tucking it under her arms and taking Carina’s hand to assist her stepping out onto the ground.<br/>            “You are a fast healer.” Carina said softly, noticing how much easier Maya had just gotten up out of the bath.<br/>            “Yeah I guess.” Maya said quietly, not in the mood to talk. Carina sensed that she wasn’t in the mood to talk, so just opened the bathroom door and headed out to Maya’s bedroom, Maya following closely behind her.</p>
<p>They entered Maya’s room and Carina went right to Maya’s dresser and found her some clean pyjamas to change into. Silently, she handed Maya the clothes, swapping them for Maya’s towel, quickly turning away to leave the room as Maya took the towel off, and Carina went to hang it up in the bathroom, and let Maya get herself dressed in private. Maya pulled the shorts up her legs, and lifted the t-shirt over her head, then sat back on her bed and waited for Carina to come back, having her shirt lifted at the ready for Carina to redress it for her. She was more than capable of dressing the incision on her stomach herself, she did have medical training too, but she didn’t want Carina to think that she didn’t trust the way she did it.</p>
<p>Carina peered round Maya’s door to check that she was dressed and went in to sit beside her on the bed, new dressings at the ready in her hands. As Carina applied some antiseptic cream, she couldn’t help but be surprised by just how quickly it was healing.<br/>            “This is doing very well, actually.” Carina said again, but more enthusiastically. Maya nodded slowly.<br/>            “Yeah, I don’t tend to wallow in injuries. Gold medal, sprained ankle.” Maya joked. She couldn’t remember if they had talked about that yet, and she sort of wished she hadn’t said now, in case Carina asked about it.<br/>            “Well I would like to hear that story some day.” Carina smiled and taped the gauze onto Maya’s stomach.<br/>            “You could leave this undressed tomorrow. Some air would do it good.” Carina added, leaving the gold medal conversation for another day, much to Maya’s relief.</p>
<p>Maya pulled her t-shirt back down and shuffled underneath her duvet. Carina stood up and hesitated for a moment.<br/>            “Let me take that towel.” Carina said, referring to the towel on Maya’s head, keeping her wet hair up off of her shoulders. Maya untwisted it and handed it to Carina.<br/>            “Thanks.” She said flatly, feeling all too tired all of a sudden.<br/>            “Are you going to dry your hair? I can help if you would like.” Carina offered, looking around the room for a hairdryer.<br/>            “Oh no it’s okay, I usually just leave it, it’ll dry on its own, my hair is pretty thin.” Maya declined the offer but tried to remain polite.<br/>            “Of course.” Carina said with a smile. “Good night.” She said as she walked back over to the doorway to let herself out of Maya’s room.<br/>            “Night.” Maya said back just before the door closed.</p>
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<p>After Carina had left Maya for the night, she wandered around the apartment, tidying up a few things, clearing up the pizza boxes from earlier when Andy was here. She didn’t know a lot about Andy, or any of Maya’s friends, but she had sensed that Maya seemed to trust Vic more than anyone, but got the impression from things that Andy had said this evening that they used to be closer than they are now. It wasn’t her place to ask Maya about that now, and she could tell that Maya was in no mood for conversation tonight, having had to speak to people pretty much non-stop all day. She had so many questions she wanted to ask, so many things she wanted to know about Maya, but never knew how she would respond, or if it was the right time or place for such conversations. She often tried to casually tell Maya things about herself, other than work stuff, in the hope that soon enough, Maya would open up a little more too. She wanted to protect her, and she wanted to know what she should and shouldn’t say so that she didn’t end up upsetting her at all.<br/>            After a little while of cleaning and tidying, Carina decided to call it a night herself, and got changed into her pyjamas and climbed into the bed in Andy’s old room. She pulled her laptop out of her bag beside the bed and opened it up to do a little research and see if she could muster up anything intelligible to write in her paper. Her mind began to wander back to Maya, naturally, as she was entirely surrounded by Maya’s environment, and couldn’t stop thinking about all the things she didn’t know about her. She wondered again why Maya had been so rude to her in the beginning, what she had done to deserve to be treated like that, she was only ever trying to help. Was there something more to her than she was letting on? She always just blamed it on her job, being at such risk all the time made it hard to have people close, but Carina thought that was no way to live your life. Maybe Maya thought that she was doing a job that helped people, and that’s all the satisfaction she needed in life, but surely, she knew what she was missing out on. And the baby, the entire situation around the baby. Who was the father? Why did she not want to tell him? What was the deal with it all? <br/>            Carina’s train of thought went further than she had planned for it to, she found herself thinking about things that are nothing of her concern, and felt guilty for intruding on Maya’s privacy, despite it being only in her thoughts. She knew that the baby was likely a result of a one night stand, and at this point just hoped that Maya didn’t think she would be judgemental of that. One night stands aren’t something to be ashamed of, Carina knew that. She hoped Maya did too.<br/>            With a big sigh, Carina dragged her attention back to her computer screen, and began writing away on her research paper, some ramblings about polyamory and feminist theory behind it.</p>
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<p>Carina startled awake to the sound of shouting and desperate cries. It took her a moment to come to before realising that it wasn’t midnight street noises, it was coming from the apartment. She rubbed her eyes quickly and saw her laptop still sat on her lap, she must have fallen asleep doing research, it wouldn’t have been the first time. She quickly pushed the computer away and pulled the duvet back and leapt out of the bed, running to Maya’s bedroom.<br/>            She didn’t bother knocking, she could hear that it was Maya in distress the closer she got to the door. When she threw the door open, she saw Maya trembling, tangled up in the duvet, beads of sweat along her hairline and tears down her face. Her hands were balled up in fists, clenching onto a handful of the duvet cover as her legs kicked and tossed around. Her body moved so abruptly, curling up into a fetal position one moment, and her legs jolting outwards the next. She kept shouting random words, gibberish that Carina could not for the life of her understand. It was slurred and hoarse, Maya’s voice was so croaky. <br/>            Carina stood in shock in the doorway for several seconds before the nurture mode kicked in. She climbed onto Maya’s bed onto the other side that Maya didn’t sleep on, placed her hands on Maya’s shoulders, feeling her clammy skin, and tried to shake her body a little.<br/>            “Maya?” She said gently, not wanting to startle her when she was already in a panic. Maya didn’t respond, she remained asleep, but her fists clenched tighter and she let out weak sobs.<br/>            “Maya, can you hear me? It’s me, it’s Carina.” Carina tried again, gently shaking her shoulders. Still nothing, but Maya’s body jolts abruptly. A flood of worry comes over Carina as she thinks about the damage Maya could be doing to the incision on her stomach. She looks at Maya, panic stricken, and grabs her balled up hands with her own hands, forces her fists open and tightly clutches onto them.<br/>            “Maya wake up. Wake up.” Carina said firmly, her voice much louder now.<br/>            “Maya.” Carina almost shouted. Maya’s eyes shot open and she stared out at the ceiling, her expression very tense.<br/>            “Maya I’m here. It’s okay. Look at me.” Carina said, still panicked, unsure if she was actually awake or if it was just that her eyes were open. Maya’s eyes darted around at the sound of Carina’s voice, she could hear her, but she couldn’t move.<br/>            “Hey it’s me. Look at me I’m here.” Carina repeated, sitting herself forward a little more so that hopefully she was in Maya’s eyeline now. She dropped Maya’s hands and moved closer to her, cupping her face in her hands, almost forcing her to look at her. They stared into each other’s eyes for a minute or so, Carina took deep breaths in the hope that Maya would mimic her and start to calm down. <br/>            After a few minutes, Carina relaxed her expression, and saw Maya’s eyebrows ease up, having been furrowed since she came into the room. It wasn’t long before Maya’s face scrunched up again and she began to sob, her body entirely overcome with sadness. She lifted her hands to her face and covered her face as she cried, and Carina moved her hands away from Maya’s face, but crawled closer to her on the bed, laying down beside her and draping an arm over Maya’s body. She held onto Maya and squeezed her a little, letting her know that she was safe. They laid in silence for several minutes, with just the sound of Maya sobbing a little, and Carina’s gentle shushing, trying to calm Maya down. <br/>            “You are okay, Maya. Everything is okay.” Carina whispered.<br/>            “Everything is going to be okay.” She said again.</p>
<p> </p>
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<p>Carina’s eyes fluttered open and took a moment to adjust to the darkness around her. It was still dark outside, still the middle of the night. She didn’t remember falling asleep and didn’t know what time it was exactly. The room was dark, and she couldn’t see much, but she could hear breathing beside her. She looked and saw Maya sleeping soundly next to her, with her head resting heavily on Carina’s shoulder. Carina couldn’t help but smile a little, and admired the peaceful expression on Maya’s sleeping face, feeling thankful that she was finally sleeping well. <br/>            She looked around to see if she could find the time anywhere, and luckily saw a clock on Maya’s nightstand that read 03:42am. It must have been around midnight when she came in to Maya having that nightmare. Carina laid in the dark, pondering on the fact that she had fallen asleep in Maya’s room, wondering which one of them had fallen asleep first. If it had been Maya, that would’ve been fine, but the guilt that Carina would have felt had she been the one to fall asleep first would’ve been overwhelming. To have invaded Maya’s space, she felt was unbelievably rude. On that thought, she tried to sit up to leave and go back to her own bed, but Maya’s head was firmly resting on her shoulder, and she wouldn’t be able to get up without waking her, and she didn’t want to disturb her sleep, not after it being disturbed already tonight. Instead, she laid back down again slowly, gently, keeping Maya’s head as still as possible, but getting herself comfortable, as she knew she would have to stay here the rest of the night, and was just hoping that Maya wouldn’t be mad in the morning. <br/>            She laid there for several minutes and started to feel a chill over her body. When she had laid beside Maya earlier in the night, she didn’t expect to stay, so she didn’t pull the duvet back or actually climb into bed, she just rested on top of the cover beside Maya, and now she couldn’t move to get under it and warm up. She lifted her head slightly and squinted her eyes to try and see if there was anything within arms reach that she would be able to cover herself with, and to her luck, there was a blanket throw over the foot of the bed, which she was able to pull up to her hands with her legs and feet, and pull it over her body. She was only wearing a tank top and shorts as she was already in bed when she came in before. In hindsight, she should’ve grabbed something warmer to wear, but if it meant Maya having an undisturbed sleep for the rest of the night, the blanket would suffice.</p>
<p>Carina laid under the blanket and listened to Maya’s slightly uneven breaths, some deeper than others, some louder than others. She laid and listened and began to wonder what on earth had caused Maya to become so distressed in her sleep, what had she been dreaming about that had scared her so much? Maybe one day, hopefully soon, she would feel comfortable enough to be able to talk about these things with Carina, it’s all she wanted, to be able to support her through anything.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. ~ fourteen ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>trigger warning // miscarriage</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>~ fourteen ~</em>
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</p>
<p>Maya woke up the next morning feeling more tired than she did when she went to sleep. She didn’t know why, she thought that she had slept quite well, but maybe not. She opened her eyes and took in a deep breath, taking a minute to wake up properly. It wasn’t long before she realised that she wasn’t alone. She turned her head slightly to look beside her, and found Carina beside her, and quickly jolted away when she realised that her head was resting on Carina’s shoulder. Carina’s head was turned the other way, and she couldn’t see her face, she couldn’t see that her eyes had just opened. She sat motionless for a few seconds until she was confident that she hadn’t just woken Carina up, and then she slid out of the bed as carefully and quietly as possible while trying to wrack her brain as to why she woke up to this situation. Why was Carina asleep in her bed? There had to be a reason, Carina wouldn’t have just invited herself in, and certainly wouldn’t have stayed, she wasn’t that forward, at least not with Maya.</p>
<p>Maya headed into the bathroom and stood over the sink, resting her palms on the edge, and looking up at her face in the mirror. She looked at the puffiness around her eyes, the dark circles under them, and her eyes themselves were a little bloodshot too. Her lips were chapped, and when she swallowed, she noticed how dry and sore her throat was. She sighed and filled up a glass with water from the tap, taking small gulps and letting the cold water soothe her throat. When the glass was empty, she sat it down and stared at herself in the mirror, wondering what happened last night.</p>
<p>After a minute or so, out of the corner of her eye, Maya saw Carina appear in the bathroom doorway. When Maya didn’t look up at her, Carina folded her arms around her body.<br/>            “Hi.” Carina said, breaking the silence. Maya dropped her hands from the edge of the sink and went to walk out of the bathroom while trying to avoid eye contact. <br/>            “Hi.” Maya said back, walking into the kitchen and started to make a pot of coffee. Carina followed her into the kitchen and sat down at a stool at the little island in the middle of Maya’s kitchen.<br/>            “I am sorry if it startled you to see me there when you woke up.” Carina said, beginning her explanation. She wasn’t sure if Maya remembered, but didn’t want to leave it unspoken about.<br/>            “I tried to move earlier in the night, but I was afraid to wake you.” She added when Maya remained silent. <br/>            “It’s fine.” Maya said, trying not to be blunt, but still coming across that way. It seemed like that was what she was best at.<br/>            “Were you there all night?” Maya asked, unsure of how to go about asking what happened.<br/>            “Um, no I was in Andy’s room-“<br/>            “It’s not Andy’s room she doesn’t live here.” Maya cut Carina off mid-sentence.<br/>            “The other room, then. I came in when you were crying.” Carina shrugged off Maya’s bluntness and continued speaking like normal. An image flashed through Maya’s mind of last night after hearing Carina say that she was crying. An image of Carina comforting her, holding her, and shushing her as she cried. She paused what she was doing with the coffee for a minute as the memory played in her head. <br/>            “Would you like me to make that?” Carina gestured towards the pot of coffee. Maya quickly put the pot down and rested her hands on the counter.<br/>             “Yeah, thanks. You make it better anyway.” Maya said as she turned around and gave Carina a small smile before walking into the bathroom again and closing the door firmly behind her.</p>
<p>Maya paced a few steps back and forth in the bathroom, starting to panic a little as more and more images flashed through her mind. Only this time, she had started to remember her dream. She had a nightmare about her baby. She hadn’t been conscious for any of the miscarriage process, only briefly at the beginning, when she discovered that she was bleeding. But she was out for the rest, she didn’t know what had happened to her during those hours, what had happened to the baby, she only knew what she had been told afterwards, which she was sure was sugar coated anyway. She had dreamt of the gruesome details, all of the things that she was sure no one had told her. She knew that she had had to deliver the baby, or what had formed of him, and the nightmare was a front row seat of that scene.</p>
<p>Maya covered her mouth with her hand as the images of her nightmare kept coming. She felt sick, and panicked, and very flustered. She didn’t want to call on Carina for help yet again, but she didn’t know what to do with herself. Pacing around the bathroom, her eyes frantically darted about, looking for anything that might calm her down. A painkiller maybe, one from the hospital that might be strong enough to knock her out for an hour or two. She settled on water, and chugged a glass from the tap again, but it didn’t help. She ran her hands through her hair and stared at herself in the mirror once again. After a few seconds, her head turned, and she looked at the bathtub. A bath. Carina always ran her a bath. It was relaxing, comforting. Maya kneeled down beside the tub and turned on the hot water, adding some of the bubbles that sat at the edge of the tub that never got used until this week. She wasn’t sure how much to add and was certain she used too much. Maya sat and waited for the bubbled water to rise and hoped that Carina would hear it running so that she knew what she was doing. Even listening to the water running was calming Maya down. In that moment, she felt so grateful for Carina. Even without asking for her help she had helped. Maya would never have thought to have had a bath if it hadn’t been for Carina being here to help her relax.</p>
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<p>It had been half an hour or so. Maya was soaking in a deep bubble bath. She was right before, she had put too much bubble bath in, and it had almost overflowed, but she managed to get it under control, and now was nicely submerged in hot water, and covered from neck to foot with bubbles. It wasn’t quite the way that Carina did it, but it sufficed. She felt much more relaxed, and it was comforting still.</p>
<p>A knock on the door brought Maya back to reality.<br/>            “Come in.” She said, her tone much calmer than before. She really didn’t mean to snap.<br/>            The door opened and Carina popped her head around, checking that it was safe for her to come in, that Maya wasn’t indecent.<br/>            “Sorry. I thought you might want some.” Carina said, apologising for interrupting, but revealing a cup of coffee as she came around the door. Maya smiled a little.<br/>            “Thank you.” She said, and lifted a hand out of the water to take the mug from Carina.<br/>            “It is still warm. Actually, quite perfect to drink now.” Carina said as she came closer to Maya and handed her the mug. Carina smiles as Maya takes a sip.<br/>            “Mmm, that’s great. Thank you.” Maya thanked again.<br/>            “No problem.” Carina said, and turned around to leave the bathroom, and give Maya her peace back.<br/>            “I didn’t remember what happened.” Maya said before Carina could leave. Carina stopped and turned around again to look at Maya. She looked sad, broken almost, like she had so many feelings and had no idea what to do with them.<br/>            “You were there when I woke up and I had no idea why and...” Maya tried to talk through her feelings, something she rarely did, and didn’t know how to do.<br/>            “I should have left before you woke up, I’m sorry.” Carina apologised again. She did that a lot.<br/>            “No I...it’s okay. It was strange because, I doubt you would’ve just invited yourself in so, I knew something was up I just...couldn’t remember.” Maya explained.<br/>            “I had a nightmare.” She said after Carina remained silent.<br/>            “I thought so.” Carina said and sat herself down on the toilet seat to listen.<br/>            “It was about the baby the...loss.” Maya said. “I was out, for the whole thing. I have no idea really what happened to me when that happened.”<br/>            “I thought it was explained to you?” Carina asked, curious as to what Maya meant.<br/>            “Yeah, it was to an extent. I was told that I miscarried, and I was quite far along for that to have happened so, it wouldn’t just...pass...on its own. But I was unconscious, so I couldn’t have...’given birth’ I guess, hence the caesarean.” Maya retold what she was told before.<br/>            “That’s...all there is to it, Maya.” Carina said, trying to reassure Maya that nobody had lied to her.<br/>            “Yeah but, I don’t understand medical talk like you do. I don’t know what actually happened to my body and...I guess my brain just...you hear a story, and you imagine what it looked like. I think my brain did that. Pictured all of this...horrific stuff.” Maya explained, feeling oddly relaxed while talking. Maybe it was the comfort of the bath. Maybe it was the comfort of the company.</p>
<p>She did feel vulnerable, and scared, and in very uncharted territory. For the first time in her life she was looking back. No eyes forward. She was letting herself look back at something painful and letting herself feel that pain. She could feel her throat thickening and tears welling up in her eyes. She wasn’t ready to cry in front of Carina again, especially not right now when she was very capable of controlling it, unlike last night.</p>
<p> “Maya, you are allowed to ask questions. If you are unsure of things or worried about things, I know the answers. I was right there with you the entire time and...I didn’t let you out of my sight.” Carina admitted cautiously, worried that Maya would take it the wrong way.<br/>            “They wouldn’t let me operate because of the conflict of interest and, frankly, I was too worried to focus. But I was there, in the operating room with you. And overnight afterwards. If you want to, I can take you through everything that happened.” Carina explained and offered to put Maya’s mind at ease. Maya nodded and tried harder to fight the tears back but couldn’t help let one slip down her cheek. Carina stood up and kneeled down beside the bathtub. She raised her hand and gently wiped the tear from Maya’s cheek with the back of her fingers.<br/>            “I don’t know, maybe at some point, but I don’t think right now.” Maya said.<br/>            “Okay. It is your pace. I am here for you when you are ready.” Carina stated, being strong in her words so that Maya knew she meant it.<br/>            “Okay.” Maya said, and sniffed to stop her nose from running. She stared at the bubbles around her, watching them slowly pop one by one, while Carina’s eyes rested on Maya’s face, watching her, seeing her in an entirely new way.<br/>            “I think the incision might have split a little last night.” Maya changed the subject. Carina grew concerned and furrowed her eyebrows.<br/>            “I was worried that might happen. Are you in pain?” Carina asked. Maya shrugged.<br/>            “Maybe a little more than usual.” She admitted. Carina nodded.<br/>             “I can take a look, once you are done?” Carina offered, gesturing to the bath.<br/>            “Thanks.” Maya agreed.<br/>            “I will get you something new to wear.” Carina said, standing up from the floor and heading to the door.</p>
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<p>“It looks okay, there is a slight opening on this side here, but it should close back up again quickly.” Carina said as she examined Maya’s abdomen. Maya was laid out on the couch with her joggers resting just below her hips and her t-shirt lifted up to her chest, giving Carina a wide view of her body. Her arms were up behind her head as she let Carina examine her.<br/>            “Do I need anything for that?” Maya asked, raising her head, and looking down at her stomach.<br/>            “No, not particularly. I will dress it now, and change it later, and keep an eye on it. Letting it breathe is good, and keeping it clean, which you do. It will be fine.” Carina reassured her once again.<br/>            “Okay. Thank you.” Maya said, and waited for Carina to grab some dressing before pulling her t-shirt back down.</p>
<p>Carina came back quickly with the bandages and dressed the wound again. She carefully taped each side down and made sure it was secure, before picking up the bottom of Maya’s t-shirt and gently pulling it down over her stomach. <br/>            “There.” She said and looked up at Maya. Maya was already looking at Carina and met her with a smile.<br/>            “Thanks.” Maya said, holding eye contact until Carina’s cheeks flushed pink and she dropped her gaze.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. ~ fifteen ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi everyone! this story is so close to 10,000 hits, and I'm so grateful for all the support, I love seeing your reactions to each chapter in the comments, so I wanted to write a double-length chapter as a thank you for sticking with me as I write this! This chapter is just over double the length of my previous chapters, I hope you enjoy, and I can't wait to see what you think &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maya didn’t sleep very well at all for the next few days. As hard as she tried, there was something inside of her that was stopping her from falling properly asleep. The thought of having that same nightmare all over again, having to relive the entire thing for a third time was just too much, she was afraid to fall asleep. Maybe it was being alone, but there wasn’t a lot she could do about that.</p>
<p>She laid in bed the morning after yet another mostly sleepless night and felt an overwhelming frustration with her life. She was bored of being inside her apartment all of the time. She wanted to be able to go somewhere, do something other than watch television and take baths.</p>
<p>The routine knock on her bedroom door pulled her out of her thoughts, and Carina pushed the door open with her hip, and greeted Maya with a smile, holding their routine morning coffees in her hands. <br/>            “Hi.” She said, and headed over to Maya’s side of the bed, holding out Maya’s mug to her. Maya took it and smiled back.<br/>            “Hi.” She said back, her tone much flatter than Carina’s. Carina walked over to the other side of the bed and perched on the end, facing Maya, and holding her own mug of coffee in both hands.<br/>            “How did you sleep? You look tired still.” Carina asked, taking a sip of her coffee. <br/>            “Yeah, fine. Just not awake yet.” Maya lied, also taking a sip of her coffee. “You?” She reciprocated the question.<br/>             “I slept well, thank you.” Carina said.</p>
<p>It didn’t take long for Maya to get bored again, but at least now she had someone to talk about it to.<br/>            “I want to go out.” She said abruptly after another sip of coffee. Carina raised her eyebrows and waited for Maya to elaborate.<br/>            “I’m so bored of being in here all the time, I haven’t been outside in over a week now. I’m tired of watching TV and taking 3 hour baths, and I’m pretty sure my ass is imprinted on the couch, and probably here in my bed too.” She sighed in frustration. Carina chuckled and looked down, letting her hair fall over her face, feeling a little flustered at the thought of Maya’s backside. She looked back up at Maya again and smiled widely.<br/>            “Well...I actually was going to suggest that we go out today.” Carina said.<br/>            “Really?” Maya asked, her mug almost touching her lips, but pausing, surprised that Carina had actually suggested that. “But you’re always telling me to be so careful.” <br/>            “Yes, I am. And now that you have been, you are able to go for a walk. I am happy for you to that, so long as I am there just in case.” Carina explained and drank again from her mug.<br/>            “Can I take a shower?” Maya jumped to the next hurdle. Carina raised an eyebrow but was unsure why she was surprised by this.<br/>            “Maybe we take things one at a time.” Carina suggested.<br/>            “But if I can walk around outside, surely I can stand still for 5 minutes.” Maya argued, unsure if she could bring herself to have another bath.<br/>            “Walking outside on the pavement with shoes on that have grip is very different to standing in bare feet on a wet and slippery surface.” Carina defended her point.<br/>             “Come on, please I don’t know if I can lay in one more bath.” Maya sighed. “As much as I appreciate the baths that you run for me and they’re nice and relaxing...I just miss taking a shower.” Maya said in frustration.<br/>            “We will see. Okay? Let’s have a walk first.” Carina put her foot down. Reluctantly, Maya agreed.<br/>            “Can we go to 19?” Maya asked. “I miss my team.” She added.<br/>            “Of course.” Carina agreed. She watched Maya’s face light up with the most energy and happiness she had ever seen in her. It was nice.<br/>            “I will go and get dressed.” Carina added, hopping off of Maya’s bed and walking out of her bedroom. Maya watched the back of her as she left, not realising that her smile grew wider as she did.</p>
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<p>            “Are you gonna carry me down these steps since there’s no elevator out here?” Maya asked Carina as they came out of the front door of Maya’s building. Carina made them take the elevator from Maya’s floor to the ground floor, which she was not happy about. She felt more than capable of walking down the stairs.<br/>            “No I will not, but there are only a few here.” Carina said as Maya started down the steps without pausing. Carina walked steadily beside her, but Maya had no problems getting down.<br/>            “See? I can do this.” Maya said in a sigh, feeling like Carina didn’t believe in her.<br/>            “Maya I have no doubt, but you have to be careful still and listen to your body, no pushing yourself.” Carina explained, for the third time this morning.<br/>            “I know, I know.” Maya said, and continued walking at a slower pace along the sidewalk.<br/>            “Are there any places around here that you like going to?” Carina asked as they walked past a few different shops and cafés. Maya looked around and shrugged.<br/>            “Not really. I don’t go anywhere when I’m not working. I honestly couldn’t even tell you what’s near here.” Maya admitted. Carina already knew that she was a workaholic and wasn’t one to judge. There were definitely times where she spent several consecutive days at the hospital working without going home.</p>
<p>It didn’t take them long to reach Station 19, Maya’s apartment was close enough to run there in 5 minutes in case of emergencies, she made sure of that when she moved there. Maya felt a little nervous to go inside, she knew that everyone would have known her situation, despite not telling each of them. It was bound to be awkward at some point, but at the same time, they were her family; she knew she was safe there. She didn’t feel quite as nervous as Carina did, having never met the people who mean the most to Maya, except for Vic and Andy, but only once, and only in the last week.</p>
<p>They walked up to the public entrance, Carina pulled the door open as it was quite a heavy one, and she didn’t want Maya to use unnecessary energy. As they walked inside, Maya was greeted with one of many friendly faces.<br/>            “Do my eyes deceive me or is this our very own Lieutenant Bishop returning home?” A very perky Travis said after picking his jaw up from the ground and giving Maya a huge smile.<br/>            “Montgomery!” Maya said with a smile.<br/>            “Can I hug you? Please say I can hug her.” Travis asked Maya, and then asked Carina for doctor’s approval. Carina smiled and nodded, feeling immediately more relaxed as he addressed her so casually. Maya opened her arms and they hugged, not too tightly, Travis knew better than that from his own experience of having a healing incision.<br/>            “You look so great. So good.” He said as they let go of each other. He held Maya by the shoulders and looked at her like a grandma would look at her grandchild.<br/>            “Have you...lost some muscle there?” Travis teased, squeezing on her bicep. Maya threw a punch back to his bicep.<br/>            “Go to hell, Montgomery. I could still take you.” She teased back as her hit made him wobble.<br/>            “Damn okay, you’ve still got it. Glad you’re keeping her in check, doc.” Travis said to Carina.<br/>            “Oh trust me if I were to have it my way, she would still be at home now but, she is too stubborn for her own good.” Carina chuckled.<br/>            “Yeah, she is. Sorry you got stuck with her, she’s gotta be the worst patient ever.” Travis continued to tease.<br/>            “Shut up! I am literally standing right here.” Maya said to the both of them. Travis turned around and took a few steps towards the stairs.<br/>            “Come upstairs. Everyone’s in the beanery, pre-shift breakfast.” Travis said to Maya and Carina, and led the way, just in case Maya had forgotten. Carina made sure Maya held onto the bannister as she went up the stairs, and walked steadily beside her, making sure she didn’t rush. This was a lot of steps in one go.</p>
<p>They reached the top of the stairs, Maya was a little breathless but didn’t want to let on, so just tried to casually and quietly even out her breathing so that Carina didn’t worry about her. <br/>            “Guys, look who’s here!” Travis announced. Everyone looked up from their plates of food and their expressions changed. The room erupted in exclamations of Maya’s name.<br/>            “Bishop! Oh, Carina, hey!” Warren said with a mouthful of food.<br/>            “Eat with your mouth closed dumbass.” Vic, who was sat opposite Warren, said to him, her face slightly disgusted. Carina smiled and waved back to Warren, laughing a little at his lack of manners, but relieved to see a familiar face.<br/>            “It’s good to have you back, Bishop. You’re looking...kinda crappy.” Miller said in a laugh as he stood up from his chair and gave Maya a gentle hug.<br/>            “Thanks Miller, I haven’t left my apartment in a week, I think it’s actually the most time I’ve ever spent there.” Maya said back to him chuckling.</p>
<p>She led Carina over to the table, sitting down next to Vic with Carina on her other side. Maya looked around at everyone, feeling elated that she was back with the people she considered family. Andy wasn’t here, and neither was Jack. Maya knew that Andy was taking some time off at the moment anyway. It wasn’t the whole team, but it was enough for Maya. She felt home.</p>
<p>“Where’s Gibson?” Maya asked anyone who might know the answer.<br/>            “He’s in my office sucking up to try and get Captain.” Sullivan answered from the kitchen area. Nobody had even noticed that he came in.<br/>            “Good to see you, Bishop.” He added, filling the silence.<br/>            “Thank you, sir.” She said back. Maya looked over at Carina and gave her a smile, hoping for a reassuring look back from her. She felt strange knowing that everyone knew the reason as to why she was on leave, but she hadn’t been the one to tell them. Carina took hold of Maya’s hand underneath the table and squeezed it for a few seconds, before letting it go again. Maya’s eyes dropped down to her lap, then back up to Carina, who’s smile was indefinitely reassuring.<br/>            “Do you guys want some food? There’s plenty to go around.” Travis offered, bringing extra plates and glasses over to where Maya and Carina were sat.<br/>            “There’s coffee, juice, pancakes, waffles, eggs, toast. We burn a lot of energy on the job.” Travis relayed what they had to offer, followed by a justification to Carina as to why there was so much food. Carina laughed and nodded. Travis picked up the coffee pot and juice jug and held them up to them both.<br/>            “Of course. I will just take some juice for now.” Carina said and extended her glass out to him to fill for her.<br/>            “Grazie.” She said when he finished pouring. <br/>            “And for you, Lieutenant?” Travis asked.<br/>            “I will also take a juice, and a waffle...with syrup.” Maya said, feeling a little like she was placing her order at a café.<br/>            “Coming right up.” He said chirpily, grabbing the syrup from Miller and setting it down in front of Maya.<br/>             “Thanks.” She said and reached forward to take a waffle from the stack of them in the middle of the table.</p>
<p>“So, Dr DeLuca, how has our Lieutenant been doing?” Warren asked Carina.<br/>            “She is doing very well, actually. She is healing nicely, and we are starting to work on movement now so, we will be going on lots of walks now.” Carina smiled at Maya, knowing she would be happy to hear that.<br/>            “Honestly Warren I don’t know how I’ve managed to sit still for a week.” Maya added before eating a mouthful of her food.<br/>            “Yeah I can imagine; you must’ve had your work cut out for you.” Warren said to Carina.<br/>            “Oh yes, I am sure you all know how stubborn she is. I had to learn the hard way.” Carina said, causing everyone to laugh. Maya’s stubborn side was very well known.<br/>            “Sorry Carina but, we’re really enjoying the break from that.” Vic joked, teasing Maya for her stubborn trait.<br/>            “You guys need to stop talking about me like I’m not here. I’m still your Lieutenant, a little respect please?” Maya joked back, causing everyone to chuckle. They all continued to eat and chat about what’s gone on since Maya had been gone. It had only been a little over a week, but they all felt like it had been much longer, including Maya.<br/>            “It’s a shame though. Prue woulda had a friend, you know. Around her age.” Miller spoke between mouthfuls of food. The room fell silent, and Maya’s smile dropped completely. The images from her nightmare flashed through her mind briefly, and she shivered in her seat, as though someone had walked over her grave, or so they say. Carina struggled to control her facial expression and knew that it was in complete shock at his careless comment. He doesn’t seem to notice the silence at first, but looks up before taking another mouthful of food, and clocks onto everyone’s expressions.<br/>            “Oh I...I didn’t mean that like-.”<br/>            “It’s fine.” Maya cut him off, just trying to move past the comment. The silence lingered, and everyone just continued to eat in silence. Maya decided not to finish her plate, her appetite had all of a sudden vanished. Carina slowly sipped on her juice and avoided eye contact with everyone. She was uncomfortable enough already, surrounded by people she had only ever heard about.<br/>            “How’s life at the hospital, Carina?” Warren broke the silence and took the focus away from Maya. Maya let out a sigh of relief.<br/>            “It has been quiet actually, recently. I have not been into the hospital much this week, just doing research from home.” Carina explained. “How is Miranda?” She asked back.<br/>            “She’s good, thanks. She’s great at that job, you know. Best chief since Richard.” He responded.<br/>            “Ah yes, I have to agree.” She said with a smile. She had a lot of admiration for Miranda, as she was the one to give Carina the funding for her research, and of course, a female chief is something deserving of a lot of respect.</p>
<p>Before their conversation could continue, the klaxons sounded throughout the station, followed by the callout requesting the Aid Car. Montgomery, Hughes and Warren startled up from their seats, quickly finishing their mouthfuls of breakfast.<br/>            “Never a dull moment here, right Bishop? Warren said, grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair. Maya smiled and watched them all get up to leave.<br/>            “Maya, call anytime, okay? Next time we’re off I’m coming over.” Travis said as he hurried to leave.<br/>            “I second that!” Vic called as she ran toward the door to leave.</p>
<p>Maya turned to Carina and smiled.<br/>            “We should get going anyway, I think I’ve rested enough from walking here to be able to walk back.” She said. Carina smiled and nodded.<br/>            “Thanks for the food, Miller.” Maya said to Dean who must have been on Engine with Gibson today. He stood up and walked around the table to Maya’s side, offering a hand to help her up. She smiled and thanked him as she stood up, then turned back to Carina to make sure she was ready to go.<br/>            “Thank you.” Carina said to Miller. He smiled and followed them back down the stairs to see them out.</p>
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<p>Maya convinced Carina to walk through the park on their way home, just so that they could be out of the house for a little longer than planned but promised to stop and sit down mid-way through as a compromise for the longer walk. Carina couldn’t really argue, she knew it would be hard to get Maya home once they were outside, she was just grateful that Maya hadn’t worn her work out clothes and started running like she knew she usually would.</p>
<p>They sat down on a park bench surrounded by some trees, a little set back from the path that went through the greenery.<br/>            “I miss work.” Maya said after a few minutes of silence. Carina watched Maya as she looked around at the scenery.<br/>            “I miss having something to do every day, and it being something that helps others. What am I doing just sitting at home all day?” She asked, semi-rhetorically. Carina looked away from Maya and turned her attention to whatever it was that Maya was looking at.<br/>            “You are helping yourself.” She gave an unexpected answer. Maya looked over and stared at Carina’s side profile.<br/>            “The more rest you give yourself now, Maya, the sooner you can get back to work. I do not doubt that you will not need 8 weeks to recover like some people who have this same procedure, or even 6 weeks. I think that in 3 weeks-time, we will seriously review your recovery.” Carina explained, giving Maya something to strive for, a deadline, something to look forward to.<br/>            “You think so?” Maya asked, feeling slightly relieved to hear that. She knew that Carina wouldn’t say something like that if it were empty.<br/>            “I do. So long as you put in the effort on yourself.” Carina confirmed.</p>
<p>They sat again in silence, Maya pondering over the thought of getting back to work, but at the same time, she had the thought of getting to 4 weeks post-op and Carina telling her she wasn’t ready. There was so much to consider. She didn’t know if she would be able to rest like she has done for the past week, for three more weeks, but she knew that’s what she had to do now. Maybe after a week of going out for a short walk every day, Carina would introduce the next rehabilitation step, maybe some muscle building exercises. Maya suddenly felt overwhelmed with emotions, there was so much to think consider, and all she wanted in this moment, was to sleep. <br/>            “What time is it?” Maya asked.<br/>             “Hm...just after midday.” Carina said.<br/>            “I’m quite tired.” Maya stated. Carina looked at her and smiled gently.<br/>            “Let’s go back.” Carina said, standing up and extending a hand to Maya. Maya nodded and took Carina’s help to get up. They set off through the park to get to the other side, which was only a few minutes from there back to Maya’s apartment.</p>
<p>As soon as they got home, Maya undressed out of her clothes and put on some joggers and a t-shirt. Carina had to help her untie her shoelaces, as she couldn’t quite bend over enough, just like this morning when she couldn’t quite reach to do them up either, only this time, she didn’t feel so frustrated by it like she did earlier in the day, she was too tired to be bothered by it. When she was changed, she made her way to the couch, not wanting to get into bed as she didn’t really like spending time in her room if she wasn’t sleeping. She propped a cushion up at one end and lowered herself down onto the couch carefully and lifted her legs up at the other end, resting her head on the pillow.<br/>            “Can I get you anything?” Carina asked, knowing that Maya was tired.<br/>            “No, I’m okay. Thank you.” She replied. Carina smiled back and pottered around in the kitchen.<br/>            “Aren’t you hungry? You didn’t eat this morning.” Maya asked as she watched Carina tidy a few random things away.<br/>             “I am, I am going to make something soon. I am not sure what yet.” Carina explained, unsure of what Maya actually had in her cupboards.<br/>            “Okay. I’m not sure what I have in but, you’re welcome to use anything there is.” Maya offered.<br/>            “Grazie.” Carina said back.</p>
<p>Carina rummaged through the cabinets in the kitchen in the hopes that she would find something that she could eat. She stood and stared at the random tinned things that were probably gathering dust. She sighed, regretting not having at least a piece of fruit at the station, and decided she would have to go out and get some groceries.<br/>            “Maya,” She said, walking into the living room to let Maya know. When she reached the couch, she saw that in those few minutes of her looking through the kitchen cupboards, Maya had fallen asleep. She paused, and then headed into Maya’s bedroom and grabbed the throw that was spread across the foot of the bed, brought it back into the living room and placed it over her. They hadn’t been in long enough for Carina to have taken her own shoes and jacket off, so she was about ready to head out again. She knew she wouldn’t be long, so she didn’t leave a note, Maya had only just fallen asleep, she assumed she would be asleep for at least an hour yet. She grabbed Maya’s door key and headed out.</p>
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<p>Carina returned after just 45 minutes, and by no surprise, Maya was still sleeping on the couch when she got back. Since getting back she had made herself something to eat, cleaned everything up that she used, cleaned the bathroom, and planned what to make for dinner when Maya was awake and ready. It had now been over two hours since Maya fell asleep on the couch. She had moved slightly while Carina was gone but didn’t appear to be uncomfortable. Carina went into her bedroom and pulled her laptop up and checked her phone for anything important from work. There were a couple of messages from her brother, just wondering where she’s been hiding, but nothing from Meredith, so she knew he was doing okay at the moment. Though she did begin to feel guilty that she hadn’t checked in with him much this week. She checked her pager but had no messages there either. She couldn’t even remember when she was supposed to be on call next.<br/>            She decided to take her laptop and sit at Maya’s dining table with it, instead of on the bed like she usually did in the evenings, she was starting to feel the consequences of that in her shoulders. She headed back out and set her things down quietly on the glass dining table, pulled a chair out and sat herself down to do some work.<br/>            After about twenty minutes, she noticed Maya beginning to stir, and turned her attention for a minute to see if she was waking up. Her face was screwed up quite tightly, and her fists were clenching the throw that she had put over her. Carina quickly became concerned and stood up from the table and came to Maya’s side, kneeling down on the floor beside the couch.<br/>            “Maya?” Carina said softly, while trying to pry open her balled up fist.<br/>            “Maya wake up. I’ve got you, you’re okay.” Carina said again, holding tightly onto Maya’s hand and trying to wake her up without startling her. Maya’s eyes flashed open and she jumped a little, regardless of Carina’s efforts to avoid that.<br/>            “You were stirring, you looked frightened.” Carina said to her, unsure if she would remember like last time when she couldn’t.<br/>            “I...” Maya began to say but wasn’t quite awake yet. “That nightmare. Again.” She finally managed to say.<br/>            “I’m sorry.” Carina said, wishing there were something she could do to stop it from happening.<br/>            “It’s okay.” Maya said, and ran her hands through her hair. Carina stood up and got Maya a glass of water from the kitchen and brought it back to her in the living room.<br/>            “Thank you.” Maya said before taking a few gulps of it, then resting it down on the floor.<br/>            “Is there anything I can do for you?” Carina asked, desperately wanting to help.<br/>            “I don’t know. I don’t think so.” Maya said. She didn’t really feel much more rested than before her nap, despite being asleep for so long.<br/>            “Would you like a bath?” Carina offered as she usually did. She often found baths helped her to relax, and maybe they helped Maya too, though she would never admit that.<br/>            “Actually...yes, please. That would be nice.” Maya accepted, despite her ‘sick of baths’ comment from this morning. She was hoping that Carina had forgotten about that, she could really use a nice bath right now.</p>
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<p>After Maya’s bath, Carina had made some pasta for dinner. They ate together at the dinner table, she continued to catch up with work and research, and Maya surfed through endless TV channels trying to find anything that didn’t bore her out of her mind. But about half an hour ago, at around 9pm, she gave up and took herself off to bed, and figured that she would fall asleep soon enough after being that bored.<br/>            Carina stayed perched on the couch with her laptop resting on her legs for a little while longer. She wanted to stop soon to give her eyes some down time from looking at a screen before she went to sleep, so she had been trying to finish things up. She finally shut her laptop down and left it sat on the footrest in front of the couch, along with her phone and pager, she didn’t need to take them to bed with her, she would only sit up and keep herself awake if she did. Sleep was more important, especially when dealing with a very restless Maya.<br/>            Carina went into the bathroom after switching off the main lights in the apartment and brushed her teeth. She looked at herself in the mirror as she did and wondered how this had all happened. Her mind, more often than not, wandered back to her first encounter with Maya, and then to how things were now. When was the switch? When did they just become friends, after such a rocky start? She rinsed her mouth with water and wiped her face with a towel, then shut off the bathroom light and headed over to Maya’s door to see if she was still awake to say goodnight. <br/>            As she came out of the bathroom, she noticed Maya’s door was left slightly ajar, and she could see Maya laid in bed under the duvet with her TV remote in her hand. She assumed she would have fallen asleep by now, but maybe it was just one of those nights.<br/>            Carina knocked gently on the door before making herself visible in the crack in the doorway.<br/>            “Hey.” Maya said, encouraging Carina to come in.<br/>            “You are still awake.” Carina said as she pushed the door open more and leaned against the doorframe. Maya nodded and sighed a little. She didn’t want to tell Carina that actually, she was too scared to fall asleep in case the nightmare came back.<br/>            “Yeah, I think it was that nap earlier. I don’t feel tired now.” Maya told the half-truth. Carina nodded and looked down at the floor, unsure of what to say. Maya gestured to the TV with the remote.<br/>            “I was about to put on a movie actually, kill some time and hope that I’m tired enough to fall asleep by the end of it. You can stay and watch too if you like.” Maya offered, knowing that being alone made the nightmares worse. Carina looked up at the TV and then back to Maya.<br/>            “Sure, that would be good.” Carina agreed. Maya started the movie and casually pulled back the duvet on the empty side of the bed, inviting Carina over. She remembered that when she woke up the other day after Carina fell asleep here, that she had pulled the blanket up from the bottom of the bed, and she didn’t want her to be sat on top of the duvet cold and too polite to say anything about it.<br/>            As the opening credits roll, they sit in silence, their attention on the screen, taking in the beginning of the movie. Carina wasn’t a huge film watcher, she preferred to read, but she did enjoy the occasional rom-com. Maya on the other hand never had time for either reading or watching movies, but as she had nothing else to do now, she had a lot of watching to catch up on.<br/>            A little while into the movie, Carina turns and looks at Maya.<br/>            “How are you feeling after today?” She asked, breaking the slightly strange silence that had fallen between them.<br/>            “What do you mean?” Maya asked, her eyes staying focused on the TV.<br/>            “Being outside, seeing your friends.” Carina clarified, wanting Maya to feel comfortable in talking about her feelings, knowing that she usually struggles when it comes to being open.<br/>            “It was nice. Great actually.” Maya said, and turned her eyes to meet Carina’s.<br/>            “It was so good to see everyone, and I really appreciated you being there, too. Especially when Miller...you know. That comment.” Maya explained. Carina took Maya’s hand and squeezed it again, just like she did before.<br/>            “I think it stayed on my mind, what he said. Maybe that’s why I had that nightmare again when I napped.” Maya added, trying to justify her disturbed sleep.<br/>            “It could be. Sometimes these things don’t have explanations, they just happen and there is not always a reason,” Carina said. “But either way, I am here for you, and like I said the other day, I was there when everything happened that night. Maybe it is the not knowing exactly what you went through, but knowing that it happened, that is causing your mind to exaggerate the truth.” Carina explained. Maya nodded and held her eye contact with Carina. She didn’t realise, but Carina began to blush.<br/>            “I will talk you through it, if or when you are ready. I am here for you, Maya.” Carina added with her gentle smile.<br/>            All of the air was almost blown out of Carina’s lungs as the next thing she knew, Maya’s hands were cupping her face, and her lips were slammed firmly against her own. With her eyes wide open, she felt her entire body overtaken with flutters, and her lips moved with Maya’s of their own accord, like it had been rehearsed a thousand times to perfection. Carina hardly had a moment to react before Maya pulled away, leaving the both of them breathless.<br/>            Before either of them had a chance to speak, the sound of Carina’s pager rang from the other room. They looked into each other’s eyes, both with reddened cheeks, unsure of what to say next. It took a few seconds for them to realise.<br/>            “I’m on call.” Carina said. Maya closed her mouth and pursed her lips together.<br/>            “I have to go.” Carina said, hurrying out of the room, leaving Maya alone with the lingering taste of Carina’s lips on her mouth, speechless, and breathless.</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. ~ sixteen ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm so overwhelmed with the reactions from the last update! This fic has gained almost 2,000 hits since the update, I can't thank you all enough for the support &lt;3 this next chapter is a little shorter, but hopefully you all enjoy it anyway!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carina walked into OR 2 hastily, holding her freshly scrubbed hands up ready to be gowned and gloved by the technicians already in the room. On the OR table was a young woman, prepped for an emergency C-Section, who had been injured in a car accident which triggered the membrane rupture. Already in the room were Dr Shepherd and Dr Altman, on standby in case of any neuro or cardio emergencies during the surgery.<br/>            “She has a supraventricular arrhythmia, I’ll be here in case she has an episode while under the anaesthesia.” Dr Altman announced her purpose. Carina gave her a quick nod as the technician slid the gloves on her hands.<br/>            “She also suffered a head injury in the accident, it doesn’t look too serious but I’m here in case she codes but, this won’t take long and she’s literally in labour so...this takes priority.” Amelia followed with her own explanation. Carina remained silent and just got to work. Her mind was still racing as was her heart, still beating at the speed of light. Her focus was elsewhere, and it showed in her performance in the surgery. Her hands were slightly shaky, where they were usually completely still. Her concentration was clouded with thoughts of Maya’s mouth on hers, the taste of the lips, the feel of her skin against her own, something she was hesitant to admit that she had wanted for weeks now.<br/>            “Are you okay?...DeLuca?” Amelia asked, as her and Teddy watched Carina stare blankly at the patient’s open abdomen. Carina startled a little and snapped out of her thoughts, continuing the surgery, trying to avoid eye contact.<br/>            “I’m tired. That’s all.” Carina said, thinking that would be a good excuse as it was quite late now.<br/>            “You don’t seem yourself. I mean, you haven’t flirted with me yet.” Amelia joked, trying to keep things light-hearted between them. <br/>            “She kissed me.” Carina blurted out, surprising even herself. Underneath her surgical mask, Amelia’s jaw dropped open. The three of them stand in silence for a few seconds.<br/>            “Who?” Teddy asked, slightly confused at what was going on, unaware that Carina was seeing someone.<br/>            “Maya.” Carina said quietly, unsure if Teddy would remember.<br/>            “Oh...” Teddy said with the memories of Carina bringing Maya into the ER when she was miscarrying. The silence continued for a minute more while Carina continued on the caesarean.<br/>            “I mean...you are basically living together.” Amelia said, having heard some things from Warren. Carina’s head shot up and her eyes met Amelia’s abruptly.<br/>            “There is a lot that I have missed out on here.” Teddy said, having very little knowledge about anything that was going on.<br/>             “We are not living together. She needed to have consistent support. She does not have someone who can give her that. I happen to be flexible, I offered to be the support.” Carina explained, more for Teddy’s sake, and to defend her current living arrangements. It did feel like she had suddenly moved in with Maya, though it wasn’t true, so she wouldn’t admit that.<br/>            “Right, but there has to be some kind of attraction there, otherwise you wouldn’t have offered to do that.” Amelia questioned Carina further.<br/>            “I don’t do things for my own gain. I like to help people, give good deeds.” Carina defended herself yet again.<br/>            “So there isn’t any attraction...?” Amelia asked, knowing she would catch Carina out now. Carina paused, and her cheeks flushed. <br/>            “There is.” She said. Amelia smiled under her mask with satisfaction.<br/>            “I don’t understand. You like her, she kissed you, and this is a bad thing?” Teddy asked. Carina shook her head.<br/>            “I don’t know. There is a lot of attraction, too much at some times where I have had to stop myself from acting on the impulses.” Carina explained. She didn’t really have many friends in Seattle, she had her co-workers but she hadn’t really formed any close friendships with any of them, so felt hesitant to talk about such personal things but at the same time, she needed to talk through this.<br/>            “So what’s the problem?” Teddy asked, still confused.<br/>            “I don’t want to take advantage when she is vulnerable.” Carina said in a sigh. “She is the most vulnerable she has probably ever been, and I don’t want to make her feel like I am...forcing her into something she does not want because she is easily led while feeling helpless.” Carina explained as best she could.</p>
<p>They finished the procedure with no difficulties, and Carina was able to deliver the premature baby with no complications. The mother didn’t code or have a cardiac episode, things couldn’t have gone better. It was as if the universe knew that Carina wanted so badly to go back home to Maya.<br/>            As the three of them scrubbed their hands and arms post-surgery, Amelia wasn’t ready to let it go.<br/>            “Tell me what happened leading up to the kiss.” She said to Carina. Teddy looked at Amelia, concerned at what her angle was.<br/>            “She asked if I wanted to watch a movie with her because she wasn’t tired. I wasn’t tired either, so I accepted. We talked about our day when I asked how she was feeling she told me and I told her that I was there for her because, what am I supposed to say? And then...she kissed me, out of nowhere.” Carina retold the tale, feeling her stomach erupt with flutters all over again as she spoke.<br/>            “Definitely not out of nowhere. Did you not just hear yourself?” Amelia asked. Carina gave her a very confused look, unsure what she meant.<br/>            “It doesn’t sound like it was an impulsive decision on her part.” Teddy said before Amelia could, knowing that Amelia would likely say it in the wrong way.<br/>            “Look, you’re going to go back there tonight anyway and face what happened. If you’re worried, just ask.” Teddy said very rationally, bringing some calm to Carina’s chaos.<br/>            “I say screw it. Go back there and kiss her like you’ve been wanting to since you laid eyes on her.” Amelia blurted out, and exposed Carina for her ongoing crush. Carina’s cheeks flushed deep red and she looked away, frantically drying her hands with paper towels.<br/>            “Yeah, don’t think I didn’t notice. I knew there was a prompt for that head CT you had.” Amelia added, causing Carina to blush even more.</p>
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<p>Maya laid in bed with the end credits of the movie rolling on the screen, her eyes had bored off in another direction just replaying the moment with Carina. She hadn’t slept at all since Carina had left, it had almost been two hours now, it was gone midnight. Her mind was wide awake just thinking about the feeling of Carina’s lips on hers, the racing of her heart as her body acted before her mind had caught up. She hadn’t planned on kissing her, she wasn’t sure what had come over her, she wasn’t sure if she had even meant to, and she wasn’t overtly aware that she had the intention of doing so. But it happened, and now she sat wondering if Carina would ever come back. <br/>            As she began to convince herself that Carina would spend the rest of the night at the hospital, she heard the sound of the front door opening and closing again, and the shuffling of boots and coats, presumably the sounds of Carina kicking her shoes off and hanging her jacket up. She heard the set of door keys land on the table behind the couch, and footsteps approaching the bedroom. She sat up and looked towards the door which had remained open from where Carina had hurried out before, so she could see right out into the hall.<br/>            Carina walked into the room, her eyes on Maya’s as soon as she could see her. She walked right over to her side of the bed, grabbed Maya’s face with her hands and kissed her like she should have before. Their lips moved together slowly and softly and the world around them fell away. It was comforting in ways that words could never be. Carina’s hand rested below Maya’s ear, her thumb caressing her cheek as their mouths moulded together. Maya ran her hand down Carina’s spine, pulling her closer until there was no space left between them, and Carina was sat on the bed, their bodies so close together that they could feel the beating of each other’s hearts. <br/>            As Maya’s hands fumbled beneath the bottom of Carina’s shirt, feeling her warm skin on her fingertips, Carina pulled away. Things had started to get a little heated, and she felt overwhelmed. They sat with their foreheads together, their pupils hugely dilates, and breathless once again. After a moment or so, Carina lifted her head and met Maya’s bright eyes.<br/>            “What are we doing?” Carina asked in a whisper, her voice barely able to make a sound.<br/>            “We don’t have to talk about it right now.” Maya said, and lifted her hands to the back of Carina’s neck, pulling her forward until their lips met again. Carina couldn’t resist, and kissed Maya back with the same passion as a moment ago, her hands tangling in Maya’s hair, and Maya’s doing the same. Maya pulled Carina in further until they were laid back against the pillows, Carina’s legs beside Maya, but her chest on top of hers. Maya’s hands ran down Carina’s back again, feeling each dip in Carina’s spine. Carina’s hand remained behind Maya’s neck, and the other against her cheek. <br/>            Carina pulls away again and starts to speak before Maya can object.<br/>            “Maya I would not be truthful if I said I had not thought about this before, but I didn’t, and I still don’t want to take advantage when you are vulnerable.” Carina said, leaning up on her elbow so that her face wasn’t so close to Maya’s.<br/>            “I’m an adult, Carina, I can make my own decisions and deal with the consequences afterward.” Maya argues, finding it hard to take her eyes off of Carina’s lips. Carina pauses at the thought of Maya thinking of her as a mistake with consequences and hopes that she didn’t mean what she said in the way that it came out.<br/>            “I know that.” Carina says quietly, and rolls over slightly so that she isn’t hovering over Maya anymore.<br/>            They sit in silence for a few minutes, their hearts still racing and lips tingling. Neither of them are sure what the next right move is, so remain in silence with tension thick enough to be cut with a knife looming over them.<br/>            “I am going to go to bed.” Carina said, sitting up and leaning on the edge of the bed. She looked behind her at Maya, who was looking longingly at her, wishing with everything in her that she would just come back and kiss her again like before.<br/>            “Goodnight, bella.” Carina said as she stood up. She looked away and walked out of the room, pulling Maya’s door closed behind her, not looking back. She knew that if she looked at Maya’s face again, she wouldn’t be able to leave, and she felt it would be best for her to go now.</p>
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<p>Carina jumped awake to the all too familiar sound of Maya’s cries from the other room. Without a thought, she leapt out of bed and ran to Maya’s bedroom, throwing the door open and climbing under the covers on the empty side of the bed. She gently pulled Maya’s distressed body closer to her and wrapped her arms around her body.<br/>            “Maya? Maya I’ve got you, I’m here it’s okay.” Carina said in a calming tone, loud enough to hopefully bring Maya out of her nightmare, but not too loud so to scare her.<br/>            “You’re okay, Maya. Everything is okay. It’s not real.” Carina shushed again and Maya jumped awake this time, looking around her frantically.<br/>            “Hey, I’m here. I’ve got you.” Carina repeated, making sure that Maya knew she was safe. Maya turns over and buries her head in Carina’s chest, letting out a few tired sobs as the images of the nightmare remain in her mind. Carina began to rock Maya back and forth a little, quietly shushing and trying to calm her down. Her hands ran gently up and down Maya’s arm, and she placed a soft kiss on top of Maya’s head, taking in the smell of her hair as she did so. Maya’s body started to relax a little, and she turned her head to the side so that she could take a bigger breath. Her head rested on Carina’s shoulder, with one of Carina’s arms underneath her, and the other wrapped over her securely, keeping her safe from everything else. Carina placed another kiss gently on Maya’s forehead, lingering a little longer this time, and repeating once again, “I’ve got you, Maya.”<br/><br/></p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. ~ seventeen ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>trigger warning: miscarriage</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As soon as Maya woke up, she knew that she had another nightmare again. Not because she could still see the images, or remembered it happening, but because she knew that she had fallen asleep alone, and somehow woken up with Carina beside her. She didn’t need to look to know that she was there. Also, the fact that she felt more tired than she did before she slept, that was always an indicator to having a disrupted sleep. She could feel that her head was resting on top of her shoulder, and could hear Carina’s gentle breathing as she remained sleeping. Maya lifted her head and moved slowly over a little to rest her head on her pillow so that she wasn’t laying on Carina anymore. She sighed as she realised the correlation between sleeping alone and having nightmares. As soon as Carina was there, everything felt okay again.<br/>            It wasn’t long before Carina stretched her legs under the covers and opened her eyes a little, adjusting to the light peeking through the drapes. <br/>            “Morning.” Carina said in her husky morning voice with a soft smile. Maya smiled back a little.<br/>            “Hey.” She said back. They looked at each other for a few seconds, their eyes flitting between each other’s lips and eyes.<br/>            “Would you like coffee?” Carina asked and began to sit herself up in the bed.<br/>            “Maybe in a little bit.” Maya said quickly, not ready for Carina to move and leave. Her warmth beside her was oddly comforting. Carina settled again, sliding back into a laying position. She wasn’t ready to get up either but wanted to be helpful in making the morning pot of coffee.<br/>            The two of them laid together in silence for a while. It was comfortable, not at all awkward or tense, just comfortable. Neither one of them had anything to say in the moment, but it didn’t matter. A little time had passed before Maya’s body flinched slightly as an image from her nightmare flashed through her mind. Carina looked over to her to make sure she was okay but remained silent. A few seconds later, Maya broke the silence.<br/>            “I want you to tell me what happened to me.” She said. Carina knew what she was talking about, and kept her gaze upon Maya, who was staring blankly at the ceiling. Carina moved her arm underneath the duvet and grabbed hold of Maya’s hand, linking their fingers together and squeezing it gently. They both took a few deep breaths before Carina began to talk.</p>
<p>            “After you called me that night, I was mad at you. It made me angry that you had been rude to me and then called when you needed something, but I realised that there was something wrong, and I came here so fast and you were on the ground and bleeding. I called an ambulance right away and tried to do what I could before they arrived, but there was not a lot I could do.” She explained, feeling herself getting upset talking about it, but knowing that Maya needed to know, for the sake of her own mental wellbeing. <br/>            “I explained everything on the journey about you, the whole situation. It was good that it was me you called, because I have been here for the whole journey with you, whether it was as your doctor or a friend. I knew all of the things that they needed to know. Dr Altman was there when we arrived, and she took us in. I tried to get a gown to help but she wouldn’t let me, I was too scared. I had only ever seen a situation like yours once before, and it did not end well.” Carina’s voice wobbled as she spoke. Maya squeezed her hand tight, reassuring her that everything was okay. Carina took another deep breath and exhaled slowly.<br/>            “You didn’t need a CT scan as there were no head injuries, but you needed blood, and we needed to find out why you were losing so much. They took you up for a scan and...it showed that your body was...in labour, essentially. We weren’t sure at first, but it appeared that the baby had not grown past 18 weeks, and at this point you were 20 weeks, and your body was rejecting it because it did not recognise it any more.”</p>
<p>Maya began to get choked up as Carina went on. She knew that there were complications, but she had no idea that her baby had died before the miscarriage. She didn’t know that for two weeks she was trying to be more careful at work and taking the right vitamins and avoiding certain foods, when it was already too late.</p>
<p>            “You had to go in for an emergency caesarean section, as the bleeding was caused by the baby not being able to come out naturally, this happens sometimes without explanation, but in this case it is likely that it wasn’t able to move itself where it needed to go, so it was trapped inside. I was not allowed to participate in the surgery myself, but I was there the entire time. I sat on a stool by your head and I talked to you the whole time. I was not going to let you be alone, as much I know you can handle things on your own, this is not something you want to go through alone.” Carina explained further with a tear falling down her face. Maya could sense that Carina was upset but could also feel a wetness around her own eyes and didn’t want to look at Carina to prompt her to look back at her and see that she was crying. Both of them laid still all the while Carina had been talking. Neither one of them had moved an inch, only to give a reassuring squeeze of the other’s hand.</p>
<p>            “I stayed with you all night after the surgery, I slept in the chair in the corner of the room, I dragged it over to your bedside and leaned against the edge of your bed just waiting for you to wake up. You were unconscious the whole time. I just wanted you to wake up.” Carina said, swallowing the lump in her throat.<br/>            “I did. I woke up.” Maya said in a croaky voice where she had been fighting tears.<br/>            “You did.” Carina repeated, thankful at the truth of those words. After a few more seconds of silence while Maya let everything sink in, she turned her head to look at Carina, and Carina turned to look at her.<br/>            “Was it me? Did I do something?” Maya asked. Carina frowned a little, confused.<br/>            “What do you mean?” She asked.<br/>            “Was it my fault that the baby died?” She asked. Carina’s heart stopped cold in her chest and almost shattered into pieces at Maya’s words.<br/>            “No, bella. Nothing you did or didn’t do was the cause of any of this.” Carina said, letting go of Maya’s hand to move her arm and wrap it around Maya’s waist. <br/>            “Unfortunately, this can happen for no reason. There is no telling what caused it, but it was not anything that you did wrong.” Carina said firmly and moved her hand to Maya’s cheek to wipe away a tear with her thumb.</p>
<p>After a while, Carina decided it was about time she made some coffee, they needed it after that conversation. Carina leant up on her elbow and looked at Maya with a soft smile.<br/>            “How about the coffee now?” She asked. Maya smiled a little and nodded.<br/>            “Sure,” She said. “I’m gonna get dressed.” Maya said as she also pushed herself upright. Carina hopped down off the bed and walked out of the bedroom in her silky shorts and off the shoulder lounge top, her dark wavy hair falling naturally down her shoulders and back. After she left, Maya lowered herself carefully onto the ground and m began to rummage around her room for something to wear. She grabbed a pair of black leggings and a grey t-shirt and put them on, then headed out into the living room to make herself comfortable on the couch.<br/>            Carina was just pouring the coffee into two mugs when Maya came in and sat down, and she picked them up and brought them into the living room. She handed Maya one of the mugs and sat herself down beside her on the couch, holding the other mug in both hands.<br/>             “I have to go back into the hospital today.” Carina said, making Maya aware of her movements for the day.<br/>            “Really? How comes?” Maya asked.<br/>            “To follow up on the mama who came in last night. She’s been monitored overnight but she needs a post-op exam. And I’d like to see that everything is okay with her bambino.” Carina explained, talking about the patient she was called in for.<br/>            “Right. Was it something bad?” Maya asked, slightly curious as to what Carina’s work-day usually looked like.<br/>            “The mama was in a road accident, and it caused preterm labour. We had to deliver the baby, luckily she was grown enough and has a good chance of surviving, she is just small, only a few pounds.” Carina explained further, being careful not to say anything that might trigger Maya, only talking about the better things in the situation.<br/>            “That’s good, that they’re gonna be okay.” Maya said before taking a sip of her coffee. <br/>            “Yes, it is.” Carina said. “I should shower before I go.” She added, drinking as much of her coffee as she could handle before getting up and heading to the bathroom to take a shower. Maya watched her walk away and then turned back around and switched on the TV just for some background noise. She sipped on her coffee, wondering how Carina drank hers so quicky when it was still quite hot. She didn’t pay attention to what was on the TV, and just let her eyes wander around the room and focus on random things. She began to notice things around her apartment that weren’t quite right; books in the wrong places on the shelf, plant pots moved slightly or angled differently, new things laying about on the kitchen counters or cabinet by the door, things that weren’t hers. Her eyebrows had furrowed, but she hadn’t noticed herself growing tense. Her apartment was slowly turning into someone else’s, and she hadn’t even noticed.<br/>            The bathroom door opening pulled her out of her thoughts, and she turned her head to see Carina walking towards her bedroom with a towel wrapped loosely around her body, drooping down at the back, revealing her perfectly dipped spine and smooth olive toned skin, and her hair had been clipped up so not to get wet. She didn’t look over to Maya as she walked from the bathroom to the bedroom, which Maya was glad for, as she would’ve been caught out gaping at her. As Carina disappeared into the other room, Maya turned her attention back to the living room and remembered what she was thinking about before. The more she looked around, the more things she noticed that Carina had left about or put away. It bothered her, unusually so, but it was her space, and she liked things how she liked them. Even when Andy was living here, she was hesitant to let her put her things away in the communal spaces, despite it being a shared apartment, because regardless, it was hers first.<br/>            Maya heard Carina’s footsteps and snapped out of her head and turned around to look at her again, and was blown away. Carina was wearing a fitted grey pantsuit with heeled boots, and the top part of her hair was tied in a bun at the back of her head. She wore a rust coloured blouse underneath her suit jacket, and stood by the front door, rummaging through the coats for her purse. Maya picked her jaw up before Carina looked up, so that she wouldn’t see her gaping yet again.<br/>            “I hope not to be too long, but I won’t make any promises in case I have to stay a little longer.” Carina said once she found her bag.<br/>            “Don’t worry. I’m alright here for a while.” Maya said, and waved her goodbye. Carina waved back and let herself out the door.</p>
<p>When Carina left, Maya began to spiral. She walked around her apartment correcting all the wrongs that had come about since Carina’s arrival here, re-stacking the books and moving the plants back to where they were, even if they had only moved an inch or two, she knew it wasn’t right. She picked up various things that didn’t belong to her and took them into the spare bedroom and put them down on the end of the bed so that Carina could put them back with her things. This was not her apartment, they weren’t living together, and frankly, Maya felt like she didn’t need the help anymore. It had almost been two weeks, her scar had become just that, a scar, though it was still healing, it was no longer an open wound, and no longer needed to be dressed every day. She had spent almost every second of every day with Carina for almost two weeks, and in this moment, it had all become too much. Part of her felt like it had been much longer, since they had been spending so much time together, but another part of her began to realise that she actually didn’t know much about Carina at all. She didn’t know anything that had happened in her life, she didn’t know anything about her family, besides that she had a brother, but she didn’t know anything about him or their relationship. She didn’t know a lot about Carina’s job, just that she was some kind of orgasm specialist which, while very intriguing, was unusual to think about. <br/>            After about an hour of scaling her apartment for things, she was satisfied that everything was back to the way it was before, apart from the spare bedroom being a Carina-shrine. But for now, she could close the door, and pretend like it was empty, like it was when Andy had moved out. Just the way she liked it.</p>
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<p>It was around 4pm when Carina came back, she ended up being gone for much longer than expected. Not because there were any complications with her patient, but there ended up being other people that needed consultations, and as she was there, and it was her job, she stayed. She opened the door and looked around, unable to see Maya anywhere at first. She closed the door behind her and took a few steps further into the room, and saw Maya out of the corner of her eye in the kitchen, tidying up what must have been some things from her lunch, either that or preparing something for dinner.<br/>            “Hi.” Carina said, resting her purse down on the couch. Maya said nothing, and continued to stand at the sink, facing away from Carina.<br/>            “Is everything okay?” Carina asked following Maya’s silence. Maya put the dish in her hands down and turned around promptly, grabbing a dish towel to wipe her hands with. <br/>             “When was the last time you went home?” She asked abruptly.<br/>            “I’m sorry?” Carina asked, confused at the question.<br/>             “To your place, when was the last time you were there.” She expanded on her question.<br/>            “Um...a day or two after I came back here with you, I went to get some of my things.” Carina answered, still confused by Maya’s curiosity. Maya nodded and turned around to face the sink again. She knew she wouldn’t be able to say this to Carina’s face.<br/>            “I’ve been fine on my own today,” She started. “I’m fine to be on my own again now. You should go home.” She said, trying to speak confidently. Carina hesitated, her confusion growing by the second. What had brought on this sudden change?<br/>            “Look, Maya, if this is about the kiss, I was not the one to initiate that-.”<br/>            “It’s not about that.” Maya snapped and turned around again. “It’s about the fact that you have your own place, you don’t have to be here all the time. I can manage on my own. I appreciate all of your help, but I’m good now.” Maya tried to explain, but obviously it came out very arrogantly.<br/>            “I shouldn’t have kissed you when I did, it was rushed and impulsive and...Carina I barely know you. Just because you’ve been here and you’ve helped me with the most basic things, doesn’t mean we automatically know each other. We haven’t had a real conversation with each other this whole time.” Maya explained further.<br/>            “Get to know me then.” Carina said in a demanding tone, determined not to let Maya shut her out. <br/>            “I’m sorry. I...I think you should leave.” Maya said, dropping her gaze to the ground.<br/>            “I’m not leaving, Maya.” Carina said, standing her ground.<br/>            “You need to go home, Carina. You need to leave.” Maya persisted, not in the mood to argue about it, she had already made up her mind.<br/>            “Don’t worry, I won’t take a shower until I’m recovered enough.” Maya mocked. Carina opened her mouth but was left speechless. Maya threw the dish towel down on the counter and walked away, headed into her bedroom, and closed the door firmly behind her, leaving Carina with the only option of packing up her things and seeing herself out.</p>
<p>After Carina had packed her things up, she stood her bags by the front door and put on her jacket. She then walked over to Maya’s bedroom door, knowing she was still in there, but received no response. She went to knock again, but let her hand drop down to her side.<br/>            “I’ll see you at your 4 week post-op appointment.” Carina said, speaking loud enough so that she knew Maya would hear her. She still received no response, but simply walked back over to the front door, picked up her bags and left.</p>
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<p>Carina headed straight home to take all of her things back, but it was so empty and cold there, so she decided to go back to the hospital and try to find her brother. She knew that he would be there somewhere, the boy never left that place. He was far too dedicated to work than he should be. She needed to talk to someone she was close to, and those people were few and far between. She needed someone who would understand her concerns, and she knew that he would be the best person for that. <br/>            When she arrived at the hospital, she headed up to the green room, and sat herself down in one of the armchairs there and tried to call Andrew. By no surprise, he didn’t pick up. She decided to try paging him, as she knew he would always respond to that because as far as he was aware, it was work related, so she paged him, and within 10 minutes, the door to the green room opened, and she was met with her brother’s friendly face.<br/>            “Carina, hey. You paged me here?” He asked and closed the door behind him. She nodded and pulled one of her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around it.<br/>            “What’s going on?” He asked, sitting down beside her. She took a deep breath and knew that she would get emotional if she started to talk about what had just happened, but she needed to.<br/>            “There is someone who...has become important to me. Someone who I care about and...she is shutting me out.” Carina explained in short. She hadn’t spoken properly to her brother in a while, so he didn’t know anything about her relationship with Maya.<br/>            “Okay...why is she shutting you out?” He asked, trying not to focus on the mystery of who she was talking about. He also didn’t really like to know too much detail about that aspect of her life. He assumed that who she was talking about was a romantic interest and didn’t need to hear about that.<br/>            “She is scared of getting close to people. I have been spending a lot of time with her and all of a sudden, she doesn’t want me around anymore. And I don’t know how to fix it.” Carina said getting choked up. Andrew put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into a hug.<br/>            “It’s okay. We can figure this out.” He said reassuringly.<br/>            “I care so much about her, Andrea. I don’t want to lose her or...what if she doesn’t want to see me again?” Carina spoke emotionally, tears welling up in her eyes.<br/>            “If you spent a lot of time together, I doubt she never wants to see you again. What happened...exactly?” Andrew asked, unsure of what advice to give with the little information he had.<br/>            “I was staying with her in a supportive capacity...she was a patient...initially, but I was attracted to her and we had a breakfast date which was really nice and...I was just there for her for a little while to make sure that she was alright and I guess...she did not want that anymore. She told me I couldn’t stay any more because we hardly know one another but, I don’t understand because that is an easy fix.” Carina explained.<br/>            “So go back there and open up. Tell her things about you that she doesn’t know already. Show her that you aren’t going to give up that easily, that she’s worth fighting for. If she’s really so important to you, show her.” Andrew replied, trying to encourage his sister to be the stubborn woman he knew she was.<br/>            “Carina, I know you. You don’t give up the fight this easily.” He added, looking Carina in the eye as he spoke. She nodded and wiped the tears from under her eyes.<br/>            “You are right, Andrea.” She said. “When did my sweet baby brother get so smart?” She chuckled, pushing him by the arm a little. He smiled and shook his head.<br/>            “Go get your girl.” He said back to her.</p>
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<p>It was around 11pm, and Maya was getting ready to go to bed. She had had a bath earlier in the evening, and unsuccessfully made it as nice as Carina always did. It was never the right temperature when she made it herself, and she could never get the ratio of bubbles to water right. On this occasion, there weren’t nearly enough bubbles in it, so she didn’t stay in it for very long. She pulled the drapes in the living room closed, and the same with the ones either end of the hallway. She went to go into her bedroom, but heard a knock at the door. She looked at the clock on the mantle in the living room and wondered if it was Vic stopping by to crash after a late shift. She sometimes did as Maya’s place was much closer to the station than hers, and she was too tired to travel home after a busy shift. <br/>            Maya headed to the front door and opened it, and was surprised to be met with Carina. Her heart jumped and her jaw dropped open a little.<br/>            “Carina I-.”<br/>            “I lived in Italy with my father until I started my residency and moved to the US. My baby brother moved to the States with my mother when he was small, that is why we have different accents. My father has bipolar, I stayed so that I could make sure he did not get himself into any trouble. My brother has inherited it. I love to cook. I love to make everything from scratch and I always try to shop at farmer’s markets rather than supermarkets. I like the colour green.” Carina gushed a trail of information out with barely a breath between sentences. Maya remained silent even once she had stopped speaking. She sighed and took a step closer to Maya, taking hold of her hands and squeezing them tight.<br/>            “Get to know me, Maya. I am not leaving.”</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. ~ eighteen ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maya lunged forward, gripped her hands on the back of Carina’s neck, leant up on her toes and pulled her towards her abruptly. Their lips crashed together at force, the air once again blown out of Carina’s lungs, just like before. Maya began to step backwards, pulling Carina inside the apartment, their lips still together as they moved. Carina grabbed the door behind her and pushed it closed, then brought her hands up to Maya’s face and cupped her jaw in her hands. Their lips moved perfectly in sync while their hands explored each other’s clothed bodies, hands gripping clothes and tugging in the heat of the moment.<br/>            Maya grabbed onto the collar of Carina’s jacket and pulled it down her arms, letting it drop by itself to the ground while she brought her hands back up to unbutton her blouse next. Carina untucked her blouse from her waistband as Maya unbuttoned it and then pushed Maya backward until they were against her bedroom door. She leaned her hands against the door so that she could kick off her boots without falling down and taking Maya with her. Their lips never parted as they stumbled into the bedroom after fumbling with the handle behind them. Carina pulled away and gave a smouldering look at Maya as she slid her hands under her tank top and held onto her waist, and walked her back until her legs were against the edge of the bed, prompting her to sit back, which she did. When she was sat back against the pillows, Carina knelt on the edge of the bed and began to crawl up until she was hovering over Maya, her blouse hung open revealing a black lace bralette fitted perfectly against her breasts. She lowered herself to Maya’s face and absorbed her lips back into a kiss, running her tongue across Maya’s bottom lip, causing her breath to hitch in her throat. Maya ran her hands under the blouse that hung from the brunette’s delicate frame, her fingertips brushing on her skin, making her shiver.<br/>            “Maya...” Carina attempted to say in a half moan as Maya’s lips left hers and planted kisses up and down her slender neck. She let out another involuntary moan as her teeth lightly grazed that soft spot behind her ear. She felt herself growing too easily drawn into the feeling of being on top of Maya with her hands placed firmly underneath her shirt and a conveniently placed leg just millimetres away from her core. Carina’s eyes shut briefly, enjoying the moment all too much, before snapping back to reality again. <br/>            “Maya,” She breathlessly tried again. <br/>            “Mm?” She replied but making no effort to stop.<br/>            “Stop...for a minute...” Carina whispered.<br/>Maya laid her head back on the pillow to meet eyes with her.<br/>            “Are you sure about this?” She asked, stroking her messy blonde hair back from her forehead.<br/>            “Yes...please...” Maya said in a hushed tone.<br/>The two of them stared intensely into each other’s eyes, their gazes flicking down to their lips. Neither wanting to ruin the moment but both as desperate to finally be closer to each other than they had ever been before. As the tension grew between them, Maya couldn’t bear it any longer and reached forward to wrap her hand firmly in Carina’s hair, pulling her down into her. It had been a tantalising two-weeks, so it wasn’t long before they were pressed against each other again, moaning softly into each other’s mouth as their kisses grew deeper. With an overwhelming desire to see more of each other, Maya reaches up to take Carina’s shirt off, her skin hot beneath her touch and softer than she could have imagined. She tossed the blouse to the side and let her eyes move down Carina’s body, astonished by the sight before her.<br/>            Immediately their lips found each other again, and Maya was all but pleading Carina to touch her where she needed her the most. Sensing the growing frustration within her, Carina positioned her leg once again between Maya’s and pressed gently into her core, causing her to let out a gasp. As much as she wanted to let herself get carried away, Carina wanted this moment to be perfect for Maya and was determined to let her enjoy every second of it, even if that did mean teasing her relentlessly. With every roll of her hips, Maya’s breathing grew more ragged and she couldn’t bear to see her clothed underneath her any longer. She straddled her waist and immediately got to work lifting her tank top from her body, revealing the perfect swell of her breasts. <br/>            In one swift motion, Carina immediately got to work and lowered herself down to capture one of Maya’s nipples in her mouth. With a sharp hiss of pleasure, Maya’s hands slid into Carina’s hair, holding her in place against her chest. The guttural moan the blonde released didn’t go unnoticed as Carina dragged her tongue back and forth, lightly grazing with her teeth. As her mouth continued, she grasped her other breast with her hand, gently teasing until Maya’s eyes had shut and her lip was placed firmly between her teeth, stifling her moans. As much as Carina was enjoying the sounds that were coming from Maya’s mouth, she wanted to tease her elsewhere. <br/>            Removing her hands and mouth from Maya’s chest, she began to make her way down her toned body, placing hot kisses on every exposed bit of skin that she could. She was very aware that this was the first time Maya had been this intimate with someone since the incident, so as she got closer to the wounded area, she took extra care and made sure Maya knew that. She paused briefly, placing a firm but gentle kiss just below the area where her scar was, then she reached down to grab onto the waistband of Maya’s shorts, and she wasted no time in lifting her hips, giving her room to slide the shorts from under her in one move and throwing them to the side. <br/>            Once Maya was mostly exposed besides her underwear clinging to her body, Carina couldn’t help but admire her beautifully slender body. Noticing how her stomach muscles twitched and moved as she writhed beneath her, and how her chest rapidly rose with every moan and sigh. She mentally promised herself to eventually know Maya’s body inside and out, she wanted to know every reaction her body would have. But that would have to wait for another time. Right now, she knew they both needed this, and she didn’t hesitate to cup Maya’s aching core with her hand, the soaked bit of material separating the two was clear indication that Maya had been waiting for this too. The sudden pressure was enough to cause a loud gasp from the blonde, her hips bucking up in anticipation. Smirking to herself, Carina moved her free hand to lower Maya’s hips back down onto the bed. Keeping eye contact, she began to add more and more pressure, leaving Maya’s hips to automatically roll into her hand faster and faster. Her breathing once again became ragged, and just as her hips were about to rise again, Carina’s hand stilled. Moving her hand away from her, Maya let out a whimper at the sudden loss of contact, but it wasn’t long before Carina’s hand was pulling her panties to the side to drag a tantalising finger through the wetness that was waiting for her, both women releasing a breathy moan at the touch. The thought of Maya being this wet for her and only her was creating a similar wetness to pool between her own legs. <br/>            At that, Maya sat up and reached a hand back into Carina’s hair to bring their lips back to each other. This time it was hot and heavy and desperate, and neither of them could bear it any longer. As their kisses grew, Carina’s fingers continued their ministrations and began to circle Maya’s clit. Moaning into the brunette’s mouth, she could have come undone right in that second; Maya could feel her heart threatening to beat outside of her chest, and as much as this could have been overwhelming, it was also thrilling. And every inch of her body was melting into Carina’s delicately confident touch. <br/>            With Maya writhing and squirming beneath her, she was slightly worried she would push Maya over the edge before even really getting started, so she gave one last touch and moved her hands to the waistband of her panties. Guiding them down Maya’s well-defined thighs and throwing them aside, not caring where they landed.<br/>            Carina knew she would never get bored of seeing Maya like this. Kiss swollen lips, her full chest moving to match her uneven and needy breaths, a dark and pleading look in her eye, and a wetness that was just for her. Needing more space to move her own body, Carina stopped and knelt in front of Maya and began to unbutton her trousers. She slowly pulled them down her thighs, revealing her matching black lace panties, and kicked the trousers off her ankles onto the floor. Without another second of hesitation, Carina lowered herself between Maya’s legs, her hands suddenly snaking out to wrap around her thighs and pulling her as close as ever to her face. All attempts to tease her had come to a halt as Carina couldn’t wait any longer before pressing her mouth hotly against her, letting her tongue work its way through and dragging it slowly upwards. And with that, Maya couldn’t stifle her moans any longer, releasing a deep, throaty moan as her back arched off of the bed in pure delight. <br/>            Both their eyes fluttered shut, revelling in this moment of bone-melting pleasure, as the strokes of Carina’s tongue against Maya’s delicate skin produced the most intoxicating moans from that became louder as her tongue moved harder and faster all over her. A wetness covered her face as Maya’s thighs started to clench around her neck, and as her back arched off the bed, Carina sucked the bundle of nerves with even more fervour, moving all over until Maya’s body collapsed back onto the bed, her orgasm rippling through her body. The same wetness mimicked on the inside of Carina’s panties, and she was sure she was aroused enough to orgasm at the sight of Maya alone. Maya had certainly not been ashamed to display her pleasure so loudly and audibly, but when she came it was almost silent and beautiful and full of unadulterated desire.</p>
<p>They both slumped down on the mattress, their bodies overwhelmed with emotions and sensations all over. They lay in silence for a while as their panting breaths began to relax a little. Still riding out the end of her orgasm, Maya let slip another moan as she felt the lasting effects of Carina’s touch ripple through her entire body. She had never had an experience quite like it before. Carina on the other hand came without a hand, and lay breathless beside Maya, almost entirely nude.<br/>            After a minute, Maya shuffled underneath the duvet, pulling it up to her chest to cover herself while she recovered.<br/>            “That’s uh...one way to get to know me better.” Maya said, still a little breathless. Carina leant up on her elbow and bit her lip as she looked at Maya’s satisfied expression.<br/>             “It is...the fastest way,” Carina said and lowered her face down to Maya’s to kiss her again. “Though I maybe should have started with asking your favourite colour...?” Carina chuckled. Maya smiled and shook her head.<br/>            “Don’t sweat it, I don’t really have one anyway.” Maya said, teaching Carina another thing about her.</p>
<p>They laid together for a while not speaking, just reliving the moments previous in their minds over and over again. Maya couldn’t believe what had happened and was only certain it was real by the tingling feeling between her legs, as well as the remaining wetness.<br/>            “You know, you’re pretty good at that.” Maya broke the silence, looking over to Carina whose eyes were already on her.<br/>            “Si, yes I am. It has been the main focus of my life for a while now, in business and pleasure. When you spend so long studying the female anatomy, you become quite familiar with it.” Carina explained. <br/>            “There must be a lot of...practical research in that.” Maya added, growing more curious about Carina’s work life.<br/>            “Yes, there is definitely.” Carina said back flirtatiously, hinting at self-pleasure. Maya laughed and turned her eyes away. She lifted her arms above her head and rested them under her neck, still revelling in the aftershock of Carina.<br/>            “It is very beneficial for your health, relieving tensions and stresses. I think you would benefit from frequent...research.” Carina said in a roundabout way.<br/>            “Oh, are you calling me uptight?” Maya asked defensively but keeping things light-hearted, she didn’t want to ruin this moment.<br/>            “I am just saying, it is good for everyone. Plus...you did kick me out of her earlier...for no clear reason.” Carina responded, also not wanting to ruin the moment, but wanting to make Maya aware that she wouldn’t be treated that way and get rewarded for it with sex. Maya looked back over to Carina and gave her an apologetic smile.<br/>            “Look, I’m sorry. I was overwhelmed, and I needed space. I never know how to deal with things I just...I’m sorry.” Maya apologised profusely. <br/>            “Thank you,” Carina said. “But you were right. We do not know enough about each other.” Carina said, agreeing with the angry Maya from earlier. Maya didn’t respond, she just lay beside Carina staring at the ceiling, unsure of what to say next.<br/>            “I would like that to change, though. If you do.” Carina added. Maya nodded and looked at her again.<br/>            “Would you go on a date with me?” Carina asked, reaching over to tuck a strand of Maya’s hair behind her ear. Surprised by Carina’s question, Maya was again unsure of what to say.<br/>            “I like you, Maya. A lot. I want you to get to know me, and I want to know you too. Not just like this.” Carina explained and gestured to their current situation.<br/>            “Um...when?” Maya asked, trying to buy herself a little more time to decide if this is what she wanted.<br/>            “I will take you for dinner tomorrow night, if that is okay with you.” Carina said, clearly having no doubts about this at all. Maya stared into Carina’s warm brown eyes and felt herself ease. She couldn’t stop herself from smiling, and she looked down before responding.<br/>            “Yes, I will go on a date with you.” Maya agreed. Carina leant forward and placed a soft kiss on Maya’s lips, unintentionally lingering for longer than planned, but finding it hard to pull herself away again. <br/>            “You should get some rest now.” Carina said, and scanned her eyes around the room for where she had thrown Maya’s clothes. She quickly hopped out of bed and picked up the tank top and shorts from different places in the room and handed them back to Maya.<br/>            “Thanks.” Maya chuckled, and dressed herself again.<br/>             “That was likely the most strenuous thing you have done since your surgery, make sure you get lots of rest tonight.” Carina said, stood at the foot of the bed.<br/>            “You’re not staying?” Maya asked as she pulled her shorts up.<br/>            “Did you want me to?” Carina asked, surprised at the backwards invite.<br/>            “I mean...it’s like, midnight. You can’t go home now.” Maya said, not wanting to explicitly ask Carina to stay. Maybe it was selfish of her, but she knew she slept so much better whenever Carina was beside her.<br/>            “Come back to bed.” Maya said, and pulled the duvet back on the other side, inviting her in.<br/>             “Okay.” Carina agreed and climbed back into the bed. They quickly got comfy under the cover and Maya rested her head gently on Carina’s shoulder. A part of her couldn’t stop thinking about Carina still only wearing her underwear as she laid beside her in bed, but had to tuck the thought away as she knew she would never sleep if she kept on thinking about her like that.<br/>            “Night.” Maya said softly as she closed her eyes.<br/>            “Goodnight, bella.”</p>
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. ~ nineteen ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>happy holidays everyone! I hope you all had a good festive period, my gift to you all is this 6,000+ word chapter (the longest one yet) that I was able to write during my time off work, I hope you all enjoy &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, Carina woke up just minutes before Maya, and spent those minutes studying each feature on her face until her eyebrows furrowed slightly and her eyes fluttered open slowly, adjusting to the light coming through the drapes at the window. They laid together making small talk for the best part of an hour, Carina’s delicate hands playing with Maya’s fingers or her messy bed hair.<br/>            All of a sudden, Carina sat upright and scooted back so that she was sat leaning against the headboard. She looked over to Maya who was already looking at her, confused as to why she had moved.<br/>            “Okay, I am going home.” Carina said and swung her legs to the side of the bed. Instinctively, Maya leaned over and put her hand on Carina’s waist to stop her from hopping down from the bed.<br/>            “Woah wait,” She said. “What do you mean?” She asked.<br/>            “I am going home to my house. I don’t actually live here, Maya.” Carina chuckled, and slipped her body out of her grasp, hopping down onto the floor and looking around for the clothes that were discarded last night.<br/>            “No, I know but, why are you going to leave if we’re just going to go back out later?” Maya asked.<br/>            “It is a date, bella. I will make a reservation for seven o’clock, and I will be back here at six-thirty to pick you up and take you out, for our date.” She explained. Maya felt an unusual fluttering feeling in her stomach that felt a little like nausea, but she didn’t feel sick, so it couldn’t have been that. She looked down at her hands in an attempt to hide her smile from Carina.<br/>            “Is that okay with you?” Carina asked, looking Maya in the eye with her trousers and blouse draped over her arm. Maya was lost for words as she looked back at Carina stood with such confidence in her lacy underwear that she had slept in, the contours of her slight but toned body highlighted in the light from outside.<br/>            “That’s...fine.” Maya responded quietly, growing a little shy.<br/>            “Good.” Carina said with a smile, pulling her trousers up and buttoning them at the waist. She then slipped her arms through her blouse and began to button it up. Maya sat forward and crawled along to the end of the bed where Carina was stood and grabbed the collar of her shirt, pulling her down towards her and bringing their lips together. Carina lost her balance and held her hands out as she began to fall down and caught herself as she landed over Maya. She let her tongue slip through Maya’s lips and mimic the movements it made last night between her legs. Maya’s breath hitched in her throat and gasped as she felt the same fluttering feeling throughout her whole body. Carina smirked and brought their lips back together, keeping her tongue to herself this time, brushing her soft lips against Maya’s once again.<br/>            “Mmm...” Carina hummed. “I really do have to go.” She said between kisses.<br/>            “No you don’t.” Maya said back quickly, sliding her hands behind Carina’s neck and pulling her back. Their lips remained firmly together as Maya’s grasp on Carina kept them united. Carina could feel the heat rising in herself, all the way up her spine she began to get warm and even grew a little breathless. She broke the kiss and looked into Maya’s eyes.<br/>            “I know what you are doing.” She said, unable to stop her eyes from flitting down to her lips.<br/>            “What am I doing?” Maya whispered teasingly, taking her bottom lip slightly between her teeth. Carina laughed a little and shook her head.<br/>            “I have to go.” She said once again and pushed herself up and off of the bed. Maya sighed and let her head drop back against the bed.<br/>            “I regret it already.” Carina said as she buttoned up the bottom of her blouse and grabbed her boots. She sat down on the end of the bed to put her shoes back on, and Maya took the opportunity to crawl back over to her. She knelt behind her and brushed her hair to the side and began to place soft, warm kisses on the nape of her neck, then moving around to the side, just underneath her ear, placing her lips firmly there and sucking on Carina’s delicate skin. A small moan slipped out of Carina’s mouth and she dropped her boot on the floor.<br/>            “Maya!” She said and turned around, placing her hand over the hot skin where Maya’s mouth had just been. She jumped up and over to the mirror on top of Maya’s dresser and turned her head to the side to look at her neck.<br/>            “Mi dio, Maya...” Carina said, and turned around, holding her hair out of the way. Just below her ear on the side of her neck was a plum coloured blush in the ‘O’ shape of Maya’s mouth.<br/>            “Wow...you bruise easily.” Maya said in a childish giggle.<br/>            “You are unbelievable,” Carina said, letting her hair drop down to cover the hickey and grabbed her shoe from the floor. “And I am going home now.” Carina said, finally managing to get her shoe on before making her way to the bedroom door.<br/>            “I will see you later. Six-thirty, don’t be late.” Carina said, giving Maya a sure smile and heading out to get her jacket and leave.</p>
<p>Maya let herself flop back onto the bed, overwhelmed with different feelings, good ones, ones that she wasn’t used to feeling so strongly so suddenly. She covered her face with her hands as she was unable to control her smile, and then threw her hands down beside her.<br/>            “What is happening...” She said to herself, shaking her head. <br/>            After a few minutes, she realised that she did actually have to go on a real date today. This evening. Before she knew it, the panic was setting in and she was pacing back and forth in her bedroom. She didn’t even know where they were going. A restaurant she knew, but which one? What kind of place was it? Jeans and beers or dresses and cocktails? She needed help. She headed out into the living room looking for wherever she had left her phone last night when Carina had turned up out of the blue. She found it lying on the coffee table in the living room and quickly grabbed it and dialled Vic’s number.<br/>            “Please don’t be at work, please don’t be at work.” She said to herself as the phone rang. After a few seconds, she got the answer phone. <br/>            “Shit.” She said and hung up. She then dialled the station front desk in the hopes that someone there would be able to find Vic for her. After a few rings, it answered.<br/>            “Good morning this is Station 19, how can we help?” The familiar voice spoke.<br/>            “Hughes?” Maya asked to confirm.<br/>             “Bishop?” Vic answered, confused.<br/>            “Oh thank god.” Maya said to herself.<br/>            “Is everything okay? Why are you calling here?” Vic asked, worried that something was wrong.<br/>            “No I’m fine, I needed you. You didn’t answer your cell.” Maya half explained. <br/>            “Oh right, sorry I’ve been banished to desk duty. What do you need?” Vic asked.<br/>            “I need you to come over. Don’t tell me you’ve just started.” Maya said, dreading her response.<br/>            “Oh no I haven’t, but I don’t get off until 12. I can come over then?” Vic asked.<br/>            “Yes, that’s great. I’ll see you in a couple hours.” Maya said, feeling relived that she was able to recruit help.<br/>            “Cool no problem.” Vic said.</p>
<p>After Maya got off the phone with Vic, she sat in the living room staring at the wall for a while, overthinking everything to do with this date. Carina had talked about it so formally, she clearly meant business when she asked people on dates. But Maya still needed more information on where she was taking her, she didn’t want to turn up entirely over or under dressed and make a fool of herself in front of Carina. She picked up her phone again and dialled Carina’s number this time. She was hoping she would pick up; it hadn’t been long since she left, she surely couldn’t be busy already.<br/>             “Hello?” Carina answered.<br/>            “What kind of restaurant are we talking?” Maya asked, getting right to the point.<br/>            “Only my favourite place in town. Why?” Carina responded, and questions Maya’s questioning.<br/>            “So...are we talking heels or sneakers?” She asked further. Carina laughed through the phone.<br/>            “No, Maya. Just...wear something nice, but not...a ballgown.” Carina said slowly, finding the conversation rather funny.<br/>            “Not a ballgown, okay. So like...” Maya began to ask another question.<br/>            “Maya?” Carina cut her off.<br/>            “Hmm?” Maya responded.<br/>            “Stop panicking.” Carina said simply. Maya paused for a moment, her mouth agape, stuck for what to say next.<br/>            “What? No, I-I’m not panicking I’m just-.”<br/>            “Panicking.” Carina interrupted again. “I’ll see you later, bella.” Carina said and hung up the phone.</p>
<p>Maya couldn’t help but smile as she put her phone down. Was she really that much of an open book for Carina to be able to interpret her questions like that? Of course she was panicking, she hadn’t been on a date for...years. Maya had traded dating in for her Wednesday night treat, which was working out perfectly for her until the baby thing happened. Maybe she needed to take that as a sign to give dating another try. Maybe it would be nice to have a person.</p>
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<p>An abrupt knock on the door startled Maya as she clambered out of the shower as carefully but quickly as she could. She wasn’t sure if she were even allowed to take a shower yet, but as she engaged in other, more strenuous activities last night, she thought she would be able to manage standing up for twenty minutes. She quickly wrapped a towel around her body and dried her feet before hurrying to the door to let Vic in.<br/>            “Heyyy...oh. You look a mess.” Vic said plainly at the door as soon as she set eyes on Maya.<br/>            “Thanks. I need help.” Maya said, not wanting to waste any more time. It was nearing 1pm now, she had just over 5 hours to find something to wear and do her hair and makeup, which wasn’t a very long time for someone who spent most of their time at work and had very few casual outfits, and very limited makeup skills.<br/>            “Why? What’s going on?” Vic asked. Maya paused and stared at Vic for a second before speaking.<br/>            “I...have a date tonight. With Carina.” Maya said tentatively. Vic’s mouth dropped open.<br/>            “Oh my g- hot doctor!? Maya!” Vic exclaimed and gave Maya’s shoulder a slight nudge with her fist.<br/>            “You are...I cannot believe this.” Vic continued. “What are you doing? Where are you going?” She asked, walked through to the living room and making herself comfortable on the couch.<br/>            “Uh, dinner. I don’t know where. She’s coming at six-thirty.” Maya said, following Vic over to the couch but standing in front of her, too nervous and fidgety to sit down.<br/>            “Okay well, we got a lotta work to do. I mean, look at the state of you.” Vic joked, teasing Maya for being dishevelled having just got out the shower.<br/>            “Shut up, I haven’t even combed my hair out. I don’t know what to wear.” Maya said in a roundabout way of asking Vic to help her find some clothes.<br/>            “Yeah. If I were you and had your wardrobe, I wouldn’t know what to wear either.” Vic teased again.<br/>            “Oh my god, give me a break.” Maya laughed a little and walked away into her bedroom. Vic laughed and stood up to follow her in.</p>
<p>Maya sat down on the edge of her bed, holding her towel up under her arms and staring at her closet doors that remained closed in front of her.<br/>            “I know that I have nothing in there worthy of a date.” Maya said as Vic leant against the doorframe.<br/>            “You know, you’re probably right.” Vic agreed. “But you were fun once, Bishop. There has to be something low-cut in there.” She added and walked over to pull the doors open.<br/>            “I can be fun I just...don’t have time these days.” Maya defended herself, taking offence to Vic’s mocking words.<br/>            “You got a lot of time at the moment, get yourself back out there!” Vic said, and threw a shirt over her head at Maya as she dug around the closet.<br/>            “I’m supposed to be recovering.” Maya said, picking up the shirt and holding it out in front of her.<br/>            “And since when have you followed instructions? Try that on.” Vic asked, turned to pass a pair of pants to her.<br/>            “Okay.” Maya said, and paused after taking the pants. “Turn around.” She said, gesturing for Vic to look away.<br/>            “Oh sorry. I thought we were past that.” Vic said, and turned back to keep looking for things.<br/>            “No we are, I just have this huge scar on my stomach and...I don’t like it.” Maya excused herself. Vic remained silent, understanding Maya’s concerns. Maya pulled the pants up her legs and the shirt over her head.<br/>            “No, not this one.” She said before even buttoning the shirt all the way.<br/>            “Why what’s wrong with it?” Vic asked, looking over her shoulder to see if it was okay for her to look.<br/>            “It’s too tight to wear a bra with and...these need support.” Maya said, indicating to her chest.<br/>            “Right, a bra. That’s cool, try this instead.” Vic threw another top down onto the bed, this time not a shirt, but a high-neck long sleeved top.<br/>            “Jeans or pants?” Vic asked, holding both in either hand.<br/>            “I don’t really know. Jeans I guess but only with nicer shoes, I have boots.” Maya said.<br/>            “Sure. Try that with the jeans. Tuck it in.” Vic ordered. Maya followed the instruction and put on the clothes, making sure to put on a flattering bra as the top was quite tight. She zipped and buttoned the jeans over the top and stood uncomfortably in front of her mirror.<br/>            “I don’t know about the jeans. They’re right on my scar.” Maya said, and Vic turned around to see.<br/>            “Oh those are low-rise anyway, take them off. Do you have high waisted anything? The top is cute though.” She said. <br/>            “Yeah in that drawer I think.” Maya pointed over to her dresser.</p>
<p>They had been searching for clothes for over an hour, and Maya was fed up. She still had to think about her makeup and do something about her hair.<br/>            “Okay, go with this one, and the black jeans. You have boots?” Vic asked. Maya nodded as she sat in a slump on her bed. She had reached the point of just sitting in her underwear, and no longer cared about Vic seeing the scar.<br/>            “Try it on again, just one more time and then we can worry about makeup.” Vic said, holding a silky textured, khaki green blouse up to her. Maya reluctantly took the blouse and slipped it over her arms. She stood up and pulled the jeans back on as well, making sure to tuck the blouse in as Vic always instructed her to do that.<br/>            “Do you have a nicer bra than that?” Vic asked as she watched Maya putting the clothes on.<br/>            “Um, do you know how hard it is to get a nice bra for big boobs?” Maya argued, taking offence at Vic’s insult to her bra. Vic paused and stared at her for a second.<br/>            “Do you though?” She persisted. Maya huffed and rummaged through her underwear drawer, pulling out a selection of her ‘nicer’ bras.<br/>            “I doubt she’ll be seeing my bra anyway. Any of these?” She asked. Vic looked through them and then looked back to the one she was wearing already.<br/>            “Nope. You’re right.” She said. Maya sighed and continued to button the blouse up.<br/>             “Hold up.” Vic said, and walked closer to Maya, unbuttoning a couple at the top.<br/>            “Why...?” Maya asked, looking down at her exposed cleavage.<br/>            “If you’ve got it flaunt it, am I right?” She said, adjusting the blouse to reveal a teaser of Maya’s bust. Maya rolled her eyes and dropped her hands down to her sides.<br/>            “Okay. You’re fed up, I know. Put something comfortable on and we’ll look at your makeup.” Vic said</p>
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<p>It had been a long afternoon of playing dress up. Vic had certainly had fun, but Maya less so. More than anything, other than wanting to dress Maya up in a way to accent her gorgeous figure and assets, she wanted her to feel beautiful, and confident on this date. She definitely needed a confidence boost after what she had been through. She started off this day too shy to even get changed in front of Vic, someone who had seen her bare as anything countless times before; Station life was often that way.<br/>            “Okay, you are ready ma’am. You look hot.” Vic said, feeling excited that her work was done with the look. She had done Maya’s makeup and hair for her and made her get dressed before she let her look at herself in the mirror, it was all part of building the suspense.<br/>            “I doubt that.” Maya argued. “Okay, let’s get this over with.” Maya said, finally ready to face the mirror and see herself. She hadn’t been dolled up like this probably since before she became a Lieutenant. Andy resented her for applying, so they stopped going out together, and Vic generally preferred a night in in pyjamas.<br/>            “Okaaaay, eyes closed...” Vic said, walking Maya over to the full length mirror in the spare bedroom. She stood her in front of the mirror and positioned her just right to be able to see the whole outfit, as well as her face.<br/>            “Tadaa!” Vic exclaimed, throwing out some jazz hands as Maya was allowed to look.</p>
<p>Maya was entirely taken aback by what she saw before her. She wore the silky green blouse, the top two buttons undone to reveal a modest amount of cleavage, but likely enough to make Carina look, tucked into her high waisted black denim jeans that fit her like a second skin and showed off her strong, muscly thighs, and a smart pair of black leather boots with a 3 inch block heel, hopefully enough to make her around the same height as Carina, rather than almost a whole head shorter. After taking in the whole outfit, she took a couple of steps forward to look at her face. Vic had given her a nude-blush coloured eyeshadow across her eyelid, blended out slightly darker in the outer corners with a similar, deeper colour, a moderate amount of mascara to define her fair eyelashes, filled in her eyebrows a little to shape them, and applied a bold, deep red lipstick to her lips. Her hair was done in loose beach-like curls that fell around her face down to just below her collarbones, parted in the middle.</p>
<p>            “I told you so.” Vic said, breaking the silence.<br/>            “Told me what?” Maya said with a slight smile, knowing exactly what she meant.<br/>            “Told you you’d look hot.” Vic said and winked childishly at her. <br/>            “Shut up. What time is it? Where’s my phone?” Maya asked, changing the subject immediately and walking out of the room to find her phone.<br/>            “Shit it’s almost six-thirty.” Maya said under her breath as she looked at the time.<br/>            “It’s cool man. I’m heading out, my work here is done.” Vic said, waving her hands as if she were magic.<br/>            “Okay, okay.” Maya said, and took a deep breath. Vic stood in front of her and grabbed her shoulders.<br/>            “You’ve got this, Bishop.” Vic said with a reassuring smile before turning around to head out of the door.</p>
<p>Vic gave Maya a wave as she walked out, and gracefully skipped down the flights of stairs to the front door of the building. Without looking, she pulled the door open and almost walked right into someone.<br/>            “Oh god, sorry.” She said and looked up to apologise.<br/>            “Oh...Dr DeLuca, hey.” Vic said with a smile as she realised who it was.<br/>            “Uh, Victoria, right?” Carina asked as she took a step to the side to let Vic out.<br/>            “Yeah, just Vic is fine. Or Hughes, whatever. I don’t mind.” She chuckled nervously, hoping that she wasn’t being weird. Carina laughed a little and nodded, then brushed her hair from out of her face to behind her shoulder. Vic couldn’t help but notice the splodge of purple on Carina’s neck and averted her eyes as quickly as possible so that Carina wouldn’t notice her looking.<br/>            “She’s...all ready to go. Have a good time!” Vic said, keeping the door open so that Carina wouldn’t need to buzz in.<br/>            “Ah, thank you. Good night.” Carina said as she walked through the doorway. As soon as the door closed behind her, Vic pulled out her phone to text Maya.</p>
<p>18:28pm – Vic: I can’t believe you had sex with her and didn’t tell me!</p>
<p>She sent the text and hoped that Maya would see it before Carina arrived at the door, then laughed to herself, wondering why she was surprised. She sensed the tension between those two on day one.</p>
<p>As Maya waited for Carina, she felt her phone vibrate in the back pocket of her jeans, and quickly pulled it out to see if it were Carina letting her know she was here, wondering if she would be waiting outside. She opened it and read the text that Vic had just sent from downstairs, and felt her face flush with red. They must have seen each other at the door, but how did she know? Before she could think about it anymore, Carina knocked at the door. Maya shoved her phone in her pocket and walked over to the door, grabbing her shoulder bag on the way. She pulled the door open and felt her heart skip a beat as she laid her eyes on the beautiful woman in front of her.<br/>            Carina had also opted for wearing a low-cut v-neck style blouse, with every intention of making Maya look. The blouse was a pale, dusty-pink colour, silky, and ever so slightly diaphanous, so when Maya did look, which she did, she could just about see Carina’s brassiere. The shirt was paired with dark navy skinny jeans, and an impressive pair of black heeled boots, similar to Maya’s, but with a bigger platform, and bigger heel; Maya’s hopes of appearing taller were scrapped. To tie the outfit together, Carina wore a smart, fitting blazer, black, with the sleeves rolled up to her mid-forearm. She was breath-taking. Maya had only really ever seen her in her pale pink scrubs or pyjamas, or much less than both of those things. She had never seen what she looked like made-up. Carina was beautiful under any circumstances, but the way Maya’s heart was pounding in this moment, she was blown away.</p>
<p>            “You look...incredible.” Carina spoke first, also amazed by the sight of Maya. Having met her probably looking at her worst, she was stunned to see her like this.<br/>            “I...no I um...you are...” Maya stumbled over her words. “Thank you. You are stunning.” She settled with.<br/>            “Grazie. Are you ready to go?” Carina said, taking a little curtsey with the compliment.<br/>            “Yeah, let’s go, wherever we’re going.” Maya laughed a little, and grabbed her keys from beside the door, the pair of them walking out together.</p>
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<p>Carina had a cab waiting for them when they got downstairs. She made them take the elevator too, despite Maya doing well in her recovery, she could never be too careful. The cab drove them toward the bay, about six blocks south of the Station, easily walkable, but Carina thought it would be nice to drive, even if it didn’t take long. They arrived at a quaint little place called <em>La Fontana Siciliana, </em>or ‘The Sicilian Fountain’. They were a little early, but were seated right away, it appeared as though the staff were familiar with Carina, friendly even, she must have come here regularly. She ordered a bottle of white wine as they were seated and requested some water too. They were both given menus, but Carina didn’t seem to pay much attention to hers, perhaps she had a favourite dish already.<br/>            “The bruschetta is very good, if you wanted to share something to start.” Carina suggested, pointing to the item on the menu. Maya’s eyes wandered over to the starters, she hadn’t even considered that.<br/>            “That sounds good.” She agreed, giving Carina a gentle smile. She had suddenly become very nervous. Maybe it was the fact that the people here seemed to know Carina, and that would mean they would know that she didn’t usually come here with someone, and maybe they would be looking over frequently to try to determine her relation to the Italian woman before her. Maybe the reality of actually being on a date was setting in, and she didn’t know how to act.<br/>            “Are you okay?” Carina asked, sensing the tension.<br/>            “Sorry. This...makes me nervous.” Maya admitted, keeping her eyes on the menu so that she didn’t have to look at her.<br/>            “It will be okay. It’s only me.” Carina said calmly while trying to bring Maya’s eyes up. She reached across the table and rested her index finger under Maya’s chin, lifting her head a little to look her in the eyes.<br/>            “I come here sometimes with my brother. It is the closest to the food from home that we can get. It is more important to me, I’m sure. I miss Italy more than Andrea does.” Carina started talking about herself in an attempt to make Maya feel more relaxed, like the pressure wasn’t on her.<br/>            “I thought your brother’s name was Andrew?” Maya asked, taking a sip of water from the glass beside her.<br/>            “His given name is Andrea but, he thinks that he is an American since he has lived here for most of his life.” Carina scoffed. She hated that he no longer went by his true name.<br/>            “Oh right. When did you guys move here?” Maya asked.<br/>            “My mama brought Andrea here when he was small, after divorcing my papa. I stayed behind because I knew that someone had to stay and take care of papa. He has some issues and could not be trusted on his own. I was only young myself, twelve I think.” Carina explained casually while holding her glass of wine. Maya was a little shocked by the story, she hadn’t expected such complicated things from Carina’s life, she always seemed to have everything figured out.<br/>            “Anyway, I stayed in Italy throughout all of my educations, for school, high school, university, and all of my medical training. I wanted to go to the States and be with my mama and baby brother, and there would have been so many more opportunities for my studies, but I couldn’t leave papa behind.” She explained further. Maya remained silent and asked no questions, she was intrigued by the story too much to interrupt.<br/>            “So, when Andrea was old enough to be left alone, mama started to visit me in Italy every Christmas, only for a couple of days. We would go shopping, for dinners, stay in her hotel and paint each-other’s nails, all of the things she wanted to do with me when I was growing up. There was one year, when Andrea was in college, mama came to visit and, she was sick. We had our day out shopping and dinner as usual, but she passed during the night, in her hotel.” Carina said. Maya’s mouth dropped open involuntarily. She was not expecting that.<br/>            “I called Andrea that morning, and told him that he had to come home, mama was sick. And he came home, and he found out that she had died before I called him. He was so angry with me, but I knew he wouldn’t come if he knew. And I needed him.” Carina explained. Maya nodded as she listened, making sure Carina knew that she had her full attention while being so open with her. She didn’t understand how she spoke so easily about herself and her past, especially since it wasn’t the nicest story to be telling.<br/>            “So, when did you move here? You lived in New York for a while, right?” Maya asked, picking up her glass of wine that had been poured for her and taking a sip, and remembering their conversation from breakfast at Carina’s before.<br/>            “Yes, I studied for my fellowship in New York but when Andrea became a resident at Grey-Sloan, and he told me that he was working for Dr Bailey, Warren’s wife, I had to come out here. I couldn’t get anyone before to fund my research, and I knew that this might be my chance, that a woman would understand the need for the research that I was doing, and it paid off.” Carina explained with a big grin on her face.<br/>            “The...orgasm research.” Maya said hesitantly, and in a hush tone, worried that people might overhear her. Carina laughed at nodded.<br/>            “Yes, the orgasm research,” She said. “It is more in depth than that but...I spend a lot of my time at the hospital studying women’s brains as they are...masturbating in the MRI machine. So, orgasm research sums it up quite well.” Carina laughed again, as did Maya.</p>
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<p>After half a bottle of wine and their starter, they had ordered their main courses were just arriving.<br/>            “The...<em>gamberi alla fra’ diavolo</em>?” The waiter asked, holding the dish that Carina had ordered, pan fried prawns in spicy tomato sauce with saffron linguini. One of her favourites here. She raised her hand and moved her napkin onto her lap so that he could rest the plate down in front of her.<br/>            “Grazie.” She said with a smile.<br/>            “And for you, <em>cannelloni di pollo</em>. Enjoy.” He said, placing the second dish in front of Maya, chicken filled pasta with a tomato sauce and ricotta cheese.<br/>            “Thank you.” She said. Carina looked at Maya with excitement, anxiously awaiting Maya to try the food. She had built up a lot of anticipation for it and hoped that she wouldn’t be disappointed.</p>
<p>The pair of them began to eat, and Maya was amazed by the taste, and had to force herself to slow down so that she didn’t finish her meal miles before Carina did.<br/>            “So what about you?” Carina asked, taking a small bite of her pasta.<br/>            “What about me?” Maya asked after swallowing her mouthful. She picked up her glass of wine and took a larger sip, knowing that it was her turn to talk now.<br/>            “Tell me something about you.” Carina encouraged. Maya bought herself some time to decide what to talk about by eating another mouthful of food and chewing it for longer than usual. She didn’t really want to go down the same route as Carina did, talking about her family, she didn’t like that, it was far too complicated for a first date.<br/>            “Well...I trained for track almost my entire life, pretty much since I could walk my dad had me running races. I always won in school competitions and, when I was in high school, I was on the track competition team. We would travel all over the country to compete, and I won, every time. My dad was pretty strict but, it paid off.” Maya explained briefly, worried that she would start to say something she didn’t want to. <br/>             “That sounds very intense.” Carina chuckled a little as she continued to eat her food.<br/>            “Yeah it was...he was tough. I mean, if ever I didn’t place first, or even beat my own time, he made sure, one way or another, that I would learn from the mistakes and come out stronger the next time.” She spoke rather vaguely.<br/>            “I’m sorry.” Carina said.<br/>            “Why?” Maya asked, confused as to what she had said to warrant that response.<br/>            “It sounds like he was really hard on you. That’s all.” Carina said, not wanting to cause any friction.<br/>            “Well, it was because of him that I was able to compete in the 2012 Olympics, with a sprained ankle, and win gold.” Maya said defensively.<br/>            “That is amazing, Maya. I hope you got the right treatment for your ankle afterwards, you know...doctor’s perspective.” Carina joked. Maya smiled a little and looked away. <br/>             “Yeah, I had a lot of physio for it. I wouldn’t have been able to go through the fire academy if I hadn’t.” Maya replied.<br/>            “And now you are a Lieutenant.” Carina said, impressed with Maya’s accomplishments at her young age.<br/>            “Can’t be the best until I’m at the top.” Maya said, hearing her dad’s voice in her head.<br/>            “Are you considering going for Captain?” Carina asked. Maya nodded and ate some more food.<br/>            “I think I have as good a chance as Andy, or Jack. I mean, I guess the role is for Andy to fill since her dad...I don’t know. I’d like to try, at least.” Maya explained. <br/>            “I admire your determination. It’s amazing, all that you have achieved at your age. It is clear that you are good at whatever you put your mind to.” Carina said with a smile and sipped her wine.<br/>            “I’m good at a lot of things.” Maya said, running the tip of her tongue along her bottom lip, and taking a second to admire Carina’s exposed skin. Carina felt her cheeks flush and chuckled, shaking her head.<br/>            “I have no doubt.” She agreed.</p>
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<p>They decide to walk home at the end of the night instead of taking a cab. It was only a few blocks, and the weather was fine, not too cold, and not raining which was rare for Seattle. As they walked along the lamp-lit streets, Carina boldly took Maya’s hand in hers, intertwining their fingers together, but keeping her eyes on the pavement ahead of them. Maya instinctively looked down at her hand and stopped herself from tensing up as the shock set in. She wasn’t sure why this was more nerve-wracking than having sex with Carina, but it was. It was a different kind of intimacy, this sort of thing had feeling to it, and usually for Maya, sex was a casual, no strings thing. She still couldn’t figure out what she wanted here, why she was so drawn to Carina but there was no denying that she was. <em>Stop overthinking it, </em>she thought to herself, and tried to continue walking in the peaceful silence, with the beautiful woman beside her, and her warm, delicate hand laced with her own.</p>
<p>Once they reach Maya’s building, Carina doesn’t hesitate to walk Maya to her apartment. They take the elevator, but only because Maya is about ready to take off her boots and walk barefoot. It had been a while since she spent this long in a heeled shoe, and they were taking their toll on her.<br/>            “Well...this is you.” Carina said as they reached her door. Maya nodded and pushed her key into the lock and opened the door. She dropped her shoulder bag and keys down and turned back to Carina, who was still stood politely on the outside of the door.<br/>            “Are you staying or...?” Maya asked, unsure what the deal would be considering they’ve already slept together. Carina was hesitant, also unsure what the right thing to do was.<br/>            “You don’t have to I was just...curious. You are welcome to but...” Maya rambled on, digging herself a hole.<br/>            “Thank you, Maya. I have a few morning appointments at the hospital tomorrow, so I should go home.” Carina said, clearing it up.<br/>             “Okay.” Maya said. Carina took both of Maya’s hands in hers and stood in front of her, their bodies inches apart.<br/>            “Thank you for coming on a date with me. It was wonderful.” Carina said softly, sending chills down Maya’s spine.<br/>            “Thank you for taking me...I had a great time too.” Maya said, almost in a whisper. Carina raised her hands up to Maya’s waist and gently pulled her closer so that their bodies were ever so lightly pressed against each other. She stood a few inches taller than Maya, and looked down at her lips, waiting for Maya to look up at her. When she did, Carina didn’t hesitate in leaning down and drawing Maya’s mouth to hers, their lips locking together perfectly, gently. An overwhelming sensation took over Maya’s body at the touch of her lips against Carina’s, and she felt herself growing weak in the knees. She brought her hands up to cup Carina’s face, and also keep herself standing, and kissed her back with the same sensitivity. After a few seconds, Carina pulled her face away, but kept her hands around Maya’s waist.<br/>            “We should do this again, soon.” She said, and took a slow step back, letting Maya go. Maya nodded and cleared her throat, entirely lost for words.<br/>            “I’d like that.” Was all she managed to say.<br/>            “Good night, bella.” Carina said before walking away slowly, knowing that Maya was watching every step of the way.</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. ~ twenty ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was Carina’s third consecutive day at work, hands-on work, not just research. Since her date with Maya, she had barely caught a break. Though not to her surprise, she had found over the years that September usually had a higher number of births, what with it being roughly 9 months after the festive period. It was around midday, and Carina hadn’t even had the chance to get a coffee, which was always the first thing she did in the morning, whether she was at home or at work, so it was next on her agenda. There were currently three expectant mothers on the maternity floor about ready to go. She had just finished delivering a healthy baby boy, and briefly checked in with the other two mothers to monitor their progress. One was at five centimetres, and the other at four, and they had both only been in the hospital for around an hour, give or take, so now was her chance to get her caffeine fix before she was needed again.<br/>            She tugged her hair out of the ponytail she had scraped it up into before the last delivery, and grabbed her white coat from the back of the chair at the desk in the middle of the floor, then headed towards the elevator to go downstairs. She pushed the button and waited for the doors to open and was pleasantly surprised to find that the lift was empty. It felt like such a long time since she had a few moments of silence and relished in the short journey down to the ground floor, with nothing but the sound of the elevator whirring around her, and then the ding as it reached the ground.<br/>            Carina slipped her hands into her pockets and walked towards the big glass doors that led out to the giant stone staircase at the side of the hospital, and down to the coffee cart that she frequented. It wasn’t the best coffee she ever had, but it was much better than the stuff they sold at the cafeteria. She hopped down the staircase and joined the queue, there were only a few people in front of her, so she was happy to wait, she knew she would still get back in plenty of time for both of her patients. <br/>            “DeLuca?” A familiar voice sounded. Carina looked around to find Teddy stood just behind her.<br/>            “Dr Altman, hi. How are you?” Carina asked, turning her body to face Teddy.<br/>            “Good, thanks. You?” Teddy asked, holding her arms across her body in an attempt to fend of the chill that hung in the air.<br/>            “Yes I am good, thank you. Very busy.” Carina replied with a smile, then turned back around as the queue moved forward.<br/>            “I can imagine. Are you on call today?” Teddy asked.<br/>            “I am. There are a lot of pregnant women upstairs today.” Carina laughed a little. There was a short pause before either one of them spoke again.<br/>            “I don’t think I’ve seen you, actually, since we talked about...Maya.” Teddy said, hesitating for a moment as she tried to remember Maya’s name.<br/>            “Oh, yes that...” Carina said quietly, failing to conceal her smile. Teddy looked intently at Carina as she shied away.<br/>            “I take it everything went...well?” Teddy asked, noticing Carina’s blatant grin.<br/>            “Everything did go well, yes.” Carina responded coyly. <br/>            “Come on, you have to tell me what happened!” Teddy said excitedly. She had been wondering about this since they talked about it, but as Carina had been so busy the last few days, she hadn’t seen her at all since.</p>
<p>After they had both got their coffees, they walked back into the hospital together, Carina explaining most of what happened, in short, she wasn’t one to kiss and tell after all.<br/>            “I just...said as many things that I could think of about myself when she opened the door and I said I was not going to leave and...to cut a story short, we went to dinner a few nights ago, and I told her things about me, she told me things about her, then I walked her home and...now I have been stuck at work since and have hardly spoken to her.” Carina explained. They walked down the corridor towards the attendings lounge, sipping on their coffees as they went.<br/>            “Oh my god, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you, Carina.” Teddy exclaimed. Carina wasn’t sure how to respond, so just nodded a little and smiled.<br/>            “Well, when are you going to see her next?” Teddy asked.<br/>            “I don’t know, I will maybe call her tonight and find out.” Carina said, knowing that she really did want to call Maya and just hear her voice. She was in much deeper than she thought she was, and she didn’t quite realise it yet.<br/>            “That’s so exciting. So, she opened up then, on the date?” Teddy asked.<br/>            “I suppose, as much as any person would on a first date.” Carina responded, unsure how to handle Teddy’s excitement over the whole situation. She did consider her a friend, but they had only recently become friends, though it was nice to have someone to talk to about it.</p>
<p>Teddy pushed the lounge door open and held it for Carina as she followed behind her. As Carina entered the room, she noticed that it wasn’t empty. Amelia and Maggie were sat on the couch by the window.<br/>            “DeLuca!” Amelia half-shouted from across the room.<br/>            “So, tell me, did you go back? Did you talk to her?” Amelia interrogated before the door had even closed behind her.<br/>            “Um...” Carina said, already overwhelmed with the scenario. Suddenly, to add to the chaos, her pager started beeping in her pocket. She pulled it out and knew she had to go.<br/>            “Apologies, I have to go.” Carina said, putting her almost empty cup of coffee down on the nearest surface and throwing her hair back up in a ponytail again, ready for the next delivery that she had been paged for. As she tied her hair, Amelia let out a sharp gasp. Everyone’s head snapped around to her.<br/>            “Is that a hickey? That’s a hickey isn’t it?” She asked, and walked over to Carina to closer examine the mark on the side of her neck, just below her ear. Carina rolled her eyes and looked at Amelia.<br/>            “You didn’t tell me that part!” Teddy said, playfully offended.<br/>            “Clearly I’ve missed something here.” Maggie said from across the room, entirely confused at the chaos.<br/>            “Okay, I have to go. I will see you later.” Carina said, addressing the whole room.<br/>            “Me and Maggie will be at Joe’s tonight, 8 o’clock. You coming?” Amelia called after Carina as she swiftly walked through the doorway out of the room.<br/>            “Sure, I could use a drink.” Carina called back, before picking up her pace to get to her patient.</p>
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<p>Maya decided to take a walk by the Station this afternoon, to get her exercise for the day, and to see her people. It had been a little while since she last went there, the time that Carina went with her and they had breakfast with everyone. It was chilly out today, the fall weather was truly setting in now, the leaves were turning brown and scattering on the pavement, and the clouds were almost always raining. Usually when out for exercise, Maya didn’t care about the weather, she could run in the rain every day, it didn’t bother her at all, but getting wet wearing jeans and a hoodie was far too uncomfortable for her liking, so she made sure to wear a jacket and take an umbrella.<br/>            As she walked through the park, the rain decided to fall heavier, so she started to pick up her pace a little, but keeping Carina in mind, remembering not to push herself too hard and set herself back in her recovery. Carina had said multiple times how well she was doing, she wasn’t about to ruin her chances of returning to work sooner than expected.<br/>            Maya headed through the ladder bay doors into the barn where the engines sat ready to go. She took down her umbrella and unzipped her coat, setting them aside to dry off a little. At first glance, she couldn’t see anyone, and wondered if they were in the beanery, but was startled when she heard a pair of boots land heavily on the ground.<br/>            “Bishop!” Montgomery’s voice echoed around the barn. He had just hopped down from the side of the engine.<br/>            “Hey, Travis. How’s it going?” Maya asked, stepping back so that she could see him.<br/>            “Good, it’s good it’s...weird, actually. Not that great without you here honestly. When are you...when can you come back?” Travis’s words tumbled out of his mouth entirely filter-less. Maya chuckled and stuffed her hands into the back pockets of her jeans.<br/>            “Hopefully not too long. The doc says I’m doing well.” Maya said, trying not to let her cheeks flush as she mentioned Carina.<br/>            “So I hear.” Travis said in a taunting tone.<br/>            “What?” Maya asked, unprepared for that kind of response. She thought for a second before letting him respond and realised what he could have meant. <br/>            “What has Hughes said?” She demanded.<br/>            “Uh no, nothing. She just might have mentioned something...about a dinner or something.” Travis panicked. Maya clenched her jaw and shook her head.<br/>            “I’ll knock her out.” Maya said with gritted teeth, annoyed that her business had been shared, even if it was only to Travis. She didn’t want things to be moving this quickly, and for people to be knowing about it.<br/>            “Hey, Bishop!” Vic’s voice rang through the room.<br/>            “Oh good, we were just talking about you. Have fun with that.” Travis said, before hurrying away from both of them.<br/>            “Wait what?” Vic asked confused.<br/>            “You told him?” Maya asked, throwing a playful punch at Vic’s shoulder.<br/>            “Whaaat? No, I didn’t I just said you were going out for dinner I didn’t say who with or anything!” Vic defended herself, holding her hand over her shoulder. Maya may have been out of action for three weeks but underestimated her arm strength.<br/>            “I don’t need people to know about this, Vic.” Maya said in a sigh.<br/>            “What are you so afraid of?” Vic asked, confused as to what the issue was.<br/>            “I don’t date. This isn’t me.” Maya said, running her hand through her hair. Vic sighed and put her hands on her hips.<br/>            “Bishop, this is a good thing. She seems like a really good thing. Don’t push it away, and don’t hide her away from the most important people in your life. It isn’t fair on her, and you deserve to be happy.” Vic explained, hoping to talk Maya down from her brief spin-out. Maya sighed and shook her head, knowing that Vic was right, but not being able to admit that.<br/>            “Come on, everyone’s upstairs, Dean’s made chilli.” Vic said, tempting Maya with Miller’s signature dish.</p>
<p>Maya took a seat at the table in the beanery beside Vic and Travis, giving Miller thanks as he placed a bowl of his famous chilli.<br/>            “Y’all better eat quickly before we get called out. There’s been two alarms for downtown, I think we’ll be next.” Miller said after giving everyone a bowl and seating himself down.<br/>            “Yeah we want to be ready for that one.” Andy said, taking a large mouthful of food. Maya looked up at her, she was sat opposite, and keeping very quiet. They hadn’t properly spoken for a while, she couldn’t quite remember when the last time was, but it wasn’t recently. She felt bad about it, but at the same time, she was the one in recovery, Andy didn’t reach out while she was pretty much bed-bound.<br/>            “What’s the situation?” Maya asked, curious about the fire, desperately missing her work life.<br/>            “Big hotel, gym, spa, restaurant and all that, with a pretty big fire. We’re expecting it to get to three alarms and we’re the next closest Station to it now.” Jack explained. Maya nodded and imagined the chaos around and wished she could’ve gone with them. She felt like she could handle it, health wise, but she had too much respect for Carina to do that, and she knew the team would never let her go with them anyway, not without confirmation from the hospital that she was fit to work again.<br/>            “Why we weren’t called first I don’t know. I know we’re not the closest, but we still would’ve got there before 23.” Vic scoffed, slating Station 23. Everyone chuckled at her comment, there was truth to it after all, and 19 were famous for their response time.<br/>            “I guess they like to save the best till last.” Warren chimed in with a cheeky grin, bigging up the team.<br/>            “Exactly.” Travis agreed.</p>
<p>It wasn’t long before the klaxons sounded, and the Engine and Aid Car were requested for the hotel’s address. Everyone jumped up, including Maya as she forgot herself for a moment. She realised as soon as she stood up that she wasn’t needed here, but followed the team down to the barn anyway.<br/>            “Bishop, don’t think you’re getting off here without filling me in about the other night.” Vic said as she suddenly appeared beside Maya at the rear of the Aid Car.<br/>            “Of course.” Maya responded, rolling her eyes.<br/>            “You know what three alarms means don’t you?” Vic asked as she pulled her jacket on quickly. Maya waited for Vic to respond, unsure what she meant. A three alarm fire could mean a lot of things.<br/>            “Drinks after shift?” Vic said. “We get off at 6pm, meet us at Joe’s.” Vic demanded, giving Maya no choice.<br/>            “Sure, I’ll see you later.” Maya said as Vic jogged over to the passenger side of the truck. Before she knew it, both trucks had pulled out of the doors with their sirens blaring and sped off down the street through the rain. It must have been a bad fire if it were hard to contain even in relentless rain, but hopefully it would give them a hand.</p>
<p>Maya grabbed her jacket and umbrella and headed out too, taking the short route home so to avoid being uncomfortable in her wet clothes for longer than necessary. She couldn’t wait to get home at this point, she hated the rain, even more so in the cold weather like today. What she needed right now was a bath, but only a bath ran by Carina, with the perfect balance of bubbles and whatever else she put in the water to make it so nice. Maybe she would run one anyway, and hope that it was anything like the baths that Carina makes.</p>
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<p>It was just after 7pm. Maya walked down the street opposite the hospital on her way to Joe’s. Vic had told her 6pm, but that was when they finished, she knew better than to turn up within the same hour of the finish time, she knew first-hand that they were always later. <br/>            She pushed the door open and started looking around at the places where they usually sit when they come here and was not surprised to see the group sat at one of the tall tables on the right side, near to the bar. She let the door go behind her and headed over, pulling a stool from the neighbouring table to sit at.<br/>            “Bishop, you made it!” Travis exclaimed, clearly having had a few shots already.<br/>            “Of course it’s three alarm tradition, right?” Maya said as she sat down. “Where’s Miller? And Warren?” Maya asked, noticing the gaps in the group.<br/>            “Miller’s got baby duty, and Warren has...wife duty.” Gibson responded. Vic slid a bottle of beer over to Maya; she already had a drink ready and waiting for her.<br/>            “Thanks.” Maya said, and held her bottle up to cheers Vic’s.<br/>            “So how was it today? The hotel?” Maya asked, taking a sip from her bottle.<br/>            “Oh man it was insane.” Vic began the story, with the rest of the team hyping up as she spoke about it, giving Maya a true re-enactment of the scene with sound effects and actions, making Maya laugh hysterically along with everyone.</p>
<p>“Honestly, it was like it was barely touched by the time we got there, and within the hour we had the entire building evacuated and checked, and the other Stations were putting out from the outside while we located the source inside.” Andy spoke, surprising Maya with how vocal she was being.<br/>            “I’m not surprised at all.” Maya said, feeling pleased that the team had been so successful.<br/>            “And no injuries?” Maya asked, drinking more of her beer. It had been a while since she had drunk beer. Her first taste of alcohol since the incident was the wine her and Carina shared over dinner the other night. Wine was never really her choice, but she assumed then that Carina knew what went well with the dishes at the Italian restaurant, so didn’t argue, and had to admit that it was a great choice.<br/>            “No injuries. At least not on our team. I think a couple of the guys from 23 got stuck under some debris when they first went inside, one of the ceilings collapsed above them. They were rescued and brought out, but I think there were some lacerations.” Jack explained. Clearly he had not had many shots yet, and still carried a serious demeaner on his back.<br/>            “Well, drink up, Gibson. It sounds like you all did a great job. It’s cause for a celebration.” Maya encouraged him to finish his drink, and thus lighten up. Her relationship with him was difficult since they had hooked up before. She didn’t carry any emotions from it, but she knew he was hurt. Maybe she should have made herself clearer at the time that it wasn’t a relationship, but at the same time, he should have known that it wouldn’t have been that way with her.<br/>            “You’re right, Bishop. We should get some shots. Do y’all want shots?” Vic said, standing up from the table and grabbing Maya by the arm to go with her to the bar, and excuse to get her by herself for a moment.</p>
<p>Maya stumbled over with Vic, struggling to catch her step as she was abruptly taken from her seat and pulled away. As they stopped at the bar, Maya leaned her elbows against the surface and folded one arm across the other. Vic stood sideways, facing Maya, and staring at her until she realised. Maya looked over and her expression dropped as she realised what Vic was waiting for.<br/>            “First of all,” Vic began. Maya rolled her eyes. “You slept with her, didn’t you?” Vic asked, knowing that the answer was most likely going to be yes, she saw the deep purple love-bite on Carina’s neck.<br/>            “I...didn’t plan for it to happen.” Maya said, backwardly admitting to Vic.<br/>            “I knew it! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” Vic shook her head and turned to the bar, grabbing Joe’s attention, and ordering 10 shots, two for everyone.<br/>            “I didn’t think about it, honestly. Not that I forgot, I don’t mean that, at all...I was just so caught up in the stress of getting ready.” Maya defended herself. <br/>            “So not one you’d forget then huh.” Vic said, teasing her a little. Maya smiled and squinted her eyes a little at Vic, knowing that she was trying to wind her up.<br/>            “Quite the opposite. But that is not what you dragged me over here to talk about.” Maya said, trying to change the subject.<br/>            “Well it was but I guess I can ask about the actual date, not that it matters because you had already had sex by then.” Vic said, handing the cash over to Joe as she spoke.<br/>            “It does matter, this is big. I don’t date.” Maya said in defence.<br/>            “You gotta stop saying that. You’ll never get anywhere if you keep thinking like that.” Vic said sternly. Maya’s smile dropped a little. She knew Vic was right.<br/>            “But you’re right, it does matter. So how was it?” Vic asked. As Joe poured each shot out in front of them, Maya’s attention was drawn to the sound of the door opening behind her. She turned her head and watched as a small group of people walked in who she recognised slightly, though couldn’t quite place from where, at least not until she felt her heart skip a beat as she caught sight of the Italian brunette walking through the door behind the others. Her head snapped back around to the bar and she started to pick up as many shots as she could carry. Noticing her slight panic, Vic turned around to see what she had seen, and saw the ‘hot doctor’, and snapped her own head back around to the front, grabbing the other five shots and hurrying with Maya back over to their table.<br/>            “Why are you running away? Also, you didn’t answer my question.” Vic said as they walked.<br/>            “Because I don’t know if she saw me and I need a minute to breathe. And the date was amazing, I would do it again in a heartbeat.” Maya said quickly, talking over her shoulder to Vic who walked behind her.</p>
<p>They got back to the table and as soon as Maya sat down, she threw back one of her shots and shuddered a little as she felt it run through her entire body.<br/>            “Woah, easy tiger, what’s the hurry?” Travis asked before dragging his own two shots from in front of her and pouring one down his throat.<br/>            “Just been too long man.” Maya said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She looked behind her and around the room to see where Carina had sat. It wasn’t until she was turning her head back around to the table that she saw her stood at almost the exact spot at the bar that she had just come back from. She turned her head back to the table and went to pick up her other shot.<br/>            “What’s taking you guys so long? Come on.” She said, encouraging the group to take their shots as she took her second. In unison, everyone drank their shots, and all pulled very similar faces afterward. Maya shook her body a little to get over the second surge of spirit going through her. In an attempt to play it cool, she counted to sixty before making her next move.<br/>            “I’m gonna go grab another beer.” She said, forgetting to ask anyone else if they wanted anything. She hopped down from her chair and walked over to the bar, slowing down as she approached, feeling her palms growing sweaty as she stared at the back of Carina. She paused, shook her arms, and walked forward until she was stood beside her, and casually rested her elbows on the bar. Carina didn’t notice at first, not until Joe drew attention to her.<br/>            “Back for more already, Lieutenant?” Joe said, standing in front of her as he poured a white wine.<br/>            “Just a beer, thanks.” Maya said with a smile. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Carina look over at her as she spoke, recognising her voice.<br/>            “Coming right up.” Joe said. “Here you go.” He said to Carina, sliding the glass of white wine towards her. Maya resisted the temptation to look at Carina, until Carina acknowledged that she was there. It didn’t take long.<br/>            “I did not expect to see you here.” Carina said, as she said sipped her wine.<br/>            “Likewise.” Maya said, finally turning her head to look at her. She tried to contain her reaction, as always, stunned by Carina’s beauty.<br/>            “I’m sorry I have not had a chance to talk to you since dinner. I have been working every day since.” Carina said, sliding a step closer to Maya so that she could hear her better over the indistinct chatter around them.<br/>            “No it’s fine. How are you?” Maya asked. <br/>            “Good, thank you. How are you?” Carina responded and reciprocated the question.<br/>            “Yeah I’m good. I’ve been good.” Maya responded, trying to keep things casual. Joe handed her a beer and she handed back the money, then brought the bottle to her mouth and took a drink from it.<br/>            “Beer, hmm?” Carina asked, unsure why she was surprised by the choice.<br/>            “Yeah, I prefer it. Though, your choice of wine the other night was, really good. I liked that.” Maya admitted. Carina smirked a little, pleased with herself for the choice.<br/>            “I am a good influence?” Carina questioned. “I’ll have you try a nice red next time. Much sweeter than white.” She added, sipping from her glass.<br/>            “I don’t know about that. Maybe I’ll have you drink this instead; it can be my turn to influence.” Maya suggested, indicating to her bottle. Carina laughed and shook her head.<br/>            “We will have to see about that.” She said.</p>
<p>They both spent the next minute or so just looking at each other’s faces; it had been a few days since they saw each other, and Maya could feel her lips beginning to tingle at the sight of Carina’s, the memory of their kiss on the doorstep that night lingering still on her mouth. Maya drew her bottom lip into her mouth and between her teeth, which didn’t go unnoticed by Carina. With a small smile, Carina looked down at her hands, her cheeks blushing pink as she watched Maya bite her lip.<br/>            “I should get back. Vic will be right over here any second if I don’t.” Maya said, glancing over her shoulder to her table, where Vic was staring right at her with wide eyes.<br/>            “Me too, actually. I don’t come here often but, I was convinced by...them, over there.” Carina said, pointing over to Amelia and Maggie to the left of the bar. Maya looked over and nodded to Carina.<br/>            “When can I see you again?” Carina asked with no hesitations.<br/>            “I mean, I’m free like, all the time.” Maya said in a chuckle. Carina smiled and nodded slowly.<br/>            “Well, I am on call again tomorrow, but after that...maybe I can come over?” Carina asked. She was worried that the suggestion would be too forward, that she should have maybe asked her on a second date instead, but it was too late now to take it back.<br/>            “Yeah, sure. Sounds good.” Maya said back, thinking about what Vic had said to her earlier, <em>don’t push this away</em>.<br/>             “Good. I will call you, tomorrow.” Carina said and leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on Maya’s cheek, lingering for a few seconds too long, before walking away.</p>
<p>Maya watched her walk back to her table before walking back to her own, taking another drink from her bottle as she headed back, and re-joined her group. It took her a moment to notice that no one was talking, her mind was still stuck on Carina, but when she looked up, everyone’s eyes were on her, with an eyebrow raised.<br/>             “That looked interesting.” Travis said, looking over to where Carina had gone.<br/>            “Hot doctor.” Vic said under her breath before drinking her drink. Maya swung her leg to the side, giving Vic a kick to the shin. Vic spat out some of her drink and glared at Maya.<br/>            “I didn’t say anything!” Vic said in her own defence.<br/>            “Is there a something to say?” Andy asked, raising the other eyebrow too.<br/>            “There is nothing to say! I know her from the hospital and, we are friends, or something. I don’t know. It’s weird. It’s new.” Maya said, hating that she had to explain herself to them.<br/>            “Alright guys it’s not our business, right?” Vic jumped in, defending Maya from the others.<br/>            “Do you know something about this?” Andy asked Vic, giving Maya a side-eye.<br/>            “No more than you do, she’s hot doctor, remember? The OB from Grey-Sloan. That’s all I know.” Vic said very convincingly. Andy raised her eyebrows again and nodded slowly, taking a sip from her bottle. The table silenced for a minute.<br/>            “Seriously, Bishop. Good job.” Travis said, complimenting Maya’s pick.<br/>            “I know, right?” Maya back to him with a cheeky smile on her face, causing everyone else to laugh. He was right, Carina was something else.</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. ~ twenty-one ~</h2></a>
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    <p>It had been a long 36 hours since Maya had seen Carina at the bar, with Vic’s voice playing over and over in her head as she tried to remind herself constantly not to screw up what she had going with Carina. They spoke on the phone last night after Carina’s shift, as she had promised, and Maya invited her over for a lunch date type thing this afternoon and had been second guessing herself all night and all morning. Vic’s words stuck firmly in her mind the entire time, every time she started to panic, she managed to talk herself down and remind herself that this was not a bad thing, she was allowed to give her time to other people, unlike her father had always told her.<br/>            Maya headed out to the nearest farmer’s market; she would usually go to a supermarket if she went out for groceries, for home or for the Station, but she remembered Carina talking about how she preferred shopping at markets because it was local and more organic, so she thought she would give it a try. She didn’t even know where the nearest market was until she looked it up, and it turned out there was a small one just two blocks down, and she didn’t need much, she had decided to make a salad, she was sure they would have all of the things she needed for it there.<br/>            She had made a list on a scrap piece of paper of the things she needed, she often made salads and smoothies, so she knew what she needed. Romaine lettuce, as a base, kind of a standard. Roma tomatoes, the smaller, sweeter ones. Red onion, to be sliced thinly, and red bell pepper, or orange, just not green, those ones are far too bitter for Maya’s liking. Black olives, avocado, and of course, feta cheese. Maya already had herbs, olive oil and red wine vinegar at home to make some dressing, but still needed lemon, garlic, and honey, so had added those to her list as well.<br/>            Having been wandering around the market for a little while collecting the things she needed, she wondered why she had never shopped at like this before, everything seemed so much better, there wasn’t a single piece of plastic in sight. She had even managed to pick up some reusable bags to put her things in. She made a mental note to thank Carina for mentioning it before.</p>
<p>Maya got home a little later than she had hoped, the market turned out to grab her attention for longer than she had intended, and she suddenly didn’t have very long at all to get everything ready, including herself. It had just gone noon when she got back, and she decided to prioritise getting herself ready before the food, she knew that Carina wouldn’t mind, and thought maybe it would be more authentic if she made the food in front of Carina, to avoid the doubt that she could actually make her own food, contrary to popular belief.<br/>            She dumped the bag of groceries on the kitchen counter and headed into the bathroom for a quick shower and wash her hair, she knew she could get everything done in time, her hair was thin so she could dry it in about 5 minutes, and it took about the same time to wash completely. She turned on the shower and stripped off her clothes, briefly catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror above the sink. She hadn’t actually looked at herself for weeks, her whole bare self. She hadn’t had a proper look at the 6-inch scar that sat permanently at the base of her stomach. She paused for a moment, looking at it in the slightly fogged mirror, gently running her finger across it, before sharply turning her head away and stepping into the shower. Now was not the time.<br/>            She stood with the warm water running right over her head, letting it run down her face until her whole body was soaked, then she brought her hands up to her face and wiped the water off her face and grabbed her shampoo and quickly lathered up her hair. She let the shampoo sit on her hair for a minute and washed her body. She leaned forward to grab her soap and noticed her razor and paused, let her eyes drop down for a few seconds, then looked back to the razor and grabbed it, realising now that she would be in the shower for a little longer than anticipated. As she stood back up under the water, she rinsed out her hair and lathered up some soap in her hands, ready to get to work.</p>
<p>After spending far too long in the shower, Maya quickly towel dried her hair as much as she could and hurried into her room to find some clothes to wear. She pulled out her favourite light denim jeans and a plain black t-shirt and threw them on her bed. She dried her body off with her towel and rummaged through her drawers for some of her Wednesday underwear and put it on, then pulled her jeans on, tugged her t-shirt over her damp hair, trying to avoid getting it wet, then grabbed her hairdryer and started to blow dry her hair. After a few minutes, she realised she hadn’t checked the time since getting out of the shower, so grabbed her phone from her nightstand where she had left it all morning and read the time. Also on her screen was an unopened message from Carina.</p>
<p>12:40pm – Carina: On my way, see you soon x</p>
<p>             “Shit.” Maya said to herself and turned off the hairdryer. That was 10 minutes ago, she would definitely nearly be here by now, whether she got a cab or walked, she walked really fast. Maya grabbed her comb and dragged it through her hair until it looked semi-acceptable, picked up her mascara and tried her best to apply some to her very blonde eyelashes, then grabbed a large, greyish-blue checked flannel shirt from her closet and pulled it over her shoulders. Just as she stopped to check how she looked, there was a knock at the door. Maya took a breath and headed out of her room to answer the door.</p>
<p>Maya pulled the door open to let Carina in, and as usual, had to clench her jaw to stop it from dropping open involuntarily simply at the sight of her. Carina stood with a beautiful smile on her face and wore a pair of grey checked paper-bag trousers, with a black, long sleeved roll neck jumper tucked into it, and a khaki coloured jacket over her.<br/>            “Hi.” She said in her bright, chipper voice.<br/>            “Hey.” Maya said back semi-breathlessly. “Come in.” She added and stepped aside. Carina walked in and Maya walked away into the kitchen, knowing that she hadn’t even made a start on the salad. Carina took off her shoes and followed, taking a seat at the little counter in the centre of the kitchen. Maya quickly washed over the ingredients she had bought and brought them over to the counter to begin chopping them.<br/>             “Sorry I kinda got held up at the market.” Maya told the half-truth, knowing that her delay happened in the shower.<br/>            “Oh, the market?” Carina asked, raising an eyebrow. Maya smiled and chuckled.<br/>            “Yes I...took a leaf out of your book, or something. It was good, I’m glad I did.” Maya admitted.<br/>            “That is good, I feel honoured that you would make such an effort for me.” Carina said with that same bright smile.<br/>            “Of course, you made a lot of effort for me on the first date, now it’s my turn.” Maya said, looking up to make eye contact with her, hoping she would catch on to what she meant. Carina held eye contact and then smiled and looked away. After a few minutes of Maya chopping up the lettuce, Carina got up and rummaged around the kitchen for another knife to help.<br/>            “So, what are we making?” Carina asked as she sat back down. Maya looked up.<br/>            “We?” She asked.<br/>            “Yes, I am helping.” Carina said and grabbed an avocado from in front of her. She sliced it around the middle and pulled it in half.<br/>            “Uh, a Greek salad. I got some nice bread too, in case it needed something else.” Maya said, holding up the block of feta cheese.<br/>            “Very nice. I like it. I see you got olives too, I love them.” Carina said, complimenting Maya’s choices.<br/>            “I’m glad.” She said, putting the lettuce into a big bowl and grabbing a red onion to chop up. Carina dropped the slices of avocado on top of the lettuce and then watched as Maya almost cut into the butt of it.<br/>            “You will spend the next half an hour in tears if you do that.” Carina said, stopping her in her tracks. She took the onion from Maya’s hands and began slicing it down the middle, avoiding the end which would trigger the waterworks.<br/>            “Alright, I don’t make food that often and...every time I cut an onion I cry, so what?” Maya said defensively in a playful tone.<br/>            “So, watch.” Carina said as she skilfully sliced away. Maya rolled her eyes and picked up the tomatoes, something that surely couldn’t be cut a right or wrong way and began to slice them into quarters.<br/>            “I am just playing.” Carina said teasingly. Maya raised her eyebrows and nodded. She put her knife down and rested her palms on the edge of the counter.<br/>            “Play away, and chop, if you’re so good.” Maya said and walked over to the back of the kitchen, grabbing some things from the cabinets, and setting herself up at another counter space.<br/>            “I make a great dressing for this.” She added as she began to throw together some olive oil and red wine vinegar.<br/>            “I am sure you do.” Carina said, continuing to slice the onion without her eyes even threatening a tear.</p>
<p>Maya felt quite relieved that Carina was here to help her make the food, she had got herself so worked up about today, she started to worry that the two of them wouldn’t have anything to talk about, but everything just felt so natural with her; as soon as she was here, she felt at ease, and had no idea what she was even worrying herself with before.</p>
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<p>They had decided to sit on the couch to eat, Maya was grateful for that, it was more casual than sitting at the dining table. Her dining table was definitely more of a decoration than functional furniture, hardly anyone used it, it was only used to hold the occasional vase of flowers. They sat beside each other on the bigger couch, with a board of sliced bread on the coffee table in front of them. There were only a couple of slices left, and their salad bowls were empty. Turns out Maya did make a pretty mean dressing.</p>
<p>            “That was...really good. Thank you.” Carina said, running her hand over her stomach, gesturing that she was full. Relieved that it was enough, Maya smiled and dropped her gaze, feeling a little bashful.<br/>            “You’re welcome. Thanks for the help.” Maya said, giving the credit where it was due.<br/>            “Of course, it was fun. We should make pizzas next time. I love making pizza from scratch.” Carina suggested. Next time, there would be a next time.<br/>            “That sounds good to me.” Maya agreed, feeling that fluttering feeling in her stomach. She started to feel nervous all of a sudden, more nervous than she was before the first date. She couldn’t quite pin what it was, but she knew what might help.<br/>            “Can I interest you in a drink at all? I know it’s only...what, 3 o’clock or something but...” Maya offered.<br/>            “It is 6 o’clock somewhere. I would love a drink.” Carina said, accepting. “What do you have to offer?” She asked. Maya stood up and headed back into the kitchen, opened up the fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer, holding it up for Carina to see.<br/>            “As promised.” Maya said, referring to their conversation at Joe’s.<br/>            “Oh no, not this.” Carina said, covering her face with her hands and letting her head drop back against the back of the couch.<br/>            “Yes, this. I promise I won’t make you drink the whole thing if you don’t like it.” Maya said, popping the cap off with her hands and walking back over to her. Reluctantly, Carina took the bottle and brought it up to her lips, hesitating as she caught a smell of it, and already knew that she would not like it. She took a generous mouthful and scrunched up her face, quickly extending her arm out, handing the bottle back to Maya. Carina’s face stayed screwed up for a few seconds after she managed to swallow the beer, and then she gasped, having held her breath the whole time in an attempt to cut off her taste buds.<br/>            “Absolutely not. I do not like it.” Carina said, looking up at Maya who was still stood up. Maya was laughing the whole time as she watched Carina react and then refuse the bottle again.<br/>            “Not a fan?” Maya asked.<br/>            “No, not at all. Please tell me you have something else to wash that taste away.” Carina asked. Maya nodded and took a slow sip from the bottle of beer than Carina had just had in her mouth. For some reason, watching Maya drink from the same bottle made Carina’s stomach flutter.<br/>            “I do. Though, I don’t know how impressed you’ll be. It’s wine but...it’s pink.” Maya said, pulling a bottle of rosé out of the fridge and holding it up.<br/>            “That is good. I like that.” Carina said, willing to take anything other than the beer again. She wasn’t a huge fan of rosé, she preferred ‘real’ wine, but she wouldn’t deny that it tasted quite nice. Maya poured a substantial sized glass for Carina and took it over to her, settling herself back down on the couch, and drinking more from their bottle of beer.<br/>            “So, what do you wanna do? I’ve already been for a walk today so, I guess that’s off the table.” Maya said, referring to her recovery. Carina sipped from her glass and tilted her head side to side.<br/>            “Well, it is good for you to increase your exercise as you get better, but maybe not a walk.” Carina said, also turning down the idea of a walk. They both sat and thought of things to do with the rest of their day. All they had known together in this apartment was sleep, food, and walks. They were in uncharted territory, and it made them both very nervous.</p>
<p>After a little while, Carina looked over to Maya, extended her arm out, and ran the back of her fingers down her cheek, admiring her very prominent cheekbones and jawline.<br/>            “I missed you, these last few days.” Carina said softly as she stroked Maya’s skin. Maya’s stomach flipped, almost causing her entire body to jolt.<br/>            “I missed you too.” Maya said, her voice cracking as she spoke. Carina leaned forward and brought her other hand up to Maya’s face, pulling her in and kissing her lips firmly, but softly, gently, taking in the feeling of her delicate skin against her own. Carina pressed her hand against Maya’s cheek, giving herself more support as she leaned in, keeping their lips connected, still firm but soft. They held on for a few more seconds before Carina went to pull away.<br/>            “No...” Maya mumbled between Carina’s lips and pulled her back. Their lips began to move slowly, cautiously in sync. Maya exhaled through her nose, not wanting to ever let go. Her entire body had been overtaken by an overwhelming feeling of relief, combined with panic, but that was overridden by the excitement. Carina moved her hand from Maya’s cheek to the back of her head, her fingers tangling in Maya’s soft blonde locks, pulling her closer, adding more pressure, deepening the kiss.</p>
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<p>It was 10pm, Carina still hadn’t gone home. At this point, neither of them were even sure that she should. She had gone through the whole bottle of wine, and even drank more beer, that’s how much she was enjoying herself. <br/>            “Seriously, you can’t go home now. You’ve had too much to drink.” Maya said, as Carina twirled around the living room to the music Maya had put on a while ago.<br/>            “You underestimate my Italian blood.” Carina said, denying her state of intoxication. Maya laughed and stood up to join her dancing but stopped when she heard a knock at the door. Confused, Maya looked at Carina, almost as if she were making sure that she was actually there, and she hadn’t just made up the whole day in some sort of daydream. Maya turned the music down and went to open the door and was surprised to find Vic stood there.<br/>            “Vic, hey.” She said. Carina stopped dancing and sat down on the couch, facing the door to see what was happening.<br/>            “I tried to call you, but you didn’t pick up, but I just assumed you’d be here anyway...” Vic explained, then peered around Maya as she noticed someone behind her. When she saw Carina sat on the couch, Carina waved and smiled, and Vic reciprocated, but quickly turned back to Maya.<br/>            “I am so sorry. I didn’t realise, are you...what is going on here?” Vic said with a smirk, wondering what she had walked in to.<br/>            “Uh...it was a lunch date, that turned into ordering Chinese food for dinner and...a lot of wine.” Maya laughed, combing her fingers through her hair. Vic raised her eyebrows and nodded.<br/>            “Look at you go.” Vic said, giving Maya an encouraging shimmy. Maya pushed her shoulder.<br/>            “Shut up.” She said, and looked behind her shoulder at Carina, who had stood back up again to tidy up some of their mess.<br/>            “So, I’m gonna go, but have so much fun here.” Vic said.<br/>            “No, wait. You wanted to crash, right?” Maya asked, holding onto Vic’s arm to stop her from turning around.<br/>            “I might have, but I can easily go back to my place, I don’t wanna crash your date or like...cock block or whatever you call it for lesbians.” Vic said jokingly with a smile.<br/>            “No, seriously you can crash. I am never gonna send you away. You know that. Come on.” Maya said, tugging on her arm a little and pulling her inside.<br/>            “Okay, but if you keep me up with your loud...whatever goes on, I’m never gonna let you live it down.” Vic teased, and headed straight into the spare bedroom to get changed.</p>
<p>Maya closed the front door and walked back over to Carina.<br/>            “Vic’s gonna crash, but there’s still room for you. You are not going home like this.” Maya said, holding onto Carina’s hands.<br/>            “There is still room for me?” Carina asked, wanting Maya to elaborate.<br/>            “Yes, there is...and you know exactly where.” Maya said, lifting her chin up and standing on her toes to reach Carina’s lips, kissing her once again. Carina wasted no time in sliding her tongue across Maya’s bottom lip and pinching it between her teeth, causing Maya’s breath to hitch in her throat. Maya pulled away and turned off the music. She quickly scanned the room and decided that this mess would be a tomorrow problem and grabbed Carina’s hand and dragged her to her bedroom door. She stopped at the doorway and turned around to face Carina, who had rested her hands against the doorframe.<br/>            “What are you doing?” Carina asked, her hands remaining firm on the frame.<br/>            “Well you’ll find out, won’t you?” Maya said, and gripped her hands on Carina’s waist. Carina laughed and dropped her hands from the doorframe as Maya pulled her backwards into her bedroom.</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. ~ twenty-two ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>just a quick psa to say thank u for the comments and hits on the last few chapters, i hope you're all still enjoying the story and enjoy this update &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carina woke up first in the morning. She was laid on her side with the bed sheet tucked under her arm, and her arm draped over Maya’s waist, her hand resting underneath her bare breast. They had been too tired after last night’s antics to find any suitable nightwear, but thankfully the general warmth in the apartment, the bed sheets, and each other’s body heat was enough to keep them both warm throughout the night. Carina lifted her head and peeked through the brunette locks that fell over her eyes to see if Maya was awake yet. She wasn’t. Carina carefully slid her arm away from Maya’s body and sat herself upright. She began to look around for something to put on, as she didn’t want to put the same clothes on from yesterday, at least not so early in the morning. She quietly hopped down from the bed, the soft white bed sheet sliding off her bare skin, and rummaged through Maya’s underwear drawer, looking for a pair of pants that looked like they might fit her, despite Maya’s thighs being much more muscular than hers. She found a simple black pair and slipped them on, then looked around and picked up the flannel shirt that Maya was wearing yesterday. She pulled it over her shoulders and began to button it up, realising it was much longer than she had expected, which was likely a good thing.<br/>
            Quietly, Carina left the bedroom clad in Maya’s shirt and pants, and started her usual routine when she was here, of making the coffee. She knew that Maya liked and appreciated waking up and having it already made for her, half the time she could never be bothered to make it herself and would just wait until she got to the Station to drink the coffee there. Carina’s special brew was incredible to wake up to.<br/>
            She flittered around the kitchen in her bare feet, Maya’s shirt just about covering her pants and sorted out the coffee pot with plenty to go round; despite the influence of the wine last night, she remembered that it wasn’t just the two of them here, though she wasn’t too sure if Vic was still here, or if she had headed out early before she had woken up. Carina assumed that with the door to the spare bedroom closed tight, Vic was still asleep in there, so made sure to be even quieter, there were two people that she might disturb this time.</p>
<p>Vic rolled over in bed and grabbed her phone to look at the time. It had just gone 9:30am, which was a pretty good lie in considering her body clock usually had her up earlier. It must have been around midnight when she got here last night, and around half 1 when she actually got to sleep over the slightly muffled noises from Maya’s bedroom. She laid in bed and chuckled to herself about it, in somewhat disbelief that Maya was having...a relationship of some kind, with the same person over a period of more than two weeks. It was very out of character, but Vic could see the Maya’s whole aura had shifted in the last few weeks or so.<br/>
            She rolled out of bed and stood in front of the body length mirror, untied her hair from the bun she had screwed it into before bed, scraped the puffy mess into a semi-neater bun, and retied it at the top of her head again. She grabbed her cardigan from the chair in the corner and pulled it over her t-shirt and shorts, grabbed a pair of ankle socks from her back and headed out. It had only been a few minutes since she woke up, but she could only ignore the rumbling in her stomach for so long.</p>
<p>As Vic walked out of the spare bedroom, she soon noticed that she wasn’t alone in the apartment. She had assumed that Maya and Carina would still be asleep considering they both had a pretty late night, by the sounds of things, but Vic saw Carina stood at the middle counter in the kitchen, brewing a pot of coffee. She walked slowly toward the kitchen, knowing that it was in there that the food was, and she wouldn’t be able to avoid an awkward encounter with Maya’s...Carina. She stopped by the couch as Carina turned around to get some mugs from the cabinet. It was then that Vic realised Carina was half naked. Her eyes widened and she looked away, trying to conceal laughter. This woman really was comfortable here, Maya hadn’t let on to how serious this whole thing was at all.<br/>
            “Morning.” Vic said clearly, pushing aside any awkwardness purely for the sake of her hunger.<br/>
            “Good morning.” Carina looked up and smiled, not realising that she had company. Vic kept her eyes to herself and headed right for the cereal cabinet and pulled out a box of Fruit Loops. She didn’t bother grabbing a bowl, she knew Maya would likely not have any milk in anyway, she just opened up the box and stuck her hand inside and headed toward the couch to sit and eat them from the box.<br/>
            “I did not consider Maya the type to have...fruit loops.” Carina laughed a little, taking notice of the box Vic had.<br/>
            “Oh, no she isn’t. These are mine.” Vic said, crunching on the cereal. “She keeps these here for me for when I crash.” She explained, making sense of why Maya would have a sugary cereal in the cabinet.<br/>
            “Ah, I see. That makes more sense.” Carina said, nodding her head slowly.<br/>
            “No she just has like, green shit. Smoothies and stuff.” Vic said, sort of testing to see if that’s something Carina already knew about her.<br/>
            “Of course, I could have guessed. I would have maybe guessed granola too.” Carina said.<br/>
            “Oh sure, only as a treat though. That stuff has more sugar than you’d think.” Vic said, raising her eyebrows.<br/>
            “It does?” Carina asked.<br/>
            “Yeah. We don’t get stuff like this at 19. It’s eggs and wholewheat toast. Sometimes bacon if Gibson does the shopping. Always mushrooms and tomatoes, which is fine but, that’s gotta last us, you know?” Vic said, continuing to crunch away on the cereal.<br/>
            “I remember. There was a lot of protein when I stopped by before.” Carina said, thinking back to when she had walked with Maya.<br/>
            “This stuff won’t fly if she ever becomes Captain. She’ll have me on the blended greens too.” Vic said, holding up her box of sugared cereal. Carina laughed and poured out a mug of coffee.<br/>
            “Would you like some coffee? There is plenty.” Carina offered.<br/>
            “Yeah sure, thanks.” Vic said with a smile.</p>
<p>Carina brought a mug over to Vic, and sat down on the armchair with her own, tucking her feet up underneath her.<br/>
            “Is Maya in the running for Captain?” Carina asked, curious as to what Maya’s life might look like once she gets back to work.<br/>
            “Well, just as much as Herrera or Gibson. They’re all Lieutenants, they’ve all got a shot.” Vic said. Carina nodded and brought her mug to her lips, blowing gently on the coffee as it was too hot to drink yet.</p>
<p>            “Is she a good Lieutenant?” Carina asked. Vic nodded and swallowed her mouthful.<br/>
             “Yeah she’s great. She knows what she’s doing. Between you and me, it’s hers and Andy’s game. Jack’s good, don’t get me wrong, but like, guys just have this like, tunnel vision thing, they forget to consider other aspects to a situation. It’s his downfall.” Vic explained, giving Carina the low down of Station life. Carina nodded and took in the information. She would love to see Maya at work, doing what she loves doing.<br/>
            “How is it decided?” Carina asked.<br/>
            “I mean, it’s kinda up to the Chief, and only when there’s an opening for a Captain’s position. At the moment, we got Sullivan. He’s good too, serious but, we work well with him. Everyone kinda just believes that it’s Andy’s job, rightfully, because of her dad.” Vic explained, but was unsure if Carina even knew who Pruitt was.<br/>
            “Andy’s dad was a great Captain, and Andy could be too. Honestly, I couldn’t call it between her and Maya. I think Maya is willing to work harder for it, you know what she’s like with winning.” Vic laughed a little.<br/>
            “Well, I haven’t seen the gold medal but, I have of course heard about it.” Carina chuckled.</p>
<p>Maya woke up to the sound of voices outside the bedroom door. She looked behind her and realised that Carina was gone, and it must have been her and Vic out there talking. She began to panic about what Vic might be saying, probably something that would no doubt be overwhelmingly humiliating, and what was Carina saying to Vic? She wondered why she didn’t consider the possibility of this last night, the possibility of her separate lives meeting like this. She shook her head and pulled the cover off herself, realised she was entirely naked, and quickly rummaged around for some clothes to put on. She pulled on a pair of joggers and a loose t-shirt, quickly fixed her messy hair, and opened the bedroom door.<br/>
            As she opened the door, she heard the two of them laughing about something, but had no idea what it was. She clearly missed the punchline. Before her mind could take her off on all of the possibilities of what they were saying about her, Carina was suddenly beside her.<br/>
            “Hi. I made coffee. Would you like some?” Carina offered, gently holding onto Maya’s hand at her side.<br/>
            “Hey, yes please.” Maya said back with a smile, then let go of her hand and headed over to Vic as Carina went back into the kitchen to pour Maya’s drink.<br/>
            “I swear to god Hughes if you’ve said anything...weird I will have you on toilet duty for a month when I’m back.” Maya said under her breath as she sat herself down on the couch beside Vic.<br/>
            “Woah, easy. I haven’t said anything ‘weird’. Come on, I’m a better friend than that.” Vic said defensively. Maya sighed and ran her hand through her hair.<br/>
            “She’s been leading the conversation. Asking about you at work. I think she wants to see firefighter barbie in action.” Vic said teasingly. Maya rolled her eyes and slumped back against the back of the couch.<br/>
            “By the sounds of things she saw not-firefighter barbie in action last night...” Vic said, teasing again at the sex noises she overheard. Maya’s mouth dropped open a little and she felt her cheeks flush.<br/>
            “Here you go.” Carina said as she approached, holding out a mug of coffee for Maya. Maya swallowed the embarrassment and smiled at Carina.<br/>
            “Thank you.” She said, taking the mug from her and holding it in her hands. She looked back at Vic who had a huge grin on her face, absolutely loving that she could wind Maya up so easily.</p>
<p>            “So, you guys are like, a thing now.” Vic said, taking a drink from her mug, looking at both Maya and Carina to see their reactions. She knew instantly that she had made a mistake in saying that; it was clear to see that they hadn’t had that conversation yet.<br/>
            “Something like that.” Carina said, also drinking from her mug, and diverting the attention away from Maya, who she knew would be entirely freaked out by the question. Maybe it was about time for them to actually establish what was going on between them, because in Carina’s mind, it was definitely more than just sex. It was silent for a few seconds afterward, nobody was sure what the right thing to say was.<br/>
            “Well...I just made things awkward and, now I’m gonna go shower. Maya can I shower?” Vic asked, desperately looking for an out. Maya nodded and smiled a little, unable to bring herself to speak as her mind spiralled out of control thinking about what it would mean for her and Carina to establish their relationship. She was happy with the way things were now, why did they need to rush into anything official?</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Vic didn’t hang about after her shower, she just got dressed and was soon heading out, saying a kind goodbye to Carina, and apologising to Maya for saying the wrong thing.<br/>
            “Don’t let it get to your head, Bishop.” Vic said at the door as she left, and Maya simply nodded, still spiralling, and closed the door behind her. Carina was still wearing Maya’s clothes, and pottered around the kitchen tidying up the coffee stuff.<br/>
            “Did you want to go out and get breakfast somewhere?” Carina asked, turning around to see what Maya was doing. Maya stood with her back against the front door, unsure what to do with herself, or the woman dressed in her clothes in the kitchen. No, she was more than that. But...what? Why did it matter?<br/>
            “Maya?” Carina asked again, appearing from the kitchen.<br/>
            “What?” Maya asked, returning back to earth.<br/>
            “Did you want to go out for breakfast? Or I can go and get something to bring back if you needed some time.” Carina offered, aware that Maya was suddenly not herself.<br/>
            “Uh, I don’t mind. I think...I think I need to walk, some air um...I-.” Maya stumbled over her words.<br/>
            “Hey, it’s okay, Maya. Breathe.” Carina said softly as she slowly approached her, taking hold of her hands. Maya tensed up and turned her head away, looking down at the floor.<br/>
            “I’m gonna go for a walk.” Maya said quietly, walking away into her room to get dressed. Carina stood alone by the front door and watched Maya walk away, trying desperately to think of what she could do to help.</p>
<p>It wasn’t long before Maya came back out again, wearing different joggers and a hoodie, and silently knelt down to put on her shoes. Carina had only made it as far as the arm of the couch, and sat against it, watching Maya as she moved without a word. Maya stood up having tied her shoes, grabbed her jacket, and opened the door. She hesitated before turning to Carina.<br/>
            “You don’t have to stay.” Was all she said, before walking away and pulling the door closed behind her.</p>
<p>Carina stood alone in the empty apartment, unsure what to do with herself, unsure if leaving would be the right thing to do or not. Maybe if Maya walks to clear her head, she would want to talk about it when she got back, or maybe she would just want some space. Either way, she figured she would have time to make her decision, Maya wasn’t one to go for a short walk. She stood up from the arm of the couch and headed into the bathroom and turned on the shower. She went back into the bedroom to find a towel, and then back to the bathroom. Maybe she needed some time to think too.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>When Carina came out of the bathroom, she found herself to still be alone. She tied her towel around her body and dried her feet on the bathmat, then headed into the bedroom to find her clothes which had been carelessly tossed somewhere in the heat of the moment last night. She stood for a moment, pondering on how much things could change in the short space of 12 hours. They had gone from complete intimacy to worlds apart, all because of one throwaway comment. Carina knew that it had to have been what Vic said. The only other thing she could think of it being was perhaps her performance the night before, but no one can fake it that well. And Carina was certainly not put off by Maya’s performance, she was right when she said she was good at a lot of things.<br/>
            After drying herself off, she let her towel drop to the ground and picked up her trousers from the floor nearby where she was stood. She knew she wouldn’t be able to find her own panties, so just slipped on her trousers without them. She found her bralette and top and pulled them over her head one after the other, tucking her top into her trousers the same way she did yesterday. She put Maya’s flannel in the laundry basket, and decided to tidy up the bedroom a little, making the bed and picking up the random items of clothing from the floor.<br/>
            A few minutes later, she heard the door open, and quietly laid down the clothes she had just folded on the end of the bed, and poked her head out the door. Maya was stood by the front door looking around the apartment, wondering if Carina had actually left, but soon noticed her standing delicately in the doorway of her bedroom. Carina raised a hand, giving her a small wave and a sympathetic look.<br/>
            “You’re still here.” Maya said, unsure if she was surprised or not, or if she was happy about it or not.<br/>
            “I thought you might need to talk.” Carina said.<br/>
            “I don’t need anything except space.” Maya said, almost cutting off Carina’s sentence. Carina took a breath in before speaking, trying to keep herself calm.<br/>
            “I can see that you are pushing me away and...I want to give you space but-.”<br/>
            “Then give me space.” Maya said abruptly, taking a step closer to her.<br/>
            “Maya I understand that you have been through a lot and, I am trying not to be mad at you, but I have been nothing but supportive to you this whole time, I spent days being here for you.” Carina argued, wanting to get her point across and make her understand how it was making her feel, trying to make her realise that it was okay to open up.<br/>
            “I never asked you to do that.” Maya snapped.<br/>
            “It doesn’t matter if you did or not, the least that you could do is give me some sort of respect or...something. I don’t deserve this, the way that you shut me out</p>
<p>every time you don’t want to deal with something.” Carina said in a wobbly voice, trying to keep herself from raising her voice. That never solved anything.<br/>
            “You don’t know me well enough to make that assumption.” Maya said, slightly taken aback by Carina’s analysis of her.<br/>
            “It’s obvious, Maya. And I understand the difficulty in talking through emotions if you are not used to that but, if this is going to be a thing or...anything, we have to work on that. Otherwise, this won’t work.” Carina explained. Maya looked away and bit her lip. She had to be careful what she was going to say next, but she wasn’t sure she would be able to hold her tongue.<br/>
            “A thing?” Maya asked.<br/>
            “I am not trying to put pressure on you to put a label on this, I am perfectly happy to take it at whatever pace you are comfortable with. At some point, Maya, it will become something more.” Carina spoke softly, being careful with her wording so to not freak her out even more.<br/>
            “I know that this is scary for you, so I’m not going to ask you.” Carina said quietly, lowering the tone of the conversation.<br/>
            “Ask me what?” Maya said, prompting her, needing to know. Carina looked down and sighed, then took a step forward into the hall. She looked back up and met Maya’s eyes, holding eye contact as she spoke.<br/>
            “What are we?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(sorry for the cliff hanger, chapter 23 coming soon)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. ~ twenty-three ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maya dragged a brush through her messy hair and tied it at the back of her head in a loose bun, pulled a sweatshirt over her head and headed out to grab her shoes. She slipped them on and grabbed her keys and walked out the door.<br/>            It had been a week since Maya had told Carina to leave. Since Carina had asked what their relationship was, and Maya had simply closed her doors. The scenario hadn’t stopped playing over and over in her head for 7 days, 168 hours, she had been thinking of the heartbreak displayed on Carina’s face, the tears welling up in her eyes as she stuck a knife through her chest. She would be lying if she said she didn’t have any regrets. She regretted everything she said. Every word replayed on a loop in her mind, she couldn’t escape it, she had to make right what she did wrong.<br/>            As Maya walked through the greenery to the hospital for her 4 week post-op appointment, she once again thought about that night.</p>
<p>
  <em>“What are we?” Carina said shyly, not wanting to have proposed the question at this point, she knew Maya wouldn’t be ready to hear it, she knew it was too soon despite her desperate want to know where she stood.<br/>            The silence loomed over them like a thick fog, neither one of them following Carina’s question, neither of them wanting to go forward from here, Carina wanting to go backwards and stop herself from asking. Carina stood up from the arm of the couch and took a step closer to Maya.<br/>            “Stop.” Maya said, halting Carina in her movements.<br/>            “I didn’t want to ask.” Carina said.<br/>            “Then why did you? Why did you have to say anything?” Maya snapped, turning away from her so to not look at her anymore.<br/>            “You asked me, Maya. I cannot just stand here and say nothing when there is so much that I want to say.” Carina said.<br/>            “What is it? What other burning questions do you have?” Maya said, raising her voice slightly.<br/>            “I have already said too much.” Carina remained reserved and as calm as possible.<br/>            “I never asked you for anything.” Maya said shaking her head.<br/>            “I never said that you did Maya. I offered my help, when you were so reluctant to take it, I should have known.” Carina responded.<br/>            “Should’ve known what?” Maya asked.<br/>            “I should have known that you were so stubborn and...complicated.” Carina said, running her hand through her hair.<br/>            “Complicated?” Maya questioned, taking offence.<br/>            “Look, I know that there is still a lot about you that I don’t know. We have spent so much time together and I have never heard you speak about your family. I don’t ask because I don’t want to upset you, because I care about you.” Carina explained.<br/>            “You think I’m fucked up somehow?” Maya asked. Carina sighed and shook her head.<br/>            “You are putting words in my mouth.” Carina said quietly.<br/>            “Then what? You think I’ve got some family secret that I’m hiding? You think I’m crazy?” Maya persisted with questions.<br/>            “Maya, please stop.” Carina begged. “I would never think anything like that.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>What you wish to tell me is your choice, and I respect that.” She said.<br/>            “Then why do you insist on questioning me about everything?” Maya asked.<br/>            “I asked you one question, and I shouldn’t have.” Carina reiterated.<br/>            “Why is it that you need to know everything?” Maya asked.<br/>            “All I asked is where I stood. I am part of this too, Maya. If you do not want this to become something then that is all that you needed to say, and I would have left you alone.”<br/>            “So leave me alone then. Haven’t I said enough?” Maya snapped, her mind in the wrong place to process and understand Carina’s words.<br/>            “I don’t want to leave you like this, you aren’t listening to me.” Carina said.<br/>            “God, what don’t you understand? I don’t want this, I don’t need a girlfriend, Carina. I never wanted this. Any of it.” Maya shouted, throwing her hands out to the side. Carina struggled to hold a neutral expression as Maya’s words shot through her like bullets. Her face trembled slightly with a sadness she had never known before, and she couldn’t bring herself to speak.<br/>            “I think you should go.” Maya said after a moment of silence. Carina stood starstruck and hurt, unable to gather enough of anything to move.<br/>            “Please, you need to leave.” Maya said again, and opened the front door, letting it swing wide before looking away, and walking away down the hall and into her bedroom, leaving Carina to see herself out.</em>
</p>
<p>All Maya could think of to reassure herself that she hadn’t entirely screwed things over was that Carina had such a calm temperament, she was so easily forgiving and so patient and understanding, surely, she could give her another chance, forgive her hurtful words, and know that she didn’t mean them in that moment of anger. She had to believe that Carina would forgive, otherwise she would never be able to forgive herself for the things she had said, even if she didn’t mean them.</p>
<p>Before she knew it, Maya was standing outside the hospital. It was just before 10am, just in time for her appointment. Part of her hoped that Carina wouldn’t be her doctor today, but the rest of her couldn’t bear the thought of it being anyone else. A stranger seeing her vulnerable side, someone having to ask questions that Carina already knew the answers to. Someone who might not be so lenient with the specific rules and might not let her return to work until the full six weeks. Carina knew that she had healed quickly and well, it had to be her. It always had to be her.<br/>            Maya approached the OB floor and checked in at the desk, then waited in a seat to the side to be called. She felt nervous at the possibility of seeing Carina again. She couldn’t shift the guilt she felt, she wouldn’t be able to rid the feeling for a while, even if Carina did forgive her, she wouldn’t forgive herself for the pain she caused. She sat overthinking for a good ten minutes before her name was called.<br/>            “Maya Bishop?” A nurse spoke from the doorway of one of the consultation rooms. Maya stood up and walked over to her, the nurse holding the door open to let Maya in.<br/>            The room had a small desk and computer in it, a few machines, a few chairs and a bed, which the nurse had prepped for Maya to make herself comfortable on, with the clean plastic sheet pulled over it, and a pillow at the head end if she needed to lay back, though she wasn’t sure if that would be necessary, just a precaution. She sat on the edge of the bed and folded her hands together in her lap. For a second, she caught sight of herself in the reflection of the computer screen in front of her, and started to wonder if she ought to have made more of an effort with her appearance if she were to be seeing Carina. She just couldn’t bring herself to even think about anything like that, she had no energy or motivation, she had barely even been outside since Carina left, since she made her leave.<br/>            “Okay, just make yourself comfortable and wait here, Dr DeLuca will be in with you shortly.” The nurse spoke reassuringly. Maya nodded and smiled a little, trying to ignore the overwhelming fluttering feeling in her stomach as she heard the name. The nurse left the room, leaving Maya alone with her thoughts once again, but not for long. Seconds after, the door reopened, and Carina appeared through the doorway, her wavy brunette hair tied half up in a bun at the back of her head, wearing her white coat and pink scrubs. Carina closed the door and turned around, looking at the computer and sitting herself down at the chair in front of it, her back to Maya. She hadn’t looked at her yet. It was silent while Carina opened up what she needed on the computer, and Maya could feel the heat on the back of her neck. A few moments later, Carina spun around in the chair and indicated to the bed.<br/>            “Lie back and lift your shirt please.” She said monotonously before spinning back around and tapping the keyboard. Maya didn’t move for a second, confused by Carina’s behaviour, she had never seen her act like this. Regardless, she laid back on the bed, the crinkling of the plastic under her filling the awkward silence in the air. Maya pulled her sweatshirt above her scar and folded the top of her leggings over to expose the whole thing. Carina pulled a pair of medical gloves on and stood up, taking a step to the side of the bed, and beginning to examine the incision site. Again, she made no attempt to look at Maya’s face, her eyes were only on her stomach.<br/>            “It looks good.” Carina said, again in a plain tone. She pulled a blood pressure cuff from beside the bed and lifted Maya’s arm by her wrist to slip the cuff on and pulled it up, fastening it and starting the machine.<br/>            “Do you exercise regularly?” Carina began asking routine questions as she sat back down and faced the computer again. Maya took a second to respond.<br/>            “Usually. Less so this week.” She responded, throwing a bone to Carina as she made a remark.<br/>            “Do you sleep well?” Carina jumped right over Maya’s attempt to get a real response.<br/>            “I guess. Not so well lately.” Maya tried again. Still nothing. Carina turned to the blood pressure machine and read the numbers on it.<br/>            “Your blood pressure is normal. Is there any lasting pain around the wound?” Carina asked, again turning back to the computer, and tapping on the keyboard.<br/>            “No.” Maya responded, trying to match Carina’s tone this time. She couldn’t read her at all. She was usually so relaxed, but all Maya was receiving was hostility. Though she did deserve that, why was she surprised?<br/>            “Have you had a cycle since the surgery?” Carina asked. Maya shook her head.<br/>            “No.”<br/>            “That’s normal. It can take a little while to readjust.” Carina said, this time with a little reassurance in her voice. It was comforting to hear, though the entire exchange was...uncomfortable, to say the least. She had never had such an impersonal conversation with someone she had been so close with previously. <em>What have I done? Why did I ever open my mouth?</em> <em>You knew she was too good for you, and you still pushed her away. </em>Maya thought to herself.<br/>A few minutes pass while Carina fills in her report, all the while Maya is kicking herself for the way she had treated Carina the whole time.<br/>            “What about work?” Maya asked, breaking the silence.<br/>            “I would say it’s fine for you to work, so long as you do not over-exert yourself. I am obliged to send a copy of the report to your superior, it will be their decision on what they believe you are capable.” Carina explained. She spun around in the chair to face Maya but couldn’t bring herself to look up. Maya sat up, pulling her clothes back, and leaned forward on the edge of the bed.<br/>            “Carina-.”<br/>            “You will have to come back in two weeks to be properly discharged, that is the specified recovery time for your situation. You will be sent an appointment.” Carina cut her off, not letting the encounter become personal. This was work, nothing else.<br/>            “We’re done here.” Carina said, looking up and meeting Maya’s eyes. Maya’s stomach dropped, unsure what she meant.<br/>            “You can go.” She added, ripping the gloves off of her hands and throwing them in the bin beside the desk as she stood up to leave.<br/>            “Wait, can we talk?” Maya said, jumping down from the side of the bed and gently taking hold of Carina’s arm. Carina stopped and pulled her arm away, then turned to look Maya in the eye again.<br/>            “No, I am working.” Carina said, going to turn around again to leave, but abruptly being stopped again.<br/>            “I don’t mean now. When are you free?” Maya asked, pushing for them to have a proper conversation.<br/>            “I am busy, Maya.” Carina said in a sigh, still facing the door, unable to look at her again. She just wanted to go, it was too painful to see her face again.<br/>            “Please, I need to talk. Can we have coffee or something? Tomorrow maybe?” Maya asked, pushing harder. Carina sighed again but said nothing. Maya walked towards the door to stand in front of Carina. Carina looked down at the ground as Maya came into her eyeline, and kept her eyes averted.<br/>            “I’ll be at the coffee place next door to Joe’s, tomorrow morning at eight.” Maya said quietly, before turning around and leaving. Carina watched her walk out the door then sat back in the chair, rested her elbows on the desk and let her head fall into her hands. She couldn’t bear the thought of getting hurt again. In such a short space of time, Maya had been unnecessarily rude to her, and she just forgave every time because something inside of her couldn’t stay mad, but she went too far. Maybe she was regretful of that now, but it doesn’t take away the things that she said. In that moment of calamity, Carina felt so unwanted and used, and she wasn’t shy to a hook up, but it was more than that, it was more than that before they had even slept together. For Maya to just turn around and tell her that she never wanted anything was...heartless. And keeping their relationship secret from her friends, Carina deserved better than clandestine meetings. And now, on top of everything, she had to decide if she would forgive her all over again, and she already knew what the answer would be, she didn’t need to talk. Maya had said everything quite clearly already. She knew that she would spend the rest of her day distracted with the pressure of having to meet Maya in the morning and see what she had to say for herself. Or maybe, she just wouldn’t show up at all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry that it's shorter than usual, I didn't have time to make it much longer this week! I hope you enjoyed it anyway &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. ~ twenty-four ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for all your lovely comments over the last week! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was 7:30am, and Maya was already leaving her building to go to the café, approximately 10 minutes away from here on foot. She knew she would be early, but she had to be there. She had to be ready and waiting for when Carina arrived. She knew she wouldn’t stand a chance if she was even seconds late. And what if the seat right by the door was taken when she got there, and she had to sit somewhere else, where Carina might not be able to see her? At least if she were early, she would be able to find a seat where she would be visible.<br/>            Maya walked along the pavement, wondering all sorts of things. What would Carina be wearing? Did she have work today? Should she order for them both? Maybe that would be too forward. But maybe it would seem careless if she didn’t. As she grew more anxious from overthinking once again, her walking pace had increased rapidly, and she was around the corner from the café already. It must have only taken her five minutes or so to get here, probably a record time for her.<br/>            She pushed the door open and the bell chimed, letting the baristas know that someone was coming in, and she was spoken to before she even got the chance to properly walk through the door.<br/>            “Good morning. Eat in or takeaway?” The chirpy barista behind the counter asked.<br/>            “In please.” Maya said to him, heading over to the counter.<br/>            “And what can I get for you this morning?” He asked with a smile.<br/>            “Can I just get a black coffee please?” She responded, her eyes wandering over the menu, pretending like she might order something else.<br/>            “Of course, would you like any cream or sugar with that?” He asked, grabbing a coffee mug from beneath the counter and placing it under the machine.<br/>            “Just a sugar, thanks.” She said, her eyes beginning to wander around in the hopes that Carina might just be here early like her.<br/>            “Sure, coming right up. If you want to take a seat somewhere, I’ll bring it over when it’s ready.” He offered, indicating around to the mostly empty seating area.<br/>            “Okay.” Maya said, feeling suddenly overwhelmed with what she might say to Carina. This is probably the part that she should have thought about, not what she should wear.</p>
<p>Maya headed over to the window seat that she had planned to claim on her way over here. All that overthinking for nothing; it was empty anyway. She sat herself down and leaned back a little in the chair. She sat in the window alcove facing the door, so that she would be able to see Carina outside and coming through the door. She was definitely being much to vigilant, but she needed to be able to see everything. There weren’t many people outside, it was still early, and a lot of people who would be up at this time would be travelling to work, not walking the streets. There were a handful of dog-walkers, and the odd runner, but no one really walking casually. No one in sight who looked like they might be going to meet someone for coffee. Maya looked at her watch, it was 7:42am. She still had a while.<br/>            “Here is your coffee ma’am.” The barista said as he approached with Maya’s mug of coffee.<br/>            “And some sugar here for you.” He added, handing her some sachets of sugar.<br/>              “Thanks.” Maya said, taking the sachets from him and promptly tearing them open to pour into her cup.<br/>            “Is there anything else I can get for you?” The barista asked, overstaying his welcome. Maya tried not to become frustrated with him, though she just wanted him to leave her alone, she was in no mood to make small talk with strangers, and he was taking her focus away from window watching outside.<br/>            “No, I’m good thanks.” She said rather abruptly, but shot him a smile to soften the blow.<br/>            “Alrighty then, enjoy.” He said before spinning on his heel and heading back behind the counter. Maya wasted no time in turning her attention back to the window and noticed someone walking towards the door, but they were too tall for her to see their face, the shop sign hung in the window covered their head. Her stomach dropped and she turned her head to watch them walk through the doorway into the shop. Her body flushed with disappointment as a tall, copper-haired woman walked in. She wore clothes similar to what Carina might wear, a pantsuit and heeled boots with a pretty blouse underneath. Maya sighed and slumped back into the chair, she hadn’t realised that her body had brought itself forward so that she was sat right on the edge of the seat, literally. She picked up a wooden stirrer that the barista had put down and gave her drink another stir before leaning back again and bringing the mug to her mouth, her eyes scaling the world outside in the hopes of seeing the right person.</p>
<p>For a solid few minutes, there wasn’t a soul outside. Maya turned her attention to her indoor surroundings, mostly, she was looking for a clock to be able to glance at more subtly than keep looking at her watch. She didn’t want the barista or anyone else around to see that she might be waiting for someone. That was always an awkward situation. She was sure that the barista was just staring at her anyway, though for what exact reason she wasn’t sure. He must have been eighteen years old at the most, maybe just very nosey, maybe there were regulars here who we was familiar with and she wasn’t one of them, so she sparked an interest to him. And the fact that there were now only two other people in the shop, and she was sat right opposite the counter, he probably didn’t have much else to look at. She couldn’t find a clock anyway, there didn’t appear to be one hung up on a wall anywhere, or if there was it was well out of her sight. She sighed and glanced down at her watch again, trying to be discrete. 7:54am. Her heart skipped a beat as she realised how close to 8am it was. Carina wasn’t the type to be late, she was always early. She liked to be prompt for everything, especially things that were important to her. Was this a sign that Maya wasn’t important to her anymore? Was she trying to make her nervous by showing up late? <em>She’s not late yet, </em>Maya thought to herself.</p>
<p>             As the next few minutes went by, Maya began to realise that Carina wasn’t coming. She would definitely be here by now if she were coming. She stared at her watch and waited for the minutes to tick over, 7:59, 8:00, 8:01. Before she knew it, it was 8:15, and still no Carina. Maya knew deep down that she wouldn’t be this late if she was going to arrive, which surely meant, she wasn’t going to show. She picked up her cup and drank the rest of the now lukewarm coffee before quickly getting up out of her seat and leaving. She gave the barista a small smile as she left and flung the door open, picking up her pace to get herself home. She felt humiliated, and stupid for thinking that Carina would just show up, she knew that she deserved better.</p>
<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
<p>It took Maya all of five minutes to get home as she picked up her pace to a jog, probably against the doctor’s orders of taking it easy still but she didn’t care in that moment. It was only a short jog, but her lungs felt so much better for it and she had the sudden urge to get back out and start going for a daily jog again. It had been too long since she’d been for a run, a proper run to clear her head. Maybe that’s what she needed, just some time to herself outside of her apartment that now just reminded her of Carina, to be able to think straight and give Carina the apology that she deserves. She couldn’t change her mind now, and she quickly headed into her room to change into some leggings and a sweatshirt, grabbed her running trainers and her keys and phone and left without any direction in her mind. Those were always the best kinds of runs.      <br/>            Running for Maya was living; it was feeling the power to leave anytime she needed to, to escape the confines around her. It had been her goal for a while to stop using running as an opportunity to walk away, but to move forward. What was it that she needed to escape from so badly? Her mind whirred as she jogged automatically through the streets towards the park. The feeling on her skin of the crisp fall air breaking around her was so therapeutic, refreshing, cathartic even. She had so much pent up energy and emotion that she felt like she could run forever. She felt the all too familiar sting in her muscles where she wasted no time in warming up, though she knew better, and she knew she’d regret that later.      <br/>            Before she knew it, Maya was running right by the Station. Her mind must have just been on autopilot as she often jogged to work to get a run in before her shift. She stopped across the street and wondered if her team would be there or if it would be B shift. She couldn’t let herself just go by without checking in, so she crossed the street and walked in through the public entrance instead of through the barn. To her surprise, Miller was at the desk.<br/>            “Bishop, what’s up man?” He said, sliding back in the desk chair.<br/>            “You’re on desk duty again?” Maya asked, raising her eyebrows a little disapprovingly.<br/>            “Yeaaah, boss doesn’t like my attitude or something. Warren calls it ‘scut’. Makes it sound so shameful.” He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.<br/>            “Yeah, it is shameful. Did no one ever teach you to respect your superiors?” She questioned, mimicking his arms. He sat forward and upright in the chair suddenly.<br/>            “Yes, Lieutenant. Of course, Lieutenant.” He said in a chant-like tone, saluting her. She scoffed and shook her head.<br/>            “You’re an ass.” Maya laughed. “Where is everyone?” She asked.<br/>            “Off out and about, I guess. A lot of stuff going on today, not sure what the special occasion is.” Miller said, indicating that everyone was out various on calls, except for him.<br/>            “Bishop.” Maya heard from behind her. Miller sat properly in the chair and cleared his throat, giving Maya look. Maya turned her head to find Sullivan behind her.<br/>            “Captain.” She said, turning her whole body to face him.<br/>            “Here to talk about your return?” Sullivan asked, taking a step closer with his hands in his pockets. He stood very tall next to Maya, at least a head and a half above her.<br/>            “Sir?” She asked, unsure what he meant exactly.<br/>            “The hospital sent me your report, you’re here to discuss?” He elaborated slightly.<br/>            “Oh, yes of course.” She said, forgetting that this would have needed to happen. Maybe she did come here with a purpose, somewhere in the back of her mind.<br/>            “I would have preferred it if you had contacted me before showing up but, I guess you’re lucky I’ve got time now.” He said in a scolding tone.<br/>            “Apologies, Sir. I was really just passing and thought I would stop by to see if you were around. I should have called ahead.” She explained, not wanting to lie and say she entirely forgot. That might just compromise her Lieutenant title.<br/>            “Shall we?” He asked, gesturing to the office. Maya nodded and headed in, letting him follow behind her and close the door.</p>
<p>Sullivan walked around to the other side of the desk and leant his hands on the edge.<br/>            “So, Dr DeLuca emailed your report over, and says you’re cleared to work.” He began. Maya felt a slight pang in her chest hearing her name, followed by a surprise that Carina had outright cleared her to work.<br/>            “I’m feeling ready to get back to work, Sir.” Maya agreed.<br/>            “I’m not so confident that it’s the right decision.” He said firmly.<br/>            “You’re not?” She asked, wondering why he would question the hospital, he wasn’t a doctor.<br/>            “I would be hesitant to have you back in full swing. I know what you’re like, Bishop, and I know that being cleared to come back, to you, means jumping right back into the swing of things, but that’s not going to fly with me.” Sullivan began to explain.<br/>             “You were given an estimated recovery of six to eight weeks, and it’s been four. I know you’re an...over-achiever, for lack of a better term, so this must feel like a victory for you, but I’m not letting you back in so easily.” He explained further.<br/>            “Sir, I can handle it.” Maya tried to argue, not wanting to spend another day at home alone.<br/>            “I’m sure you think you can, Bishop. I know I’ll have a hard time keeping you away from the job now that you’re cleared, so hear me out.” He said suggestively. Maya furrowed her eyebrows a little, half expecting him to tell her to compromise for 5 weeks rest.<br/>            “You’ve been out of the game for a month, Herrera and Gibson are ahead of the game, they’ve had extra Lieutenant shifts in your absence, so for the next two weeks I want you as head Lieutenant at the Station, and where I deem fit, acting Captain at active sites. Don’t interrupt me, I’m not finished.” He explained, interjecting his own speech as he saw Maya try to cut in. She clenched her jaw and shifted her weight onto one side.<br/>            “Don’t think that this is any kind of favouritism, because it’s not. I want you to have as fair a chance as they’ve had, this does not give you a leg up, it gives you all an even playing field. If I have you as Lieutenant, you will not be doing as much dirty work, and I can keep my eye on you and your progress as a leader and in your recovery. Am I clear?” He asked, finalising his offer.<br/>            “Yes, Sir.” Maya accepted with no hesitation.<br/>            “You should make use of the gym in any spare time, get your stamina back up for when I am ready to let you back into burning buildings.” He suggested, in much more of an order than a suggestion.<br/>            “Of course. Thank you, Sir.” She said confidently.<br/>            “I expect to see you back in for AM shift on Saturday.” He added, before giving her a nod, indicating that she may leave.<br/>            “Thank you.” She said, before turning around and walking away.</p>
<p>Miller was gone when Maya came back out of the office, so she didn’t linger. She headed right back out and started to walk back home. She wasn’t quite sure of the time, but it was much busier out on the street now. She pulled her phone out the side pocket of her leggings to check, and her feet suddenly stuck to the ground as she saw Carina’s name on the screen.</p>
<p>08:55am – Carina: I’m sorry I couldn’t make it this morning, an emergency came up. I am at the hospital all day if you want to stop by</p>
<p>Maya immediately checked the time; it was just after 10am. Could she stop by now? Was that too soon after her message? It was over an hour ago, how did she not see this sooner? She stood on the spot for several minutes, unsure what to do with herself. It took her a while to realise that by the time she walked to the hospital from here, it would probably be around 10:30am, she could text her when she was closer by and see if she were free, and if not, just turn the other way and go back home. Maya managed to pick her heavy legs back up and started walking the route to the hospital.</p>
<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
<p>10:25am – Maya: Are you free?x</p>
<p>Maya spent an embarrassing amount of time deleting and re-typing different messages to send to Carina, <em>I’m just passing, are you still there? Of course she’s still there, she said she’d be there all day. And don’t say you’re passing, that’s stupid. </em>The argument went on and on until she finally settled on the simple version. Within a few minutes, Maya’s phone vibrated.</p>
<p>10:27am – Carina: Meet me in my office</p>
<p>As soon as she read the text, Maya picked up her pace to get to the hospital as quickly as she could. She was so desperate to see Carina, to talk to her an apologise, though she still hadn’t thought enough about how to go about it. It had to be genuine, she couldn’t give some pre-prepared speech.</p>
<p>It didn’t take her long to get to the hospital, and though she followed the signs to get to the right floor, she still had to stop and ask a nurse if they knew where Dr DeLuca’s office was. She made sure to specify it was <em>Carina </em>DeLuca she was looking for, in case she ended up having an awkward encounter with Carina’s brother, she knew he worked here too.<br/>            Maya stood outside the office door, peeking through the glass panel to see if she could see her. Carina was sat at the desk with a laptop in front of her, looking very focused on whatever it may be on the screen. Maya took a deep breath before gently knocking a few times.<br/>            “Hello.” Carina’s muffled voice spoke from the other side of the door. Maya slowly pushed the door open and stood sheepishly in the doorway, waiting for Carina to look up from her screen. When she did, their eyes met for a split second before<br/>Carina looked away and started to faff with her surroundings, clearing some space around her.<br/>            “Come in. Close the door.” She said monotonously, her tone the same as it was before, she sounded in no mood for forgiving. Maya obeyed and closed the door behind her, then slowly approached the desk, unsure of what to do with herself.<br/>            “Is it weird if I sit here?” Maya asked, resting her hand on the chair on the other side of the desk to Carina, thinking that it would seem like some sort of consultation if she sat here. Carina sighed and looked up at her.<br/>            “What do you want, Maya?” She asked, getting right to the point, taking Maya by surprise. Maya decided it would be best if she sat down, so pulled the chair back slightly and sat herself down.<br/>            “Carina I...I don’t...I have no excuses, for the way things were the other night.” Maya started.<br/>            “The way <em>you </em>were.” Carina corrected her. Maya nodded.<br/>            “The way I was. I haven’t come here to try to excuse myself from that, or try to convince you that you were in the wrong, because I know that’s not the case. I have no excuses for the things I said, and I am so, so sorry.” Maya said, feeling herself growing emotional. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat.<br/>            “Thank you.” Carina said. “I do not forgive you, but I appreciate the apology.” She added.<br/>            “I wish I could do more than just apologise. I wish there was another way I could prove to you that I’m sorry.” Maya said, feeling her eyes welling up.<br/>            “I know it must have been hard for you to get off of your high horse and apologise.” Carina snapped, letting Maya know loud and clear that she was taking no shit. Maya’s breath hitched in her throat, she knew that there was truth to Carina’s words.<br/>             “I know that I have come across so badly to you, and that was never my intention. I...you mean a lot to me. More than anyone has ever meant to me before, except for maybe my brother, so it means something. I don’t do well with commitment, it scares me, I don’t know why, but I want to try. Please, I know that I don’t deserve it at all but, please can you give me a chance.” Maya said, practically begging. Carina’s eyes bore into Maya’s as she listened to her speaking. She knew what it was like to struggle with communication and relationships. She had grown up around it, she knew exactly what it looked like, but she couldn’t stop herself from falling for Maya anyway. And deep down, beneath the anger and hurt, she still had a soft spot for her, she couldn’t help it.<br/>            “So am I just supposed to forgive you now? You’ve admitted your wrongs and choked up an apology, do I just pretend like it never happened? You hurt me, Maya. A lot. I think about the words that you said every day, and every day it hurts as much as the last. Am I supposed to just forget that?” Carina asked, becoming emotional herself.<br/>            “No, not at all. And I’m not asking you to forgive me or forget what happened, I am just asking you for another chance. I want to make things right, I want to be with you, Carina.” Maya said, her mind all over the place with contrasting feelings. She was so far out of her comfort zone, but she cared too much about Carina to think about her own issues right now.<br/>            “Come to mine later, so we can talk properly.” Maya offered.<br/>            “So you can just close the door on me again? No, not your place.” Carina said, firmly rejecting her offer. It would be too much to go back there just yet. Maya nodded and fiddled with her hands in her lap.<br/>            “Let me take you for dinner tonight. We can go somewhere close to here. I’ll meet you when you’ve finished work. Please, I just want to talk.” Maya tried again. Carina sighed deeply and shook her head.<br/>            “What you do want out of it?” Carina asked.<br/>            “I don’t know. I don’t know, I just want you to know that I am serious about this, about you, us. I can’t let you go.” Maya explained.<br/>            “You pushed me away.” Carina argued.<br/>             “I know, it’s just my auto response to everything, I know that’s no excuse, but I want to change that, I want to change.” Maya said, her voice breaking as she spoke.<br/>            They sat in silence for a while before the silence was broken again.<br/>            “I should be finished at 6pm.” Carina said in a sigh. Maya’s stomach flipped and she couldn’t help but smile a little.<br/>            “Okay. Okay, I’ll meet you downstairs.” Maya said excitedly.<br/>             “You can go now.” Carina said, making sure that Maya knew she was still not happy about the whole situation, keeping her tone stern, as well as her face.<br/>            “I’ll see you later.” Maya said, as she stood up to leave, and Carina remained silent, keeping her eyes locked on her computer screen as Maya left.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. ~ twenty-five ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for your patience while i took a little break from writing! i've loved seeing your comments over the last few chapters and hope that you like this one too :) happy valentines day, enjoy &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carina knew that Maya probably would’ve been waiting in the foyer of the hospital for a while before 6pm, but she wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of being early too, she stuck by her word of finishing at 6, so made her work last until 10 minutes prior to that. In her office, she closed down her computer, hoping that she wouldn’t be called in tomorrow as she had worked every day for the last week in an attempt to keep her mind off of things, though her plan hadn’t worked. The same floor she worked on all day every day was where she had first met Maya, and where she had become infatuated by her, for reasons that were still somewhat unknown to her. She still couldn’t pinpoint what exactly it was that drew her to Maya so strongly. She had barely been able to think of anything else, but she knew it would’ve been a harder week had she just stayed at home. <br/>            She hated herself for it, but she was glad about what she was wearing today, knowing now that she would be going out straight from the hospital. She had worn a suit which she knew would make Maya weak at the knees, which worked out well considering she had been wearing her scrubs every other day this week.</p>
<p>The truth was, she missed her, she hated that she did, but she felt like a part of her was missing while she had been away from her for the week. Every time she thought it, she kicked herself. <em>She doesn’t deserve to be missed, </em>she thought to herself. But she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t resist the bright white smile and sky blue eyes. She missed seeing her, and there was nothing she could do about it. Except for hear her out, see if she actually meant it this time, and what she would do to make it up to Carina for the way she acted before. Carina was quite proud of herself for holding her ground for this long. A week might not seem like a long time, but it was painful.</p>
<p>Carina stood in the elevator heading down to the ground floor, it was empty, and didn’t stop at all on the way. It had been a relatively empty day, not a lot was going on around the hospital, or generally around Seattle it seemed. She was grateful, at least she wasn’t really tired for tonight, she wouldn’t have been able to make a proper decision about her relationship with Maya if she were too tired, she would just immediately cave and forgive her, and she knew that was the wrong thing to do, she didn’t want to do that.<br/>            Carina saw Maya as soon as the elevator doors opened. She was sitting, which was odd, her hair looked lighter and shorter, she must have had it cut and coloured. She had expected her to be standing or pacing when she reached the ground floor, but she was sitting at the collection of couches by the entrance. Carina stared at her side profile as she approached her. It didn’t take long for Maya to look up and struggle to conceal a smile as she laid eyes on the brunette. Carina clenched her teeth together as she took in the sight before her. <em>You look beautiful, </em>Carina thought to herself as she looked at Maya. She didn’t dare say it out loud.</p>
<p>The pair of them stood in silence for a few seconds, Carina knowing that she didn’t want to be the first to speak, and Maya unsure of what the best thing to say was. She wanted so badly to tell Carina how amazing she looked, as usual, but wasn’t sure it was the most appropriate way to greet her, considering the circumstances.<br/>            “Are you ready to go?” Maya said, having to look up to Carina’s face as she wore heeled boots, and Maya wore flat ones. Carina simply nodded and gestured for Maya to go and lead the way, as she didn’t know where they were going.</p>
<p>            “I thought we could go somewhere nearby; there’s a bar restaurant place just down the block.” Maya said as they walked along the sidewalk.<br/>            “Sounds good.” Carina said, holding her face in a neutral expression. She was hungry, and definitely needed a drink, so she was happy. <br/>            “I’m not sure how busy it’ll be, it is Friday, I guess. I’m sure they have a quieter table. I mean, it’s not like a <em>bar </em>bar, so maybe it’ll be quite quiet anyway.” Maya rambled on, just trying to fill the silence.<br/>            “It’s fine.” Carina said, her tone monotonous as usual, but somehow still calmed Maya down. The sound of her voice was soothing.<br/>            “Yeah. I kind of forgot to eat today, so I’m hungry.” Maya said, realising the truth in her words, she was just so eager to talk to Carina, food hadn’t really crossed her mind.<br/>             “That’s...not good. But, I’m hungry too.” Carina said, feeling suddenly guilty that she may be the reason why Maya had been too distracted to eat.<br/>            “The place is just there, I can see it from here so, we’ll order some food as a priority.” Maya said with a small laugh, trying to keep things light-hearted, knowing full well that it would soon change.<br/>            “That’s good with me.” Carina agreed, and continued to walk beside Maya towards the restaurant, both of them eager to get there.</p>
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<p>The place was quite busy, but there were more people around the bar than sat at the tables, and Maya had asked to be seated further back and away from the noise, so when they were actually seated, it wasn’t too loud, but not awkwardly quiet like she had imagined. Carina had been anything but talkative, which was very out of character for her, she was usually the one to initiate conversations and ask random questions just to fill a silence, but she had taken a step back tonight, and Maya knew that it was her turn to speak up.<br/>            “Can I get you anything to start?” The waitress asked, holding her tablet in her hand.<br/>            “Sì, I will have white wine please, and...do you have mozzarella sticks?” Carina asked. They hadn’t actually looked at the menus yet, and she was too hungry to wait.<br/>            “Yes and yes we do, a single portion or to share?” The waitress asked, tapping on her screen.<br/>            “To share, please.” Carina confirmed. Maya smiled.<br/>            “Of course. And can I get you anything to drink?” She asked Maya.<br/>            “Oh um, just a diet Coke please.” Maya said with a small smile. Carina furrowed her eyebrows a little and then gave the waitress a smile as she walked away to put their order in.<br/>            “You are not having a drink?” Carina asked, knowing that Maya would usually get a beer. Maya laughed a little and shook her head.<br/>            “No I’m not.” She said, nervously fiddling with her hands under the table.<br/>            “May I ask why?” Carina asked, curious to know the reason, but not wanting to make her uncomfortable.<br/>            “Actually, I’m back to work tomorrow.” Maya revealed. This should be the kind of news that Carina should know about already. She was so mad at herself for ruining what they had before.<br/>            “Oh really? That’s good, right?” Carina asked.<br/>            “Yeah it’s great. I saw Sullivan earlier today, just before I saw you at the hospital, actually. I was coming back from 19.” Maya explained, and Carina nodded along.<br/>            “He pretty much said that I would be acting captain until he thought I was ready to get back onto active scenes. When you’re Captain, you miss out on a lot of the hands on action, and I’ve missed out on everything for a while so, it’s like just catching up.” Maya explained further.<br/>            “Well I have no doubt that you will make an excellent captain.” Carina said, her words causing Maya’s stomach to flip. A few seconds later, the waitress came over with the drinks. They both thanked her and took sips from their glasses.<br/>            “I am not working tomorrow, so I am ready to order a lot of these.” Carina said, indicating to her wine glass. Maya laughed and put her drink down.<br/>            “Have you been busy?” Maya asked, desperate to know how she’s been.<br/>            “Yes, but self-inflicted, I didn’t want any free time. I just spent it thinking about what happened and hurting myself over and over again.” Carina said very honestly. She wasn’t the kind of person to waste time sugar-coating things or bending the truth so that it hurt less. That was the whole truth, and she wasn’t shy to sharing it. Maya didn’t know what to say, but Carina simply picked up a menu from the side of the table and laid it out in front of her, seeing what sort of food she might want to order. After a second, Maya did the same, and grabbed a menu and started scanning it.<br/>            “Mmm, halloumi burger.” Carina said, landing on the burger section. Maya’s eyes roamed the menu until she found the burgers, and Carina was right, it did sound good, they all did.<br/>            “These all look so good.” Maya said, eyeing up the grilled chicken burger. In perfect time, the waitress came back over with their share plate of mozzarella sticks and asked if they were ready to order main dishes.<br/>            “I will have the halloumi burger please.” Carina stated.<br/>            “Okay, would you like it with the regular fries, sweet potato fries or salad?” <br/>            “Regular fries please.” Carina answered.<br/>            “Sure, and for yourself?” The waitress asked Maya.<br/>            “I’ll get the grilled chicken burger, with sweet potato fries please.” Maya ordered.<br/>            “Of course.” The waitress tapped the screen and then took the menus from the table and left them alone again.</p>
<p>They sat quietly for a minute or so after with just the sounds around the bar filling the silence among them. Neither of them seemed to want to initiate the inevitable conversation, despite both knowing that it was the entire point of being here. Maya’s thoughts were racing as she tried to build up the courage to open her mouth and say all of the things that she wanted to say to prove to Carina that she was serious about what they had. She was willing to open up. Carina had been looking around, admiring the décor and people watching for a little while. She turned her head back to the table and picked up her glass of wine and brought it to her mouth.<br/>            “Carina...” Maya said timidly. Carina continued to sip her wine but met her eyes with Maya’s. At this point, Maya wasn’t even sure how she wanted to start, she had thought of so many different ways to begin this conversation, all of them ended with Carina throwing a drink in her face and telling her she deserved better and walking away. Maya still half expected that to happen, she knew it was true, but was hoping that Carina even agreeing to be here was a step in the right direction.<br/>            “I have never been in a relationship.” Maya said, jumping straight into the deep end. Carina’s eyes widened a little and her eyebrows raised; despite knowing that Maya was afraid of commitment, she was surprised by the statement. Never? Maya took Carina’s silence as an indication to just continue, she was clearly shocked.<br/>            “I have never really wanted to be in a relationship, not because I haven’t had a connection with anyone before, but because of my dad.” Maya said after taking in a deep breath. She hated talking about her dad. There was still a part of her that couldn’t come to terms with the harsh fact that he was abusive. But she knew, deep down.<br/>            “You never really talked about your father. Only that he used to take you training.” Carina said, sipping her drink.<br/>            “I don’t like to talk about my family. It’s a mess. They’re...none of us are functional together as a family, but...we do alright on our own.” Maya said quite cryptically. Curious, Carina raised an eyebrow and tilted her head at an angle.<br/>            “He did take me training, every day, and to compete everywhere, we’d go all over the country to compete, for me to compete. I didn’t have a life outside of training, I would train, diet, compete, on a constant cycle. It never stopped.” Maya began to explain. Carina put her glass down to listen. <br/>            “From when I was little, we would practise running as soon as I could walk, and then when I started school, I joined the sports club, middle school joined the athletics team, junior high I tried out for the track team and got in, from there it was the strict dieting, training every day after school on the track, and gym days at the weekends for muscle building. I thought that it was so great to have a father who was so involved, I guess I was lucky in that sense, except he was just trying to live through me. He wanted me to succeed the way he never did. None of it was really for me, and I didn’t realise that until later.” Maya spoke, mostly with her jaw clenched, uncomfortable to be speaking so openly. Carina on the other hand, was struggling to see what the correlation was between this and her romantic life, but she remained patient and continued to listen. She did agree with one thing though, Maya was lucky to have had a father who supported her so much.<br/>            “I was failing a couple of classes in high school because of training, I barely got the time to study for my actual classes, my dad was trying to train me for the Olympics at this point. One of the girls on my team congratulated me on a win once and invited me out for pizza with a few others on the team. I declined because I knew my dad would be furious if I ate something like that. She said she thought my dad was scary and asked if I’d be allowed to go to the movies. My dad let me go on the condition that we come back to our house after and study for the classes I was failing. It was a sweet deal in my eyes. It was one of the rare times in my childhood that I had a friend, even if it was just to study.”</p>
<p>Maya was trying so hard to read Carina’s reactions, but Carina’s face remained relatively neutral the entire time, it was impossible to know what she was thinking. Maybe she didn’t understand what the point was, maybe she didn’t care. Maybe she only came here to listen and then throw a drink in her face and tell her she deserves better. All of the above could be possible, all Maya could do was carry on, and hope for the best.</p>
<p>“So, we went to the movies, I don’t even remember what we watched, I was just so nervous to be around this girl. I knew that...it was just guys that I noticed. I guess I had a crush on her, and it was new and exciting. I got caught up in my feelings, she was my first kiss, I was so happy to have...just someone. She got hurt in the next race we did together, and I stopped to check on her, and I came second. My dad made me run home that day. Usually when I didn’t beat my time, I’d have to walk. But this time I had to run, and he drove beside me on the road the whole way to make sure I didn’t stop or slow down. After that, I never spoke to her again. I wasn’t allowed anywhere, I was essentially grounded until I moved out.”</p>
<p>Carina felt guilty; not in the sense that she had done something wrong, but she felt like maybe she had been to hard on her. Maybe. It was still down to Maya for not opening up sooner. Had Carina known all of this before, she would have had more patience and understanding. Maya had been terrified out of being attached to anyone. Her father sounded like a monster.<br/>            “So...because of your father, you never let yourself fall in love?” Carina asked.<br/>            “Eyes forward. He drilled it into me. Nothing else mattered except for the finish line. There was nothing else in my life, and even now, there’s not really anything other than the station. I’ve won my gold medal, that part has been put to rest but I’ve carried the principle of it with me. It feels like it won’t ever end. I can’t get distracted with a relationship because I haven’t made Captain.” Maya said, feeling overwhelmed with how much she just revealed about herself.<br/>            “Can I ask you something?” Carina asked after a few seconds. Maya nodded, and took a drink from her glass and grabbed a mozzarella stick from the middle of the table. Carina smiled and took one too.<br/>            “Of course, I know that you do not need to be in a committed relationship to have a baby but...the pregnancy...?” Carina asked without asking. Maya swallowed her mouthful and laughed a little.<br/>            “Self-care Wednesdays.” Maya said. Carina furrowed her eyebrows, needing further clarification.<br/>            “We usually have Thursdays off, so we’d go out after shift on Wednesday and, there would usually be someone around who I’d take home with me and, have a little self-care. I still have needs.” Maya said, feeling her cheeks flushing red.<br/>            “Yes, I am familiar with the needs. So, you don’t know who or...” Carina, again, asked without asking.<br/>            “I mean, I can work out who it was but, I don’t know him. It’s not often I take a guy home, for that exact reason. And...it’s not as good, you know?” Maya laughed, still feeling slightly embarrassed. Carina raised her eyebrows and laughed.<br/>            “I do know, yes.” She chuckled. “I was never judging you, that first time we met. I have no judgements about how other people live their lives. It has nothing to do with me.” Carina said, defending herself from that day almost three months ago now.<br/>            “I think I was just on the defence that day. I had no idea how to handle finding out that I was pregnant. I didn’t know you. I didn’t know that I’d ever see you again, I just took it out on you...I have no excuse, I’m sorry.” Maya rambled on a little. Carina shrugged and ate another mozzarella stick. She didn’t really hold a grudge about that, she just wanted Maya to know the truth.</p>
<p>Their meals arrived shortly after, and they spent the time eating and making small talk, Maya asked about Carina’s week, and Carina told her a few things that had gone on. Maya shared her excitement for being able to go to work in the morning. It felt nice, relaxed, they had both so easily settled back into each other’s company so naturally. In the back of Carina’s mind, she was having a battle over what her next move would be. She could see that Maya was really trying, she really did want to prove herself, and honestly, she felt like she had definitely done that, or at least made a good start. What was she supposed to do now? She couldn’t bring herself to keep pushing her away, she didn’t want to, she missed her too much. She wanted this to work.</p>
<p>            “Do you have a brother?” Carina asked, thinking that Maya may have mentioned him once. Maya nodded.<br/>            “I do. Mason. He’s a couple years younger than me.” Maya said, feeling hesitant to talk about him, but knowing that she had to keep an open mind to make this work.<br/>            “What does he do?” Carina asked. Maya chewed her mouthful of food for longer than she should have before answering.<br/>            “He’s an artist. He’s really good.” Maya said, trying to keep her answers short. <br/>            “So, did you father only push you with the running?” Carina asked, genuinely interested.<br/>            “He tried with Mason, but he was always set on drawing and painting. My dad was never supportive of that. I went to every art show he got into, but I guess he resented me, he could only see that his dad was interested in me and not him, he never really saw the ugly side to it.” Maya explained a little. Carina wished she hadn’t asked now but appreciated Maya’s honesty.<br/>            “I love him so much, but he doesn’t talk to me now. He lived on the streets for a while, I tried to get him to live with me, but he just took off. I see him around sometimes.” Maya said, feeling overwhelming guilt as she talked about him.<br/>            “I’m sorry.” Carina said and extended her hand across the table to hold Maya’s. Their eyes met and Maya’s stomach filled with flutters. This was big.</p>
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<p>After a few more drinks on Carina’s part, Maya paid their bill and insisted on walking Carina home. It was around 10pm at this point and there was a prominent chill in the air, they had been out for much longer than expected.<br/>            “Thank you.” Maya said as they walked. Carina looked over to Maya.<br/>            “What for?” Carina asked.<br/>            “For giving me this chance.” Maya said. Carina dropped her gaze and looked down at the ground for a moment as they continued to walk.<br/>            “I wasn’t ready to give up on this.” Carina said, looking Maya directly in the eye as she did. Maya couldn’t help but smile, and looked away to try and hide it.<br/>            “Maya...I understand that it was hard for you to talk about your family tonight, and I appreciate that you made that effort for me, but I can’t just...forgive and forget.” Carina spoke, her voice was gentle and soft, but firm in what she was saying. Maya’s smile dropped.<br/>            “I am willing to work on this, but I cannot just pick up where we left.” She added.<br/>            “Okay, that’s okay.” Maya said in agreement, knowing that it would be the wrong thing to do. They carried on walking together the short distance to Carina’s place, and they were outside her door before they knew it. Carina stood by the door and Maya stood in front of her. Their eyes met once again, and they held their gazes for as long as they could before Maya had to speak.<br/>            “So...what happens now?” She asked reluctantly, still waiting for that drink to be thrown in her face.<br/>            “Now...I plan a second date.” Carina said, taking her turn. “We will go to the movies, the next time you’re not working. And it won’t matter what we watch because you will be too nervous being around me to pay any attention to the screen, and you’ll just sit and wait to see if I hold your hand. But, I can’t tell you now if I will or not, because that would take the excitement away. We will go from there, one date at a time.” Carina said, predicting almost every move. Maya couldn’t help but smile so widely, she shook her head and looked back up to Carina.<br/>            “I look forward to it.” She said, and took Carina’s hand in hers for a few seconds before going to walk away. As she went to drop Carina’s hand, Carina tightened her grip and pulled her back. When their bodies were almost touching, Carina leaned down and placed a gentle, delicate kiss on Maya’s lips, to which Maya reciprocated. Their lips held position for several seconds before Carina pulled away and unlocked her front door.<br/>            “Goodnight, bella.” She said, stepping into the doorway. Maya stood stunned on the doorstep for a second before returning to earth.<br/>            “Goodnight.” Maya said back, and watched as Carina slowly closed the door.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. ~ twenty-six ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Copy, Hughes. We’re two minutes out, get the patient on the Aid Car and ready to go when we arrive.” Bishop spoke through the radio as Herrera drove them in the Engine to the incident.<br/>             “Dispatch, I need four more Aid Cars to the scene.” She spoke again. The journey was relatively silent otherwise, it was safe to say that Andy wasn’t too happy about being bumped from acting Captain for a little while, despite her having covered for Maya while she was off. Maya knew that Andy deserved to be Captain, it was her duty to fill her father’s position, but that wasn’t going to stop her from fighting for it, especially if she thought she might be able to do it better, not that she would ever tell Andy that.</p>
<p>As the Engine pulled up onto the scene and came to a halt just seconds before Maya had swung her door open and hopped down from the passenger side. Herrera rolled her eyes, knowing that it was going to be difficult to keep Maya away from active fire now that she was back on the job. Sullivan had warned her before they went out this morning that he wasn’t happy about her going out to a scene so early, but as it was serious, he couldn’t afford to keep her behind, he needed Herrera and Gibson to be able to tackle the fire, with her keeping to the side-lines giving orders. <br/>            Bishop pulled her headgear onto her head and jogged around the back of the Aid Car to get a view of the incident.<br/>            “Montgomery, go and search the perimeter.” She ordered as Montgomery was getting out of the Ladder car. Without question, he picked up his pace and headed off on his search.<br/>            “Let’s put water on this!” Bishop called out just as the burning car at the edge of the rest area blew up into flames, billowing smoke into the air around them all. Everyone covered their heads and ducked a little in case of any debris, but it seemed to be relatively contained, only the new problem was that the fire had spread into the trees surrounding the area.<br/>            “Don’t let that fire grow!” Bishop shouted out as everyone quickly began to move to contain the flames.<br/>            “Dispatch, we have a car fire that’s spread to some trees, I’m gonna need three more engines.” She spoke again into the radio.<br/>            “Miller we need some extension out here to the line on the left.” She said.<br/>            “Got it.” Miller responded.</p>
<p>Before Maya had a chance to take a breath, she heard someone calling out.<br/>            “Captain!” Montgomery called as he came running out of the trees carrying what looked like a young boy’s limp body.<br/>            “Warren, go!” She ordered, setting Warren off to grab the second victim from Montgomery and carrying the boy over to Hughes at the Aid Car.<br/>            “What have we got?” Hughes asked, helping Warren lay the boy flat on the ground. There was already a patient on the gurney in the Aid Car.<br/>            “Teenage boy, no visible burns but likely suffered severe smoke inhalation, not sure how long he’s been out there for.” Warren explained. As they laid him flat, Hughes felt a lump in the boy’s jacket pocket, and pulled out an inhaler.<br/>            “He’s asthmatic. This is bad.” Hughes said, quickly standing up and steadying the gurney from the Aid Car out onto the ground.<br/>            “What are you doing?” Warren asked, helping her lift the first patient off the gurney and onto the ground.<br/>            “This one’s stable, that one needs to get to Grey-Sloan now.” She said, getting him to help her swap them over and get the second boy into the car.<br/>            “Dispatch, where’s our other Aid Car?” Bishop shouted through the radio as she watched Hughes and Warren struggle with both patients.</p>
<p>As the fire continued, Maya took a second to evaluate the situation.<br/>            “Hughes, get down to that hydrant we need more water up here.”<br/>            “On it.” Hughes responded and ran off to grab a hose reel. Maya watched as Hughes ran off and Miller, Herrera and Gibson stood out in the trees putting out what they could with what water they had. She turned around to find what looked like a private ambulance pulling up.<br/>            “Dispatch, did you ask for a private company?” She asked through the radio, before realising that it was Sullivan getting out of the car.<br/>            “Disregard.” She said again.<br/>            “Bishop.” Sullivan said as he walked towards her.<br/>            “Captain.” She said back, wondering why he was here.<br/>            “Go with Warren in the Aid Car. I’m resuming command. This is getting out of control and I don’t want you here for it.” He spoke firmly, knowing that there was to be no discussion in the matter.<br/>            “Sir.” Was all she said, feeling defeated.</p>
<p>Warren got the young boy into the Aid Car and climbed into the driver’s side while Maya ensured the rear doors were shut and climbed up into the passenger side of the car.<br/>            “I’ve called it in. Grey-Sloan know we’re coming, they’ll have Pierce ready for us.” Warren said as Maya got in the car.<br/>            “Let’s go.” She said quietly, worrying that she had done something wrong or made a bad call. Why else would Sullivan show up and take over?</p>
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<p>It was a fast few minutes once they pulled into the emergency bay at the rear of the hospital to meet Pierce with their victim. Maya was out of the car before it had come to a complete stop, and Warren was by her side unloading the gurney onto the ground within seconds and giving Maggie a rundown of the situation, making her aware of the patient’s asthma, and letting her know that there would be at least one more patient to come, but that they had to prioritise only having on Aid Car on the scene at the time.<br/>            Ben slammed the back car doors closed and walked around to stand with Maya at the side of the car facing the double doors.<br/>            “It’s been a crazy morning.” Ben said, leaning against the side of the Aid Car.<br/>            “Yeah it has.” Maya agreed, standing with her hands in her pockets beside him. It suddenly occurred to her where she was, and that she had an opportunity to see Carina, but she couldn’t set a bad example by skiving off of work for a personal visit. Maya stood upright and turned to face Warren.<br/>            “Is Miranda working?” She asked Ben.<br/>            “When isn’t she?” He chuckled in admiration of his wife’s dedication to her job.<br/>            “Well, I’m gonna grab a coffee. Why don’t you drop by to see her while we’re here?” Maya asked, finding her solution.<br/>            “For real?” He asked in disbelief. This is the sort of thing he could get away with if he came here with Miller, but didn’t expect the leniency from his Captain.<br/>            “Sure, like you said it’s been a crazy morning. And I’m sure she’ll appreciate the visit. I’ll move the car round to the front, meet you back there in a 20?” She said to him, opening the car door.<br/>            “Yeah, awesome. Thanks Captain.” He said, and gave Maya a salute. Maya laughed and shook her head, then quickly hopped into the car to move it from the trauma bay.</p>
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<p>Maya rushed through the hospital with a fresh americano in her hands, desperately trying to find where Carina would be. She had already been up to her office, but it was empty. She was starting to worry that she would be in the middle of delivering a baby, which she absolutely did not want to disturb, or in surgery with someone which she also wasn’t too keen on disturbing either, especially not for the sake of a coffee. She wandered around aimlessly, looking through the glass in every door she passed until she walked past the attendings lounge and stopped a few steps past the door. She took the few steps back to double-take through the glass and felt her stomach flip as her eyes landed on Carina’s side profile sat on a couch at the back of the room. She stepped forward and knocked a couple of times on the door before pushing it open.<br/>            It took Carina a few seconds to realise that it was Maya standing in the doorway; she was so out of context being here that she didn’t quite realise right away.<br/>            “Maya...” Carina said in a whisper in disbelief. She stood up from the couch and walked towards the door. Maya was wearing her work clothes, the bulky, heavy trousers and wide braces that came up over her shoulders, almost covering the label on the breast pocket of her shirt that read LT. BISHOP. Carina had only ever seen Maya in her firefighter gear the first time they met when she was brought up to OB for a consult, but she was in bad shape and unconscious, so the last think Carina was concerned about was how she looked in her uniform. But this time, Maya was far from being in bad shape, and Carina felt flustered by the sight of her.<br/>            “Hi.” Maya said, and took a step inside the room, letting the door close behind her.<br/>            “What are you doing here?” Carina asked as she approached Maya and kissed her on the cheek.<br/>            “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve had a pretty chaotic morning, I just thought you might like this.” Maya said, handing the cup of coffee over to her. Carina was lost for words, still in shock that Maya was even here.<br/>            “I was here, we brought a patient in. I told Warren to go find his wife so I thought I would...come and see you.” Maya explained. She looked past Carina to the man sat on the couch beside where she was sat.<br/>            “Sorry if I interrupted.” She said, shooting a small smile to the guy.<br/>            “No no, not at all.” Carina said, remembering that they weren’t alone. “Maya this is my baby brother, Andrea.” Carina said, introducing her brother to Maya. She turned her body and lead Maya over to the couch. <br/>            “Andrew, and not <em>baby</em>.” Andrew said as he stood up and extended a hand to Maya.<br/>            “Maya, Bishop.” Maya shook his hand, remembering how Carina had talked about her brother’s name at dinner before.<br/>            “Nice to meet you, Maya Bishop, or do I call you Lieutenant Bishop? Fancy name badge.” Andrew said, indicating to Maya’s shirt.<br/>            “Actually it’s Captain, at least today anyway.” Maya laughed.<br/>            “Impressive.” Andrew chuckled. Carina stared at Maya in awe, unable to get over how she looked in her uniform, and hearing her refer to herself as Captain, she was really wishing her brother weren’t here.<br/>            Carina smiled at her brother and held onto Maya’s arm, walking a few steps away from Andrew and taking Maya with her.<br/>            “This was very sweet of you, Maya.” She said, holding the coffee up, then taking a sip. “It’s perfect.” She added.<br/>            “You’re welcome, I’m glad to have made you smile, and to have been here to see it.” Maya said with a soft smile, making Carina’s heart race. She smiled and looked down to the ground, she wasn’t used to being the one who felt nervous, she was more often the one to cause the nervousness.<br/>            “I should probably get back to Captain duties.” Maya said after a moment or so spent looking at each other. If Andrew hadn’t gathered who Maya was before, he definitely would have now.<br/>            “Of course, the movies. I will see you later?” Carina asked.<br/>            “Yes, should I meet you here?” Maya asked back. Carina nodded and smiled.<br/>            “I will see you downstairs at 7 o’clock.” Carina confirmed. Maya nodded and quickly took Carina’s hand to give it a gentle squeeze before turning to leave.<br/>            “It was good to meet you.” Maya said to Andrew as she walked towards the door.<br/>             “Yeah, you too.” He said back and waved. Carina held the door open and smiled at Maya again.<br/>            “Ciao, bella.” She said, causing Maya’s stomach to flutter. Maya headed off down the hall to find Ben, and Carina watched her as she went, admiring her in her uniform one last time.<br/>            Once Maya had gone out of sight, Carina let the door close and took a second before turning back around to her brother. She held up a finger at him before he could speak.<br/>            “No, non dire niente.” She said. Say nothing.</p>
<p>Maya made sure to be back in the Aid Car before Warren, she could do without the questions, she knew that he knew pretty much everyone at the hospital and would be interested to know who Maya had seen, though if thought about if for a minute he would likely be able to figure it out. Maya had taken Carina to breakfast at the Station before. But to avoid any awkwardness, she grabbed herself a coffee on the way out and hopped into the driver’s seat of the car, ready to go for when Ben got back.</p>
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<p>When they returned back to the station, it didn’t look like anyone else was back yet, the ladder car was there but no one was in sight, so Maya headed into the Captain’s office to start on the report. She swung the door open and stood behind the desk, grabbing a few things around her to start on the paperwork. She was quickly brought down from her high of seeing Carina when she remembered that she had essentially been kicked off the scene earlier, and began to worry herself into what exactly she had done wrong.<br/>            “You’re back.” The familiar voice of Hughes spoke from the doorway. Maya’s eyes shot up, not realising that anyone was around, or stood at the door.<br/>            “Uh, yeah, just now. I didn’t realise anyone was here.” Maya said.<br/>            “The scene wrapped up pretty quickly after you left. The other aid cars were there and took the other vics to Grey-Sloan. The other guys had the fire out fast, but the Engine got called out before they got back. Montgomery’s upstairs. Gibson and Herrera both went with Miller to the next call. You didn’t hear it on the radio?” Vic asked, wondering why she wouldn’t have known.<br/>            “No I…guess I missed it.” Maya said, looking back to her paperwork.<br/>            “Weird. Where’d you go?” Vic asked, noticing Maya’s takeaway coffee cup on the desk.<br/>            “Just the hospital. I let Warren check in with Bailey.” Maya said, picking up her coffee cup and drinking the last of it before tossing it in the bin. Vic stood with her arms crossed over her chest, with one eyebrow slightly raised. Maya stopped writing as she felt Vic’s eyes on her.<br/>            “Okay, I went to see Carina.” Maya said, dropping her pen and leaning her hands on the desk.<br/>            “I knew it. Blaming it on the probie? That’s harsh.” Vic laughed, doing a dance in the doorway with a huge grin on her face.<br/>            “I haven’t seen you since I crashed the other week. What’s new?” Vic asked, walking closer to the desk. Maya took in a breath, realising that Vic had no idea about the fall out, that she was walking on thin ice with her relationship with Carina.<br/>            “Nothing, I…just trying to keep things going, you know? Not get in my head about it.” Maya lied. She didn’t want to dwell on what had happened before, and the less people to know about it the better. She didn’t know if Carina had told anyone about it, but she certainly hadn’t. <br/>            “Damn, look at you, growing up. Never thought I’d see a committed Maya Bishop.” Vic teased, tilting her head to the side.<br/>            “Alright I get it. Just for the record, I commit to everything I do, you know that. People just…I don’t do well with people. But I’m trying. I don’t want to give up on this.” Maya explained, defending her anti-commitment side. She was well aware that she had one.<br/>            “We have a date tonight.” Maya said before Vic could say anything else.<br/>            “Ooh what are you doing?” Vic asked, shimmying her shoulders, and wiggling her eyebrows.<br/>            “Not <em>that </em>kind of date.” Maya defended again. “The movies. I don’t know what, she’s choosing.” Maya said.<br/>            “Nice, I like it, it’s classic.” Vic said excitedly. “So-.”</p>
<p>            Before Vic could ask another question, the alarm sounded, and the Aid Car was called. Vic and Maya both went to run out to the barn but stopped when their radios crackled.</p>
<p>            “Hughes take over Aid Car from Bishop.” Sullivan’s voice spoke through the radio. Maya sighed and threw her jacket down on the ground in frustration.<br/>            “Copy sir.” Hughes responded, and gave Maya a sympathetic look before climbing into the car with Warren. The car drove out with sirens blaring, and a few seconds later the Engine pulled into the barn and parked up beside Maya. Dean, Andy and Jack climbed down from the truck and headed upstairs.<br/>            “You good, Bishop?” Miller asked as he walked by. Maya nodded and gave a half-hearted smile. Andy paid no notice as she walked past Maya, but Jack held his stare until he made eye-contact with her, then clenched his jaw and looked away, walking off up the stairs. Maya looked behind her at him, unsure of what the look was for, but assumed it would be for the same reason Andy was mad at her, she was getting ‘extra’ captain time after all.<br/>            “Bishop.” Sullivan’s voice startled her as she stood wondering.</p>
<p>            “Sir.” She said back, her head snapping around quickly to look at him. She hadn’t realised that he had come back on the engine too.<br/>            “A word in my office.” He said and walked through the door into the reception area to go into the office. She bit her lip and sighed. This didn’t sound good.</p>
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<p>            “Close the door.” Sullivan said as he tidied Maya’s paperwork up on his desk. She walked in and closed the door and took a single step forward, then stood with her feet together and her hands clasped behind her back. She couldn’t afford to make a single mistake here.<br/>            “Bishop, you’ve been back for a week.” He spoke firmly.<br/>            “Yes, sir.” Maya responded in the same tone.<br/>            “Do you understand that a week is not a very long time?” He asked, leaning his hands on the desk the same way Maya had earlier while talking to Vic.<br/>            “I suppose it depends on the situation, sir.” She said, unsure what his angle was.<br/>            “This situation, Bishop. You are on your fifth week of recovery from a pretty major surgery. Your first week back on the job. I asked specifically for you to handle yourself, take it easy, and I find you today in the middle of what could have escalated to a wildfire. Do you think that that’s taking it easy?” Sullivan asked sternly.<br/>            “No, sir. With all due respect I stayed away as long as I could, I was needed when the fire began to spread.” Maya defended herself.<br/>            “You requested additional backup; they were minutes out, not even that by the time I arrived. You had the whole scene under great control, I commend you for that. And because of that, you <em>weren’t </em>needed to start tackling the fire.” He spoke in the same firm tone.<br/>            “Yes, sir.” Maya backed down, realising that she wasn’t being punished for doing something wrong exactly, but for not being careful enough with herself. They both knew that this would be a struggle.<br/>            “This is not a punishment, Bishop. It is a warning. I don’t need you to get yourself into something that you’re not ready for, whether you feel ready or not. I stand by the view that you are not ready, physically or mentally, to be back on the job like this.” Sullivan warned, his voice growing in seriousness. Maya wasn’t sure what to say, she didn’t want to argue and dig herself a hole she wouldn’t be able to climb out of. She also didn’t want to piss off her boss when she was trying to show that she could handle this job.<br/>            “You are off shift tomorrow, correct?” Sullivan asked.<br/>            “Yes sir, and the day after.” She answered.<br/>            “I want you here for the rest of the day. I see you started the report, once that’s done, take some gym time.” He ordered.<br/>            “Yes, sir.” Maya agreed reluctantly. Sullivan walked around the side of the desk and headed to the door.<br/>            “I have meetings with the Chief, the office is all yours.” Sullivan said before opening the door.<br/>            “Thank you.” Maya said as he left.</p>
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<p>Maya’s shift finished at 6pm, which didn’t give her very much time to get ready and get to the hospital, but she had brought a change of clothes with her to work and made good use of the showers at the Station, and with the help of Vic, again, she was able to do her makeup while Vic sorted out her wet hair. The last thing she wanted was to turn up for this date smelling like a barbecue, which she would have done had she not washed the smell of smoke out of her hair, even if it did hold her back a little. Still, she made it to the hospital in plenty of time and ended up sitting down in the lobby area to wait for Carina to come down.<br/>            As she sat waiting, she let her eyes wander around the space, watching as the hospital continued moving like it wasn’t the end of the day. She wasn’t surprised, she’d worked enough overnight shifts to know that like 19, the hospital didn’t sleep either. Her eyes wandered from seat to seat, desk to desk, stairwell to stairwell, without realising that someone was walking towards her.<br/>            “Maya Bishop…you’re back.” Andrew spoke as he stopped in front of her.<br/>            “Andrew, hi. Yeah, I just can’t keep away.” Maya laughed, scooting over on the bench she was sat on to let him sit down too. He took a seat and leaned his elbows on his knees.<br/>            “Do I even need to ask who you’re waiting for?” He asked her, raising an eyebrow. Maya wasn’t sure if she should feel awkward, she didn’t really know the dynamics of Carina’s relationship with her brother.<br/>            “I’m sure you could take an educated guess.” Maya said in a smile.<br/>            “Well you’ve already been to give her coffee, nice touch by the way, I can only assume that 7pm on a Friday means…date night?” Andrew asked, leaning back on the seat, and looking at Maya.<br/>            “It is, movie night. I’m not sure what we’re watching though, Carina’s chosen.” Maya explained.<br/>            “She’ll probably take you to the place uptown, they always have independent movies showing there. Sometimes Italian movies, but she usually goes to see those on her own.” Andrew said, giving Maya a little insight. Maya smiled and looked down at her hands, thinking about what Andrew said. They must be quite close, or at least have a good relationship with each other. She began to wonder what else he might know about her that could help her out.<br/>            “What other stuff does she like?” Maya asked. Andrew looked at her and furrowed his eyebrows in thought.<br/>            “What kind of stuff?” He asked back, unsure what she meant.<br/>            “Gestures, gifts, something I could do to surprise her or something.” She clarified.<br/>            “Oh, well you’re on the right track with the coffee thing, thoughtful things like that she loves. She’s one of those classic romantics. She likes letters, she’ll write them but likes to receive them too. Flowers, she loves flowers. Not so much roses, she thinks they’re thoughtless and overrated. White lilies, they’re big in Italy. Peonies she likes too.” Andrew explained, leading Maya to wonder how he knows so much. Maya took in a deep breath, slightly overwhelmed by all of the information. Andrew looked to her and noticed that she was staring off into the distance, and worried that he’d overloaded her.<br/>            “Hey, Carina is crazy about you.” He said, suddenly bringing Maya back to earth.<br/>            “What?” Maya asked, unsure that she heard him right.<br/>            “I know when she is really invested in someone, because she never talks to me about anyone she’s involved with, but she’s told me about you.” Andrew said. Maya felt her mind ease slightly at the thought of Carina talking about her.<br/>            “Do you know about the time she started dating the woman I was living with, and I didn’t even know she was in the country at the time?” Andrew asked, lightening the mood. Maya laughed and shook her head.<br/>            “No I don’t think I’ve heard that one.” She said, chuckling.<br/>            “I just came home from work one night and she was half-dressed on the couch with my attending and had the audacity to confront me about what I was doing there, and I lived there!” He explained, laughing as he remembered the scene. Maya laughed with him, picturing an irritated Carina who had just been disturbed. After a few seconds, a silence fell between them, and Maya sighed again.<br/>            “I just…I almost messed this up, before. And I still can’t believe that she’s given me another chance but, I’m…I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her, and it’s terrifying. I don’t want to screw it up.” Maya explained, exhaling a shaky breath as she admitted her feelings. Andrew sat forward and looked at her.<br/>            “You won’t screw it up. If you really want it, you won’t.” He said reassuringly. He looked up and saw Carina stepping out of the elevator, and he nudged Maya’s knee with his hand. Maya looked up and her heart began to race as she saw Carina.<br/>            “Relax, just focus on having a good night. Don’t sweat it, Bishop. Fire is scarier than feelings, I promise you.” Andrew said, before getting up and walking towards Carina. Carina furrowed her eyebrows at her brother, already annoying as to what he might have said to Maya.<br/>            “Giuro su dio, Andrea-.” Carina started to speak through gritted teeth.<br/>            “Go, Carina. Have fun.” Andrew cut her off, walking past her and turning to Maya to give her a reassuring thumbs up. Maya smiled and stood up to meet Carina.<br/>            “What did he say to you?” Carina asked, looking back to make sure he had gone.<br/>            “Nothing, he just came to say hi. Are you ready to go?” Maya asked, running her hand down Carina’s arm. Carina smiled and nodded.<br/>            “Sì, let’s go.” She said and led Maya out to the parking lot.</p>
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<p>Maya had expected them to get a cab to the movie theatre, but when they left the hospital and walked through the parking lot, Carina directed Maya to her car, much to Maya’s surprise; she didn’t know that Carina had a car, she didn’t know that Carina could drive. She tried not to seem surprised or shocked, because she wasn’t sure why she felt that way, but Carina picked up on it anyway.<br/>            “You didn’t expect me to drive?” Carina asked as she started the car and pulled out of the parking space<br/>            “No I just, didn’t know that you did. You always walk everywhere.” Maya said.<br/>            “I prefer to walk, but sometimes if I am getting groceries or have a long shift at work, it’s easier for me to drive.” Carina explained.<br/>            “I get that, I walk or run everywhere, I don’t have a car. The only times I drive are at work, though less since making Lieutenant.” Maya replied.<br/>            “You drive the trucks?” Carina asked with the images of Maya in her uniform earlier flashing through her mind.<br/>            “I can. You didn’t expect me to?” Maya said, taking Carina’s initial question and handing it back to her. Carina laughed and shook her head.<br/>            “I just didn’t know that you did.” Carina said, giving Maya’s response back.<br/><br/>Carina insisted on buying the theatre tickets, so Maya busied herself looking at the snacks. She contemplated getting a hot dog, but realised who she was with, so decided to go with popcorn. Carina wandered over from the ticket booth and stood beside Maya.<br/>            “What are you getting?” She asked, watching the worker behind the counter grab a tub.<br/>            “Uh, popcorn. You can’t go to the movies without getting popcorn.” Maya said, turning to Carina.<br/>            “I agree. Though, it is strange here.” Carina said.<br/>            “Strange how?” Maya asked, then handing some money over the counter.<br/>            “It is very greasy and...yellow.” Carina chuckled, examining the tub of popcorn in front of them.<br/>            “Oh don’t worry, I hate the butter popcorn, just salted.” Maya reassured her. Carina smiled and picked a piece up, popping it in her mouth and turning around.</p>
<p>Maya followed her and they headed into the theatre, Carina leading the way further to the back of the room, passing only a few people on the way. The movie didn’t seem to be all that popular by the looks of it. They sit down beside each other, Carina on the inside, Maya to the right of her with the tub of popcorn on her lap. The opening credits started rolling almost as soon as they sat down, and it wasn’t long before Maya felt Carina’s hand dipping into the tub of popcorn. She tensed up a little, feeling nervous knowing that Carina’s hand was essentially between her legs, and she knew Carina would be playing on her every reaction, so had to be careful how to respond. She looked over and waited for Carina to retract her hand before she shifted the popcorn onto one leg so that it was more in the middle of them both. Carina pretended not to notice, and moved her hand over the tub to land where it had before, but this time finding no popcorn, just Maya’s nervous hand in her lap. She wasted no time in grasping onto her hand and linking her fingers with Maya’s. Maya gave a gentle squeeze to Carina’s delicate hand. She didn’t want to let go, she didn’t ever want to let go.</p>
<p>By the end of the movie, Maya had no idea what had happened throughout the entire thing, she had spent the whole time thinking about what Carina might have been thinking about, or worrying about the way she was sitting, or breathing, or the fact that her hand in Carina’s hand was growing sweatier by the minute and she had no idea how to control it or make it stop. Just feeling Carina sat beside her was making her nervous, and every time she felt her move at all reminded her that they were attached at the hands, which made her sweatier.<br/>            The end credits started rolling, and the lights came on, causing both Maya and Carina to squint their eyes a little as they adjusted from the dark. Maya moved the empty tub of popcorn onto the seat beside her so that she could stand up. Her hand fell away from Carina’s as they both stood and picked up their jackets and put them on. Maya grabbed the tub to throw in the trash on the way out and stepped out onto the staircase to follow the three other people in the theatre outside.<br/>            On the way back to the car, Maya takes a deep breath and takes a hold of Carina’s hand again, intertwining their fingers back together. Having spent the best part of 2 hours with their hands locked together, it suddenly felt empty without it. They walked silently together back to Carina’s car, their hands swinging between them, Carina’s thumb moving gently up and down the side of Maya’s hand; it was such a simple thing, but oddly comforting.<br/>            “Shall I drive you home?” Carina asked as they reached the car. Maya smiled.<br/>            “I don’t know the walk home from here so...that would be good.” She laughed, slightly teasing Carina for her question.<br/>            “Okay, obviously I am going to drive you home. I meant did you want to stop anywhere first?” Carina asked in a laugh.<br/>            “Home sounds good to me.” Maya said, smiling at Carina’s goofiness.</p>
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<p>When Carina pulled up outside Maya’s building, she shut off the engine and opened her door. Maya hadn’t expected her to get out of her car, so quickly followed and hopped out of the passenger side. She met Carina at the driver’s side of the car and they walked up to the door together. Maya stood in front of Carina and slowly ran her fingers down her arm until she reached her hand, where she gently twisted their fingers together and gently pulled Carina closer to her, then looked up to find their faces just inches apart.<br/>            “Do you want to come up?” Maya asked in a whisper, her breath warm against Carina’s skin out in the cool air.<br/>            “What for?” Carina whispered back, teasing Maya as she drew her bottom lip between her teeth. Maya smiled and looked away.<br/>            “A drink?” She asked. Carina laughed a little, and still in a hush tone.<br/>            “I am driving.” Carina said back. Maya wasn’t sure what to say to that.<br/>            “But...I can stay for a little while.” Carina added quietly before gently placing her lips on the side of Maya’s neck. Maya let slip a small moan from between her lips and Carina smiled against her skin. She pulled away and Maya quickly turned to open the door to the building.</p>
<p>Inside her apartment, Maya poured herself a glass of wine, leaving the bottle on the coffee table in case she wanted a refill. <br/>            “Are you sure you don’t want any? You can crash here.” Maya said as she walked over to Carina with her glass.<br/>            “I’m sure. Are you trying to get me into bed with you?” Carina asked with a smirk. She slid her arm around Maya’s waist and pulled her close and started swaying her side to side.<br/>            “Would I need to try very hard?” Maya asked as Carina swayed her, and she took a sip from her glass.<br/>            “Harder than this...much harder.” Carina said in a whisper, her voice cracking a little as she lowered her tone.<br/>            “Hmmm...” Maya hummed, the sound quite raspy with tiredness. Without another thought, Maya pressed her lips firmly against Carina’s neck and slowly ran her tongue across her skin. A gasp escaped Carina’s lips as the sensation travelled all over her body. She let her head drop back a little as Maya added more pressure to the spot on her neck. Carina raised her hands and cupped Maya’s jawline, pulling her face closer to hers and hesitating. She smiled teasingly. <br/>            “Try again.” She whispered, before carefully taking Maya’s bottom lip between her teeth and running her tongue along it. Maya’s breath hitched in her throat, then with her free hand she grasped the back of Carina’s neck and pulled her lips firmly to her own. Their lips moved decisively together, barely parting to take breaths, their hands tightly gripping onto each other’s clothes. Maya stumbled as she pushed Carina backwards against the back of the couch. Growing increasingly breathless, Carina pulled away and held Maya’s face close to hers, taking a moment to catch her breath. She let her hands drop as Maya lifted her wine glass up to her mouth and drank a mouthful of it, then stepped away from Carina to put her glass down on the coffee table and sit down on the couch. Carina promptly followed, but instead of sitting down on the couch, she rested her knees on either side of Maya’s legs, straddling her thighs before deeply pulling her back into a kiss. Maya’s hands quickly grasped onto Carina’s shirt, tugging at it as Carina’s tongue laced around Maya’s in her mouth. She let out another raspy moan as Carina’s lips made their way down to Maya’s neck, to the spot just below her ear that she knew would push her over the edge. Maya’s grip tightened on Carina’s shirt as she panted, while Carina’s mouth worked its magic on her delicate skin. <br/>            Carina lifted one leg over Maya so that she was sat beside her on the couch. She sat for a second listening to Maya’s breathlessness, before standing up, grabbing the bottle of wine in one hand that Maya had left on the coffee table, and Maya’s half-full glass in the other hand. She looked Maya directly in the eyes as she drank the remainder of what was left in the glass. Maya raised an eyebrow, knowing what it meant that Carina had a drink. Carina bit her lip, then slowly started to walk away towards Maya’s bedroom. She stopped at her bedroom door, wine bottle and glass still in her hands, and looked back at Maya who was sat looking at her in awe. She pushed Maya’s bedroom door open with her backside, and held eye contact with Maya as she stood up from the couch and following her into the bedroom.</p>
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<a name="section0027"><h2>27. ~ twenty-seven ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW // body image</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>y'all i am SO sorry this took so long, i had such a busy week and just zero time to write but i hope this chapter is worth the wait !! thank u for all ur comments on the last one, i look forward to seeing more &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The mid-morning sun shone through the drapes in Maya’s bedroom directly onto Carina’s bare skin, her olive tone glowing in the bright light from outside. She leaned on one elbow, hovering over Maya, her other arm tucked under her back as she gently kissed her lips. Maya took in a deep breath as Carina’s mouth travelled down her neck to the spot just under her ear.<br/>            “Mmm...” Carina hummed against her delicate skin, sending a vibration throughout her entire body. Maya let a moan slip through her lips at the sensation and she tangled her hands in Carina’s hair.<br/>            “Mm we have to stop...” Maya said in an exhale as she became overwhelmed with the effect Carina had on her. Carina laughed a little and lifted her head to look Maya in the eye. She tilted her head to the side a little and pursed her lips.<br/>            “Why...?” She asked in a whisper and began to play with Maya’s hair.<br/>            “Because...I need to shower...” Maya said in the same hush tone. Carina smiled a little and raised an eyebrow.<br/>             “Would you like company?” She said in her raspy morning voice, before leaning down to kiss her again. Maya hummed as she kissed her back.<br/>            “I would love it...but I would love a coffee too...” Maya hinted, taking advantage of Carina’s amazing coffee while she was here. Carina dropped her head back and laughed.<br/>            “Of course. Of course, I will make coffee.” Carina agreed. She threw the duvet aside, revealing her entirely nude body laid beside Maya in bed. She pushed herself up and walked casually over to the dresser and rummaged for a t-shirt to put on, as all she had was her outfit from the night before. Maya stared with her mouth agape, in awe of Carina’s natural beauty, and gorgeous figure. She admired every curve and dip until her body was covered by a large t-shirt that fell just below her backside. Carina turned and caught Maya staring, and placed one hand on her hip.<br/>            “Go shower.” She said with a smirk before heading into the kitchen. Maya let her head drop back against the pillow and she ran her fingers through her hair. She laid for a moment in disbelief at how lucky she was in this moment and fought to suppress the feeling of fear bubbling in her stomach as her feelings for Carina grew rapidly by the second. She shook her head and pushed the duvet back. She had panties and a vest top on, so grabbed her bathrobe and pulled it over her arms as she walked out of her bedroom and into the bathroom. Carina shot her a smile over her shoulder as she walked through.<br/>            “I won’t be long.” She said before closing the door.</p><p>Maya stood in the bathroom and lifted her vest top over her head and let it drop to the ground. She leaned over the shower and turned the water on, then stepped back over to the mirror above the sink to tie her hair up into a bun. As she tied her hair up, her eyes wandered down to her stomach and stared at the long, pink scar across the bottom of her abdomen. She glared at her body in disbelief, seeing that it wasn’t what it was before, her stomach wasn’t as tight and toned or flat as it used to be. She ran her hand across her skin, feeling the difference, feeling the scar, feeling the pain in her chest from the thought that there had been a baby in there once. She hadn’t really given much thought to the pregnancy since the surgery, maybe it was affecting her more than she realised. Maybe she wasn’t coping well with the loss, because a part of her was becoming ready to be a parent and have someone be entirely dependent on her, and all of a sudden it was just gone. She was never told the sex of the baby, maybe it was too early, or the baby was underdeveloped, or maybe it was that one scan that she missed. She always thought of it as a boy, maybe something to do with her brother, to give him the opportunities he missed out on because of their father’s arrogance. Maybe she would’ve named him Mason too, as an ode to him, some sort of apology for not doing more for him.<br/>            Maya sighed heavily and dropped her hands to her sides, but couldn’t take her eyes away from her stomach. She turned to the side and examined herself again, breathing in and holding her breath to see if she could even remember what her body used to look like. She exhaled slowly and faced the mirror again, and tried to tighten her abs by tensing her body, just to see if there was anything still there at all. She could see the faint outline of her stomach muscles, then in frustration, picked up her vest top from the floor and pulled it over her head. A few seconds later, there was a knock on the door. Maya jumped a little at the unexpected noise.<br/>            “Maya?” Carina’s voice spoke.<br/>            “I’ll be out in a minute.” Maya called out, trying not to sound as anxious as she felt.<br/>            “Okay.” Carina said back. Maya began to panic a little as she hadn’t actually showered yet. She spent a moment looking around, unsure of what exactly she was looking for, unsure of what to do with herself. She took a breath and shut the water off, then exhaled and opened the bathroom door.</p><p>Carina was sat on the couch holding a mug of coffee, Maya’s cup was on the coffee table in front of her. Her head turned around at the sound of the bathroom door opening and she shot a smile to Maya before realising that she was still in the clothes she slept in.<br/>            “Is everything okay?” Carina asked, her eyes following Maya as she came to sit beside her on the couch. Maya sat down and nodded, picking up her coffee and holding it in her hands.<br/>            “I think I wanna go for a run.” Maya said, sipping her drink. Carina raised her eyebrows and nodded a little. She still thought it was too soon for Maya to be doing any strenuous exercise, but she knew what she was like.<br/>            “Okay.” Carina said, knowing she wouldn’t push herself if she really felt like she couldn’t do it.<br/>            “I just need to get back into a routine, I feel a little all over the place, you know?” Maya explained a little. Carina nodded understandingly, but not really knowing what to say.<br/>            “Sullivan won’t let me get back into things properly until my stamina is back up to standard, I’m doing drills at the station whenever there’s spare time and a spare person. And my gym time is a lot. I should probably stop in there while I’m out.” Maya said.<br/>            “You are training a lot at work already, I think it’s okay if you don’t go to the gym as well as running.” Carina said, trying to ease Maya’s mind about her exercise. Maya drank from her mug and nodded slowly, her mind racing with the need to get out and run to clear her head.<br/>            “You won’t be able to work sooner if you push yourself too hard.” Carina added, throwing some perspective at her.<br/>            “Yeah. I know.” Maya said in a sigh. “I need to run. I need to clear my head.” She added.<br/>            “I know, it’s okay. I don’t mind, I can go out and get some groceries while you are out.” Carina suggested.<br/>            “Are you sure? You can just hang here you don’t have to go out. Maybe we can have that shower when I’m back.” Maya said with a smile, and leaned forward to place a firm kiss on Carina’s lips. Carina smiled against her lips and pulled away.<br/>            “That sounds good to me.” She said, kissing her again. Maya sat back again and finished her drink, then put her mug on the coffee table and stood up again.<br/>            “I’m gonna get dressed.” She said, walking away into her bedroom. Carina watched her as she walked away, wondering what was going on in her head, and wishing she would open up. She couldn’t help but feel like Maya was pushing her away again, but knew deep down that there was something deeper to what was going on in her mind, so tried to push the thought away, and hoped that she would be able to get her to talk later on, once she had made some sense of her thoughts.<br/>            Carina stood up and walked into the bedroom, leaning against the doorframe.<br/>            “I might stop home and get some things, if you don’t mind me staying another night, you are off work tomorrow?” Carina asked. Maya stood with her back to Carina while she threw on some running clothes and turned her head to look behind her.<br/>            “Yeah of course.” She said with a smile, pulling her sweatshirt down over her stomach and walking towards Carina to get to the door. She brushed past her and went to grab her trainers from by the door. She quickly put them on and stood back up to find Carina in front of her.<br/>            “Be careful.” Carina said, kissing Maya on the cheek.<br/>            “I will. Can’t get back in shape without trying.” Maya said, and turned around to leave.<br/>            “Hey, I know it is hard having been out of action for this long, but I am here for you, and I want to help in any way that I can.” Carina said, holding onto Maya’s arm before she left.<br/>            “Thank you.” Maya said, and kissed her on the cheek back. “I won’t be too long.” She said before heading out. Carina sat down on the couch for a minute and finished her coffee, thinking about anything that she might be able to do to help the way that Maya was feeling. She could definitely tell that something was wrong, something about her was bothering her, maybe she was feeling uncomfortable with the changes that her body have been through in the last few months, maybe it was something entirely different, and Carina was just not picking up on it. Either way, she wanted to help. She grabbed Maya’s coffee mug from the table and put it with hers in the sink before going into the bedroom to get herself dressed. She had an idea.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It had been about an hour and a half since Maya left for her run. She stood outside her apartment building, breathless, sweaty, and red. Her hair had loosened from the ponytail she had tied it in before she left, and her wispy hairs were stuck wet to the back of her neck. It had been a while since she had broken a sweat like this, but it had been a while since she had run like that. She dragged her heavy legs up the stairs and decided to take the lift up to her floor, feeling too exhausted to tackle any more stairs.<br/>            Maya unlocked her front door and pushed it closed behind her, throwing her keys down and kicking her shoes off, before slumping down on the couch, forgetting for a moment quite how sweaty she was. It didn’t take long for the inside of her sweatshirt to start irritating her skin, the dampness of it against her clammy body was not a good combination. It took a lot of effort to lift her arms and pull it off over her head. She dropped it beside her and let her head fall back against the back of the couch. It took her a minute to realise that Carina was here when she left, but didn’t appear to be here now. She looked down at the scar on her stomach and pulled her joggers up to cover it, then glanced around the apartment.<br/>            “Carina?” She called out, wanting to be certain if she was here or not. No response. Maya took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to even out her strained breaths. After a minute or so, she picked herself up and walked over to the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water. In just a few seconds, she had downed over half the bottle, and released a refreshing gasp afterwards. With the back of her hand, she wiped the sweat from her hairline, and headed back over to the couch.<br/>            Her head turned to the door as she heard movement outside, shortly followed by the door opening, and Carina walking in with a few bags in her arms. Maya quickly walked over to her to help with the bags, two of which were full of groceries, and one she assumed was Carina’s clothes and things from her place.<br/>            “Hi.” Maya said, taking a paper bag from her.<br/>            “Thank you.” Carina said as she let go of the bag. Maya took it into the kitchen and started to rummage through it. It was mostly filled with different fruits and some vegetables.<br/>            “Quite a haul?” Maya asked with a small laugh, surprised at the amount of stuff Carina had bought.<br/>            “Yes I got a little carried away.” She laughed back, pushing the door closed and joining Maya in the kitchen.<br/>            “I got lots of things to make juice with.” Carina said, looking very pleased with herself as she pulled a mango and a pack of spinach out of her grocery bag.<br/>            “Juice?” Maya asked, a little confused.<br/>            “Yes, things to blend together.” Carina clarified.<br/>            “Oh you mean like, smoothies?” Maya asked.<br/>            “Ah, sì, smoothie.” Carina agreed as Maya found the right word for her.<br/>            “I thought that it would be a nice thing to have to start the day or, just have at some point in the day.” Carina said, pulling out various fruits from the bag.<br/>            “Yeah I love smoothies, I used to make them every day before work. Did you know that?” Maya asked, noticing that Carina had somehow selected some of her favourite fruits.<br/>            “No, I didn’t. I guess I am getting good with knowing you better.” Carina smiled, then held onto Maya’s waist and pulled her close to her before gently kissing her on the lips. Carina pulled away and laughed a little.<br/>            “You are very sweaty.” She said, scrunching her nose up and wiping Maya’s top lip with her finger. Maya rolled her head back and laughed.<br/>            “I am. And you weren’t even involved.” Maya teased, pecking her lips and turning to look back at the counter.<br/>            “This is...really great.” Maya said, looking over all the things Carina bought. “Really, you’re kind of amazing, do you know that?” She said softly, stroking Carina’s hair to the side of her face and tucking a strand behind her ear.<br/>            “Hmm?” Carina hummed before capturing Maya’s lips with hers again. Things grew heated rather quickly and Maya pulled away to take a breath.<br/>            “How about that shower?” Carina said in a whisper, right by Maya’s ear. Maya smiled, then cupped Carina’s face in her hands. She looked her in the eyes with a smile, and then sighed a little.<br/>            “I’m sorry, I’m really exhausted after that run.” She said, dropping her eyes to the floor, not wanting to see Carina’s disappointment. Without hesitation, Carina lifted Maya’s head back up with her hand under her chin.<br/>            “How about a bath?” Carina suggested. Maya gave a small sigh of relief and nodded.<br/>            “Yes, please.” She agreed. “See? You’re just amazing.” Maya repeated again.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Maya laid in bed with her head on Carina’s chest, her arm draped over her stomach, Carina’s hand tangled in her hair. They had a movie playing on the TV, but Maya hadn’t been paying attention to it much. She still had a lot on her mind. The run was only enough to clear it for a while, she forgot to actually deal with anything while she was out. Carina’s eyes flicker down to Maya’s face, her eyes staring off into the corner of the room. She picked up the TV remote and turned the volume down, then tried to shift Maya a little so that she could see her face better.<br/>            “Is there something on your mind, bella?” Carina asked, stroking her hair. Maya startled a little as Carina spoke, her mind so far off into space that she hadn’t realised what had happened.<br/>            “I don’t know.” She said hesitantly, knowing that she should talk, but reluctant to.<br/>            “I am right here, you can talk to me.” Carina said reassuringly, squeezing her tight for comfort. Maya sighed and looked down, then picked up Carina’s other hand with her hand across her stomach and tangled their fingers together.<br/>            “I feel...outside of myself, lately. Like, this body that I’m in, it’s not mine. I don’t recognise it. It feels unfamiliar and...it doesn’t match me anymore.” Maya began to open up, being careful of her choice of words; she didn’t want anything to come across in the wrong way.<br/>            “I think that it a very normal feeling, especially for someone athletic like you, who has been through what you have been through with...the pregnancy and, the surgery.” Carina reassured her that she wasn’t strange for feeling this way.<br/>            “It’s just that, since I was a kid I’ve trained almost every day of my life, for track or in the academy or just daily stamina training for work. I have never been a person who just rests, or relaxes, I have to have done some kind of exercise to warrant rest, you know? And this whole thing has just...knocked me right back, and my body changed so much, and I have this scar on me that I never thought I would have. I never wanted kids, but now I have this scar that is associated with kids. I had a baby, Carina. I don’t think I’ve really thought about the fact that I had a baby. It’s a lot to think about.” Maya spoke openly for the first time in a long time, and began to wonder why she was so hesitant to do so in the first place; just getting it off her chest made her feel a little better.<br/>            “You have been through a lot. And it would definitely be a good idea to talk about these things, it will help you to process and recover from it, move on from it and leave it in the past. And, I am here, I will support you to help you feel like you again. I’m not going anywhere.” Carina reassured, holding eye contact as she spoke, and holding onto Maya tightly.<br/>            “How are you so amazing?” Maya asked, her eyes welling up a little.<br/>            “Sei Bellissima. Sei forte. Sei tenace.” Carina spoke softly.<br/>            “I have no idea what this means.” Maya laughed a little, holding onto Carina’s hand.<br/>            “Baciarmi.” Carina said again with a smile. Maya gasped a little and sat up.<br/>            “Is that kiss me?” She asked excitedly. Carina smiled and nodded, then leaned forward to kiss her gently.<br/>            They hold the kiss for a minute or two, their lips moving slowly together, perfectly, softly. After a moment, Maya pulled away and bit her bottom lip, then looked up at Carina and took a deep breath.<br/>            “I wanna be with you.” She said suddenly. Carina’s face dropped as she processed what Maya had said.<br/>            “I want to spend as much time with you as I can, not just on dates once a week. I want to be with you.” Maya said again, filling the silence as Carina was lost for words. Another moment of silence passed and Maya began to backtrack.<br/>            “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-.” Carina grasped Maya’s face in her hands and pressed their lips firmly together, kissing her in a way she hadn’t kissed her before, this time it meant more, so much more. This moment meant more than any moment before. Carina kisses Maya for what feels like a long time, but what is actually just a matter of minutes, if that. When Carina pulled away, she held a huge smile on her face, one which was soon reflected on Maya’s face.<br/>            “Does this make us...fidanzata?” Carina giggled, biting her lip.<br/>            “If that doesn’t mean girlfriends then this is about to be very awkward.” Maya laughed. Carina nodded excitedly and pulled Maya back to her, their lips meeting once again.</p>
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<a name="section0028"><h2>28. ~ twenty-eight ~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            “Alright guys, you know the drill, three alarms means...” Andy called out as the crew hopped down from the trucks in their ashy turnouts.<br/>            “Joe’s baby, let’s go!” Vic shouted back, jumping down from the engine. As everyone made their way to their lockers to get changed out of their gear.<br/>            “I’m gonna have to take a rain check this time, I got a very grumpy baby girl at home, and an equally tired sister.” Miller passed, quickly getting changed so that he could get home sooner.<br/>            “C’mon Dean.” Andy tried to encourage.<br/>            “Nope. I’m still on duty. Dad duty. Next time, Herrera.” Miller argued back definitively, holding out his hands to the sides as he rushed out to leave.<br/>            “You’re boring Miller!” Vic called after him. She turned back to her locker and grabbed her towel and headed off to the showers. Vic passed by Warren on the way and stopped him.<br/>            “You’re in, right? Joe’s?” She asked, pointing a finger at him. He smiled and laughed a little.<br/>            “Warren, don’t let me down.” She threatened.<br/>            “I’m sorry guys, Miranda’s at home with the kids. Family first.” He said unapologetically, holding his hands up as he swivelled past Vic to get to his own locker.<br/>            “Okay well, you’re boring too.” Vic said rolling her eyes as she headed to the shower.<br/>            “Well I’m in.” Maya said, unbuttoning her shirt and tossing it into the laundry basket.<br/>            “So am I, and so is Travis...” Andy said, longing out the ‘s’ sound at the end of his name.  Travis slowly turned around to face her with a nervous smile on his face.<br/>            “Actually he’s not.” Travis admitted, also bailing on the tradition.<br/>            “Montgomery?” Andy said in disbelief.<br/>            “I caaan’t I promised my mom I’d stop by for lunch today after shift, and oh would you look at the time? It’s lunch time.” He explained himself.<br/>            “Can’t you come after?” Andy asked.<br/>            “I mean...” Travis began to excuse himself again.<br/>            “Come onnn, stop by after. You know you want beer, your mom isn’t gonna give you beer.” Maya tempted him. He dropped his head back and threw his hands in the air.<br/>            “Fine, I’ll come after.” He caved, turning back to his locker.<br/>            “That’s right!” Andy cheered.<br/>            “Gibson you in? Joe’s?” Maya asked as she caught sight of Jack out of the corner of her eye.<br/>            “No I got stuff to sort out.” He said bluntly, briefly grabbing something from his locker before heading out towards the Captain’s office. After a month longer of Maya being tasked with acting-captain, Sullivan finally delegated the powers to the other two Lieutenants again too. Today was Jack’s first shift as acting-captain since before Maya came back to work. Maya had thought before that he was acting weird with her, the same way Andy was when she returned. She knew that Andy was pissed about being bumped from Captain practise for a while, and had assumed Jack was mad about the same thing, but she also knew that Andy could hold a grudge for longer than anyone she knew, and if she was over it, Jack should’ve been long over it too. She couldn’t help but feel like he was still being off with her and was at a loss for what the reason could be. He definitely wasn’t right.<br/>            Maya watched as Jack walked away, then turned her head back to Andy.<br/>             “Well if it’s just the three of us, plus Travis in a while, let’s just go back to my place. I got beer.” Maya suggested.<br/>            “Yeah sure. Travis, Maya’s place, you got two hours. And maybe bring more beers, we might’ve drunk it all by then.” Andy said, slapping him on the back as she walked away to the shower.<br/>            “Definitely bring more beer.” Maya said in a deep exhale, already regretting inviting a very pumped Andy back to her place.<br/>            “Vic, we’re going to Maya’s!” Maya heard Andy shout to Vic from the shower room. She laughed to herself and walked out of the locker room towards the Captain’s office. She had to talk to Jack.</p>
<p>Maya stood by the office door, which Jack had firmly closed and drawn the blinds behind him. She knocked three times and waited for a cue to enter, but there was nothing. She wondered for a moment if he was in the shower in there, and peeked through a gap in the edge of the blinds and saw him sat at the desk with his head in his hands. She shook her head and knocked again, but this time letting herself in without a green light.<br/>            “Did I say come in?” Jack asked as soon as the door opened.<br/>            “Well I heard it.” Maya said, closing the door behind her. Jack sighed and looked up at her.<br/>            “What do you want?” He asked.<br/>            “What’s your problem, Gibson? You’ve been off with me for weeks.” Maya cut right to the chase.<br/>            “I don’t wanna talk about it.” He said bluntly.<br/>            “Well I do. You can’t just hide from everything, Jack. If this is about the captain thing, that was Sullivan’s idea, his plan, I had no part in that. And we are both Lieutenants at this Station, he was evening out the playing field for me because you got extra Captain practise while I was gone. And you were Captain today, so what’s the problem?” Maya ranted, unable to contain herself.<br/>            “What?” Jack asked, entirely confused.<br/>            “What?” Maya asked back, realising that she could be wrong.<br/>            “It’s not about the stupid Captain thing. I get why Sullivan did what he did.” Jack cleared up the question. Maya stood puzzled before him.<br/>            “So what is it then?” She asked, not satisfied with his answer.<br/>            “Just let it go.” He said, looking away from her.<br/>            “Me? You’re the one acting out on me.” She persisted.<br/>            “You were pregnant, Maya!” Jack raised his voice, lifting his head to look her in the eye. Maya stood still, blinked a few times, and still couldn’t understand what the problem was.<br/>            “You were pregnant. And we were together. Don’t you think that means something?” He asked.<br/>            “We were sleeping together, Jack. Not <em>together</em>.” Maya clarified, being sure to remain consistent on that. She never saw their ‘relationship’ before as a relationship, to her it was just sex, but that had somehow gotten lost in translation to him.<br/>            “Not the point.” He muttered. Maya stood and thought about what he said for a minute, and then her jaw fell slightly ajar.<br/>            “You think...you thought it was yours?” Maya asked, her tone a little quieter now. Jack gave her a look.<br/>            “Was it?” He asked quietly. She raised her eyebrows and glared at him.<br/>            “God, Jack no. No it wasn’t yours.” She said in disbelief that she was having this conversation.<br/>            “How do you know? The time worked out didn’t it?” He asked. Maya shook her head.<br/>            “No. It was like a month off. It wasn’t yours, Jack. Don’t you think I would’ve talked to you if it could have been?” She asked him, offended that he thought so little of her.<br/>            “Whose was it then?” He asked, not letting it go.<br/>            “Just...someone else. No one important.” Maya said, genuinely unable to remember the guy’s name.<br/>            “Like, a rebound?” Jack asked. Maya sighed and rolled her eyes.<br/>            “We weren’t together Jack; I didn’t need a rebound.” She clarified once again. “It was, you know, a Wednesday thing.” She added. Everyone at the Station was aware of her self-care Wednesday’s.<br/>            “Right. You still do that?” He asked, shaking his head.<br/>            “I did, I don’t anymore because that wouldn’t be fair on my girlfriend.” She said obviously.<br/>            “So she’s your girlfriend now? Are you sure because, I wouldn’t want the same thing to happen to her that happened to me.” Jack said, holding onto the past with a tight grip.<br/>            “Oh my god, Jack, let it go. Carina is my girlfriend, she has been for like a month now, I asked her to be, she said yes. That was a conversation that never happened between me and you. We hooked up, it happened multiple times, we slept in the same bed sometimes afterwards, but that was it.” Maya raised her voice a little, finding it hard to believe that she was still having this argument with him.<br/>            “Alright.” He replied in the same blunt tone as before.<br/>            “Alright? Is this over now?” Maya asked, too frustrated with him to look at him any longer. He gave a simple nod and gestured with his hand for her to leave, to which she promptly did, and gave the door a slight slam behind her.</p>
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<p>Maya unlocked her front door and pushed it open as she walked inside, letting Vic and Andy in behind her. Vic closed the door and kicked off her shoes, she knew she was going to be getting comfy here. Maya headed right for the fridge to get some drinks out, while Vic and Andy looked around Maya’s apartment at how different it looked since the last time either of them had been there. It had been a little while, and though the general layout and décor was the same, it was very different inside. They both looked at each other and raised their eyebrows, knowing that all of the fresh food in Maya’s kitchen would have been Carina’s doing, and the books filling up Maya’s usually empty shelves beside her dining table also belonged to Carina, the giveaway being that most of them said something about female orgasms or g-spots. There were unfamiliar shoes by the front door, a couple of different jackets hanging on the rack, and various knickknacks on end tables. Having examined that their surroundings were alike to that of a married couple, Vic and Andy exchanged a look between each other again, before Maya came back over with the drinks.<br/>            Maya handed them each a beer and they popped the caps and Andy and Vic made themselves comfortable on the couch, Vic resting her feet up on the table in the middle. Maya pottered around the place for a few minutes, suddenly very aware that it was much more cluttered than usual, and she liked to keep things neat and tidy in here. She gathered up a variety of Carina’s belongings, hair ties, rings, books, and took them into her bedroom where they were out of the way. She could hear Andy and Vic talking amongst themselves, but just carried on with tidying up. She couldn’t leave it now that she had noticed. She hadn’t really been aware of quite how many things had made their way over to her apartment, things that didn’t really have a specific place to go. She began to wonder what normal people would do in a relationship, normal as in, people who weren’t scared shitless of commitment and could easily adjust to these sorts of things. Would people introduce a drawer of the other person’s things? That sounded like something she had heard of people doing before, but she had never been prepared to do something even remotely close to that. But looking around, it seemed like it had happened without the official adoption of bedroom drawer. Her mind began to spin a little, and she chugged some of her drink down to try and calm her nerves.<br/>            “Yo, Bishop. Ease up, man.” Vic called over to Maya who stood opposite her dining room shelves in awe of the additional books she hadn’t noticed.<br/>            “Sorry.” She said as she snapped out of her spiral. She walked over to them and slumped down on the couch.<br/>            “I didn’t realise the mess.” Maya said apologetically.<br/>            “Don’t sweat it, you’ve been on call for the past 24 hours, cut yourself some slack.” Vic said, giving her a nudge on the arm. Maya smiled and took another drink.<br/>            “So, Carina been here a lot?” Andy asked, seeing that Maya was still slightly distracted.<br/>            “Yeah, I guess. She’s here when I am really. Our shifts don’t really work out well with each other but, if I’m sleeping here and not the Station, she’s here too.” Maya explained, striving to be more open about her life with the people predominantly in it.<br/>            “It’s nice to see a different side of you, Bishop.” Vic said with a reassuring smile, letting Maya know that her honesty was appreciated.<br/>            “Yeah, it is. It’s good to see you doing so well, you’ve had a lot on your plate.” Andy said in agreement.<br/>            “Yeah I guess I have. I had the weirdest conversation with Jack earlier, has he spoken to you?” Maya asked Andy. Andy shook her head.<br/>            “No he’s been quite distant.” She said.<br/>            “He thought...I mean, you thought it too in the beginning, so I guess it’s not as weird a thought as I thought it was.” Maya said, going off on a bit of a tangent.<br/>            “He thought it was his? The baby?” Andy asked, a little shocked.<br/>            “Oh my god. Can’t he do the math? There were at least two people after him, right?” Vic scoffed in disbelief.<br/>            “I mean, yeah for sure, but I wouldn’t have made him aware of that.” Maya said a little sarcastically. The three of them pondered on the thought for a few minutes before any of them spoke again.<br/>            “Do you know whose it was?” Vic asked. Maya scrunched up her face and tilted her head to the side.<br/>            “If I thought about it I could probably figure it out but, I might’ve had a self-care Monday and Friday around the same sort of time...” Maya admitted, feeling her cheeks flushing, and drinking more beer to smooth over the embarrassment.<br/>            “Oh I see how it is.” Andy taunted, while Vic poked at her arm.<br/>            “Girl you gotta do what you gotta do.” Vic said with a smirk.<br/>            “I don’t gotta do that anymore, thanks to Carina who literally studies female orgasms I am...quite satisfied.” Maya said, running her tongue across her teeth, not embarrassed to show off about Carina.<br/>            “Ohhhhh!” Vic and Andy both cheered in unison and reached across Maya to high-five each other.<br/>            “You two are like a pair of frat boys, you know that?” Maya scoffed, then stood up to get another beer. She’d gone through her first one much quicker than she expected to.<br/>            “Oh come on, someone’s gotta hype you up.” Andy argued, rejecting the frat boy title.<br/>            “You gotta celebrate the swagger, Bishop.” Vic said, pointing at her across the room. Maya laughed with them both and popped the cap on her second bottle of beer. She brought the bottle to her mouth and tilted it up, taking a long drink before saying what was on her mind. Andy and Vic sensed that she was about to say something, so watched as she gulped her drink and waited for it. Maya took a breath following her drink and stood beside the couch.<br/>            “So I’m thinking about asking Carina to move in with me.”</p>
<p>The room remained entirely silent for several seconds after Maya spoke, neither Andy or Vic were prepared for what she had said, and definitely did not expect it. Another minute passed before the silence was broken by the door opening.<br/>            “So my mom double booked and is already lunching with a friend so here I am...clearly walking in at a bad time?” Travis spoke as he came through the door with a crate of beer. He stopped and looked at Vic and Andy staring at Maya who was staring at him.<br/>            “What is happening right now?” He asked, afraid to move but pushing the door closed behind him with his foot.<br/>            “Maya monogamy is for the weak Bishop, is moving in with her girlfriend.” Andy spoke quietly, still in disbelief.<br/>            “No, not moving in, possibly posing the question we are not there yet.” Maya defended herself.<br/>            “Shut up! Maya Bishop and gorgeous Italian girlfriend are moving in together? I need to sit down. No, I need a drink. Do you have a drink? These are warm.” Travis spoke quickly, stumbling over his words with the excitement of what he walked in on.<br/>            “Guys, come on it is not a big deal.” Maya defended herself again.<br/>            “It is so a big deal Maya!” Vic joined in, jumping up from her seat. Travis swapped his crate with a bottle from the refrigerator and headed back over to the living room.<br/>            “So when is she moving in?” Travis asked, taking a seat.<br/>            “I haven’t even asked yet, I haven’t even thought it through I just...I just spent ages tidying up her things and it would just make so much sense if those things just had a place where they belonged, you know, with the rest of her things. And her.” Maya explained, feeling nervousness in her stomach as she listened to herself speak.<br/>            “When are you gonna ask her?” Andy asked.<br/>            “I don’t know? I only just thought about it.” Maya said, beginning to pace back and fourth behind the couch. Travis looked to Vic with his mouth wide open. Vic widened her eyes in agreement, while Andy watched Maya pacing.<br/>            “Do you think one of us should stand in front of her?” Andy asked. Vic and Travis looked up simultaneously and they all followed her with their eyes as Maya continued to pace.<br/>            “She would just knock us down.” Vic said.<br/>            “What do we do then?” Andy asked.<br/>            “Maya?” Travis spoke up, trying to break her pace and get her attention. She carried on. Travis stood up and stopped in her path, and held her by the shoulders as she was about to walk right through him.<br/>            “Maya, sweet broken Maya, stop. This is a good thing.” Travis reassured, forcing her to hold eye contact.<br/>            “Relationships are so stressful.” She said, rolling her head backwards, feeling tense.<br/>            “No, no they aren’t. You are overthinking this. It is a good thing.” He said calmingly. Maya took a deep breath and broke away from his grip.<br/>            “But what if I’ve got the complete wrong impression or what if she’s not ready?” Maya asked.<br/>            “If you’re ready then she was ready two weeks ago.” Vic said matter of factly. Andy and Travis looked sternly at her.<br/>            “What? It’s true. Maya you’ve obviously had this thought in the back of your mind for a while, you wouldn’t have even posed the question to us if you hadn’t been thinking about it, even subconsciously, for a while.” Vic explained.<br/>            “She’s right. Maya, you’re ready. You just gotta ask her.” Andy said. Maya stopped and sighed.<br/>            “How do I even do that?” Maya asked.</p>
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<p>Maya collected up all of the empty beer bottles that the four of them went through throughout the afternoon, knowing that Carina would be home any minute, and not wanting the place to be a mess when she finished work. She sighed as she realised even thinking about Carina being here, she was thinking as though she did live here. She had started to think about her place as home, for them both, subconsciously calling it home, waiting for Carina to get home, looking forward to going home to Carina. All of those things she had been thinking for a while, without even realising it. Vic was right, she had been thinking about it for longer than she thought she had. She dropped all the bottles into the recycling and tucked it away, then looked around to see that everything was back in shape, but with Carina’s things put in places where they looked like they belonged. Maya had spend some time after the others left hanging Carina’s clean laundry up in her closet, as oppose to leaving it folded on the dresser, not putting it away because she didn’t live here. At least maybe it would be a conversation starter if she found herself too nervous to approach the topic.<br/>            Shortly after finishing her clean up, the door opened and Carina shuffled into the hall, shaking off her coat before hanging it up.<br/>            “It is raining cats and dogs outside.” She said, peeling her jacket off of her damp skin and hanging it.<br/>            “Did you walk here?” Maya asked, seeing how soaked she was.<br/>            “Um, no this is just from my car outside to the front. Cats and dogs.” Carina reiterated, making Maya laugh.<br/>            “Seattle weather, I guess. Can I get you anything?” Maya asked.<br/>            “I just need to get out of these wet clothes.” Carina said, unbuttoning her blouse and trousers and heading into Maya’s room.<br/>            She slid her trousers down and perched on the end of the bed, looking up at the dresser where her clean clothes usually sat, but there was nothing there. The whole room looked much tidier, like everything had been put away. Maya appeared in the doorway and raised her eyebrows.<br/>            “You’re soaked through, let me get you a towel.” She said, quickly grabbing a big towel from the bathroom and bringing it in. Carina stood up and Maya wrapped the towel around her body as best she could given the height difference. Carina smiled and adjusted it before sitting back down again.<br/>            “I am so glad it is always warm in here.” Carina said, unable to feel the cold from the rain. Maya smiled and placed her hand on Carina’s back, rubbing it up and down to dry her off.<br/>            “I didn’t even realise it was raining so much.” Maya said, peaking through the curtains to the right of her.<br/>            “It was not this bad when I came out of the hospital but, it started to pour when I drove away.” Carina said, also looking out of the window.<br/>            “Do you have anything I can wear?” Carina asked, looking back to the empty space on the dresser. Maya nodded and got up, opening a drawer, and pulling out Carina’s own pyjama shorts and long sleeve top. Carina tilted her head to the side a little and couldn’t help but smile as she took the clothes from Maya.<br/>            “My clothes are in the drawers.” Carina said, almost as a question, but more of a statement.<br/>            “Yeah.” Was all Maya said, as she pottered around the room. Carina watched her pretending to be busy as she got herself dressed. She hung the towel up on the hook on the back of the door and rummaged through another drawer for a pair of fuzzy socks.<br/>            “Why are my clothes in the drawers?” Carina asked as she sat back down on the end of the bed, her eyes still following Maya.<br/>            “I was just tidying. They’re like...your ‘here’ clothes. You have stuff here why can’t it belong somewhere?” Maya beat around the question, the fluttering feeling in her stomach intensifying as she knew that they were about to have <em>that </em>conversation.<br/>            “Belong somewhere here? At your place?” Carina asked, pushing Maya to talk as she could sense that there was something she wanted to say.<br/>            “Yeah.” Maya said plainly.<br/>            “Maya.” Carina said, stopping her in her tracks and making eye contact.<br/>            “Come sit.” She said, placing her hand beside her on the bed. Maya hesitated for a moment but then sat sidewards on the edge of the bed so that she was facing Carina. Carina turned her body to face her too.<br/>             “What’s going on?” Carina asked, taking hold of Maya’s hand to comfort her. Maya smiled nervously and looked away before taking a deep breath and looking back to Carina’s face.<br/>            “Move in with me.” Maya said firmly, with only a slight wobble at the end of the sentence. Carina’s eyebrows raised and her jaw fell open slightly.<br/>             “What?” She asked, flustered by the sudden statement.<br/>            “I...I want you to move in with me.” Maya reiterated. “You basically live here anyway, Carina. I think you spend like one day a week at your own place. I don’t want to just <em>basically </em>do anything with you. I wanna do everything for real.” Maya explained. Carina sat with flushed cheeks as she listened to Maya speak.<br/>            “And I know that I hurt you, and I broke your trust, but I am hoping that me asking you to move in with me is a sign that I am...all the way in.” Maya added, knowing that it would mean so much more to Carina for her to acknowledge the things that happened between them before.<br/>            A moment or so passed after Maya finished talking. She sat with pursed lips and her eyes gazing into Carina’s, whose were gazing right back. They spent a while, eyes locked, hands tightly together, before Carina could bring herself to speak.<br/>            “Actually...I cannot even tell you how long I have been waiting for you to say that.” She said with a huge smile spread across her face. Maya’s mouth fell open in shock, unable to believe that again, Vic was right.<br/>            “Yes, yes I will absolutely move in with you, bella.” Carina said, throwing her hands up in excitement, then cupping Maya’s jaw and pulling her into a firm but gentle kiss, holding her face in her hands, not wanting to let her go. She could feel Maya’s mouth trying to smile in their kiss. Carina pulled back a little so that she could look into Maya’s eyes, but kept her hands firm around her face. She opened her mouth to speak, but an overwhelming smile overcame her for a moment before she could. After a minute, she sighed and looked into Maya’s eyes once again.<br/>            “I love you, Maya.” She said with such confidence and a huge smile. Maya’s heart flipped a thousand times in that second, and she laughed a little in disbelief that this was really happening right now.<br/>            “I love you Carina.” She said back, before Carina pulled her close again to capture the words on her lips.</p>
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<a name="section0029"><h2>29. ~ twenty-nine ~</h2></a>
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    <p>Carina pushed the office door firmly closed with Maya’s back as their tongues laced each other’s mouths. Carina held Maya’s sharp jaw in her hands, pulling her face as close to her as possible while Maya dropped her hands to Carina’s backside, exhaling deeply through her nose, not wanting to break the kiss with a breath. They stood with their bodies pressed together and their lips locked, the blinds on the door closed tightly on the rest of the team in the Station behind them. This was a new way that Maya was spending her office time as acting captain, and definitely a way she could adjust to.<br/>            Maya pushed Carina back a couple of steps until her back was pressed against a bookshelf to the left of them, and Carina’s hands slipped down from Maya’s jaw, delicately down her neck, and then firmly gripping onto her shoulders as Maya pulled herself closer to Carina’s body. Maya ran the tip of her tongue along Carina’s bottom lip, causing Carina to take a sharp breath and smile as she turned Maya around and walked her back a few steps towards the desk nearer the back of the office.<br/>            “We should stop.” Maya said breathlessly, and meaninglessly. Carina held her smile and laughed a little, letting her hands fall to Maya’s belt buckle, rapidly pulling it apart then moving onto the clasp of her trousers.<br/>            “Mmm we shouldn’t be doing this at work?” Carina replied, less flustered than Maya as she took control and lifter her hands back to her face and pulled her lips back towards her. Maya stumbled backwards until she felt the desk behind her and dropped a hand down to hold herself up. Carina lowered her hand and ran her fingers between Maya’s legs over the fabric of her pants and a small moan escaped Maya’s mouth. Carina began to laugh a little more, satisfied with the effect she had on Maya with just the slightest touch.<br/>            “Probably not.” Maya responded in a slight moan, trying to keep the kiss from breaking.<br/>            “You are not being paid to make out with me?” Carina asked, pulling Maya’s zipper down.<br/>            “Mm-mmm.” Maya hummed shaking her head as she began to unbutton Carina’s blouse. When her hands unfastened the last button, Maya wasted no time hesitating before running her hands up Carina’s back, her fingertips grazing her skin, holding onto her body and pulling her closer to her. Carina pushed Maya back against the desk, then briefly broke their kiss for Maya to jump up so that she was sat on the edge of the desk. Her legs spread naturally, and her thighs wrapped around Carina’s body, pulling her close and capturing her lips once again with her own, their tongues swirling together, sending flutters all over each other’s bodies. Maya’s hands wandered all over Carina’s body while Carina’s stayed firmly on Maya’s face, keeping her close, until she felt Maya effortlessly unclip her bra and she let her jaw drop open a little and pulled back to look at her.<br/>            “Maybe we should take this in there?” Maya asked, indicating to the bedroom attached to the office.<br/>            “I think so.” Carina agreed. Maya released her from the tight grasp of her legs and watched as Carina walked slowly and seductively, stopping in the doorway to look over her shoulder at Maya who was just sat in awe. Maya smiled and jumped down from the desk and went to join her, but was interrupted by a knock on the door. She waved for Carina to shut the bedroom door, which she very swiftly did, concealing herself from whoever was about to come in, while Maya sat down in the chair behind the desk and sat forward so that her unbuckled pants and belt weren’t on display.<br/>            “Yeah.” Maya said casually, squeezing her legs together and leaning forward. The door cracked open and Travis’s head popped through the gap.<br/>            “Hi, Captain. I just wanted to let you know that the chores are done and Dean’s made lunch chilli.” Travis explained with a smile, very excited about the chilli.<br/>            “Okay, thanks. I’ll be up in a minute...assuming I’m invited as acting captain or do I have to play Sullivan’s role exactly?” Maya asked jokingly.<br/>            “Honestly, I would be offended if you sat there and turned down the offer. Why are you sat down? You never sit down.” Travis said, realising that she was sat when she was usually stood.<br/>            “Maybe I’m already morphing into Sullivan.” She said, trying to deflect the attention from the abnormality.<br/>            “Oh please no.” Travis pleaded, holding his hands together.<br/>            “Thank you Montgomery.” Maya said with a smile, releasing him. He smiled and gave an awkward wave before leaving and closing the door behind him. After a few seconds to make sure he was really gone, Maya stood up and walked to the bedroom door, and gave it a gentle knock. Carina slowly pulled the door open and wasted no time in kissing her again. Maya melted into the kiss and for a moment forgot entirely about the conversation that she had just had with Travis.<br/>            “Mmm...” She moaned into Carina’s mouth. <br/>            “Mmno we have to stop. I have team lunch.” Maya said, reluctantly breaking off the kiss. <br/>            “Ah, sì. Go, eat. I will see you at home later.” Carina said, kissing her quickly once again.<br/>            “Did you want to stay for food?” Maya asked as she zipped her trousers back up and fastened her belt.<br/>            “No, grazie. I have things to sort. Everyone is still coming?” Carina asked, reminding Maya of their plans. <br/>            “Right, the month later moving in party.” Maya said, remembering the occasion.<br/>            “Sì, I have platters to prepare.” Carina said, as they both walked out the office door. As soon as she opened the door, Maya noticed that Travis hadn’t got very far after leaving and was stood at the front desk on the phone, but his eyes were locked on Carina who to his knowledge had not been in the room before.<br/>            “Uh, see you at home.” Maya said, and gave Carina a final kiss before waving her goodbye.<br/>            “Ciao, bella.” Carina waved back.<br/>            “Yeah, no problem, bye.” Travis spoke down the phone before hanging up the call.<br/>            “Captain I don’t mean to pry but-.”<br/>            “Then don’t pry, Montgomery.” Maya said promptly, cutting him off before he could make any comment about her afternoon delight.</p>
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<p> After the team had eaten, it was time for a shift swap, and everyone had gone home to get ready for Maya and Carina’s moving in party, albeit a month after they had moved in together, but at least there were no more boxes lying around asking for accidents to happen. Maya threw her work uniform in the laundry basket and tied her short hair back into a small ponytail as she headed into the gym. She knew she wouldn’t get a workout in today unless she did one now, and she also knew that she was more of a stress to Carina than a help when it came to her making cheese platters, so if she could workout and give Carina some needed space, she absolutely would.<br/>            Maya walked through the gym door to find Sullivan sat on one of the bikes, his face shiny with fresh sweat, and a towel in his hand. He watched her walk in and slowed his pace to a stop, then wiped his face.<br/>            “What are you still doing here?” He asked, slightly irritated that she was disturbing his own workout.<br/>            “Didn’t get a chance to get my workout in today.” She said simply, grabbing some weights and sliding them onto the bar. Sullivan didn’t respond, and just swung one leg over the bike and began to stretch out his legs.<br/>            “It was great to see Chief Frankel yesterday.” She said, looking over to him to see if he was paying her any attention at all. He wasn’t, but she wanted to prove to him that despite having just finished a full shift, she had enough energy and strength to do a workout. A part of her thought that he was still keeping her from getting thoroughly involved in the calls following her discharge from the hospital. She had been cleared for a while now, it was time for him to let it go, but she wasn’t sure if he had.<br/>            “A female Chief, something I never thought I’d see.” Maya added. Frankel had recently been promoted from Battalion Chief, following the loss of Ripley a while back, something that the team were still hesitant to talk about, knowing how close Sullivan was with him. But she wanted to talk, she knew that the promotions would be rolling down the line any time soon, and though she was the newest Lieutenant to 19, she also had the confidence in herself that she had done enough to earn Captain. She knew she had an opportunity here, with Sullivan alone, and none of the rest of the A-team around to eavesdrop.<br/>            “Yeah.” He replied half-heartedly.<br/>            “And I thought you handled that call really well-.”<br/>            “What do you want Bishop?” Sullivan asked, knowing that she had an agenda. Maya looked at him again, but he wasn’t looking at her, he was just carrying on with stretching out. She looked away and picked up another weight for the other side of the bar, then hesitated before she spoke, but she knew it was time to shoot her shot.<br/>            “I know you’re in the running for Battalion Chief. And I know you stand a good chance of getting it.” She said, sliding the weight on. “I want to make Captain when you do.” She said definitively, before sitting on the weights bench and laying herself underneath the bar.<br/>            “There’s no guarantee I’ll get it.” He said.<br/>            “We both know you’re the best man for the job, and I’m the best woman for this job.” She said back, cutting him off at the end of his sentence, then getting right to it and lifting up the bar above her. <br/>            “Gibson and Herrera, they both let their personal lives get in the way of their careers, I do not. I have no conflicts, no baggage, I have spent a lifetime dedicating every waking hour to my goals.” Maya spoke firmly while she slowly brought the</p>
<p>weight down to her chest. She took a breath and deeply exhaled as she lifted it up again.<br/>            “And I always achieve them.” She added, finishing her speech. She lowered the bar and raised it again with a sharp exhale, feeling the burn in her biceps. <br/>            “You just made Lieutenant, what’s the rush?” Sullivan asked, standing up straight to swap legs and stretch the other out. Maya laughed a little and held the weight up where it was.<br/>            “If a goal’s within my reach, why wouldn’t I grab it?”</p>
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<p>When Maya got home after her workout, she could tell that Carina had expected her to be home sooner, so got herself in and out of the shower as quickly as she could, washing the dirt and sweat from her body and her hair, hopefully in enough time before everyone arrived. <br/>            She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself, then rushed into the bedroom to find some clothes, but wasn’t sure exactly what sort of dress it would be. <br/>            “Carina?” She called out. It only took a few seconds for Carina to poke her head around the door.<br/>            “Hm?” She hummed in response, looking at Maya stood with wet skin and a towel hanging loosely around her. She raised one eyebrow slightly and pushed the door open to move closer to Maya.<br/>            “So you know how I can’t dress myself because all I ever wear is work clothes or gym clothes...” Maya said, holding the closet door open.<br/>            “Okay, I will look.” Carina said, gently pushing Maya back so she could get to the closet. Maya grabbed her comb from on top of the dresser and started dragging it through her wet hair, then grabbing a handful of her towel to scrunch her hair up in and soak some of the moisture to make it easier to blow-dry. A few seconds later, Carina threw a pair of navy denim jeans on the bed, followed by a black vest, and a long tan coloured cardigan.<br/>            “There. It is only a casual gathering.” Carina said, closing the closet door and turning around. Her eyes widened as she looked at Maya, whose towel had dropped from under her arms to her waist, her top half left bare.<br/>            “Thank you.” Maya said, not realising. When she noticed that Carina hadn’t said anything more, but also hadn’t moved, she looked up at her and then down to her chest, then back up to her.<br/>             “Nothing you haven’t seen before.” Maya said with a small smirk, continuing to comb her hair.<br/>            “But I haven’t seen today...” Carina said, biting her lip. “I am going to go before I make you even later than you already are.” She said walking away, with her eyes lingering on Maya’s body for as long as possible until she was out of the room. Maya smiled as she watched her leave, satisfied with her effect on Carina. It was always reassuring to know that the attraction was still there.</p>
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<p>It wasn’t long before people started to arrive; Vic first with Dean, then Travis, followed by Ben who arrived with Andrew, Carina’s only guest. Maya stood at the bathroom mirror, desperately brushing out her fluffy blonde hair until it was smooth after the hairdryer swept it all over the place. Carina was a much better host anyway, and was effortlessly greeting everyone and offering drinks while Maya faffed trying to make herself look presentable, something else Carina always did so effortlessly.<br/>            When Maya came out of the bathroom, the first thing she noticed was that Andy and Jack weren’t there. She had been sure to invite them both, despite the hostility between them respectively, and she had been convinced that they would show, but perhaps she had read the conversations wrong.<br/>            “Maya!” Andrew called out and stood up from the couch. He walked toward her with open arms.<br/>            “Hey, Andrew. Good to see you.” Maya said with a smile, hugging him.<br/>            “You been good?” He asked, his hand resting on her shoulder.<br/>            “Yeah not bad, right back on track at work now, finally feeling normal again.” She said. <br/>            “That’s what I like to hear. You look great.” He complimented. She smiled and looked at him.<br/>            “Thanks, you don’t look too bad yourself.” She said, turning out the collar on his jacket. He looked down at his collar and smiled gratefully, then walked back over to the living room with her. Carina was stood by the dining table, allowing everyone else to have a seat on the couches.<br/>            “You could have invited more people, you know.” Maya said, sliding her arm around Carina’s waist and lowering her voice so she wasn’t overheard.<br/>            “I did. Ben is here too.” Carina said with a smile.<br/>            “Yeah but, Warren’s our probie, he’s 19’s.” Maya said slowly, unsure what Carina meant.<br/>            “Yes, but I knew him first, so...he is my guest.” Carina said cheekily, giving Maya a big grin and walking into the kitchen. Maya watched her walk away with her mouth slightly open. She shook her head and turned back to the living room.<br/>            “Where’s Andy? And Jack?” Maya asked as she perched on the arm of the armchair.<br/>            “Uh, pass. Andy said she was coming. I don’t know where she is.” Vic said, grabbing some chips from a bowl on the table in front of her.<br/>            “Yeah I haven’t heard from Jack.” Dean said. Maya nodded and tried to brush it off. She thought that Andy would at least show up to be happy for her, though she still couldn’t understand what Jack’s problem was, especially after they spoke about it, and from Maya’s perspective they had cleared the air.<br/>            “Here.” Carina said from behind Maya, holding out a bottle of beer.<br/>            “Thanks.” Maya said with a smile, and brought the bottle to her mouth. She got distracted for a few seconds looking at Carina’s face, her beautiful deep brown eyes, but was soon brought back to reality by her friends.<br/>            “So how have you found it living together this past few weeks?” Ben asked.<br/>            “Umm, Maya is very...como dice...particular?” Carina said, raising an eyebrow. Maya dropped her jaw and looked at Carina.<br/>            “Excuse me?” Maya said, semi-offended.<br/>            “Well it is just that you have your things over here but not over here because of the ‘negative space’.” Carina explained, gesturing to the bookshelf behind the dining table.<br/>            “And I bring the vegetables and pastas for the kitchen, but it makes you twitch when I leave them out...” Carina carried on, winding Maya up about her ways.<br/>            “I am not that bad! I have my ways, yes but this is my house and I lived here on my own, what else do you expect?” She defended herself. Carina laughed a little and crossed her arms over her stomach.<br/>            “I expect to be able to put a nail in the wall to put up a picture...?” Carina responded quick-wittedly.<br/>            “Bishop man, you gotta let loose.” Dean spoke up, holding a hand up and tilting his head to the side a little.<br/>             “Please, I do not need to let loose. I am just adjusting.” Maya continued to defend herself.<br/>            “Speaking of cheese...” Carina said, hopping over to the kitchen and opening the refrigerator. She pulled a large board out from one of the shelves and carried it over to the living room, kicking the refrigerator door closed behind her with her foot. Everyone looked eagerly as she placed the large board on the coffee table with a huge variety of meats and cheeses, and some grapes too.<br/>            “Sono carne, formaggio e uva.” Carina said, presenting her board.<br/>            “L’uva.” Maya said, mimicking, and practising her Italian.<br/>            “Very good.” Carina said, kissing her on the cheek.</p>
<p>Just as everyone began to tuck in, the door opened and Andy came in, quickly followed by Jack. At first, Maya thought it was strange that they had arrived together considering the history and the circumstances of their work relationship as rival Lieutenants, but the curiosity was soon killed when Andy promptly explained their tardiness.<br/>            “Sorry we’re late, we were going over the Captain’s application and lost track of time.” She blurted out before Jack had even closed the door. Maya felt like she had just been kicked in the teeth.<br/>            “Hey.” Jack said a few seconds later, filling the awkward silence. Dean stood up to greet Jack and Travis turned to say hi to them both. Vic looked at Maya who was stood looking at her feet, clearly insulted by the insensitivity.<br/>            “Oh, Maya you got some competition, huh?” Andrew spoke, drawing Maya into the conversation, also noticing the change in her stance.<br/>            “Yeah, only the best.” Maya said, shifting her weight onto her other side and standing close to Carina.<br/>            “Competition?” Andy asked, looking at Maya. Before she could respond, Andrew stood up and cut through the tension.<br/>            “I don’t think we’ve met, I’m Andrew, Carina’s brother.” He said, extending a hand to Andy and Jack.<br/>            “Hey man, I’m Jack, nice to meet you. I don’t even think I’ve met your sister, not properly anyway.” Jack said politely, shaking Andrew’s hand and making a joke. He turned his head to Carina and smiled.<br/>            “Good to officially meet you.” He said, trying to take out the awkwardness that Andy had created, then joining Dean at the other end of the living room. Carina simply nodded in acknowledgement, putting together that he was the one Maya was with before. She inhaled sharply before turning back to Maya and giving her a warm smile. Stood by her side, Maya returned the smile and placed a kiss on the side of her head.</p>
<p>After the interruption of the late arrivals once everyone had settled down and been given drinks and food, Andy piped back up again.<br/>            “So, going back to earlier, the competition thing...?” Andy asked, looking directly at Maya, but drawing everyone’s attention to them both. Maya felt a sudden pressure to please Andy, and tell her what she wanted to hear, and not what was true, something that she often had to do as her supposed best friend.<br/>            “Uh, what about it?” Maya asked, playing it dumb.<br/>            “Well I doubt she’s been acting Captain for nothing, right?” Andrew asked, jumping to Maya’s defence. For someone who didn’t know her all that well, he was very quick to defend, something that Carina admired about her brother, he was never afraid to stand up for what’s right.<br/>            “So, what, you’re going for Captain?” Andy asked. Maya forced a smile and nodded.<br/>            “I’m going to apply.” She said confidently, not conforming to Andy’s rules anymore.<br/>            “Why?” Andy asked without hesitation.<br/>            “Why what? I have just as much a right as you both do.” Maya defended herself, slightly astonished that she had to, especially with her own team.<br/>            “Isn’t it a bit...premature?” Jack jumped in. She turned her head quickly to look at him.<br/>            “What?” She asked.<br/>            “You’re still green, Bishop. Don’t you think you should build up your experience first?” He asked further.<br/>            “You just made Lieutenant, Maya.” Andy added.<br/>            “That was almost 10 months ago. And I have had all the same experience as you. As Lieutenant or not, we’re all on the same calls. I see what calls are made for what situations, I’ve been the one to make those calls and I’ve been one to make a better judgement than both of you in certain situations. Tell me why I shouldn’t apply?” Maya ranted, while Carina grabbed hold of her hand to stop her from walking right over to Jack and giving him a well deserved slap for being so doubtful and unsupportive.<br/>            “Look, I just think it’s too soon for you. Andy and I have had longer to prepare, we know what to expect.” Jack tried to conclude the conversation.<br/>            “And I don’t?” Maya argued back.<br/>            “You’re all the same rank, right?” Andrew asked, drawing the attention away from Maya for a second so she could take a breath.<br/>            “That’s not the point.” Andy said.<br/>            “Isn’t it? Because, it sounds similar to Chief Resident at the hospital, every doctor who is a Resident has the opportunity to make Chief Resident the following year. Why does Maya have less of a right to become Captain than you?” Andrew explained, and reiterated his question.<br/>            “Look, DeLuca, my dad was Captain. I was practically raised in the station; I grew up among firefighters. I am going after this job because rightly, it should be mine.” Andy said, digging herself a hole.<br/>            “Thanks.” Jack said sarcastically, realising that Andy’s game to try and talk Maya out of applying was also aimed at him too, she didn’t care about his opportunity for the job too.<br/>            “Okay, I think that we all just left work, so we should probably, you know, leave work at work, right?” Vic said very loudly, and picked up her drink to hold it up in the air.<br/>            “Here is to...a new Captain, whoever they may be. And to Sullivan no longer ruling our house.” Vic toasted.<br/>            “Cheers to that.” Dean said, raising his bottle to Vic’s.<br/>            “Cheers!” Travis chimed in, clinking his bottle with the others. Andrew quickly joined and Maya stepped forward too.<br/>            “Okay, now let’s not talk about work anymore!” Vic cheered, and took a large drink from her bottle.</p>
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<p>Many painfully slow hours later, everyone had finally left. Maya couldn’t let herself relax after the altercation with Andy, she felt so betrayed, like everything they had always done for each other, all the years of support, just suddenly meant nothing. She felt used, like Andy had just been bouncing off of her for all these years in an attempt to get to the top. She should’ve known, she knew what Andy was like, but she thought they were on the same side.<br/>             “Are you okay, bella?” Carina asked, walking over to Maya who stood at the sink washing up the last of the dirty dishes from the day. Maya sighed and rested her hands on the edge of the worktop. Carina stopped behind her and slid her arms around her waist, resting her chin on Maya’s shoulder.<br/>            “I just, didn’t expect that from her.” Maya said. Carina nodded and placed a soft kiss on Maya’s cheek. Maya smiled and grabbed the dish cloth to dry her hands, then turned around and lifted her arms up and around the back of Carina’s neck. They wasted no time in bringing their lips together, and slowly melted into each other’s arms as the kiss went on. A few seconds later, Maya let go and took a breath, then dropped her arms and grabbed Carina’s hand and walked her to the couch. A fire was dwindling in the fireplace from earlier on, it had grown quite cold outside throughout the day as the winter crept closer.<br/>            The two of them sat down on the couch, and Maya laid her head down on Carina’s legs, Carina’s hands automatically tangled into Maya’s hair.<br/>            “We always said that one of us would be in charge of Station 19, but I never really realised that she always thought it would be her, and never considered that it could be me. One of us, to her, was just her. She thinks she’s entitled to that job because of who her dad was.” Maya explained.<br/>            “It is unfair that she would be so dishonest with you.” Carina agreed.<br/>            “It’s not even that, she wasn’t lying exactly, she was just...stringing me along. We’ve been friends since the academy, we were the only women in our class, and we came out at the top. She deserves Captain, she really does. But so do I.” Maya said through gritted teeth, trying not to get upset. She didn’t know how passionately she felt about the Captain position until now, until she had been stabbed in the back.<br/>            “So get it, Maya. What is in your way? Didn’t you win a gold medal on a sprained ankle?” Carina said with a reassuring smile.<br/>            “Did I tell you that?” Maya said back jokingly.<br/>            “Mmhmm, you might have mentioned it, once or twice.” Carina said, having heard the story multiple times before. Maya laughed and shook her head, then stared at the ceiling for a few seconds before letting out a heavy sigh.<br/>            “Look, bambina, you don’t need her support in this. If you want this position, there is nothing stopping you from trying your best to get it. You have got me, right behind you all of the way. Okay?” Carina said strongly, stroking Maya’s hair out of her face and staring right into her eyes.<br/>            “I love you.” Maya said softly, reaching a hand up to Carina’s face and running her thumb across her bottom lip.<br/>            “I love you, bella.” Carina said back.</p>
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